Willytop

dak

A little boy is going to school when he is stopped by a stranger.
The stranger tells the little boy, when his teacher asks him why he is late, just say willytop.
The boy looks at the stranger oddly, but proceeds to go to school.
He arrives 5 minutes late, and is teacher isn't that happy. His teacher asks him why he is late. All the boy says is Willytop. The teacher looks at him horrified, and sends him to the office.
Well, the boy arrives in the principals office, and the principal asks him why he was sent down. All the boy said was Willytop. The Principal was so horrified that he expelled the boy from school.
Well, the boy went home, to find his parents in the living room. They told the boy they knew he was expelled, but they wanted to know why. All the boy said was Willytop. The parents were so horrified by this that they kicked him out of the house.

Well, the boy is now walking to dark town streets, when he is stopped by a cop. The cop asks him why he is walking the streets alone. All the boy says is Willytop. The cop is so disgusted, that he kicks the boy out of town.
Well, the boy is now sitting in a bar, and the bartender asks him why he is alone. All the boy said was Willytop. The bartender looked at him horrified, but before the bartender could say anything, the boy says "Please sir, I was kicked out of school, my house and even my hometown because of willytop. what does it mean sir?" The bartender nods, and tells the boy to come with him across the street, because if he tells him in the bar, the other people may get mad.
Well, the boy and the bartender are across the street from the bar. The bartender opens his mouth, but before he could speak, a drunk driver hits them both.

keefg

??????

Mr.Applepie

Is this some kind of riddle?

dak

Mr.Applepie wrote: »

Is this some kind of riddle?

It is more of a question ?

Jay D

if I could give this minus 5 it would get it

nialo

Think there is something missing from this 'joke'?? Im definitely scratching my head try to understand this one!

dak

Jay D wrote: »

if I could give this minus 5 it would get it

Try putting an "s" between the "y" and the "t"-- read it again and the answer is No!

kev_s88

well that was stupid....

deadwood

I'll never get these 2 minutes back.

Homer

A non-joke, is a joke of which the humor value comes from the fact that it is expected to be funny. Usually the joke itself is complete nonsense. Examples of non-jokes are :

Johnny went in to the bakers and asked for a loaf of bread.
Baker: White or brown?
Johnny: It doesn't matter, I'm on my bike.

Two nuns in a bath. One says "Pass the soap", and the other says,
"What am I, a radio?"

Bit high brow for humour section me thinks?!

chaotic_vr

I LMAO. I love those type of jokes:D

Hagar

I like non-jokes. They are often cleverer by far than some of the knee-jerk make-me-laugh jokes that do the rounds. That said, they are an acquired taste, for the connisseur if you like.

staker

Have to say I lolled. I think this humour is brilliant!!
Reminds me of the boy and the little red balloon..

Homer

staker wrote: »

Reminds me of the boy and the little red balloon..

Oh do go on... Can't beat a good non-joke :P

Post your faves here guys and gals!

Drag00n79

Why do undertakers wear ties?
Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.

dak

Glad to see some board members appreciate a joke or "non-joke" with a twist !

staker

So, little Johnny's birthday was coming around again,and it being his fifth,his mammy decides it high time Johnny decides his own gift.
"Well Johnny,what would you like for your birthday this year?" asks mammy.
After a little deliberation,Johnny replies"A little red ballon"
Now mammy thinks this is an odd choice for a five year old."A little red ballon?And why,pray tell, a little red ballon?".
Johnny shrugs his shoulders and raises his eyebrows"Just because".
Mammy decides it's best left alone and true to her word,there's a red balloon waiting for Johnny on his birthday.
The next year,and Johnny reaching his sixth,same story.
"What would you like for your birthday Johhny?"
"A little red balloon".
Not wishing to undermine Johnny he woke up to see a little red balloon waiting for him on his birthday.
He puts the new balloon together with his first balloon in the playroom,happy with life.
Approaching his seventh birthday,same story,Johnny asks for and receives a little red balloon to his growing stash,as that year he also made his holy communion, where he had received over 20 little red balloons from his family and friends.
This continues all through his teens;each birthday and milestone,Johnny receives a little red ballooon.
By his mid twenties,Johnny has now filled up his bedroom with these red balloons and was using the spare room as his own bedcroom.
His new wife could not understand this strange infatuation of his,but diligently bought his favourite red balloon on the occasion of his birthday every year.
She often asked why he adored his little red balloons but to no avail.Just a shrug of the shoulders and a "just because".
His collection of little red balloons contiues to grow each year at good speed,as his growing family were now contributing to the pile,so much so Johnny had extended the garage to accommodate his little treasures.
Johnny approached his twilight years happy and content knowing his stockpile was growing exponentially what with his grandchildren and their children contributing.
But his health deteriorates slowly and he's eventually confined to his deathbed.
Family and friends are worried for Johnny,but can't help sense that maybe his great secret into his little red balloons could be revealed.
His wife,family and friends are gathered around one evening,each knowing his hour was nigh.
"Johnny my love,I've loved and cherished you all these years,I wouldn't take away one minute of it all" his wife tells him.
"But all these years you've had no love like your love of those little red balloons;I've been patient and true to our marriage,and haven't asked you for anything in return for your unfaltering love"
Johnny's breath deepens and seems to be laboured.
"But I implore you,what is it with you and these little red balloons?I simply must know!"
"My darling" whispers Johnny,"I will tell you the reason I've loved those red balloons"
He gasps for oxygen from the face mask his wife offers him.
"The reason....I've loved those..... red balloons is"
But alas, Johnny's head rolls to one side,his eyes glazing fastly over,his muscles relaxing,his breath draws to a close.
Johnny is dead.

