The most stupid thing you heard in school?

Stonypockets

There was a disagreement between my Irish teacher and a not-so-bright student, the disagreement ended with the teacher saying something to the effect of "your a prized breed of homosapian."

I later heard that the guy went home and told his mother what the teacher called him, the mother got rather upset and called the teacher, to say how dare he call her son a homosapian, he is no such thing and so on and so forth.

Eventually, the teacher got a word in and calmly explained to her the meaning of homosapian.

GLaDOS

We had this complete stoner in my form class, never bothered his ass working but came out with some (unintentional) gems.

So one day he hands up a note explaining why he was missing the previous day. My form teacher looks at it, laughs and asks can he read it out to the whole class, which he consented to.

"Dear sir, please excuse **** for missing school yesterday, as his shoelaces broke and he could not wear his shoes"

All the while he stands there in his velcro runners

hacx

Chemistry Class:
"Miss, what would happen if they made a boat out of potassium?"
"Go back yo sleep, lad"

guerito

In geography class:

"The largest navy in Europe belongs to the Vikings". This from the teacher...

K-Ren

I was reading Macbeth in English and I got to ''The very firstlings of my heart shall be the firstlings of my hand'' I made a certain crude motion with my hand, much to the teachers distaste and much to the guy beside me's delight.

brummytom

Strange lesson today,

We were doing 'A View from A Bridge'
The lesson involved wondering whether Rodolfo was a gay, if Eddie was slightly perverted, with 'wrong' feelings towards Catherine; and the fact that Eddie wasn't riding Beatrice.

When Miss talked about the "peak of his manhood"; I burst out laughing

Jackobyte

In JC history yesterday. Our teacher was pointing out to us italy on a map (in case we didn't know:rolleyes:) because we were studying fascism in italy. then the retarted blonde asks where is china? The teacher points it out and then the blonde says... wait for it...

"I thought china was an island"
*stunned silence*
Then everyone just laughed including the teacher

This is the same blonde who in a geography class asked if Europe was in America...! It is actually scary how little she knows when we have JC in 9 monthes.

Jackobyte

EDIT:MY religion teacher told us how, during a GAA football match, someone elbowed him in the ribs. He turned around and knocked out the dudes teeth!:D Nice! He only lasted a year... I wonder why? He was a great influence!

minidazzler

Jackobyte wrote: »

Your religion teacher told us how, during a GAA football match, someone elbowed him in the ribs. He turned around and knocked out the dudes teeth!:D Nice! He only lasted a year... I wonder why? He was a great influence!

My religion teacher was a priest???? But yes he did knock out a guy who hit him before. Totally deserved though. (He was a young priest and a total gent)

Namlub

Remember when I was in 2nd or 3rd class in primary and we were inside with 6th class for the day because our teacher was out, and their teacher asked them what the plural of 'woman' was. Every single one of them, without fail, called out 'womans'.

DancingQueen:)

When i was on a religious retreat in 5th year the religion teacher from a different school who organised it told us she didn't believe in God. She thought the whole thing was a waste of time but told us not to tell our other teacher because she wanted to get paid :rolleyes:
At least she was honest!

Victor

Time Magazine wrote: »

It is.

Article 7.

I've no idea whay I said "no", but congratulations on correcting me after many, many months.

Jackobyte

minidazzler wrote: »

My religion teacher was a priest???? But yes he did knock out a guy who hit him before. Totally deserved though. (He was a young priest and a total gent)

Sorry meant to say MY religion teacher... He was far from a priest

elchupanebrey

Doing the circulatory system in Biology, the teacher made us draw it out and use a blue pen for the oxygenated blood coz its a darker colour than the deoxygenated blood, this was all fine til she decided to question us on it the following day.

Teacher "What colour is oxygenated blood"

Idiot student (aka me) "Blue"

Teacher "WHAT?? Are you serious? When did you ever hear of blue blood?"

Me, after much headscratching "Erm, Red.... Dark...... red"


In French class we had a right ass for a teacher, she was of a very sensitive disposition or something, and a bit thick.
There was a guy sitting in front of me with the same name as me.
One day the teacher asks a question while looking in our general direction, she says our name, James, so i know she's talking to one of us.
Neither of us answers and she starts saying " stop ignoring me"
I decide to seek clarity as to which of us she's speaking.

