Friend is ugly...should I tell her?

Karen_*

John why did you ask when you were just going to go your own merry way anyway? You really have just wasted the time of everyone who bothered to reply to you and you took nothing at all on board. In fact you were armed with more knowledge about how much you could hurt this girl and destroy her self esteem and you carried on regardless. So the question is who's uglier? You or her? It was a pretty low thing to do. You didn't mess up. You did it on purpose.

dellym123

ah if only a person's inner beauty was simultaneously and equally reflected on the outside. id bet that girl would be a beaut. and all john's mates would look like the back of a bus no doubt. :pac:

Cpaw

Marksie wrote: »

Dudess: banned 1 week off topic posting ignoring moderator warning.

Karmaa if you ahve a problem with the post report it.

How can another 'mod' ban a mod who is on these boards longer than the oringinal mod who banned? Seems unacceptable to me. Poor Dudess :rolleyes:

humanji

Cpaw wrote: »

How can another 'mod' ban a mod who is on these boards longer than the oringinal mod who banned? Seems unacceptable to me. Poor Dudess :rolleyes:

She mods a different forum and broke this forums rules.

Personally, I have difficulty believing that the OP isnt' trolling considering his choice of username, his previous posts and the fact that he says he actually went through with it.

OP, if you are genuine then you're an idiot. I'm sorry for the personal abuse, but it's true. How in the name of god can you possibly consider it a good idea to kick someone when they're down, especially when you've got a whole load of people telling you that you'd be an idiot to do it? If this is all a real dilemma for you, hopefully the one good thing to come from it is that she won't ever have contact with you again.

Aloysius Flyte

JohnGalt wrote: »

Well I weighed it up in my mind and decided that next time she asked me if I thought she was ugly I decided to tell her, and then last night she asked me and I said "Emily, you are not physically attractive, no, but..." I was going to finish the sentence by reminding her of all the other great characteristics she has, but she hung up. She rang me up about twenty five minutes later crying and shouting at me asking me how I could be so insensitive especially knowing that she has just been through a tough breakup. She was really freaking out and I was very glad to get off the phone with her in the end. I think it could be a bit awkward between us next time I see her, I am thinking about avoiding her for a while so she can calm down a bit more and come to realise the motives behind my telling her this, and the fact that they were benevolent. Hopefully she will get over it soon...

This has to be a wind-up. Can someone really be that awful? She may outwordly ugly to you , your personality has come accross as very ugly. She's better off without you as a friend

Lollipops23

JohnGalt wrote: »

Well I weighed it up in my mind and decided that next time she asked me if I thought she was ugly I decided to tell her, and then last night she asked me and I said "Emily, you are not physically attractive, no, but..." I was going to finish the sentence by reminding her of all the other great characteristics she has, but she hung up. She rang me up about twenty five minutes later crying and shouting at me asking me how I could be so insensitive especially knowing that she has just been through a tough breakup. She was really freaking out and I was very glad to get off the phone with her in the end. I think it could be a bit awkward between us next time I see her, I am thinking about avoiding her for a while so she can calm down a bit more and come to realise the motives behind my telling her this, and the fact that they were benevolent. Hopefully she will get over it soon...

nice. i hope she never speaks to you again.

MIN2511

Lets get this straight

1. You start a thread on how ugly your mate is and if you should mention it to her.
2. Most of the advice seems to be "Don't tell her"
3. You go ahead and tell her she's no spring chicken
4. You come back here to rant on her reaction

hmm......

You must have thought this through before you posted, because you asked a question but you didn't need our replies....

Cpaw

Lol at the message below this...

