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funniest chat up lines ever used on you?

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    #92
    4zn76tysfajdxp
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,944 ✭✭✭✭4zn76tysfajdxp


    Placid_Casual wrote: »
    *gets notepad*

    Get a printer dude.


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    #93
    Placid_Casual
    Registered Users Posts: 530 ✭✭✭Placid_Casual


    Alexis Unkempt Sugarcoat wrote: »
    Get a printer dude.

    Ah yes, but I want to have all those killer lines conveniently located on the same sheet of paper. That way I can keep it with me at all times and then pull out one of the lines just before I swoop on my prey.


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    #94
    netanyahu
    Closed Accounts Posts: 135 ✭✭netanyahu


    who007 wrote: »
    My favourite is to hold out my hand as if there's a napkin in it and ask "does that smell like chloroform to you?"

    it can be touch and go if the girl actually gets the joke or not.. :confused::eek::D:P


    LOL i was just rolling my eyes at how **** all these were and i came to post this one , it's my favourite. you beat me to it :D


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    #95
    netanyahu
    Closed Accounts Posts: 135 ✭✭netanyahu


    chickenhawk wrote: »
    I know a girl who was in coppers and a guy said to her

    'I want to cum on your face like a painters radio'

    She scored him.


    he sounds like a tosser :o


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    #96
    4zn76tysfajdxp
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,944 ✭✭✭✭4zn76tysfajdxp


    Placid_Casual wrote: »
    Ah yes, but I want to have all those killer lines conveniently located on the same sheet of paper. That way I can keep it with me at all times and then pull out one of the lines just before I swoop on my prey.

    Very well.


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    #97
    chickenhawk
    Registered Users Posts: 656 ✭✭✭chickenhawk


    netanyahu wrote: »
    he sounds like a tosser :o


    I know. And we all told her that he was!! But we were all lads so she probably thought we were just jealous or something.


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    #98
    jellie
    Registered Users Posts: 15,503 ✭✭✭✭jellie


    "hey <some girls name>.. oh sorry youre not <some girls name>.. youre so much hotter..!"

    didnt work :P


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    #99
    KiddieKrippler
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18 ✭KiddieKrippler


    an old favorite of mine
    ask girl "whats 2 plus 2?"
    she replies "4!"
    then come back with "ahh,beautiful and intelligent!":D

    usually gets a laugh although if they dont like it they really dont like it


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    #100
    Piste
    Registered Users Posts: 11,440 ✭✭✭✭Piste


    The other night a guy said to me "I would wreck your c*nt"




    So I tod him I'd machete his cock. Tit for tat.


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    #101
    PrivateEye
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,283 ✭✭✭PrivateEye


    Piste wrote: »
    The other night a guy said to me "I would wreck your c*nt"


    For serious?

    'sake. That's surely a slap in the face job, some of my mates can be a bit head-on with a few drinks, but I can't imagine ANY of them using that eh....chat up line!!


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    #102
    LolaLuv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,496 ✭✭✭LolaLuv


    PrivateEye wrote: »
    For serious?

    'sake. That's surely a slap in the face job, some of my mates can be a bit head-on with a few drinks, but I can't imagine ANY of them using that eh....chat up line!!

    LOL!!!


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    #103
    Boston
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,163 ✭✭✭✭Boston


    PrivateEye wrote: »
    For serious?

    'sake. That's surely a slap in the face job, some of my mates can be a bit head-on with a few drinks, but I can't imagine ANY of them using that eh....chat up line!!

    A girl once came up to me and said "I'd bite your cock off", so I decked her one in the face.

    Grow up.


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    #104
    PrivateEye
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,283 ✭✭✭PrivateEye


    I have had mates go 'Oh, you'd *whateveryouwant* 'yer wan' in the red' or whatever to that effect, get caught and take a slap. Very funny. I think telling somebody you'd demolish their specials is worth a slap tbh! I'm not a priest like (trust me, far from it) and love a bit of banter as much as the next 19 year old lad, but 'i'd wreck yer ****' is a bit primitive.

    With regards chat up lines, the worst EVER was a friend of mine who asked a rather cute barmaid for 'A Bulmers, two vodkas and your phone number please' :rolleyes:

    At least avoid the Bulmers, unless shes after a 15 year old laneway drinker.


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    #105
    Tar.Aldarion
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,092 Mod ✭✭✭✭Tar.Aldarion


    Girl came up to me and asked me who I thought was the best looking girl in the place, easy stuff! I actually pointed out the hottest and made out it was a joke.


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    #106
    Boston
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,163 ✭✭✭✭Boston


    PrivateEye wrote: »
    I have had mates go 'Oh, you'd *whateveryouwant* 'yer wan' in the red' or whatever to that effect, get caught and take a slap. Very funny. I think telling somebody you'd demolish their specials is worth a slap tbh!

    Is it worth receiving one in return? People are arseholes, they say lots of things, someone saying something to you doesn't make it ok to assault them. Piste handled it perfectly.


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    #107
    PrivateEye
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,283 ✭✭✭PrivateEye


    "People are arseholes, they say lots of things"

    Often true, yep.

