small child's attitude to the body

metrovelvet

What do you teach your child about this?

Do you let him or her hug strange children? Do you allow them to be hugged and kissed by strange children?

I am wondering because I come across a range of attitudes, from very laissez faire to parents telling their kids [toddlers to small children]"keep your hands on your body" when they try to touch or hug another small child.

What is the better philosophy?

littlebug

I don't get the "keep your hands on the body" bit? As opposed to where? the face? Is it a germ thing?
I don't think my kids would hug or kiss a strange child. Nor do I recall a strange child ever hugging my kids. Are we odd?

TargetWidow

Hi MetroV. I'm kinda new to the parenting thing but bear with me... why would parents forbid their little ones from touching other children? My little one will be only 8mths on Tuesday but shes very touchy feely and doles out hugs and kisses to anyone and everyone including all the other children at her creche. Apart from having caught a few harmless snuffles when she first started creche it hasn't been a problem. I see it as an expression of who she is. Wouldn't it be very natural for little ones to be naturally affectionate towards other children? (except my two little brothers when small who absolutely killed each other!) Maybe there's a reason the very strict parents have for not letting their children touch other children. But I dont know it.:)

the glass woman

Well my son is only 15months but when he sees any baby younger than himself, say up to the age of 9 months, he gets down on his hunkers to coo at them and gives them a big hug and a smile which i find hilarious as he obviously thinks that he is so much more grown up then these 'babies'! The only child to really hug him is his 7yr old cousin, a boy, and they adore each other so much that they'll just stand there hugging and holding on to each other for ages each time they meet. I'd never discourage this, esp since he's a boy, however i must say i don't really like other adults, apart from family, kissing him, and we seem to encounter this a lot. I've never said anything to them, but i really dislike having to wipe someone's lipstick off him, or smelling perfume or aftershave off him. Maybe its silly, but it does make me cringe..

Shelli

My little one is exactly the same, hugs and kisses other kids all the time, he's 15mths. I think it's cute, and i'm sure as he gets older he'll become more aware of what's age appropriate.

I think with toddlers it's fine, in fact it's adoreable.

I've never met or known of any parents who had a problem with it?? I'm not quite sure how I'd take it if another parent had a problem with my little fella giving their kid a hug?

metrovelvet

My son is and always has been very physical and would express his happiness to see someone by hugging them, and sometimes the other toddler would be a bit taken aback [one of them cried every time he did] and I'd have to explain to my son that not everyone likes hugs from everybody, some people only like hugs from their mommy or daddy. So he is still working this out.

And one time another toddler was going to hug my son and his mother said to her son "keep your hands on your own body." I think it was just a way of teaching him about boundaries and respect.

I dont have a problem with other babies hugging my son, i think its kind of funny especially when they topple over together. I always get a little nervous when my son goes out to hug for fear the other parent is going to get huffy about it.

Nevyn

Then it is the parent's issue and I would not make it's my child's issue esp when they are under 7.

metrovelvet

I dont think of it like its an issue, more like an attitude... just intrigues me to see how personal space is treated at this age.

littlebug

My only concern would be that my child would be the one crying or pushing the other child away They're really affectionate with each other and with us but with no one else! My daughter doesn't like babies (or dolls!) and avoids being anywhere near them let alone hug them. My son would be a bit more affectionate but not with strangers.

I still find the hands on body thing strange. Are you sure the child wasn't just a pincher or something? I've seen 2-3 year olds get jealous of younger kids and pretend to go in for a hug or kiss but bite or pinch instead. Maybe that's what the parents were trying to control?

metrovelvet

littlebug wrote: »

My only concern would be that my child would be the one crying or pushing the other child away They're really affectionate with each other and with us but with no one else! My daughter doesn't like babies (or dolls!) and avoids being anywhere near them let alone hug them. My son would be a bit more affectionate but not with strangers.

I still find the hands on body thing strange. Are you sure the child wasn't just a pincher or something? I've seen 2-3 year olds get jealous of younger kids and pretend to go in for a hug or kiss but bite or pinch instead. Maybe that's what the parents were trying to control?

My son is terrified of dolls! [Making me rethink the elmo live I got him for christmas]

No I cant be sure that the child was a pincher or hitter, I dont know to be honest. It was at a children's museum and the place was packed with toddlers and I came across a variety of these encounters throughout the day from parents and their tactile kids. I tend to be laissez faire and think, if its positive touch its ok unless the recepient gets freaked out. Also, I find because adults can be so invasive of their space, pinching their cheeks, and rubbing their heads, they get the example that all is fair game, when the reality is we all have to learn boundaries with strangers. be good if the adults learned this first! :pac: So really im just wondering how others approach this.

Carrigart Exile

metrovelvet wrote: »

What do you teach your child about this?

Do you let him or her hug strange children? Do you allow them to be hugged and kissed by strange children?

I am wondering because I come across a range of attitudes, from very laissez faire to parents telling their kids [toddlers to small children]"keep your hands on your body" when they try to touch or hug another small child.

What is the better philosophy?

We need to cross our germs to get our immune system to work. You can never have too much hugging.

beth-lou

I wouldn't inhibit hugging or general touching between kids. It totally natural and is a part of growing up and interaction. The only time I'd interfere is if they were hugging too hard and then I'd teach them to be gentle. If another kids was freaked out then of course I'd stop it, but other than that I'd leave them to it. They learn about boundries very naturally as they grow. We all did.

stovelid

Thaedydal wrote: »

Then it is the parent's issue and I would not make it's my child's issue esp when they are under 7.

Agreed.

Trying to project adult worries re: inappropriate tactility onto small children is wrong.

Victor

Might it be the likes of a boisterous 2-3 year old who doesn't know how to be gentle?

justmum

I would never stop my child hugging another child. It does them no harm. and they make friends in the process. My two year old loves playing with other children and I love seeing her doing it. to be honest I would be worried if she wouldn't. It's just what children do. As for germs and things, recent studies have shown that if a child is exposed to infection at an early age, there is less chance of them getting a more serious infections and illnesses when they are older, so they can hug as many children as they like. If it makes them happy I wouldn't stop them. Anything that puts a smile on their faces is good enough for me. (as long as it is reasonable):)

metrovelvet

stovelid wrote: »

Agreed.

Trying to project adult worries re: inappropriate tactility onto small children is wrong.

Really? Even around private areas? I know a lot of parents who tell their kids from a very very young age that only mommy and daddy can touch you there [for baths and changes, etc].

stovelid

metrovelvet wrote: »

Really? Even around private areas? I know a lot of parents who tell their kids from a very very young age that only mommy and daddy can touch you there [for baths and changes, etc].

Didn't have far-shore cases like this in mind, obviously. Just the general tactility mentioned already in the thread.

di11on

Interesting discussion.

The way I would deal with this issue is to, firstly, avoid giving the child the impression that their natural tendancies are somehow wrong.

If they are very affectionate, I wouldn't try and discourage this in any way. If that's who they are - that's who they are and we should always try to foster a positive self image for our children. However, as a previous poster said, I would also encourage the child to be respectful of others and that if someone doesn't want hugs or kisses, this has to be respected. But there's nothing wrong with wanting to give hugs or kisses.

I think if you have the double objectives of fostering a positive self image along with respect for others, you can't go far wrong.

This "keep you hands on your own body" seems damaging to me. It suggests that touching another human being is somehow wrong which is bound to cause problems later. Touch is a very important part of human relationships and obviously there are times when it is inappropriate but this can be taught in a better way.