Babies bonding with Dads?

Trinity

CDfm wrote: »

Trinity1 - my sincere apologies.

Depression affects those around you and your OH could have "caught" your post natal depression.

You might wish to take Thaetydals offer and move this to PI.

I would.

No too many people know my business already. I dont want anymore people witnessing my online meltdown. I'm hoping its quieter in here. I was doing so well i was more anxious than depressed and was taking great measures to make myself well. I wasnt depressed in the classical sense i got up every morning with my kids, did what i had to do etc. Still had a laugh and that. Still put my make up on, tried to look well.

I dont know what happened with him? I'm in a tizzy over the christening. I dont want to cancel it its not my sons fault. I've booked a room ordered food and a cake and hired an entertainer for the children but the OH wont even talk to me i couldnt face that in front of our families and he is quite bitter and holds grudges so i cant safetly say he will be alright on the day.

I know hes in work anyway so he cant be that bad? I've witnessed a real breakdown and it was fcuking scary. She set the bed on fire while in it, was completely paranoid, took pills, thought everyone was out to get her and ended up strapped to a bed in a mental hospital.

metrovelvet

Trinity -

Did you have this anxiety before the baby was born? I'm asking because in my experience the new baby brought with it a lot of isolation, which for me bred a kind of agoraphobia, where I became anxious and afraid of going out. I went out anyway, because I had to, but it was not a pleasant experience. To this day, I dont socialise, partly do to a lack of available babysitters, but also because I feel so out of practise, I would feel like a fish out ot water and not able to cope with it.

Anxiety is the MOST contagious feeling and you guys could be compounding each others.

As for the Christening, you can take your time with it, cancel it if you have to. Take the pressure off. Or just dont invite him. If you dont want to do either of these things, just tell yourself what will be will be, it is your sons day after all, and if OH acts up, ignore it and walk away.

lostinnappies

Trinity1 wrote: »

No thats ok thanks i think i've said too much already


His mother just rang to let me know the doctor prescribed him valium so hes probably gone off now to tell his family and friends i gave him a nervous breakdown.

So PI is all his now!

My first bf tried to kill me, i can laugh about it now. But Thats what he said to me today, no wonder x tried to kill you. They cant all be wrong i suppose.

OK, now i AM going to tell you to leave him. GET the Heck outa doge. Move to your mothers/parents/sisters whoever for a while. He sounds extremly unstable. I really do fear for you hon. You may not think it is as bad as all of that, but the worst situations always are a build up to an explosive end.

G&T

Trinity,

Do you know your oh's doctor,
Could you go and see him/her and
find out if you and the kid's are at risk.

Also you could tell the doctor your side of
the story and see if there is any help available.

Know from your post you don't like the idea
of taking medication for your depression.
I do think the benefit's would be worth it,
there are mild anti depressant's that
you could take for a month or two.

No shame in asking for help,
ask anyone you know,
people may surprise you;)

Trinity

lostinnappies wrote: »

OK, now i AM going to tell you to leave him. GET the Heck outa doge. Move to your mothers/parents/sisters whoever for a while. He sounds extremly unstable. I really do fear for you hon. You may not think it is as bad as all of that, but the worst situations always are a build up to an explosive end.

No its me not him. He was fine til he met me. I've put him through some **** and its just catching up now

Nevyn

Trinity1 wrote: »

No its me not him. He was fine til he met me. I've put him through some **** and its just catching up now

Sorry that is rubbish everyone has issues and baggage and triggers.
If he had none he would be dealing with all of this a lot better rather then
the way he is.

It takes two.

metrovelvet

Trinity1 wrote: »

No its me not him. He was fine til he met me. I've put him through some **** and its just catching up now

Don't Even kNow I Am Lying

Nevyn

Hellrazer wrote: »

Sorry mods but I had to respond to this.

The original post in this thread asked :



Thats what I was responding to.If I didnt pick up on what advice the OP was looking for then I apologise to the OP.

But I do think G&T`s comment is way out of line and could be taken as a personal attack.

Thats ok, G&T's post wasn't reported, it was reactionary but the tone of the thread did change after your post Hellrazer and I certainly didn't see your post as boasting at all but as helpfully contributing.

And G&T's snarky post says more about them then anyone else.

CDfm

Thaedydal wrote: »

Sorry that is rubbish everyone has issues and baggage and triggers.
If he had none he would be dealing with all of this a lot better rather then
the way he is.

It takes two.

Very sensible - everyone does.

There is no right or wrong way - but feudin aint a solution and neither is blame.

Over reacting helps nobody.

Hellrazer

Thaedydal wrote: »

Thats ok, G&T's post wasn't reported, it was reactionary but the tone of the thread did change after your post Hellrazer and I certainly didn't see your post as boasting at all but as helpfully contributing.

