Closed minded parent

Kersmash

Right, my mother just shocked me. She's always been open minded, in most things but I just asked her there could I get my lobes pierced (Already have my helix pierced, I'm 16 so I don't need her consent, but thought I should ask anyway) and she basically said that piercings are for girls and gays and she doesn't want me to look like that.. :eek: <- That was my actual face! So I need to educate her. I know theres probably a few threads on this but I couldn't find any. Does anyone have anything I could say to her to open her mind, get her to cop on a bit and live in the 21st century. I've already said the whole, you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, you'll barely notice them anyway, it's my body, they'll be discreet etc thing. Any ideas on how to convince her ?

This isn't a noobie OMG I WANNA PIERCING ME MAM SEZ NOO SHES SO MEAN LYK WAAA!!11! thread, I've been interested in piercings since I was 13 and know what I'm on about and have been respectful of her wishes till now. Is there any hope for her, or is she too stuck in her ways?

I really want these piercings, but if I go behind her back I'll be killed, and don't want to. Halp

Captain Ginger

You can quote any great post and show as much positive material as you want, but to be honest if her mind is mind up like that and that's her view I doubt you will have much luck, you're 16, wait till you're 18 and get it done, it's not that long a wait, or even try again on your 17th and ask her.

Worst thing to do would be to go out and get it without her permission, granted it's not perma like a tattoo, but even so you're still a minor living with your parents and it's probably best off waiting.

Will

It's always hard to see it from a parents point of view. So here I will try outline the possible things that may be going through her mind.

First of all, as soppy as it sounds, she see's you her own kid as perfect in every way. Like every parent does more or less. She is probably wondering why you wanna go poking holes in yourself, imagination might be running wild and ideas like depression and self hate may be on her mind about you.

She may be worried that you will end up covered in piercings, might be hanging with the wrong crowd, might get into drugs, whole shebang really :-/

It's best not to get angry about it though, it may have come out a bit harsh but at the end of the day she cares enough about you to get worried. A lot of parents don't give a sh!t, so be thankful that she is worrying

Optimal choice for you, in my opinion, is chat with her about it. Maybe outline what I've said here and put those issues to sleep by telling her you don't hate yourself, dont wanna harm yourself etc. and that it's an aesthetic thing you like?

What I did when I was younger was mention in passing I may like to get something pierced, keep bringing it up and eventually tell em that I was heading in to get pierced I think it's a bad idea to go against parent's wishes as it's their house and you ultimately live under their roof :-/

Hope this helps

Kersmash

Cheers for the replies.
I'll sit down with her and outline my reasons for wanting it and pretty much what you said. Hopefully it'll work. If not then I'll probably end up annoying her till she caves :P Hah, in all seriousness though, I'd say it's the worry that I'll end up covered with piercings. Probably cos her friends daughter has lots of piercings and she's a right bitch and she's also pregnant with no idea who the father is. she's 20 though. I'd say she just doesn't want me to end up being all antisocial and looking like a "Freak" in her eyes. I think I'll try and make a deal with her, let me get the lobes done and no more piercings till I'm 18. I'll give it a bash anyway, see if I can swing her. Once I'm 18 I'm sorted

jenizzle

maybe if you got some photos from BMEzine to show her what they would look like if you had them pierced? She's probably thinking of those god-awful big studs that you get in claires when you get pierced there. Also, to get pierced in a piercing studio, I thought you had to get parental consent if under 18? Speak to her about which studio you've chosen, and why, and maybe tell her about the aftercare you'll have to do. It may show her a bit of responsibility. That is, unless she thinks your life will be ruined if you get pierced, then there's not a lot you can do until you're not under her roof anymore.

hot2def

Do exactly what a parent would do to a kid:


Tell her you are shocked and a little dissapointed at her attitude, and that you thought she was more mature than that.


that'll learn her.

Hellrazer

Will wrote: »

She may be worried that you will end up covered in piercings, might be hanging with the wrong crowd, might get into drugs, whole shebang really :-/

Ah so thats what happened me!!

Seriously though and Im saying this as a both a parent and someone who went through the same thing when I was younger--I always found that there is a generation of parents who have an attitude that piercings and tattoos are for "dodgy" people.And they wont change no matter what.

Why not ask your mother to go with you to get it done and show her that its not all dodgy and seedy.

Thankfully Im not one of those parents and will be letting my eldest (11) get pierced and inked when she is firstly old enough and secondly will let me bring her to a reputable place.

Shimei

your ma's right.end of story!!!






get a tattoo!!!

rannerap

you cant really change her view if shes set on it i think,parents can be weird though.Mine just went crazy at me coming home with a nose ring,for me to learn a few minutes later that she had one when she was younger that i never knew about!