    For what its worth I agree with you. By saying 'thats a slap in the face job' I don't mean 'You best have literally slapped him in the face' just that a crude comment like that.....well, you know.

    I don't condone mass-physical assault against cheeky ****ers, I swear folks! A good put-down does the job ;)


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    #108
    Piste
    Registered Users Posts: 11,440 ✭✭✭✭Piste


    PrivateEye wrote: »
    For serious?

    'sake. That's surely a slap in the face job, some of my mates can be a bit head-on with a few drinks, but I can't imagine ANY of them using that eh....chat up line!!

    Wtf? You can't just go slapping people in the face like! I'd only ever hit someone in self defence, and I got a far better reaction by going on to further explain what I'd do with an AK47.


    Actually in hindsight I probably got a little carried away with my graphic descriptions.


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    #109
    PrivateEye
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,283 ✭✭✭PrivateEye


    "Wtf? You can't just go slapping people in the face like!"

    I noes. Explained that above. If every lad who made a ****-thick comment like that got a slap in the face the club would be more red face than :mad: smiley man.

    by 'a slap in the face job' i just meant a 'WOT U SAY!?' type of comment, I don't seriously think it'd be handbags at dawn every time some bloke said something that stupid.

    'I'd wreck her X,Y and Z' is more so the type of crap you'd get from a group of sad cases who haven't left the corner of the local bar in years*


    *normally said a considerable distance from the person involved.


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    #110
    LolaLuv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,496 ✭✭✭LolaLuv


    BonsaiGiant wrote: »
    ''Come home with me now or I'll rip your hair off your head''

    That's not a pickup line so much as a threat. Jaysus.


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    #111
    Piste
    Registered Users Posts: 11,440 ✭✭✭✭Piste


    I was actually delighted when he said it, because in school we had been discussing that phrase "I'd wreck her X,Y,Z" and thought up even worse versions of it (such as "I'd machete his/her X,Y,Z) so luckily it was on the tip of my tongue :P


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    #112
    Karoma
    Registered Users Posts: 19,396 ✭✭✭✭Karoma


    BonsaiGiant wrote: »
    ''Come home with me now or I'll rip your hair off your head''
    Banned.


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    #113
    warriorj
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3 ✭warriorj


    My first visit to this forum ever, and this thread caught my eye.

    I use chat-up lines ALL the time... because they work :)


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    #114
    thermo66
    Closed Accounts Posts: 523 ✭✭✭thermo66


    No dear the chat up lines do not work. The girl is just horny and you'll do... Welcome


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    #115
    deemy
    Registered Users Posts: 209 ✭✭deemy


    14 or 15 years ago down at the rose of tralee I was asked Do you want to be buried with my people. cringe cringe cringe. Thats the worst I've ever heard. 2nd def was I have road frontage and I'm willing to share it with you or something to that effect.


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    #116
    Boston
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,163 ✭✭✭✭Boston


    deemy wrote: »
    14 or 15 years ago down at the rose of tralee I was asked Do you want to be buried with my people. cringe cringe cringe. Thats the worst I've ever heard. 2nd def was I have road frontage and I'm willing to share it with you or something to that effect.

    Oh dear.


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    #117
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    Said to my mother who was playing with her then infant grandson by a US pilot.

    "I like the way you talk to the baby. It makes me want to be a little boy again."

    I nearly spat out my coffee.


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    #118
    GirlInterrupted
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,440 ✭✭✭GirlInterrupted


    metrovelvet wrote: »
    Said to my mother who was playing with her then infant grandson by a US pilot.

    "I like the way you talk to the baby. It makes me want to be a little boy again."

    I nearly spat out my coffee.

    Oh my!

    Said to me last night, by an English teacher...

    'I'll be Petruchio, you be Katherine'.

    For those unsure, its from '' The Taming Of the Shrew'' by Shakespeare.

    A lot classier than some I've heard.


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    #119
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    GirlInterrupted wrote: »
    Oh my!

    Said to me last night, by an English teacher...

    'I'll be Petruchio, you be Katherine'.

    For those unsure, its from '' The Taming Of the Shrew'' by Shakespeare.

    A lot classier than some I've heard.

    You read that as classy? I see it a little kinkier...


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    #120
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,152 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    I remember one. At a party way back. This woman comes over and straight outa the box, no introductions nada, says "you have lovely eyes and a kind heart. I could tell from across the room". OK a bit over the top, but mkay... Followed immediately by her revelation that her flatmate was away and (I quote verbatim), "please take me home and violate me"........ The violate was enough, the please part just added to the weirdness. I didn't take her up on the offer. She was not an unattractive woman, but there was madness in her eyes and even my male secondary "brain" advised running.:D This was confirmed later as I tried to back away when she kept going on about how much she wanted kids and was actively looking for a daddy.:eek::D

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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    #121
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,152 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    thermo66 wrote: »
    No dear the chat up lines do not work. The girl is just horny and you'll do... Welcome
    :D Yep pretty much. They just wanna bit of fun and if they want it enough they'll ignore the cheese.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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