Memorable Movie/TV Quotes!!!

Capt'n Midnight

"Well, nobody's perfect."

"My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die"

g.quagmire

Snotface! Yuck! What happened to you? Look at you. You're all older. You're even uglier. Look. I'm gonna have to be sick all over you immediately. Lie down.

Drop dead Fred best film ever.

Dennis the Stone

Buffalo '66:

Billy Brown: You know why they call you Goon? Because you're retarded. And you're ugly. You're an ugly retard. And they call you Goon because you're ugly and retarded. And you'll always be Goon... Goon, Goon, Goon. And that's what I'm gonna call you for the rest of your life, is Goon. Goon, Goon, Goon, Goon, okay? So fu*k you.

Billy Brown: There was nobody that I liked because girls stink. They stink. They're evil. And they're all bad. They're backstabbers, like you.

Johnnio13

"I hope you appreciate the magnitude of your impending good fortune."

"College women can smell ignorance... like dog ****. "

"What's it like to have a gun?"
"It's like having two cocks. If one of your c*cks could kill someone."

DenMan

Lt. Frank Drebin: Hector Savage. From Detroit. Ex-boxer. His real name was Joey Chicago.
Ed Hocken: Oh, yeah. He fought under the name of Kid Minneapolis.
Nordberg: I saw Kid Minneapolis fight once. In Cincinnati.
Lt. Frank Drebin: No you're thinking of Kid New York. He fought out of Philly.
Ed Hocken: He was killed in the ring in Houston. By Tex Colorado. You know, the Arizona Assassin.
Nordberg: Yeah, from Dakota. I don't remember it was North or South.
Lt. Frank Drebin: North. South Dakota was his brother. From West Virginia.
Ed Hocken: You sure know your boxing.
Lt. Frank Drebin: All I know is never bet on the white guy.
I]Nordberg nods in agreement[/I

Naked Gun 2 1/2 The Smell Of Fear (1991)

Ri_Nollaig

every single line Arnie has said!

some examples:

[Last Action Hero]
John Practice: How do you get to Carnegie Hall?
Jack Slater: By practice. John Practice!

[Total Recall]
Benny: Hey, Quaid! I'm gonna squash you!
Douglas Quaid: Benny! Here!
Benny: [shouts] Where the fu.ck are you?
Douglas Quaid: [killing him with a large drill] Screw you!

(as Michael Ironside's arms get cut off by the lift)
Douglas Quaid: See you at the party Richter!

[Commando ... pretty much every line in this film]
Matrix: Keep an eye out, they'll be coming. You're downwind, the air currents might tip them off
Jackson: Downwind?
[looks at Matrix like he's crazy]
Jackson: You think I could smell them coming?
Matrix: I did.

[As Matrix drops Sully over the cliff]
Cindy: What happened to Sully?
Matrix: I let him go.

[Matrix has thrown a pipe through Bennett]
Matrix: Let off some steam, Bennett.

sooooo many more

dakaiser

As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster
Goodfellas

GA361

''Oh my God,it's Jacky Chan''
-Peter Griffin

www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ky-8YBZPvU

zonEEE

Blazin saddles

[Gabby Johnson (on the roof of the church) spots the new sheriff riding into town]
Gabby Johnson: [shouting] The sheriff's a n*gger.
[the last word is lost in the peal of a church bell]
Harriett Van Johnson: What did he say?
Dr. Sam Johnson: He said the sheriff is near.

Flex

Ri_Nollaig wrote: »

every single line Arnie has said!

some examples:

[Last Action Hero]
John Practice: How do you get to Carnegie Hall?
Jack Slater: By practice. John Practice!

[Total Recall]
Benny: Hey, Quaid! I'm gonna squash you!
Douglas Quaid: Benny! Here!
Benny: [shouts] Where the fu.ck are you?
Douglas Quaid: [killing him with a large drill] Screw you!

(as Michael Ironside's arms get cut off by the lift)
Douglas Quaid: See you at the party Richter!

[Commando ... pretty much every line in this film]
Matrix: Keep an eye out, they'll be coming. You're downwind, the air currents might tip them off
Jackson: Downwind?
[looks at Matrix like he's crazy]
Jackson: You think I could smell them coming?
Matrix: I did.

