funniest chat up lines ever used on you?

spinandscribble

alright now my housemates have been making me laugh all week over these.

the only one i heard that would actually charm me so far is this:

marches up to table/bar ect. grabs ice from glass. slams it down in front of you. "...now that i've broken the ice, what is your name?"

i think its the amount of balls it would take to potentially scare her off that interests me.


Then i began thinking of funny incidents on nights out.

any other funny stories out there?

watna

This guy walked up to me in a club (a good few years ago now) and said "you look like you'd be a good kisser". So I showed him! (I beieve there was more talking before that but it was a while ago!).

I wonder did he use it loads after that thinking that it works!

Boston

"I've lube, butts plugs and dildos back at my apartments" : Jul*s

Crumble Froo

"you know, i've never kissed a girl with a lip ring before"

man, he tried that one from every angle. 'im not single' apparently isnt an appropriate answer :rolleyes:

another one just tried 'carpe diem' about a gazillion times, quite funny really. he, at least, took the rejection well, and didnt just pretend i didnt exist and go off to find the next chick he reckoned he'd a chance with... good guy

newballsplease

i go up to a girl, try it on, she says: 'ive a boyfriend', i say, ' i dont mind sharing'!!

feylya

"you'll do"

cuckoo

"my wife is pregnant, want to help me celebrate?"

It did get a laugh from me, one of absolute confusion though....

cormie

I got a straight up no beating around the bush "Hi, my friend wants to know will you have a one night stand with her". I had to laugh:eek:

hollypink

Said to my friend not me:

foreign guy approaches, "is your father a mechanic?"

my friend "huh?"

foreign guy "because that is the most finely tuned body I've ever seen"

how we laughed

4zn76tysfajdxp

cormie wrote: »

I had to laugh:eek:

Now remember, just because he was nice to you that night doesn't mean you had to do anything you didn't want to do. Know your rights.

cormie

Eh?? lol, don't get ya!

homerun_homer

Funniest one to get my attention was one Stephen's Night when I asked a girl I knew if she wanted to do a shot, we get to the bar and I said "What shot do you want?".

"I want a shot of you"

Followed by lots of making out:D

Funniest one I heard someone else use on a girl was;
Guy goes up to random girl at the bar - "I don't know who my dad is"
Girl - "Why Are you telling me this?"
Guy - "Because I hear girls love bastards"

Not sure if he pulled.

LightningBolt

Girl to moi: If you were a door I'd bang you all night!

It worked.

sam34

i'm sure i've posted this on another thread ages ago

years ago, when the corrs were at the height of their fame and every guy fancied the girls, a fella came up to me in a club and said " you look really like one of the corrs". of course i was delighted and immediately asked "which one?". to which he replied.... "jim"
!!

from elation to deflaion in one fell swoop!

i still scored him though (he was hot, i couldnt resist)

Nevyn

"Are you are screamer , cos you look like you might be, not that I mind
it's just that I don't remember where I put my ball gag and my housemates might mind."

GirlInterrupted

From last night:


'' I could eat every stitch off you, and just leave the boots on... ''

Charming!

cormie

Hope you kicked his ass G :P

WP is about to be done I sweeear!

GirlInterrupted

cormie wrote: »

Hope you kicked his ass G :P

WP is about to be done I sweeear!

I blushed seven shades of red .

yeah, right!

LolaLuv

This isn't exactly a chat-up line, but I've laughed every time I thought about it since it happened...a couple of weeks ago this incredibly drunk guy grabbed a handful of my hair, started petting it, and said "So soft, so soft. I'm going to make something out of this." :eek::eek:

CoachBoone

PillyPen wrote: »

This isn't exactly a chat-up line, but I've laughed every time I thought about it since it happened...a couple of weeks ago this incredibly drunk guy grabbed a handful of my hair, started petting it, and said "So soft, so soft. I'm going to make something out of this." :eek::eek:

This made me lol.

Funniest thing Ive heard and it was more arrogance than a genuine chat up line but, my incredibly desperate sleazy mate to a girl one night

"Wanna come back to mine?"

"No, sorry eh, Ive got a boyfriend"

"Thats a pity...not a problem"

She just stared at his big ugly drunken head and walked off.

sprinklesspanky

newballsplease wrote: »

i go up to a girl, try it on, she says: 'ive a boyfriend', i say, ' i dont mind sharing'!!

I think I've seen you out on the town.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UorXVqVVURM

minidazzler

CoachBoone wrote: »

This made me lol.

Funniest thing Ive heard and it was more arrogance than a genuine chat up line but, my incredibly desperate sleazy mate to a girl one night

"Wanna come back to mine?"

"No, sorry eh, Ive got a boyfriend"

"Thats a pity...not a problem"

She just stared at his big ugly drunken head and walked off.

Sleazy yes, Brilliant....Definitely!!!!!! That's hilarious.


The fastest and funniest I ever used, "Hi. I'm Gavin" It worked. Just like that.

cson

homerun_homer wrote: »

Funniest one to get my attention was one Stephen's Night when I asked a girl I knew if she wanted to do a shot, we get to the bar and I said "What shot do you want?".

"I want a shot of you"

Thats fooking brilliant

The trusty Polar bear rarely fails me!

"How much does a polar bear weigh?.....>Enough to break the ice!"

Or if they, as some of them do, know it already and say "enough to break the ice" you reply with "Nah, bout 200kg's"

Pyr0

cson wrote: »

Thats fooking brilliant

The trusty Polar bear rarely fails me!

"How much does a polar bear weigh?.....>Enough to break the ice!"

Or if they, as some of them do, know it already and say "enough to break the ice" you reply with "Nah, bout 200kg's"

That is the smoothest cover line I've ever heard !

Hahahaha !

bUILDERtHEbOB

Me: 'Will you get off with me?'

Her: 'WHAT?'

Me: 'WHAT?'

Then she raped me.

4zn76tysfajdxp

bUILDERtHEbOB wrote: »

Me: 'Will you get off with me?'

Her: 'WHAT?'

Me: 'WHAT?'

Then she raped me.

Liar.

Nevyn

bUILDERtHEbOB wrote: »

Me: 'Will you get off with me?'

Her: 'WHAT?'

Me: 'WHAT?'

Then she raped me.

Post reported.

Jules

Builderthebob banned for a week. Jokes about rape are not allowed.

Futurecrook

Drunk guy staring at my bewbs: "So how did you escape from the Playboy mansion...?"

Me: "Like this..." *walks away*


Another night I was playing at a trad session in town (I play the flute) when I hear this voice in my ear saying, "so will you play my flute sometime?" Sleazy and obvious but it made me laugh. So it worked. (It may have also helped that the guy who said it was gorgeous...)

quinevere

hi did you know the tonugue is the strongest muscle in the body

want to work it out

Caballe

Well its definitely not the wittiest but memorable...

Him: Would it be ok if I chatted you up?

Hmmmmm :rolleyes: Que awkward silence and a chat about how best to approach women. I like to think i helped him out for future efforts.