Commenting on pics - enough is enough

shellyboo

Jeremiah 16:1 wrote: »

But one or both could be bisexual/lesbian for real?

Indeed we could. We could be big gay lesbian fcuk buddies for all anyone knows. Your point?

Thaedydal wrote: »

It seems some of the boys dont' know the difference between a compliment and leering.

Also an extremely good point. At no stage has Thaed said she would 'do me' or demand pictures from me or start threads about which posters she drools over the most. There's a distinct difference.

Galvasean

Thaedydal wrote: »

It seems some of the boys dont' know the difference between a compliment and leering.

Nice hat =/= I'd plow ya out of it

PeakOutput

to be honest shelly i now think you should link to the posts that were directed at you that you find predatory because you seem to be the only one complaining here about the guys taking it to such an unacceptable level

i agree there needs to be rules on the thread but you are the only one who has said anything about predatory posts as far as i can see and i think thats a bit ott

shellyboo

PeakOutput wrote: »

to be honest shelly i now think you should link to the posts that were directed at you

I've already said there haven't been any directed at me, that's why I haven't linked to them.

PeakOutput wrote: »

i agree there needs to be rules on the thread but you are the only one who has said anything about predatory posts as far as i can see and i think thats a bit ott

That's fine, I'm happy to do so if one of the mods gives me the go-ahead first. I've already said I don't want to single out individual posters because I don't think anyone is inherently predatory, it's just the prevailing tone of the thread.

PeakOutput

grand as long as its clear that your choosing to be offended on other peoples behalf

i say the mods and the girls decide between themselves as its their forum after all but i dont think iv seen one person on this thread complain that they personally had predatory comments directed at them

also the girls pretty much say the same stuff in the lads thread

edit; and as there were no posts directed at you it is absolutely wrong for you to link to ones that arent directed at you just in case you thought i was implying something along those lines

Ginny

TBH I tend to avoid the thread in question as its gotten so cringetastic, and I wouldn't post a pic in there exactly for the reasons brought up in this thread.

shellyboo

PeakOutput wrote: »

grand as long as its clear that your choosing to be offended on other peoples behalf

I'm offended, personally, that any woman in this forum has to put up with it. I didn't start this thread, a guy did. Plenty of people are of the same opinion if you read through the thread. I'm arguing the corner because I am a stubborn cow.

PeakOutput wrote: »

i say the mods and the girls decide between themselves as its their forum after all but i dont think iv seen one person on this thread complain that they personally had predatory comments directed at them


also the girls pretty much say the same stuff in the lads thread

Yes, that's been pointed out. Obviously the new rules, if there are any, would apply to both threads.

PeakOutput wrote: »

edit; and as there were no posts directed at you it is absolutely wrong for you to link to ones that arent directed at you

My point exactly.

brianthebard

shellyboo wrote: »

Also an extremely good point. At no stage has Thaed said she would 'do me' or demand pictures from me or start threads about which posters she drools over the most. There's a distinct difference.

Has anyone posted that they would "do" another poster? I haven't read the whole ladies thread, but I from what I've seen there were maybe two or three people who's comments were crass, the rest seemed ok. Just like every other aspect of boards tbh. I agree that the nyom thread was way out of line but I thought the poster who made it was banned?

As far as compliments go I think its cool to be complimented, and even if someone did post they wanted to do me, I wouldn't really feel that meant I had a stalker or anything.

PeakOutput

shellyboo wrote: »

I'm offended, personally, that any woman in this forum has to put up with it. I didn't start this thread, a guy did.

i argree with will the op on the state of the thread i dont agree there has been any predatory comments made. its basically only your use of that word i take issue with

Lockstep

Thaedydal wrote: »

It seems some of the boys dont' know the difference between a compliment and leering.

Very subjective that.
One person's leer is another one's compliment.
WOuld get hard to enforce the difference between the two.

shellyboo wrote: »

Also an extremely good point. At no stage has Thaed said she would 'do me' or demand pictures from me or start threads about which posters she drools over the most. There's a distinct difference.

Right, you didn't find it over the line.
What if someone else did? As you get offended on behalf of other posters this goes into risky territory.
Although I didn't see anyone saying they'd do anyone.

shellyboo wrote: »

I'm offended, personally, that any woman in this forum has to put up with it.

And therein lies the problem.
You are offended, and you are arguing the case of third parties.
Locus Standi and all that.

shellyboo

brianthebard wrote: »

Has anyone posted that they would "do" another poster?

I found at least two "I would/I definitely would" in the first 10 pages of the thread. The thread is over 115 pages long. I presume they weren't talking about taking the girl out for a romantic stroll on the beach.