[As Matrix drops Sully over the cliff]
Cindy: What happened to Sully?
Matrix: I let him go.

[Matrix has thrown a pipe through Bennett]
Matrix: Let off some steam, Bennett.

sooooo many more

Ah yea, so many classic lines

The part from True Lies when the terrorist is hanging from the missile on his fighter jet and he just looks over at him and says

"You're fired"

And Predator

"Stick around" "If it bleeds we can kill it" "You're one ugly mo********er"

Love them

Animo

Dexter Morgan

Blood. Sometimes it sets my teeth on edge. Other times it helps me control the chaos.

He might be messed up but that doesn't mean I can't love him:pac:

He said it in either the first episode of the 1st season or the second episode.

wandatowell

THE FIST FOOT WAY

"I'm so hungry I could eat a grown man's ass"

"If you were in prison, you'd be raped because you exude feminine qualities. You're also a big ole fat piece of ass"

"Meditation is terrific and all, but I've never heard of it saving anyone from a gang rape type situation"


And of course there's "Withnail and I"

"I must have you, even if it must be burgluary"

"Flowers are merely prostitues for the bees"

"I DEMAND some booze"

"I have a heart condition, if you hit me its MURDER"

"GET IN THE BACK OF THE VAN!!!"

Also Starring LeVar Burton

I hate broccoli, and yet, in a certain sense, I am broccoli.

-The Tick, The Tick.

Citizens of Anvilania, I stand before you, because if I was behind you, you couldn't see me.

-Yakko Warner, Animaniacs

If you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer.

-Phoebe Buffay, Friends

Adyx

"Sure, I told him I loved him, but not that I was IN love with him!"

Homer to Marge when he thought Grandpa was dead.

Ruu_Old

Take your stinking paws off me you damn dirty ape!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRG6ahCs_t0

Kold

Then who was phone?

Blazer

Samuel L Jackson-

Jackie Browne- AK-47, the very best there is. When you absolutely, positively, got to kill every mother****er in the room, accept no substitutes.”

Pulp Fiction- The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the Valley of Darkness; for he is truly his brother's keeper, and the finder of lost children. And, I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers! And, you will know my name is The Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee!

And any of his lines in The Long Kiss Goodnight.
Anyone fcuking mentions "****e on a plane" and they're dead.


Firefly--so many I'm too lazy to print them out.

midger

Moe from The Simpsons
"I've done a lot of things that i'm not proud of. And the things that i am proud of,well,they're just disgusting".

tony1kenobi

"Private Pile you are definitely born again hard"

Full Metal Jacket

"You guys ready for some violence"

"I'm gonna stall the one ton wanton, before he rips my head off and shoves it in my face"

My Name Is Bruce.

SEPT 23 1989

'Step right up and shoot the pasties off the nipples of a ten foot bull dyke! Win a cotton candy goat!'

Smart Bug

Are you gonna pull those pistols or whistle Dixie?

Now get back in line before I kick you so hard you'll be wearin' your ass for a hat.

And:

They sucked his brains out!

Tupins

Basically, the whole script from Withnail & I

"Two pounds? You can shove it up your a**e for nothing, and f*** off while you're doing it!"

Indie18

Rufus T Firefly: Oh, I'm sick of messages from the front. Don't we ever get a message from the side? - What is it?
Rob Roland:General Smith reports a gas attack. He wants to know what to do.
Rufus T Firefly: Tell him to take a teaspoonful of bicarbonate of soda and a half a glass of water.

Ben Stiller in Mystery Men:

"Are we gonna sit around playin' Susie Home-maker with Capt. Conundrum here, or we gonna take care of BUSINESS!!?!"


Team America:

Chris: Let's get one thing straight, actor. I don't trust you. And if you betray us, I'll rip your ****ing balls off and stuff them up your ass so that the next time you ****, you'll **** all over your balls, got it?

Gary Johnston: OK, a limosine that can fly. Now I have seen everything.
Spottswoode: Really? Have you seen a man eat his own head?
Gary Johnston: No.
Spottswoode: So then, you haven't seen everything.