"Is it me you're talking to" (Blank look from teacher)
"You talkin to me"
"Me? Is it me or him you're talking to"
"Are you talking to me or him" (Further vacant stares)
"Which one of us are you talking to"
"Is it me or James you're talking to"

Teacher "Get Out"

suitcasepink

Today we were told by our religion teacher to never, ever drink. Also we were to complelty discourage our parents drinking any type of alcohol..

Theres just to many things wrong with that sentence.

Riddle101

elchupanebrey wrote: »

Doing the circulatory system in Biology, the teacher made us draw it out and use a blue pen for the oxygenated blood coz its a darker colour than the deoxygenated blood, this was all fine til she decided to question us on it the following day.

Teacher "What colour is oxygenated blood"

Idiot student (aka me) "Blue"

Teacher "WHAT?? Are you serious? When did you ever hear of blue blood?"

Me, after much headscratching "Erm, Red.... Dark...... red"


In French class we had a right ass for a teacher, she was of a very sensitive disposition or something, and a bit thick.
There was a guy sitting in front of me with the same name as me.
One day the teacher asks a question while looking in our general direction, she says our name, James, so i know she's talking to one of us.
Neither of us answers and she starts saying " stop ignoring me"
I decide to seek clarity as to which of us she's speaking.

"Is it me you're talking to" (Blank look from teacher)
"You talkin to me"
"Me? Is it me or him you're talking to"
"Are you talking to me or him" (Further vacant stares)
"Which one of us are you talking to"
"Is it me or James you're talking to"

Teacher "Get Out"

That sounds like something that would happen in The Simpsons:D

ElaElaElano

I was sitting in the dole office this morning when I remembered my old school principal mouthing off about the importance of the leaving certificate. What an old tart.

bluto63

Riddle101 wrote: »

That sounds like something that would happen in The Simpsons:D

Sounds like a night at the roxbury

Undergod

Kids in my primary school would say "I'll win you a race."

As in, they'd compete against you in a race and win. Not that they would win a race on your behalf. This bothered me at six years old.

buttercupbee

My career guidance teacher told me that if I didnt stay and do the Leaving, I would not get a job as even a CLEANER!!!
"Cleaners need maths for measurement and mixing of chemicals these days!"

Duh! - What she did NOT tell me was that I could flippin' well leave at 16 if I WANTED to and gain entry to a UNIVERSITY as a MATURE STUDENT at the age of 23, based upon my interest, ability and personal research on my chosen field of study, after I had accumulated the cash and life experience to consider such but what did SHE know, thick biatch of a lezzer nun!

gar32

Teacher "Why are you late?"

Student "I had no butter for my toast."



Teacher "Why are you late?"

Student "I thought it was Sunday."

buttercupbee

MultiUmm wrote: »

Another thing was a former maths teacher of mine telling my mam that the 1st year exams are almost as important as the Leaving Cert. And my mam believed it.
Oh teh lulz.

:eek:

Dragan

blah wrote: »

"I don't believe that people came from monkeys. Sure if that was true wouldn't monkeys still be turning into people today."

Like as if the theory of evolution means that daily, chimpanzees are falling out of trees, shedding their hair, donning bowler hats and heading off to work in the call centre. :rolleyes:

If you had ever worked in a call center you might think that to be true.

Mr Freeze

elchupanebrey wrote: »

Doing the circulatory system in Biology, the teacher made us draw it out and use a blue pen for the oxygenated blood coz its a darker colour than the deoxygenated blood, this was all fine til she decided to question us on it the following day.

Teacher "What colour is oxygenated blood"

Idiot student (aka me) "Blue"

Teacher "WHAT?? Are you serious? When did you ever hear of blue blood?"

Me, after much headscratching "Erm, Red.... Dark...... red"


In French class we had a right ass for a teacher, she was of a very sensitive disposition or something, and a bit thick.
There was a guy sitting in front of me with the same name as me.
One day the teacher asks a question while looking in our general direction, she says our name, James, so i know she's talking to one of us.
Neither of us answers and she starts saying " stop ignoring me"
I decide to seek clarity as to which of us she's speaking.