And G&T's snarky post says more about them then anyone else.

Didnt see the point in reporting it--Its an emotive issue.

Nevyn

People you do know you can pm myself or any of the other parenting mods ( or all of us at once if you wish ) if you don't want to use the report post function, just saying

Trinity

I'm not sure how i am going to get through tomorrow.

The baby was sick for a couple of days there. He had a temp and was exhausted and was waiting for the after hours doc to open at 6. He was a bit dodgy in the morning and i was taking him to the doc but he perked up so i said i'd keep an eye and see. Come the afternoon he slumped again and i rang my mother to say i was worried that he was burning up in my arms and i had no drinks.

She offered to get a taxi down with a bottle of 7up. I told her even if she gave them to the taxi man i would pay him. ANyway she arrives down so i pay for the taxi, then give her another 10 for the taxi home.

WHile she was here my niece rang crying to my mother saying why didnt you bring me too.

Few minutes later i got this text off my sister

your a terrible daughter mother and gf. you should be ashamed of yourself the child should have been taken to the doctor this morning and your dragging ma down and a shop beside you your a lazy cnut. Everything your bf said about you is true, grow up and and look after your kids before they hate you 2.

If you knew this girl you would laugh. My ma raises her kids, shes put my mam thru hell over this years and screams and calls her a gee bag and a fat ****. I paid for my mams taxi the previous day cos she was taking her daughter to temple street for her. I was lending her my car for her driving test today and she was supposed to be my sons godmother this morning.

I lent her my car for 2 months when i was pregnant and i had to pay for taxis cos she wouldnt offer me a lift anywhere despite passing my door., for example we would both be leaving my mothers to go home. Never even got a thanks for it.

I wont go into her personal business on here but lets just say i could give you an eye opener. I have my kids all the time. Never been away from them. I've been subject to her abuse for years and a few hidings as well tbh. Despite all this i still told my mother she could come the chrsitening and i would still lend her my car but shes refusing.

In the meantime the OH who is still gone reckons i should listen to her advice, hes coming up with excuses why she would turn on me and in my eyes justifying her attack when all it was was she was pissed off cos her duaghter was crying. He says i have to understand how it looks, in my eyes my son was sick in my arms and my mum offered to help out? Then he says well you are a terrible mother in relation to my eldests behaviour. Maybe true but do i need to hear it now?

On the same day that i apologised to him for putting him under pressure in work, is telling me my house is a kip and i'm a knacker. Cos i was washing windows and presses and hoovering with a sick baby in my arms and i told him i wasnt gonna get it done on time for saturday so not to bring anyone back. SUre why would they come back anyway its costing me 600 euro for the party and entertainment.

To say i am on the edge is an understatement. My sons trousers need taking up for tomorrow by 6 inches, my other son hasnt been in school for 3 days and i am too fcuking shaky now to leave the house. I also didnt get anythingn to wear for the christening myself so i'll be going in jeans if i dont get out today.

I told him this was an obvious conspiracy between him and my sister to tip me over the edge and i knew what he was up to. He said i better stop thinking before they take my kids off me

Can someone please tell me why this is happening? How can i face anyone tomorrow and smile like nothing is wrong.

barbiegirl

This is too much. Cut off sister, completly, no going back. Talk to mum who seems willing to help. Ignore partner, he's an a**hole. Look in the mirror and say over and over again, I am a good mother and a good person.
I'm a great believer in lists to help get a handle on situations getting out of control. Make one of eveything that needs doing, then start at the most urgent and just tackle it. Build yourself a little bubble in your head, and everyime anyone says anything bad, let it bounce off it.
Trust your mum. Let her know that you are trusting her to tell you if you are doing anything wrong, as your safety net.
Don't worry about what you wear or say tomorrow. Ask your mum or a friendly neighbour to watch kids for half an hour in the morning and wash your hair and do your make up. Pick out your best jeans or trousers, a simple shirt, and jacket and you'll look classy, elegant and young.
Go to the church, have the ceremony, smile, cause you have to, then go home and bring no-one back, you don't have to.
You have to think now, what is most important and it's the kids. What is good for the kids? A mum who does her best, is strong in her belief she's doing her best and who loves them. Make yourself that person. I've had depression too and seriously it was only when I said F**k everyone else I'll do things my way that my life got better. Don't allow yourself to be bullied anymore.

deisemum

I agree with Barbiegirl. Don't let your sister upset you. How dare she. Time to cut her out of your life if she's going around being vile about you. It wouldn't surprise me if she's jealous as hell of you and in fact thinks you're doing a good job but because she probably realises that she's not that great she has to have a go at you to make herself feel better.