Gary Johnston: I was just a boy when the infidels came to my village in their Blackhawk helicopters. The infidels fired at the oil fields and they lit up like the eyes of Allah. Burning oil rained down from the sky and cooked everything it touched. I could only hide myself and cry as my goats were consumed by the fiery black liquid death. In the midst of the chaos, I could swear that I heard my goats screaming for help. As quickly as they had come, the infidels were gone. It was on that day I put a jihad on them. And if you don't believe it, then you'd better kill me now, because I'll put a jihad on you, too.





Clint in Dirty Harry:

When a naked man is chasing a woman through an alley with a butcher knife and a hard-on, I figure he isn't out collecting for the Red Cross

and in The Outlaw Josey Wales:

Josey Wales : "You a bounty hunter?"
Bounty Hunter : "A man's got to do something for a living these days."
Josey Wales : "Dying ain't much of a living, boy."

meditraitor

I mean to have you, even if it must be burglary!

Uncle Monty

If you're hanging on to a rising balloon, you're presented with a difficult decision — let go before it's too late or hang on and keep getting higher, posing the question: how long can you keep a grip on the rope? They're selling hippie wigs in Woolworth's, man. The greatest decade in the history of mankind is over. And as Presuming Ed here has so consistently pointed out, we have failed to paint it black

Danny


Withnail talking to marwood

Withnail [reading from the paper]: "In a world exclusive interview, 33-year-old shotputter Geoff Woade, who weighs 317 pounds, admitted taking massive doses of anabolic steroids, drugs banned in sport. 'He used to get in bad tempers and act up,' said his wife. 'He used to pick on me. But now he's stopped, he's much better in our sex life and in our general life.'" Jesus Christ, this huge, thatched head with its earlobes and cannonball is now considered sane. "Geoff Woade is feeling better and is now prepared to step back into society and start tossing his orb about." Look at him. Look at Geoff Woade. His head must weigh fifty pounds on its own. Imagine the size of his balls. Imagine getting into a fight with the ****er!
Marwood: Please, I don't feel good.
Withnail: That's what you'd say, but that wouldn't wash with Geoff. No, he'd like a bit of pleading. Add spice to it. In fact, he'd probably tell you what he was going to do before he did it. "I'm going to pull your head off." "Oh no, please, don't pull my head off." "I'm going to pull your head off, because I don't like your head."

ShooterSF

Quote I just seen on Becker. Linda wants to rename rooms by letter and send in people by ailment. She lists off room A , b and c.

Dr. John Becker: There are three exams rooms, that's only A, B and C. What if someone comes in with, oh, I don't know, "M" for "migraine"?
Linda: Headache, "A" for ache.
Dr. John Becker: Pregnancy?
Dr. John Becker: "B" for baby.
Dr. John Becker: X-ray?
Linda: "C" for see-through. Is this that hard to understand?

Quickfire

Moe from The Simpsons

Quickfire

All good so far but none to beat this

Epic Tissue

Stupid sexy Flanders!

RandolphEsq

Ruu wrote: »

Take your stinking paws off me you damn dirty ape!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRG6ahCs_t0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVr1n1ha-LA

Morlar

Yo She-bitch. (cocks pump action shotgun) Let's go.

(Ash looking at the camera with a elderly witch behind him.)

Ash from Evil Dead III - The medieval Dead

Or Chief Wiggum on the radio giving a suspect description. . .

''Uh the suspect is hat-less, repeat the suspect is not wearing a hat''

newmills

HEAVY SNOW OUTSIDE

Marge: Homer how will the kids get home from school in this weather?
Homer: I don't know - the internet

Ralf - Hi super nintendo chalmers

DenMan

Borg: Captain Jean-Luc Picard. You lead the strongest ship of the Federation fleet. You speak for your people.
Capt. Picard: I have nothing to say to you, and I will resist you with my last ounce of strength.
Borg: Strength is irrelevant. Resistance is futile. We wish to improve ourselves. We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Your culture will adapt to service ours.
Capt. Picard: Impossible. My culture is based on freedom and self-determination.
Borg: Freedom is irrelevant. Self-determination is irrelevant. You must comply.
Capt. Picard: We would rather die.
Borg: Death is irrelevant. Your archaic cultures are authority driven. To facilitate our introduction into your societies, it has been decided that a human voice will speak for us in all communications. You have been chosen to be that voice.