PeakOutput wrote: »

i argree with will the op on the state of the thread i dont agree there has been any predatory comments made. its basically only your use of that word i take issue with

Ok, well maybe we're having a semantic problem. I see demanding pics of female posters as predatory. I went through the first, say, 20 pages last night and that came up a fair few times. I also see comments such as 'the ladies in here are fit... I might invest in going to a meetup' as predatory, or at the very least sleazy as all hell. Also something like, 'I saved your pic, hope you don't mind...' Creeeeeeeeeepy. Predatory. Intimidating. Against the whole ethos of the forum, which is meant to be a safe space for women to escape the general misogyny of the rest of boards - as it stands, I think tLL is the most misgynistic place I've seen since I've joined. That's including BGRH.

I'm purposefully leaving out the negative comments, because those are clearly just trolling and flamebaiting.

John Mason

shellyboo wrote: »

I'm offended, personally, that any woman in this forum has to put up with it.

but dont you see that some girls want to put up with it, which is why they have never reported any posts..

Some people have a need to feel validated and the posts that you feel are OTT are completely acceptable to these girls.

tbh, i think you are fighting a losing battle if no one has actually reported the posts

shellyboo

kickoutthejams wrote: »

Very subjective that.
One person's leer is another one's compliment.
WOuld get hard to enforce the difference between the two.

Not if we get rid of the lone comments altogether and make it a no pic, no post policy. I think people are less likely to tread the line between leering and complimenting when they have to put themselves out there to be 'appreciated' as well.

kickoutthejams wrote: »

Right, you didn't find it over the line.
What if someone else did?

Then I should be warned and/or banned as the mods see fit. As the forum stands now, it's a flirting free-for-all. If the rules are tightened, I will have to abide by them. Boo fcuking hoo. Why are people so threatened by the banning of flirting? Take it to PM. Get a room.

kickoutthejams wrote: »

Although I didn't see anyone saying they'd do anyone

There are two instances of 'I would/I definitely would' in the first ten pages of the thread.
.

kickoutthejams wrote: »

And therein lies the problem.
You are offended, and you are arguing the case of third parties.
Locus Standi and all that.

I'm not, I'm arguing my case. It offends ME. I am annoyed by it. It puts me off coming into the forum having to look at boys simpering over any female they find vageuly attractive; and it infuriates me. The Nyom thread was just the straw that broke the camel's back.

And I'm afraid I'm not intelligent enough to know what Locus Standi means. Explain?

pow wow

shellyboo wrote: »

I'm offended, personally, that any woman in this forum has to put up with it.

No further offence intended Shelly but you have no right to speak on behalf of other women in the thread. The offence is your own. I find it astronomically insulting as a woman that other people feel compelled to speak on my behalf as if I am incapable of doing so. If your issue is the objectifying of women in the thread than mine is being treated like someone who can't speak up for themself if there is a problem.

The thread was harmless enough, and as yet I haven't seen any of the women who were the subjects of the 'leering' complaining. We are grown ups you know.

brianthebard

shellyboo wrote: »

I found at least two "I would/I definitely would" in the first 10 pages of the thread. The thread is over 115 pages long. I presume they weren't talking about taking the girl out for a romantic stroll on the beach.



Ok, well maybe we're having a semantic problem. I see demanding pics of female posters as predatory. I went through the first, say, 20 pages last night and that came up a fair few times. I also see comments such as 'the ladies in here are fit... I might invest in going to a meetup' as predatory, or at the very least sleazy as all hell. Also something like, 'I saved your pic, hope you don't mind...' Creeeeeeeeeepy. Predatory. Intimidating. Against the whole ethos of the forum, which is meant to be a safe space for women to escape the general misogyny of the rest of boards - as it stands, I think tLL is the most misgynistic place I've seen since I've joined. That's including BGRH.

I'm purposefully leaving out the negative comments, because those are clearly just trolling and flamebaiting.

I think you should stop using the term predatory, even the crassest comments in either thread don't go over that line, and the word predatory has a very specific message. Personally I'm offended that you think there are guys on boards who are potential rapists or perverts, just for making a comment. I don't like being told you think I'm being predatory, because I say I might like to see someone at the next boards beers. I don't think I've even said those words, but something simple like that should not be considered predatory, and the poster who said it should not be debased because of your insecurities. I don't remember the mission statement for tll but I didn't think it was supposed to be a safe house for women, if it was then maybe it should be made private. The language you are using is very odd, you seem to have a bigger issue than whether or not someone went over the line in their messages.

Lockstep

shellyboo wrote: »

Not if we get rid of the lone comments altogether and make it a no pic, no post policy. I think people are less likely to tread the line between leering and complimenting when they have to put themselves out there to be 'appreciated' as well.