Wibbs

Cpaw please read the charter as clearly you haven't yet. leave modding and troll detection up to mods. Leave banning mods or otherwise up to the mods. Both types of posts are against the charter of this forum. Do NOT reply to this on thread as that's also against the forum of this charter. Not following these straightforward instructions will lead you to be banned.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

easyontheeye wrote: »

jasus definitely do not tell her, its hardly going to make her feel better! :eek:

maybe suggest some changes, new hair style, weight loss i dunno but dont tell the girl to " face it your ugly"

she did have a boyfriend so obviously he found her attractive...so theres bound to be someone else that does too.


tbh your coming across like an arrogant cnut! who gives you the right to make a girl who is already suffering from low self esteem even worse.... im fuming now!

He's asking for advice, he is in a hole and wants to know if he should be honest about her question... He is not bullying her, nor has he taken part in the insults. (From what I can see, anyway). Can we stop being childish and offer some proper advice? I notice that PI is where some regular posters go to insult people looking for genuine advice... Pfft!!! Shame on you.

Never tell the truth OP, even if you are lying about it. I get asked the same thing from a mate of mine but I would never say it to him. She will find it very hard to get into the swing of things again considering she had such a long relationship and from such a young age. If she is fun and has a nice personality it will make things a lot easier for her, looks only get you so far.

Do one thing though, be a mate to her and be there for her. Support her and maybe give her some tips of how to meet someone new?

And for the love of God, ring her up and say there was a misunderstanding, that she wasn't physically attractive to YOU, that she is not your type... Christ, don't call her ugly, even if she is. Tell her that she wouldn't have been in a relationship before if she wasn't attractive.

mags16

Ugliness and beauty are subjective.

I'm sure we all know people who, physically, are no oil paintings but are devastatingly attractive. An example is a well known music and arts journalist who has his own tv show. A friend says that he looks like his face got stuck in a lift door. But he is enormously attractive. This is because he is intelligent, interesting, stylish and confident. Tres sexy.

I also have known girls who's features are less than classic but they make up for it bigtime by their sassiness, style, and confidence. They have landed great guys and have no problem with their big noses, strange faces or gangly limbs. They didn't get that way by their "friends" telling them they are ugly.

I happily have a form of body dismorphia. I look in the mirror and I think I look fabulous. But then someone takes a photo and I am surprised that I am not the stunner I thought I was. But I think that is quite healthy. I'm mature enough to not rely on others for self worth. I walk through life with a confident spring to my step. Unfortunately the OP's friend is not yet that mature. And being judged by her friend as ugly has probably had a terrible effect on her.

JohnGalt

Physical attractiveness is not entirely subjective. There are features of an individuals appearance which are, for obvious evolutionary reason, repellent. Often but not always aspects of the female appearance which are deemed attractive are those which show health, as this represents fertility. Therefore aspects of the female physical appearance which don't exhibit healthiness, or in fact demonstrate the opposite are not attractive, for example severe acne, poor complexion or gross excess weight. This girl has all of the above characteristics and more, which means that if you are talking about her physical attractiveness, then yes, she is unattractive. This says nothing about how you could grow to like her appearance if you got to know her or were in a long term relationship with her, but that is not the subject at hand.

Lollipops23

JohnGalt wrote: »

Physical attractiveness is not entirely subjective. There are features of an individuals appearance which are, for obvious evolutionary reason, repellent. Often but not always aspects of the female appearance which are deemed attractive are those which show health, as this represents fertility. Therefore aspects of the female physical appearance which don't exhibit healthiness, or in fact demonstrate the opposite are not attractive, for example severe acne, poor complexion or gross excess weight. This girl has all of the above characteristics and more, which means that if you are talking about her physical attractiveness, then yes, she is unattractive. This says nothing about how you could grow to like her appearance if you got to know her or were in a long term relationship with her, but that is not the subject at hand.

