Visitors in Rented Accommodation

Fletch123

It's been a few years since I've shared rented accommodation with strangers, so I want to get your advice on what is acceptable and what is not.

Every second weekend the two guys we share with (me and partner) have people over from their country to stay the weekend. They have had both sets of parents to stay as well as friends. They stay mostly in the boys' room, but sometimes in the sittingroom.

My problem is that they never tell us that there are going to be people staying, the first we know of it is when there are starngers in the apartment and we have to ask who they are. It makes me feel uncomfortable as well the practicality of having too many people in an apartment.

The last time it happened I was a bit annoyed and said to one of the boys that in future they should tell us out of courtesy and for sheer practicality. I said this very simply as there have been misunderstandings with the language barrier in the past. He said that he understood.

I have just gone into the sittingroom to see 4 suitcases/rucksacks with clothes spilling out of them. And there's no hotwater. I am raging.

I'm particularly annoyed as I told them at the start of the week that I was having some people from work over for a few drinks tonight and they said that that was fine- they couldn't have told me then?!

Am I being unreasonable to ask them to give me warning that they're having people to stay? What else can I do to make myself clear?

We are all renting this apartment for the same amount of time.

Sir Oxman

Not unreasonable at all.

I recently sublet a room in the house I'm in - grand bloke, quiet considerate - he asked would it be possible for a friend of his to stay two nights instead of in a B&B (over for a job interview), I said no probs.
I did let him know though that this was a once-off and not to do it regularly (I said it in a polite, clear way) and that was accepted without any fuss.

Your housemates sound very presumptious although you've already tried to explain simply that they must let you know, I'd do it again and add that it won't be a regular occurence.

Personally, I wouldn't put up with that every second weekend.

murphym7

I know this advice will seem a bit extreme but here it goes!

I would move out as soon as you can and find a diiferent place to live. I know this will be a lot of hassle but there seems that they are going to keep treating the Flat like a flop house.

To me it would not be worth the hassle, stress and conflict that will ensue.
You could try reasoning out hoping they will listen to you but I doubt it.

Other posters will say I'm wrong and to tough in out etc etc... but for me its not worth the hassle. I'm not a big fan of conflict.

artyeva

op, you're not being in any way unreasonable.

I used to share with a mate who started going out with a guy from her hometown and while i didn't mind when he stayed the odd weekend i did mind when he broke stuff in the apartment and didn't fix it - like the shower head!!! Then they started inviting mates from home during the week, and it got to the stage when i came home from work i'd feel like i was living in a hostel. All because i didn't say anything in the beginning.

You have asked nicely, and there may be a language barrier but you need to make it clear that this is not acceptable. and fast!!! if you;re not being listened to maybe you should politely suggest that they move out. Why should you move??? You're not imposing strangers on them without mentioning it first so they shouldn't do that to you and your partner!!!!!!

NewFrockTuesday

I agree. I had problems with a housemate before having her boyfriend over every single night of the week at 3am. (Then she wanted to open up a nail salon in the kitchen:D) I found it very stressfull getting her out but its so worth it. And having strangers wandering around your house is just not on. What if something happens? Whos going to put their hand up? What if one of the guests damage the house in some way? Will it come from your deposit?

I have to say I agree re the moving out bit. Its either put up with them disrespecting you and treating the place as a flop house (well put:)) or find somewhere peaceful. A week before Xmas isint ideal though. Maybe another word - but more hardline this time?


Good luck.

Fletch123

Well, I talked it over with my Mother (they always seem to know what to do!) and I'm going to get someone I know who can speak their language to write out what I want to tell them. It'll be about the guests, the resulting lack of hot water and general things like them needing to tidy up after themselves, locking the front door (!) and to contribute to general costs like washing up liquid etc. Basic things but it seems that they don't get it so they won't have any excuse if it's in writing in their language. I'll present it as New Years Resolutions after Chirstmas.

I'm not moving out. They're here till about May, we're definitely staying longer. I've made the place my home while they treat it as a crash pad. It's not up to me to tell them to move out as I don't hold the lease, the rooms are handled by the landlord. If they still don't get it I'll get in touch with the landlord and see what he can do.

Deepsense- I remember your nightmare! Poor thing.

I've lived with nightmareish mental people before so these guys are very mild in comparison. I don't earn enough yet to get a place for ourselves, so I shouldn't really complain about this hassle.

Thanks for the tips!

The_Conductor

Warning- posts of a racist nature will not be tolerated.

Regards,

SMcCarrick

IvyTheTerrible

OP, I think you are not being unreaonable at all.
I had a similar situation with one girl I shared with. My landlady said this girl was moving in on whatever day it was. Grand. I arrive home from work, and there she is with her boyfriend, and she informed me that he would be there for the week! Every other week she had people over from Germany to stay..at one stage she had five guests for a week, two of whom were sleeping in the living room.
I tried to tell her it wasn't on, and that she should at least let me know if people were going to be coming over to stay. But she got snotty and started bitching to people I work with (she was doing work experience where I work).
I found that the only solution was to get on to the landlady and get her to set down some groundrules and that sorted it out, eventually.

Fletch123

Ivy- I think I might have to talk to the landlord if my translated New Years Resolutions doesn't work. The problem is that I ask them something or tell them something and ask if they understand, and they say they do, but then evidently don't. The landlord might be able to make them see sense.

It just feels like I'm being petty given they're not keeping me awake at night or stealing from me (like previous housemates).

If you guys think it is unreasonable I'll definitely be considering the landlord route, thanks.

krugerrand

Fletch123 wrote: »

Ivy- I think I might have to talk to the landlord if my translated New Years Resolutions doesn't work. The problem is that I ask them something or tell them something and ask if they understand, and they say they do, but then evidently don't. The landlord might be able to make them see sense.

It just feels like I'm being petty given they're not keeping me awake at night or stealing from me (like previous housemates).

If you guys think it is unreasonable I'll definitely be considering the landlord route, thanks.

You're not being unreasonable and you shouldn't have to put up with the situation. If the translated document does not work then it would be best to just talk to the landlord and he/she can deal with them directly.

Mrs OBumble

Fletch123 wrote: »

It just feels like I'm being petty given they're not keeping me awake at night or stealing from me (like previous housemates).

If you guys think it is unreasonable I'll definitely be considering the landlord route, thanks.

THB, I think you're on the verge of being petty. As you've described it, they're annoying not obnoxious. You're seeing the place as a home. They're seeing it as a short-term place to stay until May. They've got friends coming from overseas, or elsewhere in Ireland perhaps, while your friends most live here so have their own accommodation already. This is simply a different set of needs/expectations. And as you say, there may be language difficulties that are hampering communications.

Maybe, as well as the written ground rules thing, try having a calendar on the wall and marking on it who is having people to stay on what dates.

Hmm ... and thinking about it, 'tis interesting that you see it as ok for YOU to set the groundrules - surely this is something that should be negotiated? Maybe they would like to set some groundrules for you, like being less up-tight about stuff? (half-joking, half-serious here ... at the moment you've got no more rights than they do).


NB I find the whole landlord-chooses-the-other-housemates thing that happens here in Ireland quite weird: I'd never agree to a situation like that, I would always want the power to choose the other housemates, and therefore to work with them to set groundrules about things like shared expenses, quiet times, visitors etc. I've only once had someone more in and try to change a condition that we (existing flatmates) had explained in the interview. Suffice to say she moved in on Saturday and out again on Tuesday! Might be something you should consider in May.