I'd agree to a no pic/no post simply to clear out some of the clutter appearing in the threads.
At any rate, posting a no/no post wouldn't necessarily decrease this.
It does not take away from one person's compliment being another one's leer.

shellyboo wrote: »

Then I should be warned and/or banned as the mods see fit.
As the forum stands now, it's a flirting free-for-all. If the rules are tightened, I will have to abide by them. Boo fcuking hoo. Why are people so threatened by the banning of flirting? Take it to PM. Get a room.

So you're proposing a rule which you never abided by.
Ok.
I'm not 'threatened' by the banning of flirting (my girlfriend already posts here and I prefer seeing her IRL!1!!)
I am however, concerned that this might take away from the nature of the forum.
I like the Ladies Lounge. I like seeing the banter and so forth that goes on here. Enforcing inflexible rules is a tough nut as what exactly flirting is such a hard thing to define,

shellyboo wrote: »

There are two instances of 'I would/I definitely would' in the first ten pages of the thread.

I see a difference between "doing someone" and saying "I would"
I would at least, is innuendo and not as explicit.
.

shellyboo wrote: »

I'm not, I'm arguing my case. It offends ME. I am annoyed by it.

You are annnoyed by what other people post (or what you perceive them to be posting?)
Despite this, I still have yet to see anyone who was the object of such terrible utterances being equally offended.

shellyboo wrote: »

It puts me off coming into the forum having to look at boys simpering over any female they find vageuly attractive; and it infuriates me.

If it infuriates you, then you really need to simmer down. I'm not saying that in an attempt to put you down, but it's the internet. Boards is riddled with people who's views are anathema to mine. THey shouldn't infuriate anyone as it's common knowledge that the internet is filled with fools.

shellyboo wrote: »

The Nyom thread was just the straw that broke the camel's back.

I've seen many people rightly raging against the Nyom thread here. It keeps being brought up and so far, I have seen noone defending it.

shellyboo wrote: »

And I'm afraid I'm not intelligent enough to know what Locus Standi means. Explain?

Sorry, I've been up to my eyes in Constitutional Law all night, still thinking in legal terms.
Basically Legal Standing and that you can't challenge a statute arguing the case of a third party.

shellyboo

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

but dont you see that some girls want to put up with it, which is why they have never reported any posts..

Some people have a need to feel validated and the posts that you feel are OTT are completely acceptable to these girls.

That's really, really sad.

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

tbh, i think you are fighting a losing battle if no one has actually reported the posts

I might be, but that doesn't make my point any less valid.

pow wow

shellyboo wrote: »

That's really, really sad.

Not content to speak for other women you now want to sit in judgement of them?

Dragan

shellyboo wrote: »

I found at least two "I would/I definitely would" in the first 10 pages of the thread. The thread is over 115 pages long. I presume they weren't talking about taking the girl out for a romantic stroll on the beach.

Did you check the mens thread? I know i have said that there is no difference between the two but in fairness after reading back the wimmins appear to have set the standard.

By 3 pages in we are told that clothes are optional.

Acacia

I don't have a problem with the complimenting/flirting that goes on in the thread (though I'm too shy to put my own pic up ) but all the chat and quoting pictures sometimes does make it hard to read.

The Nocturnal forum has a picture thread with a 'no pic/no post' rule but I don't really know how that would work in the Ladies thread. Perhaps not being able to quote pics would be a start? Just my two cents.

Lockstep

Acacia wrote: »

I don't have a problem with the complimenting/flirting that goes on in the thread (though I'm too shy to put my own pic up ) but all the chat and quoting pictures sometimes does make it hard to read.

I'd agree that we have a problem there.

The threads get needlessly cluttered. Not so much by flirting and so forth but by endless chatter.

g'em

kickoutthejams wrote: »

(my girlfriend already posts here and I prefer seeing her IRL!1!!)

I've only just discovered who yore gf is and it sheds a whole new light on some of the posts in the thread tbh. I'd hazard a guess that not everyone knows who the existing couples may be though and some 'friendly banter' betwixt (shush, I was reading Much Ado About Nothing last night ) partners can be misconstrued as being possibly overly and overtly flirty? That doesn't mean you're at fault at all, it's just misinterpretation & miscommunication.

Lockstep

g'em wrote: »

I've only just discovered who yore gf is and it sheds a whole new light on some of the posts in the thread tbh. I'd hazard a guess that not everyone knows who the existing couples may be though and some 'friendly banter' betwixt (shush, I was reading Much Ado About Nothing last night ) partners can be misconstrued as being possibly overly and overtly flirty? That doesn't mean you're at fault at all, it's just misinterpretation & miscommunication.