"Is it me you're talking to" (Blank look from teacher)
"You talkin to me"
"Me? Is it me or him you're talking to"
"Are you talking to me or him" (Further vacant stares)
"Which one of us are you talking to"
"Is it me or James you're talking to"

Teacher "Get Out"

I can back this up, as I was in the same classes as you, had a great laugh reading these.

Blue blood indeed, you always were a bit regal.:D

elchupanebrey

I had the same maths teacher as my brother for the leaving cert. He did his about three years before me. You know how sometimes the teacher will call you by the name of an older sibling, maybe because of nostalgia or coz of the fact that they're nuts.

For some reason the teacher kept calling me Jerard, my name is James. My brothers name is Sean.

Delightfully Pessimistic

There was a girl in my religion class who was adamant that Islam was a country.

Grayson

toiletduck wrote: »

You could 'recharge' depleted CallCards if you left them in the fridge overnight.

"Gay Bryne is a total gay" - used that one if you didn't understand what gay meant.

A girl's tit size was a result of how much milk she drank.

We figured boobs were measured in cup sizes because they produced milk.

4zn76tysfajdxp

In history class, circa 2003:

Student: "Is Fidel Castro still the leader of Cuba?"

Teacher: "No, no. Of course not."

MJ23

A fella in my class asked the teacher, "are America in the Eurovision song contest?"
It was hilarious.

GunRunner

Everything my JC history teacher "taught" us. According to her, Eamon deValera, Michael Collins and Countess Markievicz we're in a three-way relationship, and the real reason that Germany lost world war II was because Hitler and Goebbels were secretly gay for each other and committed suicide so nobody would find out. People actually believed her. :O She made up everything she taught us. Also decided to skip the Irish history section because according to her it was "boring". Needless to say, over half of my clas failed history in the pres. Luckily she went on maternity leave so we had a decent teacher for two months before the JC.

I'm a complete history nut, so I usually knew about the things we were learning already, so people would come over to me after class so I coud tell them the correct versions of the things she was teaching us.

AulBiddy

Not neccessarily stupidity but hilarity:
Sitting in JC science just a few weeks before the exams and the teacher decides to go over skeletons and muscles.
Our teacher was trying to get the best out of us asking us questions but nobody was bothered answering including myself (but it was mostly because our class was thicker than a plank).
The teacher says "Right. What fluid keeps the bones lubricated?"
A girl in my class just shouts, "OH! I know it! It's sperm!" Cue our whole class erupting in laughter :pac:

Brad768

A geography teacher said the the capital of Spain was Barcelona and when a student told her it was Madrid, she was adamant it is was Barcelona and sent the student outside for arguing with her.

In French class and for some reason Tour De France got brought up and a student said to our teacher
"Does it ever come to Ireland?"

Squidgy Black

Brad768 wrote: »

In French class and for some reason Tour De France got brought up and a student said to our teacher
"Does it ever come to Ireland?"

It actually has. They tend to have the prologue in different countries every year, it was in London this year, and in '98 it went through the Phoenix Park.

So it was a valid question as it actually does.

Donny5

Brad768 wrote: »

In French class and for some reason Tour De France got brought up and a student said to our teacher
"Does it ever come to Ireland?"

That's not really stupid, seeing as it came here in 1998.

Brad768

stetyrrell wrote: »

It actually has. They tend to have the prologue in different countries every year, it was in London this year, and in '98 it went through the Phoenix Park.

So it was a valid question as it actually does.

Farking hell it does as well. Ah well.....I guess me and about 24 others owe him an apology then

EDIT: In fairness, when an event is called "tour of france", the first question I would ask wouldn't be "Does it come to other countries?"

Shane-KornSpace

Girl in 5th year Geography class:
Miss, why dont people on the bottom of the world fall off?

Rayne Wooney

4th year English. The teacher is handing out copys with homework he wasn't pleased with. He's going around and gets to Paul who was the class idiot. The teacher slams Paul's copy on his table and shouts "Do you know what a thesaurus is??"
Paul thinks for a few seconds and says. "A dinosaur"
The class erupts with laughter. Paul's face was like a tomatoe, poor lad stills gets abuse for that to this day