a song i wrote: leme know what ya think:)

jwilt

Venus Kissed the moon

venus kissed the moon
venus kissed the moon last night and i cried
oh i cried, like it was the first time

he shone under her skin
he shone, illuminating everything
and i tried, to stay in the shade

c: venus kissed the moon
and i feel apart
venus kissed the moon
and my tears, glimmered in his eyes
i appreciate his time
but i still miss his shine
when venus kissed the moon
she eclipsed me

he follows the same path
but he follows a different star each night
he never lied, but i denied

chorus:
Bridge: not done yet
chorus:

humberklog

Have you got a tune for it J?
If not would you mind if I try and put some music to it?
I'll probably shift a few bits here and there. I can put the music up on myspace when I've done it and you can listen to it.
The reason is that I'd been keeping the recent planetary actions in mind (jupiter, venus, moon line up a few weeks back) but hadn't got around to exploring it yet. I like your words and just outta adventure and writing a different way I'd like to see what comes up.

humberklog

A tune i bashed out sits well with your opening lines and my interpretation of your lyrics. I've moved some of the furniture around and made myself comfy. It'll change again by time its finished. What do you think of that last verse and how does it sit with your emotions and thoughts on the song?

Venus kissed the moon last night
A kiss so deep it made me cry
I cried like a child. For the very first time.

He shone from beneath her skin.
He shone so bright. Illuminating everything
I hid in the shade of the moon's hard gaze.

Chorus:
Venus kissed the moon
Venus kissed the moon
and i fell apart
(rest in progress)

Watch the sun fall from the sky
And later on, turn around and watch it rise.
We just rest on spheres
that bounce around the universe.

(May use your last verse here but playing with a different one
but will tie back into yours eventually)

Chorus and out.

I've tuned the guitar to an open E. I'm not great on knowing chords (and don't know scales(one of your last threads asked about scale knowledge). But it starts on one string. The Gstring tuned up to a Gsharp then on the frets go:
5 7 5 7 5 0 3
Venus Kissed The Moon Last Night.
Repeat same on 2nd line then the 3rd changes (up to 12th then 10th fret on 1st and 2nd string then bridge on 7th for the 3rd line.
That'll put you in the ball park J. It may take a day or two to get it right and recorded, but i'll keep you posted.

Thanks a lot for the PM.

jwilt

yeah, i like your words, they go well with what ive done . im just used to chord speak so i dont really get what music you have! im crap at fret reading! im fairly limited on the guitar. as far as tuning outside the normal, i dont do it, coz i cant!ha but i do love the sound of dadgad and droped e etc so im looking forward to hearing the music. let me know what your myspace address is when you have it done and il have a listen.
thanks

humberklog

Will do. You could do it without retuning (on the g anyway) just add 1 to the numbers given. Oh god I'm clumsy too on guitar. Only playing 2 or 3 year. I'll have it up with a link on this thread in a day or 2 (maybe3 depending on if I go to pub). I'll probably leave a few blanks lyrically to see what you come up with in fitting some in. See how it goes. It's like musical tennis.

humberklog

Hey J, i'm getting there with the tune. It's gonna take a few days to whittle down what I want and where to put it. I've put up a few example just to show the progression. They're titled on myspace as Venus 1, 2 and 3. 1 is the first recording I made just to hear the parts back. From taking in the words and trying to conjure a sound that fits the emotional dynamic. I thought to post them up just to see the evolution process. The music runs far too fast at the moment and therefore may sound more chippy than intended.
I've posted up the lyrics as they are at present, the numbers you see are where the singing enters and ends (reading it from Venus 2, I think venus3 is better sound though.
As said this is only a rough outline of where it's going and should get better when I get right timing and intention.
Feel free to critcise or add lyrics as there's plenty of space especially between 1.45 and 2.35 and from 2.53 to out...It's your song!
(Venus 3 is probably nearest to how I want the song to sound but Venus 2 was easier for timing the lyrics. So use 2 to find the words and 3's for the emotion).

MySpace URL:
http://www.myspace.com/armstrongjude

(0.00)
Venus kissed the moon last night.
A kiss so hard and deep it made me cry
I cried like a child _ Lost a precious toy.

He shone deep from beneath her skin.
Shone so bright. Illuminated everything.
I fell from his gaze _ Into the shade.(0.45)

(1.09)
Watch the sun fall from the sky
And later on you turn around and watch it rise
We just rest on spheres_
Move around the universe.(1.27)

Chorus: (1.31)
Venus kissed the moon (by 3)
and it made me cry
When venus kissed the moon (by3)
I fell apart (1.45)
(unfinished. But chorus continuation with your words)

(2.35)
Raise your hand up to the sun
Before you fall in love with everyone
We're just blood and bones.
Lessons learned in the shade.(2.53)

And back into chorus with some extra bits to out i think.

jwilt

hiya h.

had a listen to the music on myspace. its very good. i like the tuning. to being honest, its very different to what i had in mind for it but then your words have a different meaning to what mine were!

do you sing? id like to hear the melody along with it.

humberklog

Hey j haven't looked at this tune for a while. New ear etc.
Have you been able to record your version?

Sing? No I'm truely DIRE. But hoping to get classes in New Year. They want to be fecking good teacher with a room in the middle of a woods.

jwilt

hiya, sorry only getting back to you know. was on hols. i havnt recorded it yet but hopfully in the next few weeks il get it down. maybe if i record it and let you hear it, it will give you a few ideas of what i have in mind for it. leave it with me and il get back to you when its done. i dont sing either. i can sing in tune, but my voice is rotton!ha. when i hear it back i cringe. anywayz. be in touch soon. take care.