FruitLover

How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb?










































One. They receive ample training to perform the task alone.

hotspur

Just as there are good jokes and bad jokes so too are there good anti-jokes and bad anti-jokes. This is at best an example of a bad anti-joke and at worst a terrible example of a joke. And I'm rather fond of anti-jokes.

cabla

Is this a joke.....oh now I get it

samhail

shaggy dog stories
love them

i have a great one about a golden house... goes on for ages and the end... well its just the end

artanevilla

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband is dead.


A man walks into a bar.
He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.


Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?
She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly
low self-esteem.


What do you call a cat with no tail?
A manx cat.


Why do undertakers wear ties?
Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their
appearance has a degree of gravitas.


How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
One.


Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.


Two men are sitting in a pub.
One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of
strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.' The other man
replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her drug
habit.'


Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps
out and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then
wanders off.


Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell
pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated areas such as rainforests


Roses are red
Violets are blue
Some poems rhyme
But this one doesn't.


What's worse than finding a maggot in your apple?
Being raped

What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
One was the first man on the moon, the other's a child molestor.


Doctor, I've broken my leg.
I'm afraid it is a very bad break. You will never walk again.


There's an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman and they are all
trapped in a jail cell.
Eventually they all starved to death.


Why did the Jew cross the road?
To escape the Nazis.


Did you hear about the Irishman found under a shop?
He was killed and buried there. It was gang-related.


What's the difference between a rottwieller and a poodle?
There are many differences. They are two totally different breeds of dog.


What do you get if you cross a horse and a donkey?
A mule.


A priest and a rabbi are sitting next to each other on a plane.
However, it is a short flight and they do not talk to each other

Dec McC

What's green and hops across Australia?




- Skippy the cooking apple.

kev_s88

Q-why did the plane crash??

A-the pilot was a loaf of bread


Q-what do you call a black pilot?

A-a pilot you racist bastard


Q-whats brown and sticky?

A-a stick

FruitLover

How many anti-climaxes does it take to change a lightbulb?































































































I don't know.

Capt'n Midnight

When the saleman's car broke down, he walked to the nearest farmhouse to ask
if he could stay the night. The farmer agreed to put him up. "I live alone,"
he continued, "you can have the bedroom at the top of the stairs, to the
right."
"Oh, never mind," the disappointed salesman said. "I think I'm in
the wrong joke."

Rowley Birkin QC

Any one have any more? These unjokes/non-jokes are brilliant.

dak

Horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Why the long face?"

Horse says, "'Cause I'm a ****in' alcoholic."


A man goes into a bar and claims his dog can talk. He asks it What’s the top of a house? The dog says Roof. You got your shingles, shake, roll roofing Um. Built up roofs. I don’t really know much about it, but I think the building codes vary from place to place, because of climate. Reminds me, I probably need to check my gutters.





Then he asks How does sandpaper feel? The dog says Rough. Well, generally, but there’s different grades, some are pretty fine. I usually get those sample packs with different sheets.

FruitLover

Knock, knock.




Who's there?




HITLER!

dak

FruitLover wrote: »

Knock, knock.




Who's there?




HITLER!

Thats gas fair jews to you!

Stabshauptmann

Dec McC wrote: »

What's green and hops across Australia?




- Skippy the cooking apple.

These arent anti-jokes, they're elephant humour. The former makes perfect sense, the latter make no sense what so ever.

And the OP isnt an unjoke its a shaggy dog story.
An unjoke/anti-joke is funny because of its misdirection (one of the key elements in any joke). Shaggy dog stories dont go anywhere, there is no point and the humour is simply that you've wasted someones time. Its funny in the same way vandalism is funny.