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I feel....awful

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  • 24-11-2008 3:54pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    ok so im a 18 yr old gay guy and the other nite one of my friends stayed at my house. We both slept in the same bed and when i woke up his legs were around me. it realy seemed like he was awake and then he started doing things which made me think he was cummin on to me. so i gave him a nad job. throughout it really seemed as if he was awake, but a few seconds after he came he "woke up" and was like 'what the **** are you doing'.

    i feel so bad. If he was asleep i feel like i just violated one of my friends. But i really, really no he wasnt. The way he was breathing, moving, coughing etc. But now i just dont kno what to do and im so f*cking sorry, but i kno things will never be the same between us again. And if he tells our friends every1s gonna think im sum ****ing rapist.

    Just needed to vent, thanks for reading.


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    #2
    jady88
    Closed Accounts Posts: 185 ✭✭jady88


    That sounds really really unfortunate... but thats all it was. I doubt you're friend will tell anyone though seems like the kind of thing most lads would just rather forget.

    Have you talked to him since?


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    #3
    unreggd
    Registered Users Posts: 3,835 ✭✭✭unreggd


    Were his eyes closed?

    If ye thought he might be asleep, I cant how he'd be givin you fake "TAKE ME NOW" signs, and stay asleep, then pretend to wake up pissed off

    It does sound like you took advantage of him


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    #4
    jady88
    Closed Accounts Posts: 185 ✭✭jady88


    unreggd wrote: »
    Were his eyes closed?

    If ye thought he might be asleep, I cant how he'd be givin you fake "TAKE ME NOW" signs, and stay asleep, then pretend to wake up pissed off

    It does sound like you took advantage of him

    No where did he say he thought he might be asleep, in fact he clearly stated that he was genuinely convinced his friend was awake.


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    #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    wtf90 wrote: »
    ok so im a 18 yr old gay guy and the other nite one of my friends stayed at my house. We both slept in the same bed and when i woke up his legs were around me. it realy seemed like he was awake and then he started doing things which made me think he was cummin on to me. so i gave him a nad job. throughout it really seemed as if he was awake, but a few seconds after he came he "woke up" and was like 'what the **** are you doing'.

    i feel so bad. If he was asleep i feel like i just violated one of my friends. But i really, really no he wasnt. The way he was breathing, moving, coughing etc. But now i just dont kno what to do and im so f*cking sorry, but i kno things will never be the same between us again. And if he tells our friends every1s gonna think im sum ****ing rapist.

    Just needed to vent, thanks for reading.

    He may very well have been asleep, there's a thread in PI (here http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055428543) about people that display sexual behaviour while asleep (some even to the point of having full sex with their partners) and he could be the same (although not to the same extreme) and according to some people on the thread that suffer from it, at the time, their partners believed they (the sleeper) were awake during intercourse. Looking at the thread it doesn't even seem that uncommon, alot of people have posted saying they have the same problem to the same or lesser degree and if this is the same case for him it wouldn't be to far a stretch to see how you had gotten the wrong idea.

    On the other hand he may have been awake, horney and just decided to go with it, straight or not some men can be like that where in the heat of a moment their penis does the thinking, and after the urge was satisfied (i.e. he came) he's brain was back in control and his first thought was, not to be rude here, "F*CK!! what did I just do" so automatically put the blame on you. Something you have to accept here now is if that's the case then he's going to feed that lie now and convince himself you initiated it.

    Both those sinarios sound logical so firstly stop beating yourself up, assuming you're telling the truth here, you didn't voilate him. Either you were confused (sinario 1) or he was confused (sinario 2). Secondly, with either sinario, your friendship is now dead...accept it. The best you can do now is damage control. The only way to do that is to stroke that part of his ego that screams "I'm not gay" and to do that you're going to have to take all the blame here. Read that thread and you'll get some ideas then try to get him to talk to you. Tell him you're really sorry about what happened, you got things wrong and you have a friend that sometimes acts sexually while asleep and maybe in his sleep he was dreaming about a girl and displaying the same behaviour and you got the signals crossed. This covers both sinarios and gives him an out that will sound good to his ego if sinario 2 is the case. Basically he'll have an excuse to blame the lie on. Apoligise and tell him no one will ever be told then do all the "I hope we can stay friends" crap but you know yourself that yous won't. Hopefully all you lose from this is a friend and just go your seperate ways.
    Good luck


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    #6
    DubArk
    Registered Users Posts: 831 ✭✭✭DubArk


    wtf90 wrote: »
    ok so im a 18 yr old gay guy and the other nite one of my friends stayed at my house. We both slept in the same bed and when i woke up his legs were around me. it realy seemed like he was awake and then he started doing things which made me think he was cummin on to me. so i gave him a nad job. throughout it really seemed as if he was awake, but a few seconds after he came he "woke up" and was like 'what the **** are you doing'.

    i feel so bad. If he was asleep i feel like i just violated one of my friends. But i really, really no he wasnt. The way he was breathing, moving, coughing etc. But now i just dont kno what to do and im so f*cking sorry, but i kno things will never be the same between us again. And if he tells our friends every1s gonna think im sum ****ing rapist.

    Just needed to vent, thanks for reading.

    Is someone getting off on this story?

