Married Life !

dak

You have two choices in life: you can stay single and be miserable
or get married and wish you were dead.
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Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with
friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person
has, you wish you had ordered that.
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At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you
wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other women replied,
"Yes I am, I married the wrong man."
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After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool
when I married you." She replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and
didn't notice."
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A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted". Next
day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You
can have mine."
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The bride, upon getting engaged, went to her mother and said, "I've
found a man just like father!" Her mother replied, "So what do you
want from me, sympathy?"
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When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to
let her keep him!
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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get
married?" The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life
thinking they had no faults at all.
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You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out
with the boys on Wednesday nights,.................and so does she.
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During a heated spat over finances, the husband said, "Well, if
you'd learn to cook and were willing to clean this place, we could fire
the maid." The wife fuming, shot back, "Oh yeah??? Well, if you'd learn
how to make love, we could fire the chauffeur and the gardener."
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My wife told me I should be more affectionate, so I got two
girlfriends.
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How do most men define marriage?
A very expensive way to get your laundry done for free.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to
forget it once.
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First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.