Afternoon Um's

rocky25 · 05-12-2008 3:35pm #1

My father in law handed me a note on my wedding day saying,

"Goods delivered are non-returnable."

I handed it back and said,

"Contract void if seal is broken."

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A man goes to the cinema and buys two tickets.

As he is standing alone the girl asks who the second ticket is for.

For my pet chicken." He said, pointing to the bird.

"I'm sorry," the girl tells him, "but we don't allow animals in the theater."

The man walked around the corner of the building, and stuffed the chicken into his pants.

He returned to the ticket window and bought a ticket, entered the theater, and sat down.

The chicken started to get too hot, so the man, figuring it was okay because it was dark to unzipped his pants and let the chicken stick its head out.

The woman seated next to him looked down in horror.

She nudged her friend Amanda and whispered,

"Amanda! This man next to me just unzipped his pants!"

Amanda replied,

"Oh, don't worry about it. Just ignore him.

If you've seen one, you've seen them all."

The woman whispered back,

"I know, I know, but this one's eating my popcorn!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jake is five and learning to read. He points at a picture in a zoo book and says,

"Look Mamma! It's a frickin elephant

Deep breath....."What did you call it?'

'It's a frickin Elephant, Mama!'

"It says so on the picture!"

African Elephant'

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The Black Hole