    Sorry I don’t believe this for one moment it's so clichéd you could read this in any old porn mag!!


    If im wrong im sorry!:)


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    #7
    6th
    Registered Users Posts: 17,247 ✭✭✭✭6th


    This was posted in another forum recently: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_sex


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    #8
    Reflector
    Registered Users Posts: 380 ✭✭Reflector


    firstly whats a nad job?

    Secondly is that it seems quite obvious that he was awake. I'd say after he came he suddenly got a rush of guilt and then took it out on you. If he's your friend he'll just forget about it and move on. I mean he had his legs wrapped around you, I'm sorry but if that happened to me I'd consider that to be a green light.


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    #9
    azezil
    Registered Users Posts: 11,397 ✭✭✭✭azezil


    The way I see it there are two possibilities:
    1) He was having a durrrrty dream and was asleep... thus waking up and freaking out.
    or
    2) He was pretending to be asleep, enjoying it but then freaked out cause a guy had jerked him off. i.e. homophobic reaction.


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    #10
    unreggd
    Registered Users Posts: 3,835 ✭✭✭unreggd


    jady88 wrote: »
    No where did he say he thought he might be asleep, in fact he clearly stated that he was genuinely convinced his friend was awake.
    The OP said he thought he was awake, but pretending to be asleep

    My point is why would someone pretend to be asleep through something like this

    Legs over legs is nothin, people roll around when they sleep

    So I think the OP took advantage of his friend


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    #11
    jady88
    Closed Accounts Posts: 185 ✭✭jady88


    unreggd wrote: »
    If ye thought he might be asleep

    ...
    unreggd wrote: »
    The OP said he thought he was awake, but pretending to be asleep

    My point is why would someone pretend to be asleep through something like this

    Legs over legs is nothin, people roll around when they sleep

    So I think the OP took advantage of his friend

    But he didn't think he was asleep and that was your original point even though it was clearly stated that he didn't think he might be asleep.


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    #12
    T Corolla
    Closed Accounts Posts: 611 ✭✭✭T Corolla


    wtf90 wrote: »
    ok so im a 18 yr old gay guy and the other nite one of my friends stayed at my house. We both slept in the same bed and when i woke up his legs were around me. it realy seemed like he was awake and then he started doing things which made me think he was cummin on to me. so i gave him a nad job. throughout it really seemed as if he was awake, but a few seconds after he came he "woke up" and was like 'what the **** are you doing

    Just needed to vent, thanks for reading.
    Did the guy know he was gay why did he sleep in the same bed with you.
    I myself would not sleep with a gay man i shared a bed with straight guys


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    #13
    jady88
    Closed Accounts Posts: 185 ✭✭jady88


    T Corolla wrote: »
    Did the guy know he was gay why did he sleep in the same bed with you.
    I myself would not sleep with a gay man i shared a bed with straight guys

    And hopefully a gay man would never want to share a bed with you...


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    #14
    T Corolla
    Closed Accounts Posts: 611 ✭✭✭T Corolla


    jady88 wrote: »
    And hopefully a gay man would never want to share a bed with you...
    I dont know i might enjoy the experience!!
    I think in fairness if the guys legs were crossed with his he should have lifted them off and moved the guy over to his side of the bed


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    #15
    jady88
    Closed Accounts Posts: 185 ✭✭jady88


    T Corolla wrote: »
    I dont know i might enjoy the experience!!
    I think in fairness if the guys legs were crossed with his he should have lifted them off and moved the guy over to his side of the bed

    Yes in hindsight but he thought the guy was awake.


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    #16
    Boston
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,163 ✭✭✭✭Boston


    Take it as a lesson learned about respecting others and the importance of communication.


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    #17
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    wtf90 wrote: »
    ok so im a 18 yr old gay guy and the other nite one of my friends stayed at my house. We both slept in the same bed and when i woke up his legs were around me. it realy seemed like he was awake and then he started doing things which made me think he was cummin on to me. so i gave him a nad job. throughout it really seemed as if he was awake, but a few seconds after he came he "woke up" and was like 'what the **** are you doing'.

    i feel so bad. If he was asleep i feel like i just violated one of my friends. But i really, really no he wasnt. The way he was breathing, moving, coughing etc. But now i just dont kno what to do and im so f*cking sorry, but i kno things will never be the same between us again. And if he tells our friends every1s gonna think im sum ****ing rapist.

    Just needed to vent, thanks for reading.

    What was the reason for both of you guys to end up sleeping in the same bed in the first place? That in itself may be innocent enough but you're 18 not 8.


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    #18
    Crackerspray
    Closed Accounts Posts: 113 ✭✭Crackerspray


    A few years before I met my b/f the same thing happened to him, almost exactly the same and he is still best friends with his mate! I'v heard both sides of the story and my b/f says he thought his mate was awake, his mate says he was asleep so its hard to know if he was a interferred with or just getting off!

    They didn't speak to my for about a week and then once they started talking again it was only a short time before they were back on great terms! So you still have a chance to get your friendship back on track, just ease your way back into your friends life.


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    #19
    DubArk
    Registered Users Posts: 831 ✭✭✭DubArk


    Crackerspray wrote: »
    So you still have a chance to get your friendship back on track, just ease your way back into your friends life.

    Relax there he said life! :D


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