Captain Jean Luc Picard (Patrick Stewart) speaking to the Borg collective consciousness aboard their vessel after being abducted from the Enterprise. Star Trek:The Next Generation episode "The Best Of Both Worlds Part I" (1990)

swingking

Taken from Die Hard 2

John McClaine: hey captain, what sets off the metal detector first? The lead in your ass or the sh1t in your brains

DenMan

I]Dracula is hypnotizing a valet at the theatre where Doctor Seward is enjoying an opera[/I
Dracula: You vill tell Doctor Seward there is a message for him in the lobby... and you will remember nothing of what I tell you.
I]the valet goes to open Seward's chambers and nods her head. She opens the curtain to Seward's chambers and stands there with her mouth open for a few moments, then closes the curtain[/I
Usherette: I]noticing Dracula standing there[/I Hello, can I help you sir?
Dracula: I]mimicking her[/I Can I help you sir?
I]normally[/I
Dracula: What's wrong with you, why did you not tell him?
Usherette: About what?
Dracula: About the message!
Usherette: For whom?
Dracula: Never mind! I vill tell him myself. And for your miserable performance, you will receive no tip!
Usherette: No tip?
Dracula: Ah! That, you remember!

Dracula:Dead and Loving it (1995) Leslie Nielsen (Dracula)

norwegianwood

This little beauty from the simpsons.....:D

Homer: You used to be a boxer just like me?
Moe: Yup. They called me Kid Gorgeous. Later on, it was Kid Presentable. Then Kid Gruesome. And finally, Kid Moe.

useful_contacts

SCRUBS

Janitor: You seem unhappy. I like that.

Dr. Cox: [in response to something J.D. just said] Oh, my God! I care so little, I almost passed out!

JD looking at the janitors penis " ok it seems fine but looks benign"
janitor " Benign, benign and a half"

Janitor: I don't jump out and scare you. I follow you around all day. I only got about an hour and a half of work around here, and the rest of the time I track you, like an animal.

Elliot: [looking at J.D.'s wrists, which are burned from kinky sex the night before] Looks like rope burn to me.
J.D.: Oh, no, this is a -- a rash from my new watch. They didn't tell me the band was made out of ... cat.


FAMILY GUY

Tom Tucker: A bit of breaking news. A local family is forced out of their home by ghosts. Who are they gonna call?
Diane Simmons (sighs): Ghostbusters, Tom.
Tom Tucker: No, Diane. Their insurance company. That's just stupid what you said.

Lawyer: Peter, Sarah has decided to press sexual harrasssment charges against you.
Peter: Sarah...Is that the one we video taped taking a dump?

Meg: I just want to kill myself I'm gonna go upstairs and eat a whole bowl of peanuts.
(Lois and Peter stare in silence)
Meg: I'm allergic to peanuts.
(Peter and Lois keep staring)
Meg: You dont know anything about me. (runs upstairs)
Peter: Who was that guy?

Peter (when he's hungover): This sucks worse than that time I went to that museum. (Flashback to childhood, standing in museum looking at dinosaur
skeltons.)
Peter (as a child): Why did all the dinosaurs die out?
Man at Museum: Because you touch yourself at night.

[Quagmire sees a cheerleader tied up in a bathroom stall]
Quagmire: Dear diary: Jackpot.

Brooke: Quagmire, will you accept this rose?
Quagmire: Really? After I drugged you and had sex with your unconscious body?
Brooke: What?
Quagmire: Yes.

SOUTH PARK

Stan: Hey, do you know where I can find the clitoris?
Cartman: What is that like finding Jesus or something?

Mr. Garrison: I just don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.

Cartman: Mom--Kitty is being a dildo.
Mrs. Cartman: Well, I know a little kitty who is sleeping with Mommy tonight.

