The Fathers Thread

amiable

kippy wrote: »

Congrats to all the recent parents in here.
Haven't been on this thread but my wife is due on the 20th of this month in UCHG.
No sign of anything happening yet. Feeling excited, happy, and slightly aprehensive(nothing major)

The staff are great in UCHG so rest easy there my friend.
My partner has had our 3 children there.
My advice would be don't expect baby to arrive too soon as that way you won't be disappointed.

awnow

Hi
I'm new to this Dad's forum but I have read many of the posts and must say it's interesting! My OH is due in less than 1-week and i'm getting a little nervous, naturally hoping that she and our new baby will be ok after the labour. I have heard one or 2 horror stories in the past week or so which have put me on edge a wee bit.

While I know that mid-wives and doctors will do their best for your OH and baby, from time to time you do hear of labours where the medical team have not been near decisive enough to take an alternative course of action if the labour is (a) progressing very slowly or (b) it is fairly obvious that the baby cannot be delivered in the natural way. Regretably, I have heard one story in the past week (from soneone known to me) where this was the case and it seems to have had significant negative consequences for the child and the mother. From what I understand, they persisted with delivering naturally when this was clearly not possible and when they eventually decided to c-section, it turned out a nightmare beacuse they had gone too far with the natural delivery which made the c-section delivery shocking to say the least. Enough said on that as I don't want to worry people but I do want to get my concerns clear.

Anyway, I would be grateful if any other Dad's could offer advise or share their experiencs/thoughts on how to recognise if you feel that things are not going according to plan. How to know what to be vigilant for? And what questions to ask? Are you within your rights to demand a change of tactics (without obviously trying to tell the experts how to do there job)?

Any thoughts appreciated!

Very exciting time for this dad-to-be

Thanks!

Trotter

awnow wrote: »

Anyway, I would be grateful if any other Dad's could offer advise or share their experiencs/thoughts on how to recognise if you feel that things are not going according to plan. How to know what to be vigilant for? And what questions to ask? Are you within your rights to demand a change of tactics (without obviously trying to tell the experts how to do there job)?

Any thoughts appreciated!

Very exciting time for this dad-to-be

Thanks!

I felt that I had to submit to the fact that the lowest qualified person in that room knew 100 times more about delivering babies than I did. The job I could do well was wet face cloths, rub hair, hold hands etc. Beyond that I wasn't qualified, and in hindsight, had I questioned the actions of the staff when things got difficult, I would have only caused more problems than solutions, and I wouldve added to my missis' stress. Thats not to say I didnt pipe up every so often and ask 'can you bring me up to speed here in simple language'.. but not at a time when they were making the best decisions they could on the hop. Interfering at that stage wouldve delayed their decision making, and I had to trust them to make the right one.

For what my advice is worth, zilch, don't go in there thinking you have the know how to advise, unless you have the knowhow to advise. We've got brilliant stats in this country for safe childbirth so you have to trust the team. Difficult as that might be for all of us!

awnow

Trotter wrote: »

Thats not to say I didnt pipe up every so often and ask 'can you bring me up to speed here in simple language'.. but not at a time when they were making the best decisions they could on the hop. Interfering at that stage wouldve delayed their decision making, and I had to trust them to make the right one.

For what my advice is worth, zilch, don't go in there thinking you have the know how to advise, unless you have the knowhow to advise. We've got brilliant stats in this country for safe childbirth so you have to trust the team. Difficult as that might be for all of us!

Thanks Trotter, I think you hit the nail on the head with the above, which puts my mind at ease, somewhat. Anyway, we haven't long to go now...five days by right but no doubt this will go over for the first baby!

awnow

I wanted to get my wife a wee gift for after the birth. Obviously, along with doing all the cleaning, ironing (aaaaggghhhhh!!), cooking etc. of course, anyone got any ideas or what did you do??

Trotter

awnow wrote: »

I wanted to get my wife a wee gift for after the birth. Obviously, along with doing all the cleaning, ironing (aaaaggghhhhh!!), cooking etc. of course, anyone got any ideas or what did you do??

Pandora bracelet with a baby related charm. Then you can buy charms every so often on birthdays or occasions. Brilliant little thing that was certainly invented by a man who was tired of wondering what to buy.

amiable

Trotter wrote: »

Pandora bracelet with a baby related charm. Then you can buy charms every so often on birthdays or occasions. Brilliant little thing that was certainly invented by a man who was tired of wondering what to buy.

