The most stupid thing you heard in school?

gino85

first day of metalwork the teacher said we better not be down the back of the class grabbing each others arses

another teacher told the class after he noticed one of the classmates asleep that he would rather have us asleep and quite than be awake and being loud

same teacher told a classmate that was annoying me that if he didnt stop the teacher would allow me to beat him up

67AQUALUNG

A guy in my maths class didn't know how many sides were on a dice. He then later told the teacher he didn't know how many cards were in a deck.
Still don't know if he was serious or joking.
If he was joking he fooled the teacher into wasting a whole class explaining what consists a deck of cards. He was very convincing.

Fozzydog3

3rd class after 911 attacks a guy said that it was the devil that done it and the police found the devils house and a SWAT team stormed his house and he disappeared into thin air and we all believed him!:o

couple of weeks ago a teacher asked somebody why they think people smoke hash and he goes maybe theyre wanna forget their problems but it only makes them more depressed and they get downs syndrome and he was 100% serious he 17!

Fozzydog3

Varkov wrote: »

Not so much stupid, as absolutly hilarious. This was compiled from my mates french teacher.


>"Dan kissane and Ciran fitzgerald, you are a bunch of ****-wits."

>"Basically Ciran you're an asshole"

>"if this passage was about birds and gees you'd know every ****ing word of it"

>"if you think im waiting around after school for you cocksuckers to do a ****ing mock, you can shove it up your arsehole"

>"you'll need the verb 'louer', it means to rent, when you become a rent-boy and sell your ass to old French men"

>"hopefully i wont be around next year, and i don't mean dead. but **** it ill take that anyway"

>On jocking people in school: "i wouldn't mind being jocked because i would sue the school, sue the guy who did it and id sue the parents of the guy, **** it ill sue everybody"

>"**** off ciaran, get the **** out of my class"

>on Republcanism: "i support Celtic, therefore i am a Republican"

>"look at the ****ing sentence Ciaran or ill put your head in the ****ing wall"

>"Garret, i know this is a strange concept to you, but could you do some work today if its not too difficult"

>Paddy, you are mudering this language, you are raping the French language"

>"is that porn Garret? you knoe the rule, i have to see it too"

>"on study methods: "if you're in your room studying and listening to music, forget about it. Close the book and have a ****"

>"you're sitting down there with the paper and your Liverpool jersey, you may as well be fisting yourself Ciaran"

>to Cian Healy: "are you taking your mickey out?"

>"Ciaran are you afraid of the vagina? you have to embrace the vagina"

>"its possible to **** 13 times a day but there would be alot of dry wretching"

>"Whats your bird's name Daniel? Fabienne is it? She must be a traveller"

>"Fitzgerald and all the other guys here who don't know 'chercher', 'falloir' or any of these verbs,ive had enough, **** you all"

>"if people dont pay attention im going to close the book, read the newspaper, and you can **** right off... if you people dont want to work, do something enjoyable, **** off and have a ****!"

>on essay topics: "Tell an interesting story like, i was walking down the beach and my cock fell off"

>"You have done nothing all class Ciaran, except **** on people, you are an asshole"

>from an unknown context: "one of the best things you can do in life is **** in a bag"

>"Nobody has the work done? Ok. Officially, **** you all, **** your leaving cert"

ha that guy sounds like a hero

johnnysmack

history class and teacher was examing us about when and how catholics gained rights during 1800s.

teacher: what was that movement called? (catholic emancipation is answer)
boy puts hand up: catholic constipation miss

gra26

A negative by a negative is a negative.

phasers

There is one unbelievably stupid girl in my history class. She is basically non-stop with retarded questions.
"Pre-Soviet Russia was a very backward country"
"Did they walk around backwards?"

I also convinced her that Hitler was my grandfather, and she actually raised her hand and told the teacher.


I wore a Barack Obama mask to school last halloween and I was asked about 20 times who I was supposed to be...

The stupidest rumour was that (insert 90's television star) had died in a car crash.

Also, in first year history my teacher insisted that there were 52 states in America. Cue a 12 year old me having an argument with him about, pulling an atlas out of my bag and him counting the states.

The man is also a geography teacher.

minidazzler

My geography teacher was "teaching" us about Global Warming. I don't think it's actually caused by what most people think it is caused by. IMO, the world has gone through these periods of Hot and Cold for the last few Million years.

There are also some Scientists who have said this similar thing. Me and my teacher were talking about this, she insisted there is not even ONE scientist in the world who says this!!!! Not even one. They can't aparently.

Then again, she tried to tell us how the big bang was probably caused by God, so she is a bit stupid.

weemcd

Argued with my science teacher that some people were just born superior to others, you know, the ali's, the usain bolts, great athletes, minds, intellectuals etc.

she was having none of it, she said it was all down to conditioning, like they way you are brought up by your parents, school etc..

I asked her why it cost a fortune for a throughbread horse. . .

Fozzydog3

a kid goes to me psst darragh
me what?
him do you believe in crocodiles?
me **** off

damn 3rd class

mardybum

When I was in 5th class a girl was reading aloud about the 18XX Act of Union between Britian and Ireland, and said, Ireland was forced into a onion with Britain.

lol, still makes me chuckle.

Lorrs33

Wrote these Overheard In Dublin:

In Biology, either fifth or sixth year. We were talking about the eye and our teacher asked us what happened to it when the lights went out. A guy in front of me, in all seriousness offers an answer.

Guy: Your night vision comes on.

Still cracks me up when I think about it.

Another, I was in Art class. Our teacher was useless at controlling our class so we never got through much theory. He was trying to talk about Leonardo DiVinci. Almost as soon as he says the artist's name, a girl with no brains interrupts him.

Girl: Is his name not Leonardo DiCaprio?

cork1

apparently thos idiots we call teachers though the world was round! FOOLS!!

R.D. aka MR.D

you can get pregnant from a sheet! :eek:

thats what our teacher told us in 2001!!!!

fcuking stupid cow!

In fairness tho, she did say it happened to her 'friend' :rolleyes:

hallelujah

When I was about 7, my cousin was telling me stories about school secondary school. He said that there was a fight and one boy slapped another boy on the cheek so hard that his cheek ripped. Needless to say I was dying to go there.

Captain-America

For those that do Chemistry, colourless and clear are two completely different things.

This turned my world upside down. I'm still having nightmares.

mehfesto2

If you shave yer beard grows back twice as fast and thicker.
Great way to keep those hairy kids clean shaven, mind. By the time the summer came around, my class was like he Taliban.

sexmag

One of the simpeler kids in our year was givien one of the russian kids grief(messing of course)and says "shut up you russian c**t",teacher turns around and says to him "stop being raciest" to which the guy replies"how can i be raciest to him,hes not even black"enter an uproar of laughter from the class

deisedude

The two stupidest things i heard in school were:

We were having a meeting about the school tour to Paris when one girl asks:
"Will we have to change our money?"
Teacher: No, they use euros.
Girl: Ya but they use french euros

In religous class in fifth year we were being taught about sex when one lad asked the teacher deadly serious
"Whats the difference betwen oral sex and kissing?":eek:

Even the teacher bust her hole laughing:D

Had a sub teacher for JC French, He looked like a duck and had a really boring voice,The guy beside me says "Sir, X is throwing shams at me" he walks over to our table and just puts out his hand and says "Give me the Shams" I burst out laughing.:D

pandemonium

In 6th class just before making our confirmation our teacher was going over the 10 commandments told us watching pornos was adultery and if we were married and our spouse caught us watching porn we'd have to get divorced by law and not allowed marry again. And god wouldnt let us go to heaven. Queen of the idiots

Eric Cartman

ThenComesDudley wrote: »

ant and dec killed in a car crash,

carlsberg dont do dreams....

goldenbrown

young girls met 'Mary' the mother of Jesus of Nazerath in the last 100 years in Lourdes, Fatima and Knock, though this lady would have passed away 2000 years ago, what sort of stuff is this to tell young children, life has less difficulty dealt with directly - without superstition and Harry Potter mumbo jumbo

Eric Cartman

"if you fail leaving cert maths you wont get into college"

got into an honours engineering degree, failed that, make more money than a teacher ,

Eric Cartman

Varkov wrote: »

Not so much stupid, as absolutly hilarious. This was compiled from my mates french teacher.


>"Dan kissane and Ciran fitzgerald, you are a bunch of ****-wits."

>"Basically Ciran you're an asshole"

>"if this passage was about birds and gees you'd know every ****ing word of it"

>"if you think im waiting around after school for you cocksuckers to do a ****ing mock, you can shove it up your arsehole"

>"you'll need the verb 'louer', it means to rent, when you become a rent-boy and sell your ass to old French men"

>"hopefully i wont be around next year, and i don't mean dead. but **** it ill take that anyway"

>On jocking people in school: "i wouldn't mind being jocked because i would sue the school, sue the guy who did it and id sue the parents of the guy, **** it ill sue everybody"

>"**** off ciaran, get the **** out of my class"

>on Republcanism: "i support Celtic, therefore i am a Republican"

>"look at the ****ing sentence Ciaran or ill put your head in the ****ing wall"

>"Garret, i know this is a strange concept to you, but could you do some work today if its not too difficult"

>Paddy, you are mudering this language, you are raping the French language"

>"is that porn Garret? you knoe the rule, i have to see it too"

>"on study methods: "if you're in your room studying and listening to music, forget about it. Close the book and have a ****"

>"you're sitting down there with the paper and your Liverpool jersey, you may as well be fisting yourself Ciaran"

>to Cian Healy: "are you taking your mickey out?"

>"Ciaran are you afraid of the vagina? you have to embrace the vagina"

>"its possible to **** 13 times a day but there would be alot of dry wretching"

>"Whats your bird's name Daniel? Fabienne is it? She must be a traveller"

>"Fitzgerald and all the other guys here who don't know 'chercher', 'falloir' or any of these verbs,ive had enough, **** you all"

>"if people dont pay attention im going to close the book, read the newspaper, and you can **** right off... if you people dont want to work, do something enjoyable, **** off and have a ****!"

>on essay topics: "Tell an interesting story like, i was walking down the beach and my cock fell off"

>"You have done nothing all class Ciaran, except **** on people, you are an asshole"

>from an unknown context: "one of the best things you can do in life is **** in a bag"

>"Nobody has the work done? Ok. Officially, **** you all, **** your leaving cert"

Good Sir, I have never actually laughed harder at a boards post in my life, that is quite possibly the funniest thing i have seen on the internet ever

RHunce

blah wrote: »

"I don't believe that people came from monkeys. Sure if that was true wouldn't monkeys still be turning into people today."

i was also told this when we had a religious group in our school, the question was "what do you thing about creationism, i think its bull****"

my how i laughed lol

also that condoms dont work because the aids virus is a million times smaller then a sperm so therefore a condom wont protect you,, this coming from the same crowd

the sh*t they came out with, unbelievable

Eric Cartman

primary school

"if you eat apple seeds an apple will grow inside you"

one particularly retarded secondary school religion/sphe teacher

"coke is used as battery acid at the coke factory"

"being a vegetarian is ok"

"The muslims will learn their lesson when jesus sends them to hell"

Retarded Guidance Councilor

context : i was supposedly a good student so my school wanted to see me do well

"not putting trinity or ucd on your cao is the biggest mistake of your life, do you want to end up homeless"

"you want to be self employed,, that just doesnt work for people, thats a stupid idea, your going to end up poor or an alcoholic if you do that

miss.lost

In 6th year honours Irish "Sir whats the irish for Taoiseach again".............:rolleyes:

hacx

Solja boy dying, my religion teacher dying.

mle1324

(serious) my JC is comming up and the rule in my school is that 'when you are finished your exam you are not allowed to leave even after the first half hour and before the last half hour.

and in first year metalwork 'sir,the bells gone' (as in class was over) he replies 'no its still on the wall'.
then a week or two later same teacher,some ssays 'sir im stuck' he replies 'with what glue?

minidazzler

mle1324 wrote: »

my JC is comming up and the rule in my school is that 'when you are finished your exam you are not allowed to leave even after the first half hour and before the last half hour.

If you are allowed to by the state then your School has no say in it. You are not on their time. They are not in charge of the room at the time. The state are renting it.

mle1324

minidazzler wrote: »

If you are allowed to by the state then your School has no say in it. You are not on their time. They are not in charge of the room at the time. The state are renting it.

i know its stupit,but i suppose ill just have to cope with it:(

minidazzler

mle1324 wrote: »

i know its stupit,but i suppose ill just have to cope with it:(

If you want to leave after you finish and you are allowed by the proctor, then do so. You will have 2 tests in a day sometimes, might as well be studying, or getting some food into you.

mle1324

minidazzler wrote: »

If you want to leave after you finish and you are allowed by the proctor, then do so. You will have 2 tests in a day sometimes, might as well be studying, or getting some food into you.

this is the last ill talk of it but its my school principal and vice principal who have this rule,but comes to think of it i used all of the time in my mocks so....
At least i dont do TG,3 hours long :eek:

banquo

I failed one subject 3 exam periods in a row.

''Robert needs to be consistent''

Idiot.

mle1324

banquo wrote: »

I failed one subject 3 exam periods in a row.

''Robert needs to be consistent''

Idiot.

As in E.G: you had maths or religion in a row and still failed it?

phasers

mle1324 wrote: »

this is the last ill talk of it but its my school principal and vice principal who have this rule,but comes to think of it i used all of the time in my mocks so....
At least i dont do TG,3 hours long :eek:

They won't be in the room when your exams are on, your examiner will let you go whenever. It's none of their concern if you leave early or not.

mle1324

phasers wrote: »

They won't be in the room when your exams are on, your examiner will let you go whenever. It's none of their concern if you leave early or not.

well theve camaras all over the place and my VP knows me so....
even if they sent you to a room to study,things need to be changed in this country

Mmcd

minidazzler wrote: »

If you are allowed to by the state then your School has no say in it. You are not on their time. They are not in charge of the room at the time. The state are renting it.

Yes but if you're school can force you to where a uniform during them surely they could force you to stay as well.

phasers

mle1324 wrote: »

well theve camaras all over the place and my VP knows me so....
even if they sent you to a room to study,things need to be changed in this country

It is crazy, I have to wear my uniform to the LC.
I think I'll try and get a note from the parents saying the uncomfortable-ness of my skirt could adversely affect my results

The "no leaving" thing is mental though, staying longer isn't gonna help you do any better!

poisonated

a guy in my year said he was on the first ever dart... the thing is he is only 18
he also said his granny was on the titanic(i decided to delete the rest...too harsh)

mle1324

Mmcd wrote: »

Yes but if you're school can force you to where a uniform during them surely they could force you to stay as well.

i know what you mean aswell

Im finished on this,i have to stay and thats that:(

phasers

poisonated wrote: »

By the way he is an absolute bender hence the harsh words

You're mean about him because he's a robot? does that count as racism?

poisonated

well that depends are robots a race?I dont think so...I win:p

Blisterman

One guy I went to school with used to come out with the most ridiculous lies ever.
Here's a few samples:

"A lion almost killed bit my head off once on Safari, fortunatly my dad pulled my head out of the way at the last second."
"I can remember my past life. I was a passenger on the titanic"
"Michael Jordan gives me one on one basketball coaching"
"I was the first person to ever draw bubble letters"
"I came up with the idea for cheese and onion crisps, and I sent a letter to Tayto and they have me £50 for the idea"

4zn76tysfajdxp

Blisterman wrote: »

"I was the first person to ever draw bubble letters"

That's brilliant.

Aisling(",)

i missed a tape class in honors irish and was told as a result id have to drop to foundation.
how peculiar

Groe

My Businness teacher is brilliant the stuff he comes out with. I would be hear all day if I was to tell you everything so I'll tell you the one we laughed at the most.
Just before the end of class he wrote "Cute Hoore" on the board and told us about what it meant. He left the class no one thought anymore of what was on the board. Then the nbext teacher cam in for French and she knows of all the crazy stuff our business teacher comes out with and when she saw what was written on the board she put on the most surprised expression ever and the conversation began...

Teacher: Bonjour tout la monde.
Pupils: *drone* Bonjour madame *drone*
Teacher: ( turns to write something on the board and saw the "Cute Hoore" and just paused in amazement and didn't lknow what to say)
Us: (We knew what she was thinking so we burst out laughing)
Teacher: What teacher wrote that on the board)
Us: Teacher X.
Teacher: ( stares at the words with the look of *I'm not surprised it was him*)
Us: Laughter at the expression on the teachers face.
Teacher: *Trying to talk over the laughter* What the hell as he talking about?
Us: Still Laughing
Me: (I am not normally the funny guy just someone who talks alot) Ehmm well we were just talking about who we had next.

By the way the teacher is so sound and quite a good looker.

Rest of class and Teacher: *stare at me and pauses*
Me: Got bright red.
Class: Everyone bursts out laughing and I just sat there with my head in my hands while everyone continued to laugh for the next 5 minutes none stop.

When I eventually looked up as the laughter began to die down I saw the teacher giving me an absolute filthy and I thought **** I'm going to get in absolute Sh*te. ( I never got introuble with the year head before and could only imagine what my parents would say if I had to tell them why I got detention)

Thanfully thought the teacher said : I can not be;lieve a pupil just said that about me! If this was any other class you would be in the year heads office by now but on the other hand that was the funniest thing I've heard in a long time.

*PHEWWWWWW* It was the funniest moment of the year. (For us anyways)

________________________________________________________________

There is a guy that is not quite the brightest guy in the class. Here are some of the many famous quotes from the man himself.

In Gegraphy.
*This was said very seriosuly*
Teacher: What clouds do we have today X?
Pupil: (the answer was cumulus clouds, associated with good weather, the ones on summers days that are thin and whispy) Ehmm.. Are they Cum Less clouds sir.
Class: *Laughter*

In History:
Teacher: Teachin g us about the penal laws.
Pupil: Ehh sir will we be getting an oral test on the Penal Laws?

In Science:
*Learning about the Exretion System*
*This was said very seriously also*
Teacher: X, what Comes out of the Urethra (What comes out when you take a piss?)
Pupil: Wee-wee miss.

All this happened in Second Year by the way.

They are the funniest ones I can remember anway.

Cool_CM

Let me put this in context, not the smartest lad, 5th year economics
"Sur, why doesn't America join the EU?"

segaBOY

Groe wrote: »

My Businness teacher is brilliant the stuff he comes out with. I would be hear all day if I was to tell you everything so I'll tell you the one we laughed at the most.
Just before the end of class he wrote "Cute Hoore" on the board and told us about what it meant. He left the class no one thought anymore of what was on the board. Then the nbext teacher cam in for French and she knows of all the crazy stuff our business teacher comes out with and when she saw what was written on the board she put on the most surprised expression ever and the conversation began...

Teacher: Bonjour tout la monde.
Pupils: *drone* Bonjour madame *drone*
Teacher: ( turns to write something on the board and saw the "Cute Hoore" and just paused in amazement and didn't lknow what to say)
Us: (We knew what she was thinking so we burst out laughing)
Teacher: What teacher wrote that on the board)
Us: Teacher X.
Teacher: ( stares at the words with the look of *I'm not surprised it was him*)
Us: Laughter at the expression on the teachers face.
Teacher: *Trying to talk over the laughter* What the hell as he talking about?
Us: Still Laughing
Me: (I am not normally the funny guy just someone who talks alot) Ehmm well we were just talking about who we had next.

By the way the teacher is so sound and quite a good looker.

Rest of class and Teacher: *stare at me and pauses*
Me: Got bright red.
Class: Everyone bursts out laughing and I just sat there with my head in my hands while everyone continued to laugh for the next 5 minutes none stop.

When I eventually looked up as the laughter began to die down I saw the teacher giving me an absolute filthy and I thought **** I'm going to get in absolute Sh*te. ( I never got introuble with the year head before and could only imagine what my parents would say if I had to tell them why I got detention)

Thanfully thought the teacher said : I can not be;lieve a pupil just said that about me! If this was any other class you would be in the year heads office by now but on the other hand that was the funniest thing I've heard in a long time.

*PHEWWWWWW* It was the funniest moment of the year. (For us anyways)

So moral of the story you still don't know what cute hoor means :P

Joking sounds funny.