Tuesday Quickums

rocky25

After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day.

The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband's attention, he'd just shrug her off with some bored comment.

This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom.

Then one day at a pet store, the wife saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth.

The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported "Goony bird" and it had a very peculiar trait.

To demonstrate, he exclaimed, "Goony bird!-The table!"

Immediately, the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws!

To demonstrate some more, the shopkeeper said, "Goony bird!-The shelf!"

Again the Goony bird turned to the shelf and demolished it in seconds.

"Wow!" said the wife,

"If this doesn't attract my husband's attention, nothing will!"

So she bought the bird and took it home.

When she entered the house, the husband was, as usual, sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watching the game.

"Honey!" she exclaimed,

"I've got a surprise for you! A Goony bird!"

The husband, in his usual bored tone replied, "Goony Bird-my arse!"

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A father put his 3-year-old daughter to bed, told her a story & listened to her prayers, which ended by saying:

'God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, and God bless Grandma & good-bye Grandpa.'

The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye grandpa?'

The little girl said,’ II don't know daddy; it just seemed like the thing to do.'

The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed & listened to her prayers which went like this:

'God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy & good-bye Grandma.'

The next day the grandmother died.

Oh my gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say:

'God bless Mommy & good-bye Daddy.'

He practically went into shock.

He couldn't sleep all night & got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.

He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch & watched the clock.

He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.

He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch & jumping at every sound.

Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief & went home.

When he got home his wife said

'I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?'

He said 'I don't want to talk about it;

I've just spent the worst day of my life.'

She said, 'You think you had a bad day,

You’ll never believe what happened to me.

This morning the Milkman dropped dead on our doorstep!

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Some Golf Advice Please

rocky25

Or is this a Graphite Shaft :eek:

coldfire1x

Not sure about the graphite shaft but it sure looks good. Those will do the job for me

Aurora Borealis

and to think i thought the world of golfing was all paunch and plaid!

dh0661

Where did you get that picture of me ?.

rocky25

dh0661 wrote: »

Where did you get that picture of me ?.

:eek:


Jumps in car and heads for Kerry :pac::P

dh0661

rocky25 wrote: »

Jumps in car and heads for Kerry :pac::P

If your ever in Tralee rocky give me a call .

The Bollox

I'd give her a go of my shaft :eek:

dh0661

The Bollox wrote: »

I'd give her a go of my shaft :eek:

You would yea, after overdosing on Viagra :rolleyes:

Aurora Borealis

The Bollox wrote: »

I'd give her a go of my shaft :eek:

Hole in one is it....;)