+1

That's what i got my partner and she loves it still:)

tony1980

Hi everyone,

Im new in here, my oh is due the 29th of december but is scheduled for a c-section on the 23rd because of complications with her hips, so it looks like an xmas baby for us, does anyone know how long they could be kept in, im thinking 4 to 5 days due to the c-section, would be nice if they were out for xmas but as long as they are both healthy afterwards ill be all smiles

Hitchhiker's Guide to...

tony1980 wrote: »

Hi everyone,

Im new in here, my oh is due the 29th of december but is scheduled for a c-section on the 23rd because of complications with her hips, so it looks like an xmas baby for us, does anyone know how long they could be kept in, im thinking 4 to 5 days due to the c-section, would be nice if they were out for xmas but as long as they are both healthy afterwards ill be all smiles

According to a recent report on Irish maternity hospitals, 90% of C-section mothers stay for 3-5 days; am afraid it is less than 5% that stay for only 0-2 days.

Hope that doesn't disappoint you regarding Christmas, but probably best to know it now and not be disappointed at the time.

tony1980

Cheers for the info, i will be delighted with my wife and baby both coming out of hospital healthy, anything else will be a bonus, the doc said that when it comes closer the time, the c-section might be a little earlier than the 23rd, depending on the baby's lungs he said, so we might get lucky and be out for xmas.

Noopti

Hello to all the fathers to be, and the have recently become fathers (congrats!).
We are in the 35th week and all is going well. Baby is breech so there is the possibility it will be an elective c-section, but hopefully the little thing will turn.

Anyway, this is our first baby so very excited and a little apprehensive. I turned one of the rooms into the nursery and did a pretty good job of it! Pretty proud of it!

Sniipe

baby Jane (our first) arrived Monday night weighing 8 pounds 4 ounces (only getting a chance now to open the laptop). Labour was difficult at over 26 hours with no pain killers/epidurals. No sleep until after baby was born for me but mother had to sleep there (which is difficult with other people in the ward). I'm so glad its all over and that baby and mother are both fine. Looking forward to the future full of surprises with Jane.

Best of luck to future fathers.

Words of advice I'll leave:

Staff at UHG are amazing.
Make sure mother is well rested as baby can start to arrive at any time.
UGH have an early release program which is great. (mother stays in for 12 hours only) Then a midwife will visit you for the next 4 days to ensure all is well. This is obviously only for mothers and babies that pass all their criteria.
We went through 3 different midwives - all of them were excellent.
We disabled our doorbell and phones (might not suit everyone)
Rubbing partners lower back during contractions may help out. I tried this first and it was useless, until the midwife showed me that I needed to put more effort into it.

I did venture south to make sure all was going well as mother had to get episiotomy done and then she had a tear inside. I got the fright of my life. After they told me there was 500ml of blood... I'd say it was double that. I'm sorry I saw this. At the time it really affected me as I didn't know how things were really going. After the stiching up they told me what had happened happens 10% of the time.

Cutting the cord was nice - I recommend that.

Final word is - we had a difficult first night with baby, so youtube came to the rescue with "happiest kid on the block" and swaddling... So perhaps get a swaddle blanket (they are great for getting baby to sleep... they cost 14euro ish - made by "Gro")

Best of luck to all and congrats to other recent fathers.

Lola92

Congrats Sniipe! Lovely name, and not used nearly enough! I hope you are all keeping well

kippy

Sniipe wrote: »

baby Jane (our first) arrived Monday night weighing 8 pounds 4 ounces (only getting a chance now to open the laptop). Labour was difficult at over 26 hours with no pain killers/epidurals. No sleep until after baby was born for me but mother had to sleep there (which is difficult with other people in the ward). I'm so glad its all over and that baby and mother are both fine. Looking forward to the future full of surprises with Jane.

Best of luck to future fathers.

Words of advice I'll leave:

Staff at UHG are amazing.
Make sure mother is well rested as baby can start to arrive at any time.
UGH have an early release program which is great. (mother stays in for 12 hours only) Then a midwife will visit you for the next 4 days to ensure all is well. This is obviously only for mothers and babies that pass all their criteria.
We went through 3 different midwives - all of them were excellent.
We disabled our doorbell and phones (might not suit everyone)
Rubbing partners lower back during contractions may help out. I tried this first and it was useless, until the midwife showed me that I needed to put more effort into it.