Ah I see where your coming from now.

Sorry about that, I can see how what I said can be seen as.

shellyboo

brianthebard wrote: »

I think you should stop using the term predatory, even the crassest comments in either thread don't go over that line, and the word predatory has a very specific message. Personally I'm offended that you think there are guys on boards who are potential rapists or perverts, just for making a comment. I don't like being told you think I'm being predatory, because I say I might like to see someone at the next boards beers. I don't think I've even said those words, but something simple like that should not be considered predatory, and the poster who said it should not be debased because of your insecurities. I don't remember the mission statement for tll but I didn't think it was supposed to be a safe house for women, if it was then maybe it should be made private. The language you are using is very odd, you seem to have a bigger issue than whether or not someone went over the line in their messages.

kickoutthejams wrote: »

I'd agree to a no pic/no post simply to clear out some of the clutter appearing in the threads.
At any rate, posting a no/no post wouldn't necessarily decrease this.
It does not take away from one person's compliment being another one's leer.

So you're proposing a rule which you never abided by.
Ok.
I'm not 'threatened' by the banning of flirting (my girlfriend already posts here and I prefer seeing her IRL!1!!)
I am however, concerned that this might take away from the nature of the forum.
I like the Ladies Lounge. I like seeing the banter and so forth that goes on here. Enforcing inflexible rules is a tough nut as what exactly flirting is such a hard thing to define,

I see a difference between "doing someone" and saying "I would"
I would at least, is innuendo and not as explicit.

You are annnoyed by what other people post (or what you perceive them to be posting?)
Despite this, I still have yet to see anyone who was the object of such terrible utterances being equally offended.

If it infuriates you, then you really need to simmer down. I'm not saying that in an attempt to put you down, but it's the internet. Boards is riddled with people who's views are anathema to mine. THey shouldn't infuriate anyone as it's common knowledge that the internet is filled with fools.

I've seen many people rightly raging against the Nyom thread here. It keeps being brought up and so far, I have seen noone defending it.

Sorry, I've been up to my eyes in Constitutional Law all night, still thinking in legal terms.
Basically Legal Standing and that you can't challenge a statute arguing the case of a third party.

Ok, ok, ok, ok. Now you guys are just arguing with ME and not arguing the point. We're going way off topic. I realise you have issues with the language I'm using and my apparent hypocrisy (which I'll accept, bold me, smack on the hand with a ruler) but it comes down to this:

The charter states:

NO DEMANDING PICS OF LL POSTERS, THIS WILL BE MET WITH A BAN, NO WARNINGS.

This happens in the Ladies of tLL thread, and the Lads' thread too.

"As many of you may well know, the female users of Boards are a minority and it seems we have no forum to go to to talk about our everday issues or just to have a general discussion without the usual crap like - 'Get back in the kitchen' and 'What are you wearin', Etc.
We all know that it is said in jest, but it can get a bit tiresome."

'I would' and comments along those lines = the usual crap. Fair enough, you would... did anyone say you could? Is posting a picture an invitation now? It seems that the pictures thread has become this kind of place, where men inspect the goods to make sure we meet with standards. The LL is supposed to be a place where don't have to deal with the 'usual' crap, like that.

"We don't want it to be a really serious place with no joking but you must also bear in mind that it is a place primarily for Women or any other user to post without fear of being out numbered by a majoritively mysogynistic viewpoint."

I think the thread is verging on misogynistic in its tone at this stage. There are certainly some comments in there that are misogynistic, but they've mostly been met with warnings and bans. However, even the positive, complimentary comments are putting women in the role of pretty ornament to be admired and appreciated. If people are happy to have a thread like that in a women's forum, fine... but it should be designated as such. 'Post here to be judged solely on your looks, and possibly chatted up'. Because that's bascially what we're talking about, right? If that's what the people want, give them what they want. But it would be nice to have a thread where members of this community can post their pictures without having to subject themselves to that.

brianthebard

To be Almost mysogynistic is such a huge, massive distance from being predatory, its just not funny. As already pointed out the same sort of comments are being made about guys in the lads thread-its what people do. I seriously don't see your problem, has there been someone forcing you to post pics? Have you been getting phone calls in the night from random boardsies. Do you really think guys here don't know the difference between saying "would" and a girl saying "you can"? You seem to want to speak for everyone, but lots of posters at this stage have shown the problem is your own and just your own. If you don't want to post a pic don't, but don't brand the people who do as automatically objectified and don't brand the people who compliment them as perverts and misogynists.

