The most stupid thing you heard in school?

5T3PH3N

In J.C french we were learning the names of sports, the teacher was writing them on the board and she would tell us 1 by 1 how to pronounce them and little ways of remembering them. After she wrote: Basketball-Basket, she turned and said it's the same at Basketball but without the ball.
Student: "but how do they play basketball without the ball"

Then there was the Religion teacher who would always say he was goin to get the principle because of our behaviour and storm out of the room, only to return 10mins later wit a cup of tea. He did this nearly every class and never came back with anyone. Then one day we locked him out of his room and from then on we were on class report with the yearhead and principle paying us a visit nearly every day:)

Edit: And then there was the history teacher that used to call out notes for us to write down and she insisted on spelling nearly every word with more than 4 letters in it, and also telling us when to put in full stops/comma's. One day she was calling out a sentence and an the end she said "full stop". I asked her how do you spell full stop and she started spelling it and i pretended to write it down until every1 burst out laughing. Then i got in ****:)

Frisbee

ThenComesDudley wrote: »

keenan and kel killed in a car crash,
will smith killed in a car crash,
ant and dec killed in a car crash,

those did the rounds in my school

Another one was that Wee Man from Jackass died because he was so small?!

Quint

Scooter died after the took 17 ecstacy tabs

Someone asked the religion teacher:
"if a man has sex with a donkey, will the donkey have a half man/half human baby?"

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

poisonated wrote: »

Whenever anyone would ask my spanish teacher a question she would always say "put your hand down it makes me nervous"... strange woman

Someone put their hand UP her skirt when she was younger? :eek:

Raze_them_all

Quint wrote: »

Scooter died after the took 17 ecstacy tabs

Someone asked the religion teacher:
"if a man has sex with a donkey, will the donkey have a half man/half human baby?"

It could explain how Pighead came into existance:p

"dolphin-friendly tuna? you mean tuna is made from dolphins??"

Sassy*

That parmesan was actually coke, que one curious girl deciding to go for it. Laughter insued!

ShooterSF

Excluding the religious stuff because they can be passed off as faith for some the big one for me was being taught that your tongue was split into five parts and everyone one could taste one taste be it savoury sour etc. It was in our text books. I believed that for years (longer than the religious stuff) and then found it it wasnt true and on top of that there are 6 tastes!

Weirdest thing would be my first day in secondary school english. If anyone's ever studied in a certain classical school in Navan they'd know a Mr.Ball. He had us chase imaginary butterflies around the room. He then had us queue up to pet the one he caught as it had the Everton colors. Got pretty annoyed hen one of the lads squished it!

Wertz

There was one guy in my year with a bit of a farming background who had a voice to match..cmae up to my mate in the class one day and asked "Can I borrow the lend of a coupla bits of Tippex?" We fell about laughing. Ironically enough I think it was in English class too.

dr.bollocko

That X is equal to minus b plus or minus the square root of of b squared minus 4ac all over 2a.
That crap is about as useful as a hot ass on a cheeseburger.

Jack Sheehan

When we were dissecting hearts in 5th year one of the guys in my class (lets call him mark) grabbed a heart off the table and immediately another guy went:
'Miss! Mark stole my heart!'

Scarinae

Girl in my junior cert Home Ec class: "Do you have to kill a cow to get the milk out?"

Guy in leaving cert Geography class: "Can you swim in a river?"

I didn't take Physics for the leaving cert, but my friends told me about this one:
The (new and young) teacher, on the first day of fifth year, was going over the structure of atoms with the nucleus, electron orbitals etc. Someone asked what is in between the nucleus and the orbitals. She replied "Air, I suppose"

Scarinae

Oh and I forgot to mention -

Rebecca from Home and Away was killed in a car crash
The Scatman died from a drug overdose

BlindedByGInge

Student after just bein give out to coz he was talking: "why do i hav to stay in this class anyway, you no im crap at irish
Teacher: "Remember i said to u that if you worked hard enough to prove to me that you cant work at irish properly, then u can drop down. you havent done that yet so your staying"

???? Very strange lady, treated us like we were kids. she said good boy/girl everytime some1 said something, and "go gently now" if we were messing :D:D

Also first day of first year, in R.E. guy comes in late as were all saying our names and a bit about us. he says sorry and sits down. the teacher then says to him its his turn. "ok, my names X, sniffs, and i...*tears forming*.... just fell down the stairs!!!...............and it ****ing hurt" haha was hilarious

Red Sleeping Beauty

A chap came in to school and said that he had had his period because blood came out his ass.

