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Is the bible right to encourage death upon kids who slag off bald people?

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  • 19-11-2008 4:55pm
    #1
    Pighead
    Registered Users Posts: 14,184 ✭✭✭✭


    Pighead fancied a bit of light afternoon reading so picked up his copy of the bible and proceeded to read the Fourth Book of Kings (Chapter 2) to while away an hour.

    The passage was a story about a bloke called Elijah who was cursed with male pattern baldness. One day old baldie bonce was wandering through the woods, looking for holy stuff when he was ambushed by a gang of 42 kids who circled around him and gave him an almighty slagging for being a slaphead. "That man there, he has no hair" they mocked. Well old chrome dome, wasn't one bit impressed by this and cursed the little fcukers in the name of the Lord. Instantly two female bears emerge from a nearby wood and maul all 42 children to death.

    Each story in the bible is supposed to convey a message to us. Pighead's just read it, the only possible message Pighead can garner from this is "Don't make fun of bald people"

    Are you religious? If so will this stop you slagging off the baldies? Do you think the bloke went a bit overboard in causing the mauling of 42 kids?

    http://www.drbo.org/chapter/12002.htm
    Tagged:


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    #2
    LolaDub
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,181 ✭✭✭LolaDub


    Lola thinks pighead should attend bible study and learn how to read the bible.


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    #3
    thelordofcheese
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,368 ✭✭✭thelordofcheese


    Pighead wrote: »
    Pighead fancied a bit of light afternoon reading so picked up his copy of the bible and proceeded to read the Fourth Book of Kings (Chapter 2) to while away an hour.

    The passage was a story about a bloke called Elijah who was cursed with male pattern baldness. One day old baldie bonce was wandering through the woods, looking for holy stuff when he was ambushed by a gang of 42 kids who circled around him and gave him an almighty slagging for being a slaphead. "That man there, he has no hair" they mocked. Well old chrome dome, wasn't one bit impressed by this and cursed the little fcukers in the name of the Lord. Instantly two female bears emerge from a nearby wood and maul all 42 children to death.

    Each story in the bible is supposed to convey a message to us. Pighead's just read it, the only possible message Pighead can garner from this is "Don't make fun of bald people"

    Are you religious? If so will this stop you slagging off the baldies? Do you think the bloke went a bit overboard in causing the mauling of 42 kids?

    http://www.drbo.org/chapter/12002.htm


    Those fuckers had it coming.
    Old testament god was a badass, not like this new testament god, what a pussy.


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    #4
    Pighead
    Registered Users Posts: 14,184 ✭✭✭✭Pighead


    LolaDub wrote: »
    Lola thinks pighead should attend bible study and learn how to read the bible.
    Pighead would like Lola to tell him the meaning of that story. It seems pretty straight forward to Pighead. Man is bald, kids slag off bald man, man clicks his fingers, couple of killer bears emerge from woods and brutally maul children to death.

    If the moral of the story isn't: Don't slag off bald men then what is it? Enlighten Pighead with your bible reading skills.


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    #5
    shenanigans1982
    Registered Users Posts: 1,467 ✭✭✭shenanigans1982


    Pighead wrote: »
    Pighead would like Lola to tell him the meaning of that story. It seems pretty straight forward to Pighead. Man is bald, kids slag off bald man, man clicks his fingers, couple of killer bears emerge from woods and brutally maul children to death.

    If the moral of the story isn't: Don't slag off bald men then what is it? Enlighten Pighead with your bible reading skills.

    Climb up a tree when you see bears coming.


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    #6
    Varkov
    Registered Users Posts: 1,263 ✭✭✭Varkov


    Spot on the money Pighead. When will these kids learn to keep their mouths shut.

    Although I do think these days, death would be considered a bit extreme. Maybe just genital mutilation or something similar.


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    #7
    Pighead
    Registered Users Posts: 14,184 ✭✭✭✭Pighead


    shenanigans1982 wrote: »
    Climb up a tree when you see bears coming.
    There was 42 kids. Pretty sure there weren't any Sequoia trees in the holy land probably only a couple of fig trees which would be of absolutely no use to the kids as a sanctuary against maurauding bears. Nope pretty sure the moral is: Don't slag the baldies..


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    #8
    robtri
    Registered Users Posts: 5,473 ✭✭✭robtri


    pighead, the meaning is if you bald you better have a big mate with you to kick the crap out of all the kids that take the p*ss....


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    #9
    Gandalf23
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,643 ✭✭✭Gandalf23


    I think the meaning is very clear.


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    #10
    ScumLord
    Registered Users Posts: 28,789 ✭✭✭✭ScumLord


    Do they have bears in Israel?