Léan

I'm gonna go out and a limb here and say just go and get it done. She'l get over it.
My Dad is extremely old fashioned and thinks piercings and tattoo's are "disgusting". Got my lip pierced at 14 and he didn't talk to me for nearly two weeks, then took me to get ice cream :rolleyes: . It's the same story with everything i've gotten since but he's getting better and better.

What i'm getting at is, there might be the initial fight or whatever about it but she'l get over it. There's a lot worse you could be doing at 16. She needs to cop on and realise that.

Kersmash

jenizzle wrote: »

Also, to get pierced in a piercing studio, I thought you had to get parental consent if under 18?

Dunno what the craic is in Dublin but down here it's 16 ear piercings and 18 for oral/genital/anything else really in most places.

hot2def wrote: »

Do exactly what a parent would do to a kid:


Tell her you are shocked and a little dissapointed at her attitude, and that you thought she was more mature than that.


that'll learn her.

That would be so unreal. Dunno if I'd get away with it though:p

Hellrazer wrote: »

Thankfully Im not one of those parents and will be letting my eldest (11) get pierced and inked when she is firstly old enough and secondly will let me bring her to a reputable place.

Wanna adopt me?

Léan wrote: »

I'm gonna go out and a limb here and say just go and get it done. She'l get over it.
My Dad is extremely old fashioned and thinks piercings and tattoo's are "disgusting". Got my lip pierced at 14 and he didn't talk to me for nearly two weeks, then took me to get ice cream :rolleyes: . It's the same story with everything i've gotten since but he's getting better and better.

What i'm getting at is, there might be the initial fight or whatever about it but she'l get over it. There's a lot worse you could be doing at 16. She needs to cop on and realise that.

I went behind their backs when I got my helix pierced, they didn't discover it till a few weeks after, and I got the whole cold shoulder thing. To me thats the worst thing my parents could do ever, i hate it so much. I'd prefer to get consent, so I don't think I'll go behind their backs, at the very least until I try and grind her down some more:P

IndigoStarr

hot2def wrote: »

Do exactly what a parent would do to a kid:


Tell her you are shocked and a little dissapointed at her attitude, and that you thought she was more mature than that.


that'll learn her.

When I was sixteen I got my belly button pierced and managed to hide it from my mother for about six months. The day came when she saw it and she looked at it, then at me, and said, "You know, I'm not even upset you got this done. I'm just so hurt that you didn't consider me important enough, or trust me enough to tell me. I thought we were closer than that..."
I just burst into tears and apologized. Damn those parental mind games!

Hellrazer

Kersmash wrote: »

Wanna adopt me?

I think Ive enough with 4 but if you promise you`ll sleep through the night I might consider it.Last 3 nights Im averaging 2 hours sleep a night :(

Crumble Froo

IndigoStarr wrote: »

When I was sixteen I got my belly button pierced and managed to hide it from my mother for about six months. The day came when she saw it and she looked at it, then at me, and said, "You know, I'm not even upset you got this done. I'm just so hurt that you didn't consider me important enough, or trust me enough to tell me. I thought we were closer than that..."
I just burst into tears and apologized. Damn those parental mind games!

either this exact thing happened my mate... or you're her. *post stalks*


but yeah, that's one way to go, different parents will react differently. i hid mine from my parents, and when they saw it, just rolled their eyes, and that was about that. that said, i may have done a few things prior to that in my life that made tattoos and piercings the least of my parents' worries...

Kersmash

Hellrazer wrote: »

I think Ive enough with 4 but if you promise you`ll sleep through the night I might consider it.Last 3 nights Im averaging 2 hours sleep a night :(

don't worry, I don't mind a shed/attic/basement/porch/whatever. And I', quiet enough. Quiet like a fox.

IndigoStarr wrote: »

When I was sixteen I got my belly button pierced and managed to hide it from my mother for about six months. The day came when she saw it and she looked at it, then at me, and said, "You know, I'm not even upset you got this done. I'm just so hurt that you didn't consider me important enough, or trust me enough to tell me. I thought we were closer than that..."
I just burst into tears and apologized. Damn those parental mind games!

That would absolutely kill me!

lostinnappies

As a woman, a mother and someone who has tattoos and piercings my honest opinion is that she is right.

I have never found guys who pierce their lobes to be in any way attractive. If you want to do it go right ahead but im telling you now that girls are kind of put off by them. Get one in the top of your ear or eyebrow instead ... but the lobes is a bit girly.:D

Kersmash

I have one at the top of my ear already. Plus, with piercings, or any body mod for that matter, I'd be doing it for myself, not for anyone else or to attract girls attention.

lostinnappies

Kersmash wrote: »

I have one at the top of my ear already. Plus, with piercings, or any body mod for that matter, I'd be doing it for myself, not for anyone else or to attract girls attention.

THis is true but you will at some stage want to attract a girls (just assuming girl) attention.