I did venture south to make sure all was going well as mother had to get episiotomy done and then she had a tear inside. I got the fright of my life. After they told me there was 500ml of blood... I'd say it was double that. I'm sorry I saw this. At the time it really affected me as I didn't know how things were really going. After the stiching up they told me what had happened happens 10% of the time.

Cutting the cord was nice - I recommend that.

Final word is - we had a difficult first night with baby, so youtube came to the rescue with "happiest kid on the block" and swaddling... So perhaps get a swaddle blanket (they are great for getting baby to sleep... they cost 14euro ish - made by "Gro")

Best of luck to all and congrats to other recent fathers.

Congrats to the three of ye!
And thanks for the feedback there. My OH is 3 days overdue and am hoping UHG is gonna be a venue in the next couple of days!

Sniipe

kippy wrote: »

Congrats to the three of ye!
And thanks for the feedback there. My OH is 3 days overdue and am hoping UHG is gonna be a venue in the next couple of days!

No problem. Top tip, beware of race week traffic. Btw, we were 3 days overdue.

kippy

Sniipe wrote: »

No problem. Top tip, beware of race week traffic. Btw, we were 3 days overdue.

Yep, well aware of the issues around race week traffic alright - luckily I have access to a chopper - I wish!

Manda21

Any advice from the Dads to be on here.......??

im 16 weeks and im feeling really down and alone... me and the babys dad were only seeing each other a month when i got pregnant it was such a shock 4 both of us... he wanted me to get an abortion at 1st but when he realised i was totaly against it he came round and said he couldnt let me go through with it. he said he would be there for the baby and i would not be alone but yet he says he doesnt want a relationship... he is 27 and im 21. we are both young and neither of us are ready for this. he txts me maybe twice a week asking how we are yet when i suggest we meet up he always has an excuse... he doesnt come to any doc appointments or scans. my parents want me to forget about him and have nothing to do with him as they are a great support to me and baby but they dont understand i care so much for him and he is the father of my unborn child and i believe every child should have their father in their life. iv told him how i feel about him but he never shows any affection towards me and its really affecting me. maybe when the baby is born he will show some support but if he isnt showing it now im afraid he may not show it then... any advice wether i should show him the road or give him a chance.

Noopti

I have never been in his situation (myself and wife are expecting our first, due in a few weeks), so I can only try and put myself in his shoes.

The pregnancy was obviously a shock to both of you, and even for me it took me ages for it to actually sink in that I was going to be a daddy (even though it was planned) - so I imagine it is going to take even longer for him! So I would be reluctant to try and pressurise him into going to the scans etc, as you may end up just pushing him further away and he may become even less interested in the pregnancy. Maybe send him a scan photo or something by email, seeing his little baby might help him bond a little more.

Your parents I imagine are just looking out for you, they don't want you to be stressed out worrying about the dad so they think you should just leave him be and get on with, and enjoy the pregnancy, yourself. At least you have parents who are there to support you, so while not ideal the dad isn't taking a more active part in the pregnancy it is not the end of the world as you have your parents support.

He may come around and start helping out a bit more, and providing more support - and perhaps once the baby is born he will be a changed man! But I would focus on yourself and the pregnancy and the support of your parents for now and not worry too much about the dad. Send him updates and reply to his texts, perhaps send him pics from the scans - but don't get worked up about him not being more actively involved, as with help from your parents and friends you will cope well enough without him, if it comes to that.

Cat Melodeon

Manda21 wrote: »

maybe when the baby is born he will show some support but if he isnt showing it now im afraid he may not show it then... any advice wether i should show him the road or give him a chance.

I'm not a dad, I'm a mum-to-be (sorry if I'm trespassing!), but I have had friends in your situation over the years. The only thing I can suggest is that it doesn't have to be all or nothing. He's made it clear he doesn't want a relationship with you, unfortunately there is not much you can do to change his feelings there. If you can accept this and maintain a different type of relationship with him, that of co-parent rather than lovers, then there is a much better chance of your baby being born into a situation where s/he has the chance to have both a mam and dad playing an active role in their life.

You do not have to be romantically involved with someone to co-parent well together. You just need to have a balanced relationship where both parties accept their responsibilities to the child and manage to get on well enough with each other that there is no conflict or negativity poisoning the child's environment. I have seen this work with friends of mine who are single parents and also where partners have separated. Once the adult relationship is an amicable one, the child benefits.