    The moral of the story is kill the man before he has time to pray.


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    #11
    Gandalf23
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,643 ✭✭✭Gandalf23


    This is what Pighead is talkin' about.


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    #12
    Pighead
    Registered Users Posts: 14,184 ✭✭✭✭Pighead


    Cracking post Gandalk. The illustrations only serve to strengthen Pigheads belief that the message God is sending us is that death to children is an acceptable punishment for slagging off baldies. Sometimes a picture is a billion times stronger than mere words.

    Moral: A picture is worth a thousand words.


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    #13
    ScumLord
    Registered Users Posts: 28,789 ✭✭✭✭ScumLord


    Pighead wrote: »
    Cracking post Gandalk. The illustrations only serve to strengthen Pigheads belief that the message God is sending us is that death to children is an acceptable punishment for slagging off baldies.
    Yes but didn't Jesus say, let the children come to me, **** them baldies I'll kick the face o' dem?


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    #14
    javaboy
    Registered Users Posts: 15,094 ✭✭✭✭javaboy


    Pighead wrote: »
    Instantly two female bears emerge from a nearby wood and maul all 42 children to death.

    At least now we have an answer to another one of those "Five 30 year olds versus thirty 5 year olds" or "Bear -vs- Crocodile" fight to the death questions.

    We can now confirm that 2 bears would murder 42 kids.


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    #15
    Pighead
    Registered Users Posts: 14,184 ✭✭✭✭Pighead


    javaboy wrote: »
    At least now we have an answer to another one of those "Five 30 year olds versus thirty 5 year olds" or "Bear -vs- Crocodile" fight to the death questions.

    We can now confirm that 2 bears would murder 42 kids.
    That's why Pighead reads the bible. It's absolutely full of nuggets like the above.

    Here's another one. http://www.drbo.org/chapter/04022.htm
    Moral of the story? Don’t beat animals. If they could talk then they would probably tell you how upset they were.

    Absolute gold.


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    #16
    Fanny Cradock
    Registered Users Posts: 10,245 ✭✭✭✭Fanny Cradock


    From memory (and I may be a little hazy here) there is no mention of any deaths. The children you speak of - and I believe this is more correctly translated into 'youths' or 'young men' - are mauled. Quite what injuries were received from a mauling is not made clear. Some postulate that the nature of the mocking was not simply an attack on those who are suffer from a follicular challenge *whimper* but they were there to hamper God's message.


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    #17
    Pighead
    Registered Users Posts: 14,184 ✭✭✭✭Pighead


    Fanny Cradock wrote: »
    From memory (and I may be a little hazy here) there is no mention of any deaths. The children you speak of - and I believe this is more correctly translated into 'youths' or 'young men' - are mauled. Quite what injuries were received from a mauling is not made clear. Some postulate that the nature of the mocking was not simply an attack on those who are suffer from a follicular challenge *whimper* but they were there to hamper God's message.
    Definitely says kids in Pigheads bible Fanny! The online version says little boys too. And the whole "tore of them" indicates to Pighead that these boys stayed little and never ever grew up.

    And he went up from thence to Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, little boys came out of the city and mocked him, saying: Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head. 24 And looking back, he saw them, and cursed them in the name of the Lord: and there came forth two bears out of the forest, and tore of them two and forty boys.


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    #18
    Fanny Cradock
    Registered Users Posts: 10,245 ✭✭✭✭Fanny Cradock


    Pighead wrote: »
    Definitely says kids in Pigheads bible Fanny! The online version says little boys too. And the whole "tore of them" indicates to Pighead that these boys stayed little and never ever grew up.

    And he went up from thence to Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, little boys came out of the city and mocked him, saying: Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head. 24 And looking back, he saw them, and cursed them in the name of the Lord: and there came forth two bears out of the forest, and tore of them two and forty boys.

    The book you are reading is merely a translation from the original (Hebrew or Aramaic, I believe). This can create some difficulty when attempting to provide the exact meaning of certain words. Generally a consensus can be reached on what specific translation is most appropriate, sometimes it's a little more ambiguous and can take more debate. For example, if you look at the KJ version it referrers to them as being children, the New KJ version (the update if you will) felt the term 'youths' was more accurate, while other translations feel that 'young men' etc best describes the original.


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    #19
    Sherifu
    Registered Users Posts: 17,727 ✭✭✭✭Sherifu


    This kinda reminds me of the how many kids could you fight threads. It's still ok to mock bald people...