Eric Cartman: Attention shoppers! Outside today, we have a cripple fight. Cripple fight, outside!

useful_contacts

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Clementine: And in your little brain. You try to figure out, "Did she **** someone tonight?"
Joel: No, see Clem. I assume you ****ed someone tonight. Isn’t that how you get people to like you?


Joel: I can't see anything that I don't like about you.
Clementine: But you will! But you will. You know, you will think of things. And I'll get bored with you and feel trapped because that's what happens with me.
Joel: Okay.
Clementine: I]pauses[/I Okay.

Patrick: Baby, whats wrong?
Clementine: I don't know! I DON'T KNOW! I'm lost! I'm scared! I feel like I'm disappearing! MY SKIN COMING OFF! I'M GETTING OLD! Nothing makes any sense to me! NOTHING MAKES ANY SENSE

Joel: I]narration as Clementine acknowledges him by raising her coffee mug[/I Why do I fall in love with every woman I see who shows me the least bit of attention?

Clementine: Drink up, young man. It'll make the whole seduction part less repugnant.

Joel: Look at it out here, it's all falling apart. I'm erasing you and I'm happy!

Joel: I can't remember anything without you.
Clementine: That's sweet, but try.

Clementine: I wish you'd stayed.
Joel: I wish I'd stayed, too. NOW I wish I'd stayed. I wish I'd done a lot of things. I wish I'd... I wish I'd stayed... I do.

Clementine: You're not a stalker, or anything, right?
Joel: I'm not a stalker. YOU'RE the one that talked to me, remember?
Clementine: That is the oldest trick in the stalker book.
Joel: Really? There's a stalker book? Great, I gotta read that one.


Clementine: I'm a vindictive little bitch, truth be told!

Clementine: What are you, NUTS?
Joel: It's been suggested.


Joel: I had a really nice time last night.
Clementine: Nice?
Joel: I had the best ****ing night of my entire ****ing life, last night!
Clementine: Thaaaat's better!

lovemypinkhat

How I love 30 Rock!

Jack: "Cookie in the middle of the day?"
Liz: "I gave blood."
Jack: "Does that burn calories?"

Liz: "What made you think I was gay?"
Jack: "Your shoes."
Liz: "Well, I'm straight."
Jack: "Those shoes are definitely bi-curious."

Jack (to Liz): "If you were any other woman on earth, I would be turned on right now."

"I like you. You have the boldness of a much younger woman."

"Well, Lemon, that was a good chat. Good luck with that, eh, *whispers* alopecia problem of yours."

lovemypinkhat

Jack: "Big Night Lemon? Let me guess, Meat ball sub, extra bread. Bottle of Nyquil. Tivo Top Chef. A little Miss Bonnie Raitt, lights out."
Liz: "No, I have something to do tonight Jack."
Jack: "Then you won't mind when I tell you that uh - Casey gets voted off tonight."
Liz: "You monster! Why are you like this?"

I'm sorry, I'm obsessed

ImDave

Forrest Gump:

Lieutenant Dan got me invested in some kind of fruit company. [Opens letter from Apple Computers] So then I got a call from him, saying we don't have to worry about money no more. And I said, that's good! One less thing.

therewillbe

"I LOVE THE SMELL OF NAPALM IN THE MORNING" A/NOW

Captain Slow IRL

Southpark:

Kyle - What happened Cartman, I thought you were gonna kill yourself last night?
Cartman - I tried, sat in my moms car in the garage with the engine running.
Stan - And it didn't work?
Cartman - No, it's a damn hybrid - they just don't do the trick anymore

Snowie

Eddie Temple: You're born, you take ****. You get out in the world, you take more ****. You climb a little higher, you take less ****. Till one day you're up in the rarefied atmosphere and you've forgotten what **** even looks like. Welcome to the layer cake son.

layer cake

midger

THE COMMITMENTS
Joey the Lips - "Our Lord has sent me"
Jimmys Da - "On a bleedin' Suzuki??"

DenMan

Kevin McCallister: Is this toothbrush approved by the American Dental Association?
Clerk: Well, I don't know. It doesn't say, hon.
Kevin McCallister: Well, could you please find out?