I still fail to see how it would help her to tell her all this?it obviously hasn't!all it has done is put a massive dent in her self esteem, which by the sound of it was shaky to begin with.
it's with GREAT self restraint that i'm abiding by the "no personal comments" rule on boards.ie BTW OP.

mags16

JohnGalt wrote: »

Physical attractiveness is not entirely subjective. There are features of an individuals appearance which are, for obvious evolutionary reason, repellent. Often but not always aspects of the female appearance which are deemed attractive are those which show health, as this represents fertility. Therefore aspects of the female physical appearance which don't exhibit healthiness, or in fact demonstrate the opposite are not attractive, for example severe acne, poor complexion or gross excess weight. This girl has all of the above characteristics and more, which means that if you are talking about her physical attractiveness, then yes, she is unattractive. This says nothing about how you could grow to like her appearance if you got to know her or were in a long term relationship with her, but that is not the subject at hand.

You are talking about that well known link between acne and fertility:eek:!

The first two reasons you give for her so called ugliness are her complexion and acne. One is linked to the other. People grow out of acne. It is rarely a life sentence. And as far as weight is concerned, many very attractive people are overweight. It also does not need to be a life sentence. The acne and the weight problems can be exacerbated by stress. And what you just said to your friend probably have added to that stress.

I hope you are proud of yourself.

JohnGalt

mags16 wrote: »

You are talking about that well known link between acne and fertility:eek:!

The first two reasons you give for her so called ugliness are her complexion and acne. One is linked to the other. People grow out of acne. It is rarely a life sentence. And as far as weight is concerned, many very attractive people are overweight. It also does not need to be a life sentence. The acne and the weight problems can be exacerbated by stress. And what you just said to your friend probably have added to that stress.

I hope you are proud of yourself.

You are arguing against your own concept of my point rather than the point itself. I won't bother restating it, I don't really care what you have to say

Lollipops23

JohnGalt wrote: »

I don't really care what you have to say

then don't post on boards.you came here looking for opinions and the majority have said stuff you didn't wanna hear. tough.

PurpleBerry

JohnGalt wrote: »

Therefore aspects of the female physical appearance which don't exhibit healthiness, or in fact demonstrate the opposite are not attractive, for example severe acne, poor complexion or gross excess weight. This girl has all of the above characteristics and more...

Poor girl, it sounds like she doesn't have anything at all going for her physically. Surely this can't be true? There are people who find Amy Winehouse attractive so there must be someone who would find your friend attractive?

Try to think of any of her good points phyically. Does she have nice eyes or nice hands? A good nose? Try to find something good about her physically and bring these to her attention. Help her to find something good to focus on, some feature to make the best of.

JohnGalt

Lollipops23 wrote: »

then don't post on boards.you came here looking for opinions and the majority have said stuff you didn't wanna hear. tough.

No no, that statement was specific to you, there are others people on this whose opinion I value

Lollipops23

JohnGalt wrote: »

No no, that statement was specific to you, there are others people on this whose opinion I value

eh it was Mags you quoted in that piece!:rolleyes:

LegacyUser

OP, you do not seem to value ANY of the opinions anyone has given you. You've given hostile responses to the more emotional responses to your thread and the ones that might have directly meant to offend you. You have completely ignored any of the other advice anyone has given you (which I think was pretty unanimous but you still went ahead and told your friend she was ugly anyway, why?!). Why did you bother asking for the advice in the first place? Answer this, or shut up please.

Your friend is not attractive, fine. Why on earth did you tell her this though?! What does it achieve? Do you reckon she's going to have a lightbulb moment and think to herself 'oooooooooooh, this explains everything. thanks, friend'? If you were getting frustrated with her going on about not being able to find a man then why didn't you find some other way to deal with it? She's insecure, and it can be annoying when people go about stuff their insecure about... attention seeking etc, but for jaysus sakes!

JohnGalt

Lollipops23 wrote: »

eh it was Mags you quoted in that piece!:rolleyes:

Really, cool. Yawn. I am glad you weighed in on that one too.

Marksie

Johngalt: i infracted you earlier and you still continue. Banned for trolling
CPaw: banned for commenting on wibbs decision.
This thread has gone far enough.
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