Only surround yourself with good positive people who care for you and don't let anyone try putting doubts in your head. Have you one or two very good friends that you can trust?

lostinnappies

OMG Trinity, what are you doing to yourself. First off no one in the world should be felt to be a bad mother by asking for some help .... HELLLOOOOO, how are you a bad mother by getting your mom to bring over something? I think a great BIG dose of reality is needed here ... here it is.

You are a mother.... who is bringing up two children .... you have a husband who dose not respect you, care or help in any way..... you are suffering from PND and anxiety .... your mother is willing to help ..... your sister should be band from your life PERMANENTLY as she is toxic to your recovery ..... you are a very generous person, too generous (lending your car, buying OH expensive gifts while youre in second hand clothes) it all has to stop..... dont offer your car, dont spread yourself soo thin....you are also a very caring person, too much so. you care and take to heart what people say tooooo much, every nasty and evil comment said to you by your bf and sister cut too deep to be able to recover from PND.... you have to learn and teach yourself to not care (I have a song I sing in my head every time someone is getting to me, I sing it as loud as I can in my head and carry on)..... In short you give too much of yourself, start taking it back.

PS show up to the christening in a tracky and tell everyone your hubby emotionally abuses you and is too much of a little man to grow up and be an adult (because this is exactly what he is doing) plus he is too tight to buy you clothes.... see how the tables turn then muwww ah ha ha ha ha (evil but ness).

littlebug

Gosh Trinity BIG BIG HUGS... if I could make my way up there to help you out I would First and foremost you need to get through tomorrow. If you try to cast everything aside for the one day, paint on a smile and tell yourself you'll get through it. Lots of deep breaths when things start getting tough. If you think any aggro is starting, just smile and step aside and go and talk to someone else. Make this your rule for the day. When tomorrow is over you can start to deal with the other sh1te one step at a time.

Don't worry about what your wearing. Put on some lippy and tell yourself you're gorgeous (and you are.. there are pics on here somewhere to prove it). I'm a believer in affirmations....
"I believe what I say as I hear myself speak".
Like Barbiegirl said keep telling yourself that you are a good mother and a good person and that you can cope with whatever tomorrow throws at you.

xx

G&T

I found this in a book when I was feeling like the weight of
the world was on my shoulders,it made sense to me and helped
me put thing's in perspective,I hope it does the same for you:)

A terrible fight is going on inside me.
The same fight is going on inside you,
and inside every other person too.
It is a fight between two side's.
The first side speaks of evil-anger,
guilt,shame,envy,resentment,self pity,
dishonesty,self-doubt and ego.
The second side speak's of good-joy,
peace,love,serenity,humility,generosity,
truth,compassion and faith.

But which will win????

The one you feed!!!!!

Trinity

Thanks a million everyone from the bottom of my heart.

After i read back my last post i realised how pathetic and defeatist i sounded and said fcuk them i am not going to let them win. I'll prove them wrong.

So i bailed the kids into the car and it wouldnt start

So i got a taxi. I treated myself to a gorgeous dress and new shoes. I got the baby's trousers taken up and the OH came over to help out, i said no but he ended up practically begging to help out someway.

I have to say yes he can be a prick, but i havent told the full story and in the past i have given him hell from giving his friends sister a lift to insisting for hours that he apologise for coming home at 3.45am (it was his first time ever), so as i said there are 3 sides to every story.

This is just one of those threads that make you cringe but in saying that i dont think i would have gotten thorugh the week without the support i got on here so thank you all again.

galwaydude

Advice to the OP. Depression is a serious thing especially when you have a child. There are lots of people out there. Dont be afraid to ask for help. Regarding your sister, its none of her business. You are a good mom and doing the best you can for your kids. What more can you ask for. Anxiety can be an awful thing and can be alot worse after you have kids. Try and relax, treat yourself and im glad to read that you have already. Best of luck.

lostinnappies

Trinity1 wrote: »

So i got a taxi. I treated myself to a gorgeous dress and new shoes. I got the baby's trousers taken up and the OH came over to help out, i said no but he ended up practically begging to help out someway.

Now thats what I like to hear.... and btw about giving him hell .... from what you have said ive given my hubby a HELL of alot worse, but if he dared speek to me the way your OH spoke to you ..... I'd be wearing his family jewels as a pair of earings:eek:

CDfm

Trinity1 wrote: »

I'm not sure how i am going to get through tomorrow.

Can someone please tell me why this is happening? How can i face anyone tomorrow and smile like nothing is wrong.

I hope everything went well.

You should be prudent on what you post.

Its nice that you have some dialogue going with your OH - at the end of the day its you and him who have the child for the next 18 years.

Carry a negative repellant and take cthe positives from everyday and things will look up.

CD