4zn76tysfajdxp

ThenComesDudley wrote: »

keenan and kel killed in a car crash,
will smith killed in a car crash,
ant and dec killed in a car crash,

those did the rounds in my school

Same here, with Eminem among them.

When I was in fifth class RTE were showing a load of documentaries and films over the 35th anniversary of JFK's killing. In school on monday morning the teacher asks us if anything exciting happened to us over the weekend. One dim-witted lad in my class said "Did you not hear? President Kennedy was killed over the weekend!"

A year after that in religion class, the teacher tells us to be nice to our parents becuase "they've made a lot of sacrifices for us." The same boy pipes up: "You mean they're gonna kill us???"

Whispered

We had an irish teacher who grew up in a gaelteacht (sp?) area, Irish was her first language and she was not very well versed in slang. She got an awful time from every class and was generally considered harmless.

One day, she was up the top of the class telling everyone to be quiet, over and over, nobody was minding her and just kept talking until she said

"Would you all shut up and stop being such a bunch of, of, of......DILDOS"

:D

Varkov

Not so much stupid, as absolutly hilarious. This was compiled from my mates french teacher.


>"Dan kissane and Ciran fitzgerald, you are a bunch of ****-wits."

>"Basically Ciran you're an asshole"

>"if this passage was about birds and gees you'd know every ****ing word of it"

>"if you think im waiting around after school for you cocksuckers to do a ****ing mock, you can shove it up your arsehole"

>"you'll need the verb 'louer', it means to rent, when you become a rent-boy and sell your ass to old French men"

>"hopefully i wont be around next year, and i don't mean dead. but **** it ill take that anyway"

>On jocking people in school: "i wouldn't mind being jocked because i would sue the school, sue the guy who did it and id sue the parents of the guy, **** it ill sue everybody"

>"**** off ciaran, get the **** out of my class"

>on Republcanism: "i support Celtic, therefore i am a Republican"

>"look at the ****ing sentence Ciaran or ill put your head in the ****ing wall"

>"Garret, i know this is a strange concept to you, but could you do some work today if its not too difficult"

>Paddy, you are mudering this language, you are raping the French language"

>"is that porn Garret? you knoe the rule, i have to see it too"

>"on study methods: "if you're in your room studying and listening to music, forget about it. Close the book and have a ****"

>"you're sitting down there with the paper and your Liverpool jersey, you may as well be fisting yourself Ciaran"

>to Cian Healy: "are you taking your mickey out?"

>"Ciaran are you afraid of the vagina? you have to embrace the vagina"

>"its possible to **** 13 times a day but there would be alot of dry wretching"

>"Whats your bird's name Daniel? Fabienne is it? She must be a traveller"

>"Fitzgerald and all the other guys here who don't know 'chercher', 'falloir' or any of these verbs,ive had enough, **** you all"

>"if people dont pay attention im going to close the book, read the newspaper, and you can **** right off... if you people dont want to work, do something enjoyable, **** off and have a ****!"

>on essay topics: "Tell an interesting story like, i was walking down the beach and my cock fell off"

>"You have done nothing all class Ciaran, except **** on people, you are an asshole"

>from an unknown context: "one of the best things you can do in life is **** in a bag"

>"Nobody has the work done? Ok. Officially, **** you all, **** your leaving cert"

Michellenman

This wasn't me but a friend of mine went to a strict catholic primary school where they weren't allowed to teach about contraception, she distinctly remembers being told that masturbation was a form of contraception. w.t.f.

thelordofcheese

dr.bollocko wrote: »

That X is equal to minus b plus or minus the square root of of b squared minus 4ac all over 2a.
That crap is about as useful as a hot ass on a cheeseburger.

Says you. i have to use that kind of stuff all the time.

Fizman

Starmix wrote: »

2 Unlimited died in a car crash.....

Oh no no!

chalad07

We were told by one teacher (young, just out of college, poor girl) that women should be considered equal to me,



Hhhaaahaa haa haaaaa hhhhhaaaaaaa hhha hhhaaaaa

sr. kila

our guidence counceller tould us to search www.com to find out info on college.

but to make things worse she said it about 3 times with confidence.

dr.bollocko

chalad07 wrote: »

We were told by one teacher (young, just out of college, poor girl) that women should be considered equal to me,



Hhhaaahaa haa haaaaa hhhhhaaaaaaa hhha hhhaaaaa

Just to translate:
chalad07 <= girl.