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    #20
    Pighead
    Registered Users Posts: 14,184 ✭✭✭✭Pighead


    Fanny Cradock wrote: »
    The book you are reading is merely a translation from the original (Hebrew or Aramaic, I believe). This can create some difficulty when attempting to provide the exact meaning of certain words. Generally a consensus can be reached on what specific translation is most appropriate, sometimes it's a little more ambiguous and can take more debate. For example, if you look at the KJ version it referrers to them as being children, the New KJ version (the update if you will) felt the term 'youths' was more accurate, while other translations feel that 'young men' etc best describes the original.
    Hmmm seems like they are whitewashing the story as the ages go by. In the next version, the kids will be old men and the bears will have magicly turned into kittens.

    In 700 years time when the future generations are reading the boards scriptures from the 21st century the powers that be will have turned snyper into a hero who saved damsals in distress from rape and pillage. The exact opposite of what he really does. Pighead hates this whitewashing of the facts.


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    #21
    Fanny Cradock
    Registered Users Posts: 10,245 ✭✭✭✭Fanny Cradock


    Pighead wrote: »
    Hmmm seems like they are whitewashing the story as the ages go by. In the next version, the kids will be old men and the bears will have magicly turned into kittens.

    In 700 years time when the future generations are reading the boards scriptures from the 21st century the powers that be will have turned snyper into a hero who saved damsals in distress from rape and pillage. The exact opposite of what he really does. Pighead hates this whitewashing of the facts.

    Possibly. But then you would be accusing academics (including those of no particular faith) of deliberately mistranslating passages. Probably AH isn't the best place for that discussion, though.


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    #22
    MarkR
    Moderators, Regional Midwest Moderators Posts: 11,118 Mod ✭✭✭✭MarkR


    That Eilijah / God combo is badass. Cheeky gits get mauled, AND he got the ride off Carmel afterwards.

    He went on to Mount Carmel. The strumpet.


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    #23
    Pighead
    Registered Users Posts: 14,184 ✭✭✭✭Pighead


    MarkR wrote: »
    That Eilijah / God combo is badass. Cheeky gits get mauled, AND he got the ride off Carmel afterwards.

    He went on to Mount Carmel. The strumpet.
    Yeah but at the end of the day Elijah was still a a baldie. Pighead would trade a friendship with God for some long flowing locks in a nanosecond.


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    #24
    AlmightyCushion
    Moderators, Education Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 35,080 Mod ✭✭✭✭AlmightyCushion


    More proof the bible is full of lies. There is no way 2 bears could take 42 kids. The kids would definitly win, not all of them would survive but they kids would win in a fight.


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    #25
    Nichololas
    Registered Users Posts: 1,186 ✭✭✭Nichololas


    AlmightyCushion wrote: »
    More proof the bible is full of lies. There is no way 2 bears could take 42 kids. The kids would definitly win, not all of them would survive but they kids would win in a fight.

    Yeah it's full of lies and contradictions, I mean, the OP's story directly contradicts a paragraph from Genesis that says "And God created man's head, and a few were perfect and blessed, the rest he covered with hair."


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    #26
    Joe Cool
    Closed Accounts Posts: 324 ✭✭Joe Cool


    http://www.drbo.org/chapter/01019.htm

    Bit of a gem in the above link too, from verse 6 on.

    Good old Lot tries to buy off a mob with his daughters.
    This story and the bear one were referenced in the book
    'Stranger in a Strange Land'.


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    #27
    4zn76tysfajdxp
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,944 ✭✭✭✭4zn76tysfajdxp


    Pighead wrote:
    Is the bible right to encourage death upon kids who slag off bald people?

    Yes.


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    #28
    Pighead
    Registered Users Posts: 14,184 ✭✭✭✭Pighead


    Gracelyn Melted Hog wrote: »
    Yes.
    Magnificently summed up there Gracelyn Melted Hog. If your post were a passage in the bible it's message would probably be thus:
    The most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do.


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    #29
    4zn76tysfajdxp
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,944 ✭✭✭✭4zn76tysfajdxp


    Pighead wrote: »
    Magnificently summed up there Frada. If your post were a passage in the bible it's message would probably be thus:
    The most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do.

    Thanks.


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    #30
    Pighead
    Registered Users Posts: 14,184 ✭✭✭✭Pighead


    Gracelyn Melted Hog wrote: »
    Thanks.
    Another excellent post. Almost Buddha like in its sentiments. Here Gracelyn Melted Hog is more or less saying:

    Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful.


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    #31
    4zn76tysfajdxp
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,944 ✭✭✭✭4zn76tysfajdxp


    Pighead wrote: »
    Another excellent post. Almost Buddha like in its sentiments. Here Frada is more or less saying:

    Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful.

    Exactly.


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