Home Alone (1990) Macaulay Culkin (Kevin McCallister)

leahyl

CLASSIC FRASIER QUOTES

Frasier: You, ice-fishing?
Niles: Well, why not? I've always thought of myself as a man of the great al fresco.
Frasier: Niles, you get a runny nose watching figure skating on TV.


Daphne: You burnt down the garage [as children]?
Niles: Well, with Frasier and his bunsen burner, and me and my mosquito repellant, in retrospect it was unavoidable


Niles: The rental agency didn't have a single luxury car left. They stuck me with some vehicle I think they call a hunchback.
Frasier: I think that would be a hatchback.
Niles: It's painted panic-button red, and has a huge rear window that pops open.
Frasier: That would be the hatchback.
Niles: There's a novel idea - name the car after its most hideous feature. I presume it was a tossup between that and "What's that odour coming from the floor?"


Frasier: I remember your fourth birthday party, when Grandmother took us to the park to ride the carousel, and you made all those children wait while you wiped off your painted pony.
Niles: I was wearing Bermuda shorts and that saddle was slick with toddler sweat.
Niles: This fruit-nut muffin contains a number of things I don't care for. Currants, a husk of something... away, wrinkly thing!
Frasier: You know, if you and Maris ever reconcile, I'm going to miss these tranquil mornings - I reading my newspaper, you tweezing your muffin.


Niles: Frasier, you look like an authentic jock. I'm half-tempted to hand over my lunch money.
Frasier: And is that your idea of appropriate baseball-watching attire?
Niles: Obviously you failed to detect the subtle diamond pattern in my tie.


Frasier: Dad, do you think we're odd?
Martin: No, you're not odd. You're just "special." Your mother told me that when you were kids, and I still believe it.


Niles: Sometimes the strongest feelings come from the promise of what might happen. Just the anticipation is just enough to make all the little hairs on your neck stand on end.
Daphne: Dr Crane!
Niles: Yes, Daphne!
Daphne: We're losing the fire!
Niles: No, we're not, it's burning with the heat of a thousand suns!
Daphne: I feel very close to you.
Niles: I feel very close to you too Daphne. You know it's easy being someone you feel close to when you feel close to someone who's so close.

Niles: Those were awful, those family driving vacations. Dad insisting on covering as many miles as possible in a day; the two of us, tiny hostages in the back seat, clutching our car sickness bags, straining to see something out of the window as the landscape whizzed by. I was 13 before I realized cows aren't blurry.

Frasier: I'm looking for "How Green was My Valley."
Video store clerk: Huh?
Frasier: It is a beautifully-acted depiction of life in a small town in Wales. It won five Academy Awards. It's a classic!
Clerk: Oh. Well, this is a shot in the dark, but you might try looking in the "Classics" section.


Frasier: It's just, the whole thing just catapults me back to high school - you only know me as an adult, but back then I was a rather unathletic bookish sort.
Roz: Get out.
Frasier: Jocks were the bane of my existence. They'd always call me a weinie and steal all the girls that I wanted.
Roz: Oh, Frasier, you must have had some girlfriends.
Frasier: Friends! Yeah, every time they wanted a sensitive shoulder to cry on. Then some block-headed pillar of testosterone would come by and it was "Bye bye Frasier, we'll study later!" I'd head home to Niles, and we'd put on the Brandenburg Concerto as we played air violin.


Niles: I'll have a grande half-caf latte, with a whisper of cinnamon, and for my father, plain coffee. I cannot emphasize the word "plain" enough. No foam, no cinnamon, no exotic flavors. If it is not plain, I take no responsibility for the consequences.
Waitress: How about a biscotti?
Niles: All right. But when you bring it, call it a cookie.

marcsignal

Jack Nicholson in The Shining:

"Hurt you ?? I'm not gonna hurt you, I'm just gonna smash your fucking brains in"

ohthebaby

Leo Dowling - I didn't kill my wife!

admiralofthefleet

who framed roger rabbit.

to eddie valiant; alcaholic cop:

'say, didnt you used to be eddie valiant, or did you change your name to jack daniels'