Dragan

shellyboo wrote: »

I think the thread is verging on misogynistic in its tone at this stage. There are certainly some comments in there that are misogynistic, but they've mostly been met with warnings and bans. However, even the positive, complimentary comments are putting women in the role of pretty ornament to be admired and appreciated. If people are happy to have a thread like that in a women's forum, fine... but it should be designated as such. 'Post here to be judged solely on your looks, and possibly chatted up'. Because that's bascially what we're talking about, right? If that's what the people want, give them what they want. But it would be nice to have a thread where members of this community can post their pictures without having to subject themselves to that.

Hang on, hang on. There are TWO threads here that would be construed as men being judged solely on their looks.

As i have already said, some of the Ladies themselves set the standards on this one.

pow wow

shellyboo wrote: »

I think the thread is verging on misogynistic in its tone at this stage. There are certainly some comments in there that are misogynistic, but they've mostly been met with warnings and bans. However, even the positive, complimentary comments are putting women in the role of pretty ornament to be admired and appreciated. If people are happy to have a thread like that in a women's forum, fine... but it should be designated as such. 'Post here to be judged solely on your looks, and possibly chatted up'. Because that's bascially what we're talking about, right? If that's what the people want, give them what they want. But it would be nice to have a thread where members of this community can post their pictures without having to subject themselves to that.

Not at all. How do compliments to a woman put her in the role of an ornament? Something deemed a compliment is usually positive....what else are they gonna say to women they've never met? "Wow I bet you have a great opinion on climate change"? Come on.

Dragan

ellscurr wrote: »

Not at all. How do compliments to a woman put her in the role of an ornament? Something deemed a compliment is usually positive....what else are they gonna say to women they've never met? "Wow I bet you have a great opinion on climate change"? Come on.

To be honest, i think its just one of those "letting down the sisterhood" type things at this point.

Lockstep

shellyboo wrote: »

Ok, ok, ok, ok. Now you guys are just arguing with ME and not arguing the point.

I disagree with your points to be honest.
You have issues with the way certain posters interact with one another and get judgemental when posts do not match with your own views.

shellyboo wrote: »

We're going way off topic. I realise you have issues with the language I'm using and my apparent hypocrisy (which I'll accept, bold me, smack on the hand with a ruler) but it comes down to this:

Not really, I just don't see why you're advocating a rule you didn't abide by.

shellyboo wrote: »

The charter states:

NO DEMANDING PICS OF LL POSTERS, THIS WILL BE MET WITH A BAN, NO WARNINGS.

This happens in the Ladies of tLL thread, and the Lads' thread too.

Right, and yet you complain of the creepy men coming into perv on the wimmins.

shellyboo wrote: »

[/I]'I would' and comments along those lines = the usual crap. Fair enough, you would... did anyone say you could? Is posting a picture an invitation now? It seems that the pictures thread has become this kind of place, where men inspect the goods to make sure we meet with standards. The LL is supposed to be a place where don't have to deal with the 'usual' crap, like that.

Really, are there many men here who do that? I seriously doubt that many men come here to perv and who view posting a pic as an invitation.

shellyboo wrote: »

"We don't want it to be a really serious place with no joking but you must also bear in mind that it is a place primarily for Women or any other user to post without fear of being out numbered by a majoritively mysogynistic viewpoint."

Where is this majoratively mysogynistic viewpoint?

shellyboo wrote: »

I think the thread is verging on misogynistic in its tone at this stage.

Is it?

shellyboo wrote: »

however, even the positive, complimentary comments are putting women in the role of pretty ornament to be admired and appreciated.

I've gotten a few compliments in the Lads of the Ladies Lounge thread and while I didn;t feel it had anything to do with being an ornament. I like getting compliments, most people do. And I certainly would not equate them with just being an ornament.
Do you feel the same way as regards to women's complimenting each other in the picture threads?

shellyboo wrote: »

If people are happy to have a thread like that in a women's forum, fine... but it should be designated as such. 'Post here to be judged solely on your looks, and possibly chatted up'. Because that's bascially what we're talking about, right? If that's what the people want, give them what they want. But it would be nice to have a thread where members of this community can post their pictures without having to subject themselves to that.

Really you are arguing a very hyperbolic argument. A minority of crackpots are ruining the thread. Fine. I'd say it's better to crack down on them rather than for me to paint the whole thread as teetering on the brink of some sexist collapse.
I certainly don't see the thread as becoming a form of cattle market.

pow wow

Dragan wrote: »

To be honest, i think its just one of those "letting down the sisterhood" type things at this point.

I'd have to disagree. It does get a little out of hand sometimes but the mods have always dealt with it...photoshopping and reposting of my pics included. :rolleyes: