The most stupid thing you heard in school?

Groe

I think it was about some business term but with that teacher you can't be sure :P

segaBOY

Groe wrote: »

I think it was about some business term but with that teacher you can't be sure :P

Eh no, a "cute hoor" would be someone who has a sly way of getting what they want. For example a Kerryman would be stereotypically be called a "cute hoor".

Groe

segaBOY wrote: »

Eh no, a "cute hoor" would be someone who has a sly way of getting what they want. For example a Kerryman would be stereotypically be called a "cute hoor".

You could be right but anything with a kerryman in the example is probz dodge:rolleyes:

5318008!

When i was in first year a friend told me if you take ecstasy you have a one in ten chance of dying .

TPD

phasers wrote: »

It is crazy, I have to wear my uniform to the LC.
I think I'll try and get a note from the parents saying the uncomfortable-ness of my skirt could adversely affect my results

The "no leaving" thing is mental though, staying longer isn't gonna help you do any better!

Could have sworn you were a guy. Duno why.

j1smithy

mle1324 wrote: »

(serious) my JC is comming up and the rule in my school is that 'when you are finished your exam you are not allowed to leave even after the first half hour and before the last half hour.

Tough ****. Thats a State examination commission rule, and in case it needs explaining to you the first half hour is so people who turn up a little late are able to sit the exam, without them being able to ring someone who has left early to get answers. The last half hour is to help people who are still writing to not get distracted by people leaving, perfectly logical, and as I was sitting next to the door for my exams I was very happy to have it. Besides one should never leave early... Its highly unlikely you'll have anything more important to be at that day anyway.

brummytom

During one maths lesson, the teacher (a ****in nutter) went on about her dogs, which went something like:

Her:"Yes one's a bitch"
Class: (Mock Shock)
Her: "Yes yes I said bitch... she's a bitch, you're a bitch.. bitch"
"Anyway I've finally trained her to sh!t outside"


She got reported for that.. bloody whore

mle1324

j1smithy wrote: »

Its highly unlikely you'll have anything more important to be at that day anyway.

eh study,duaa,some people.

Mr.Lizard

Was told that Skeletors eye sockets were filled with toffee. Of course I wasn't stupid enough believe something as ridiculous as that!

Was told that if you held He-Man under the warm water of the kitchen tap for 20 minutes he would change colour into Prince Adam. Of course I wasn't ...... eh ..... nevermind.

OneArt

"Miss, what do inspectors look like?"

Fozzydog3

sexmag wrote: »

One of the simpeler kids in our year was givien one of the russian kids grief(messing of course)and says "shut up you russian c**t",teacher turns around and says to him "stop being raciest" to which the guy replies"how can i be raciest to him,hes not even black"enter an uproar of laughter from the class

are you in a school on the malahide road ? i heard a similiar story

mle1324

OneArt wrote: »

"Miss, what do inspectors look like?"

when that question was asked in my class the reply was ''Garda'' and it was true

OneArt

Oh. I told her they were a variation of Swedish pygmies.

phasers

TPD wrote: »

Could have sworn you were a guy. Duno why.

I get that a lot, maybe it's my manly name or my manly sesame street avatar.

j1smithy

mle1324 wrote: »

eh study,duaa,some people.

If you need to study on the day of your exam, its unlikely that study is going to help very much.... but I digress...

mle1324

j1smithy wrote: »

If you need to study on the day of your exam, its unlikely that study is going to help very much.... but I digress...

you never know its could,especially if your a person that dosent get stressed

5318008!

j1smithy wrote: »

If you need to study on the day of your exam, its unlikely that study is going to help very much.... but I digress...

Bull****. Last minute cramming has saved me many a time.

I was ****ed for LC honours english ( i mean i actually didn't pay attention for 90% of the class and never did the homework (i wrote a total of 3 essays in 2 years (we were given one a week)- although i did read the book and play we had).
Anyway, my sister wrote out some notes (she had many of the same poems as me). For the hour before the exam i just learnt off what was on the page. As soon as the exam started i wrote down everything i could remember on the exam sheet without even looking at the questions. I got a C2.

Local-womanizer

Was in Relgion,talking about Alcohol abuse and that you can spot an alcho if they drink on their own,the teacher asks the class:

Teacher:"What would you do if you found your friend drinking on his own?"

My mate:"Dunno,join him I suppose"

While walking past the all-girls school,2 girls arguing,one shouts at the other:

"I shag yore da":rolleyes:

The worst one was sitting in Art class,the teacher was explaining the crusades to us,one lad sitting in class says:

"Huh!,Good for the b@stards"

He then looks to his right to the muslim lad sitting there staring him out of it!

haemfire

'Is it true miss you can have sex without a condom for one day in your period but nobody knows what one it is?'

Fast Fwd 4years from that LC biology class and that girl has two kids!!

also the JC is important:D:D:D

TPD

phasers wrote: »

I get that a lot, maybe it's my manly name or my manly sesame street avatar.

A little from column 'A', a little from column 'B' methinks.

Gazza22

This school runs under a Catholic etho lads - you can read the human reproduction section yourselves.


:rolleyes: Damn Catholics

flas

leaving cert biology and the lad in the class askes the teacher out of the blue on 100% seriousness

"miss,if white men have white sperm,do black men have black sperm?"

to which the teacher replied "i dont know,i was never with a black man,il be sure to tell ya if i am doh"

she was busrting her sh*t laughing aswell,was priceless...this was the same fella who asked in same biology teacher what bow and arrows had to do with biology...she was talking about bone marrow...

Cake Man

This idiot girl in my class a few years ago, in Irish one day and teacher asked her what "leite" meant in Irish (porridge) to which she replied "lettuce", needless to say she dropped out of school not long after!

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Cake Man wrote: »

This idiot girl in my class a few years ago, in Irish one day and teacher asked her what "leite" meant in Irish (porridge) to which she replied "lettuce", needless to say she dropped out of school not long after!

Would have been my guess as well. And I went on to third level... Hmmm....

dr.bollocko

Cake Man wrote: »

This idiot girl in my class a few years ago, in Irish one day and teacher asked her what "leite" meant in Irish (porridge) to which she replied "lettuce", needless to say she dropped out of school not long after!

She's probably mainlining by now with a track record of deviancy like that.

RonMexico

Some tales about Ardscoil Ris in Limerick

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QiVKLxDPpHk

AnonoBoy

We had a religion teacher in her early thirties who thought that the Drugs episode of Brass Eye was real and told us in shocked tones about the documentary she's seen about a school in England where kids were allowed take drugs.

Moron.

phasers

AnonoBoy wrote: »

We had a religion teacher in her early thirties who thought that the Drugs episode of Brass Eye was real and told us in shocked tones about the documentary she's seen about a school in Englad where kids were allowed take drugs.

Moron.

I hope she also warned you of the dangers of cake :eek:

Elliemental

I remember hearing a conversation between a group of girls (in today's slang, they were chavs). They were swapping tips on contraception, and they were coming off with a whole range of bizarre, mind boggling sh1te.
Cotton wool dipped in coca cola, and inserted into the vagina straight after sex was one of them.
Not once during this conversation were condoms,
or the pill mentioned. Both of which were readily available, and free of charge from family planning clinics.
I also remember a couple of the same girls waddling into the final exams, with great swollen baby bellies!

discobeaker

A guy in my school asked the teacher on day in science, if your put "it" in twice does that mean your going to have twins!

Thick Cnut

minidazzler

Elliemental wrote: »

I remember hearing a conversation between a group of girls (in today's slang, they were chavs). They were swapping tips on contraception, and they were coming off with a whole range of bizarre, mind boggling sh1te.
Cotton wool dipped in coca cola, and inserted into the vagina straight after sex was one of them.
Not once during this conversation were condoms,
or the pill mentioned. Both of which were readily available, and free of charge from family planning clinics.
I also remember a couple of the same girls waddling into the final exams, with great swollen baby bellies!

Douching with Coke has long been said to prevent babies, we all know it doesn't but stupid people don't tend to.

Of course they didn't mention condom's or the pill, they require some real effort. You know remembering that stuff is quite hard.

S.I.R

i remember i heard " french was a language " before chucking the nerdy foreign exchange student into a bin

RaverRo808

redout wrote: »

Sir, the sun is in my eyes.

No its not, its up in the sky !

In metalwork: Sir, the machine is hot.

No its not I payed for it myself !



Pretty useless. But I laughed.

By any chance did you go to Declans in Cabra,and have Mr Walsh for metalwork?

Jenneke87

Pride Fighter wrote: »

One of my teachers asked a bloke in my class what language they speak in Holland. The answer he got in return was Hollish.

Brilliant! I come from Holland, so this makes me laugh out loud!

Love jenny

Dankoozy

Jenneke87 wrote: »

Brilliant! I come from Holland, so this makes me laugh out loud!

Love jenny

me too back when i went to primary school, secondary school and even in college people would occasionally ask me to say something 'Hollish'

in primary school we had a geography test on Holland, one of the questions was 'what is a polder?' one girl wrote down "a person who climbs poles"

Jenneke87

Dankoozy wrote: »

me too back when i went to primary school, secondary school and even in college people would occasionally ask me to say something 'Hollish'

in primary school we had a geography test on Holland, one of the questions was 'what is a polder?' one girl wrote down "a person who climbs poles"

Off topic: whereabouts in Ireland are you?

Love jenny

ChocolateSauce

My history teacher telling us that evolution was only a theory.

Donny5

ChocolateSauce wrote: »

My history teacher telling us that evolution was only a theory.

He was right, it is a theory. Theory is not a dirty word in science, and no theory can be proven, only disproven.

honeybean

Who is this man? I love him and think I want to marry him!

Varkov wrote: »

Not so much stupid, as absolutly hilarious. This was compiled from my mates french teacher.


>"Dan kissane and Ciran fitzgerald, you are a bunch of ****-wits."

>"Basically Ciran you're an asshole"

>"if this passage was about birds and gees you'd know every ****ing word of it"

>"if you think im waiting around after school for you cocksuckers to do a ****ing mock, you can shove it up your arsehole"

>"you'll need the verb 'louer', it means to rent, when you become a rent-boy and sell your ass to old French men"

>"hopefully i wont be around next year, and i don't mean dead. but **** it ill take that anyway"

>On jocking people in school: "i wouldn't mind being jocked because i would sue the school, sue the guy who did it and id sue the parents of the guy, **** it ill sue everybody"

>"**** off ciaran, get the **** out of my class"

>on Republcanism: "i support Celtic, therefore i am a Republican"

>"look at the ****ing sentence Ciaran or ill put your head in the ****ing wall"

>"Garret, i know this is a strange concept to you, but could you do some work today if its not too difficult"

>Paddy, you are mudering this language, you are raping the French language"

>"is that porn Garret? you knoe the rule, i have to see it too"

>"on study methods: "if you're in your room studying and listening to music, forget about it. Close the book and have a ****"

>"you're sitting down there with the paper and your Liverpool jersey, you may as well be fisting yourself Ciaran"

>to Cian Healy: "are you taking your mickey out?"

>"Ciaran are you afraid of the vagina? you have to embrace the vagina"

>"its possible to **** 13 times a day but there would be alot of dry wretching"

>"Whats your bird's name Daniel? Fabienne is it? She must be a traveller"

>"Fitzgerald and all the other guys here who don't know 'chercher', 'falloir' or any of these verbs,ive had enough, **** you all"

>"if people dont pay attention im going to close the book, read the newspaper, and you can **** right off... if you people dont want to work, do something enjoyable, **** off and have a ****!"

>on essay topics: "Tell an interesting story like, i was walking down the beach and my cock fell off"

>"You have done nothing all class Ciaran, except **** on people, you are an asshole"

>from an unknown context: "one of the best things you can do in life is **** in a bag"

>"Nobody has the work done? Ok. Officially, **** you all, **** your leaving cert"

Donny5

Donny5 wrote: »

He was right, it is a theory. Theory is not a dirty word in science, and no theory can be proven, only disproven.

Yeah. It doesn't graduate to a fact or anything. A theory is a good thing to be, above a hypothesis. Like gravity, atoms, etc.

Unfortunately in common use it means "this idea I had down the pub"...

Amston

ThenComesDudley wrote: »

keenan and kel killed in a car crash,
will smith killed in a car crash,
ant and dec killed in a car crash,

those did the rounds in my school

We also heard that Scatman was dead...

chopperbyrne

Amston wrote: »

We also heard that Scatman was dead...

He is. Died of cancer in 1999.

CianRyan

Class talking about our trip to Barcelona at the end of the year.
One of the girls, who's name I have forgotten, said...
"Ahh miss, can we not go somewhere nice like Spain or something???"
Deadly serious, like.

Que half the class face palming and the other half bursting into uncontrollable laughter.
Amazing.

chopperbyrne

CianRyan wrote: »

Class talking about our trip to Barcelona at the end of the year.
One of the girls, who's name I have forgotten, said...
"Ahh miss, can we not go somewhere nice like Spain or something???"
Deadly serious, like.

Que half the class face palming and the other half bursting into uncontrollable laughter.
Amazing.

Maybe she was making a clever political point about the Catalans?

Amston

chopperbyrne wrote: »

He is. Died of cancer in 1999.

Thanks for clearing that one up chopperbyrne.

Incidentally, that particular rumour was going around the school well before 1999..... must remember to be more specific

Agricola

chopperbyrne wrote: »

Maybe she was making a clever political point about the Catalans?

LOL.............:cool:

ash23

If you have sex you will get pregnant or get AIDS and DIE!!!

If you drink alcohol you will become an alcoholic / get drunk and DIE!!!!

If you take drugs you will DIE!!!!

If you don't pray you will DIE and go to hell.

Sensationlist individuals my teachers! :rolleyes:

Jesus Juice

Last year,in home ec I asked the girl partner who I was cooking with to dry the plates and shi.t.I threw her the tea towel and she jumped back.The conversation went as follows:

Jesus Juice:Why didnt you catch it?
Cloth Girl:Because...I hate touching cloth....
Teacher: Don't we all
Anyone in the immediate vicinity:*LAUGHTER*

''I hate touching cloth''...Ahh so priceless.

CrazyRabbit

"Drop him!" being shouted out from the back of the class whilst the teacher held one of the other students out the 2nd floor window by the ankles.

"You didn't see that, do you hear?"....coming from the Christian Brother Principal just after I'd unexpectedly entered his office and found him smoking a cigar. I responded by saying "Then you didn't see the fight between me and David either". He was not amused.


...Fond memories from the De La Salle Christian Brothers school in Ballyfermot.

Flying Abruptly

I remember when one of my secondary school teachers was starting a rant about students going home complaining to their parents about teachers and then the parents coming in giving out to the teachers, he started it with "My little Johnny..." -- thats as far as he got as the whole class burst out laughing