Kersmash

I have a lovely girlfriend already. She'll do for the time being And if a girl wouldn't go out with me cos of a little piercing, I'd rather not go out with them tbh

lostinnappies

Kersmash wrote: »

I have a lovely girlfriend already. She'll do for the time being And if a girl wouldn't go out with me cos of a little piercing, I'd rather not go out with them tbh

Fair enough, just saying is all. Although if it were me and my mother was so open minded to allow me to do the things she has let you do I would repay her respect by not getting them .... just to make her happy, cos shes your mum. After all, are the piercings more important then your mums happiness and realisation that you actually respect her enough to say "ok mum". Its a very hard thing for a 16yo to do and I guarentee you she will be impressed. As for your happiness for not having them done ..... are they really that important? Just some friendly advice.

Kersmash

I'm not going to get them done without her permission, I don't want to go behind her back. And no, they're not extremely important but it'd be nice to have and I don't really see what the big deal is. I know its her opinion and the way she was brought up, or whatever but I'm just not a big fan of the closed mindedness of it all. As I said, I'm not gonna get them done without her permission, so if that means waiting till I'm 18, so be it. I'll be a free man then!:P

jenizzle

lostinnappies wrote: »

If you want to do it go right ahead but im telling you now that girls are kind of put off by them. Get one in the top of your ear or eyebrow instead ... but the lobes is a bit girly.:D

way to speak for all of us, thanks

RxQueen

lostinnappies wrote: »

As a woman, a mother and someone who has tattoos and piercings my honest opinion is that she is right.

I have never found guys who pierce their lobes to be in any way attractive. If you want to do it go right ahead but im telling you now that girls are kind of put off by them. Get one in the top of your ear or eyebrow instead ... but the lobes is a bit girly.:D

ehhh wtf!! girls arent put off by them , maybe its just you!

Kersmash wrote: »

I have one at the top of my ear already. Plus, with piercings, or any body mod for that matter, I'd be doing it for myself, not for anyone else or to attract girls attention.

+1 , do it for you and not just cause you think people will think its cool!

lostinnappies wrote: »

THis is true but you will at some stage want to attract a girls (just assuming girl) attention.

again, just your view , and i doubt every single girl thinks this, i hate guys who wear purple , maybe the op should take that onboard to !lol , its all personal taste , what you find attractive other people might find repulsive and vise versa.


OP you said your 16 , waiting til your 18 isnt that long, and if it going to cause problems with your mother, then maybe you should just wait , its not a lifetime and you will like it a lot more if you wait and do it proper....

Kersmash

emo!! wrote: »

again, just your view , and i doubt every single girl thinks this, i hate guys who wear purple , maybe the op should take that onboard to !lol , its all personal taste , what you find attractive other people might find repulsive and vise versa.

Dang, I have 2 purple t-shirts...

emo!! wrote: »

OP you said your 16 , waiting til your 18 isnt that long, and if it going to cause problems with your mother, then maybe you should just wait , its not a lifetime and you will like it a lot more if you wait and do it proper....

Aye, i think I should wait too, unless I can convince her its not that bad. It's not the end of the world if I can't change her mind though

RxQueen

Kersmash wrote: »

Dang, I have 2 purple t-shirts...



Aye, i think I should wait too, unless I can convince her its not that bad. It's not the end of the world if I can't change her mind though

exactly , wise beyond your years!!

although presistance(sp:rolleyes:) can work , my little brother got his lobes pierced after much nagging and he is 13!!

Kersmash

Thank you It's worth a bash anyway:D

hot2def

lostinnappies wrote: »

I would repay her respect by not getting them .... just to make her happy, cos shes your mum. After all, are the piercings more important then your mums happiness and realisation that you actually respect her enough to say "ok mum". Its a very hard thing for a 16yo to do and I guarentee you she will be impressed..

I love my mother, but I wouldn't play along with homophobic or sexist views even if she is my mother. Nuts to that. She'll just have to settle for being impressed by my ability to tell her where to go with that crap.


if you feel like not going behind her back, thats cool, but I wouldn't let her think you agree with her view.

hot2def

ps, I don't really warm to people who decide they speak for every pair of X chromasomes on the planet simply because they have verified that their genitals work....

Will

Kersmash wrote: »

I have one at the top of my ear already. Plus, with piercings, or any body mod for that matter, I'd be doing it for myself, not for anyone else or to attract girls attention.

Possible post of the year!
Well done kersmash

Kersmash

Oh I'm not. i told her straight off how ridiculous and completly close minded it was. She said she didn't want to talk about it right now and went to bed. Dagnabit.

And I hate to use intenet lingo but freaking owned!

And danke Will.

Soundman

Kersmash wrote: »

She said she didn't want to talk about it right now and went to bed.

Sounds like a mother who knows she is wrong.

My mum, when she was still alive, used the same trick. "I don't want to talk about this now" or her other favourite, "It's too late in the evening for discussions like that." Always gave away that she knew she was in the wrong.