Wednesday Quickies

rocky25

When Development Engineers go out together on a week-end they talk about football.

When Middle management gets together, they talk about tennis or baseball.

When Top management are in meetings, they discusses golf.

CONCLUSION: The higher up you are in management, the smaller your balls are.

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A son takes his father to the doctor.

Doctor gives them the bad news that the father is dying of cancer.

The father tells the son that he has had a good long life and wants to stop at the bar on the way home to celebrate it.

While at the bar, the father sees several of his friends.

He tells them that he is dying of AIDS.

When the friends leave the son asks,

''Dad, you are dying of cancer. Why did you tell them that you are dying of AIDS?''

The father replies, ''I don't want them screwing your mother after I'm gone!

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The soldiers are tired and lonely after spending weeks in enemy territory.

To entertain them, the Major called for this sexy dancer from the nearby town.

She came, danced and when the first dance was done, the soldiers went mad.

They clapped for 5 minutes.

For her second number, she stripped and danced in sheer bra and G string.

This time the applause went for 10 minutes.

The next number she danced topless, and this time the applause went on and on.

The Major had to come on stage and ask them to quiet down for the grand finale.

For her last number, she was to strip completely and dance naked.

The Major expected the soldiers to make enough noise to bring the roof down.

But ten minutes later, there is no clapping and the dancer comes backstage.

The Major asks her, "What happened?

How come there was no clapping this time?"

She replied with a wicked smile,

"Major, how do you expect those poor boys to clap with one hand?"

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A team of archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave.

Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols, in this order of appearance:

A woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish, and a Star of David.

They decided that this was a unique find and the writings were at least three thousand years old.

They chopped out the piece of stone and had it brought to the museum where archaeologists from all over the world came to study the ancient symbols.

They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss what they could agree was the meaning of the markings.

The President of their society stood up and pointed at the first drawing and said:

"This looks like a woman. We can judge that this race was family- oriented and held women in high esteem.

You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol resembles a donkey,

so, they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil.

The next drawing looks like a shovel of some sort, which means they even had tools to help them.

Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine had hit the earth, whereby the food didn't grow, they would take to the sea for food.

The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews."

The audience applauded enthusiastically and the President smiled and said,

"I'm glad to see that you are all in full agreement with our interpretations."

Suddenly a little old man stood up in the back of the room and said,

"Idiots! You are all wrong about what the writings say.

First of all, everyone knows that Hebrew is not read from left to right, but from right to left.

Look again. ... It now says: "Holy Mackerel, Dig The Ass On That Woman!"

coldfire1x

Clapping one was real good