DenMan

"All fans of heavy metal music are evil minded people and satan worshippers. Are you one of them?"

Most of my secondary school teachers said the above to me.

Mind you right now I met a lecturer in Uni who said **** me, Metal rules.

dr.bollocko

thelordofcheese wrote: »

Says you. i have to use that kind of stuff all the time.

Dude what you do with hot assed cheeseburgers on the Isle of Wight is your own business.

exiot

My Business teacher told us that it cost money to send an e-mail, i tried to correct her but she claimed that her eircom bill was proof.

Ckal

I started a new school in third year. Some of the guys were convinced I was gay (I don't know why!). And this absolute tool walked over to me and said:

"Hey X, are you a homosapian"

I said "yes" and his reaction was LOLgasm. He said "Oh my god, you just admitted that you are gay!1!!!11one!!1!"

He was such a tard.

Red Sleeping Beauty

exiot wrote: »

My Business teacher told us that it cost money to send an e-mail, i tried to correct her but she claimed that her eircom bill was proof.

No no, she could've been right. In the early days of the internet you'd to pay for email

alexjk

Fishie wrote: »

Oh and I forgot to mention -

Rebecca from Home and Away was killed in a car crash
The Scatman died from a drug overdose

Both women who played Rebecca died from cancer actually.
I remember girls being in tears thinking someone from the OC died.

Victor

Riddle101 wrote: »

Girl in my Irish Class when i was in 6th year: Is the Irish Flag Green, White and Orange?

And the answer is "no".

xbox36016

some one in my school said i was david breakhams couson wtf
and my dad is in the mifea
my dad has a db9

Ckal

xbox36016 wrote: »

some one in my school said i was david breakhams couson wtf
and my dad is in the mifea
my dad has a db9

What?

shenanigans1982

Always remember one guy in my class being convinced that you had to urinate inside a girl to get her pregnant.

BroomBurner

My sister's primary school class were doing some test on a single sheet of paper, on a bumpy wooden table. Teacher tells the class to lean on their books so that the paper was easier to write.

Everyone put their paper on top of their books bar the one lad who rested his elbow on his.

Zwillinge

My Junior Cert Business studies teacher always said "The answer is irrelevant to the question"

xbox36016

my Business studies teacher keaps gaveing us facts that are about 20 years old

javaboy

xbox36016 wrote: »

my Business studies teacher keaps gaveing us facts that are about 20 years old

Facts are facts regardless of age.

carbsy

1989/90 - Heard that the Birmingham Six were coming to visit ... next day Fitzy turns up with 6 pieces of wood/bark .. Birmingham Sticks!

xbox36016

ya about laws made in 1930s which are changed now

javaboy

xbox36016 wrote: »

ya about laws made in 1930s which are changed now

Ah right so they're not facts. :cool:

xbox36016

ya had a book with 300 pages now its 1000 pages and she told us that thare is less in the new book

thelordofcheese

dr.bollocko wrote: »

Dude what you do with hot assed cheeseburgers on the Isle of Wight is your own business.

Maths, damn you, not the cheeseburgers.

Donald-Duck

xbox36016 wrote: »

ya had a book with 300 pages now its 1000 pages and she told us that thare is less in the new book

Your English teacher definitely did not do her job.

xbox36016

with a name like Donald-Duck yoou cant speak than

.DumDeDum.

Our JC history teacher used to write S.A.G. on everything, like homework and copies and stuff... Apparently meant St. Anthony's Guide and was so we wouldn't lose them :rolleyes:

Pride Fighter

My brother was ganged up on by the entire class for saying that Liechtenstein's greatest result in their 80 year footballing history was a 0-0 draw with Ireland.

Pupils and teacher were saying that Liechtenstein was a former Soviet Republic and were only playing football since 1991.

They obviously never looked at a map.

Jack Sheehan

thelordofcheese wrote: »

Maths, damn you, not the cheeseburgers.

If you differentiate a cheeseburger what do you get?

Photi

One gombeen who didn't know how long a metre stick was.

Pride Fighter

One of my teachers asked a bloke in my class what language they speak in Holland. The answer he got in return was Hollish.