If you don't think you can build that sort of platonic relationship with this man, it may become more difficult as he may insist on being involved once the child is born. His reluctance now might be caused by shock or it not being real. It becomes realler for women quicker as it's our bodies that have been directly affected. Sometimes it doesn't sink in with men until they actually see the baby in the flesh.

I would say tread carefully for now. Keep him informed of progress but don't build up your expectations that he is going to play a major role in your life. Work on keeping him involved for the baby's sake, not for yours. Sorry if this seems a bit heartless, but the bigger picture is your baby's future. And if it doesn't work out at all, at least your own parents are loving and involved - it's important for kids to have strong role models of both sexes, but those role models don't have to be their mams or dads, extended family can create just as stable an environment.

Also check out the Treoir website, they have advice for single and unmarried parents. http://www.treoir.ie

awnow

Hey all! Just posting back to let all know that we had a wee baby boy last Monday, delivered by c-section. Mother and baby still doing well one week later. A great feeling and great excitement. Best of luck to all other dad's to be, you have great things to look forward to!!

badgerhowlin

awnow i am so jealous of you right now. i have another 24 weeks left, and i cant wait.

Its funny in the morning there is no belly at all, but in the evening she has a big one! I call it her spud belly

tony1980

My wife and I are finding out the sex of our baby tonight at a 3d scan, really excited

badgerhowlin

Would love to get a 3d scan but not going for one just for that reason. We dont want to know the sex of the baby. Im sure they could hide it some way or something but not chancing it.

How long along you tony. Think i am 16 weeks and 4 days.

red menace

Hey Folks,

(anyone that knows me IRL keep it under yer hats)
Just gone 7 weeks, I know it's early days but exciting times.
This will be our first baby so steep learning curve ahead...
Lots of emotions going on happiness, excitement ad a certain amount of scaredness.
It's just sinking in now that I will be partly responsible for a tiny human and guiding it through the early part of it's life.
Super excited to be sure, we can't wait.
I'll try not to clutter this up with too many "Is this normal style questions"

tony1980

badgerhowlin wrote: »

Would love to get a 3d scan but not going for one just for that reason. We dont want to know the sex of the baby. Im sure they could hide it some way or something but not chancing it.

How long along you tony. Think i am 16 weeks and 4 days.

The oh is 19 weeks this Thursday, turns out it was a 2d scan last night because they can't do 3d till later(the baby does not have enough skin at this stage, so you need to be about 24 or 25 weeks or something) but it was still very impressive especially the heart beat and we are in no doubt now that it is a boy, so we are really excited

Supercell

red menace wrote: »

Hey Folks,

(anyone that knows me IRL keep it under yer hats)
Just gone 7 weeks, I know it's early days but exciting times.
This will be our first baby so steep learning curve ahead...
Lots of emotions going on happiness, excitement ad a certain amount of scaredness.
It's just sinking in now that I will be partly responsible for a tiny human and guiding it through the early part of it's life.
Super excited to be sure, we can't wait.
I'll try not to clutter this up with too many "Is this normal style questions"

Same here , its a pretty incredible thing. Still sinking in here to be honest. Herself started getting morning sickness yesterday and is feeling worse for wear this morning too, pretty frustrating not knowing what I can do to help, all we can really do is supply hugs and love and wait for it to pass.
I told her to start thinking about boy and girl names to keep her mind occupied a little!

badgerhowlin

Supercell wrote: »

Same here , its a pretty incredible thing. Still sinking in here to be honest. Herself started getting morning sickness yesterday and is feeling worse for wear this morning too, pretty frustrating not knowing what I can do to help, all we can really do is supply hugs and love and wait for it to pass.
I told her to start thinking about boy and girl names to keep her mind occupied a little!

If she is anything like my wife, you wont be let near her. Any time i went to kiss her i made her feel sick(that was just great for my self confidence!) trying to hung her for anything more than 2 sec she felt sick.

Best of luck. only started to be able to hug and kiss her again in the last 2 weeks, so from week 6ish to week 14 not much physical with her. But its well worth it cause i know what is growing inside her.

Noopti

Well I'm in the Rotunda. Wife's waters broke earlier and she has been admitted. Because she is breech they will keep her here and wait to see if contractions start.

If they do, c-section immediately and if they don't she will be scheduled for an elective sometime next week.

Lola92

Good luck noopti! Give your wife our best from the people of boards

badgerhowlin

Noopti wrote: »

Well I'm in the Rotunda. Wife's waters broke earlier and she has been admitted. Because she is breech they will keep her here and wait to see if contractions start.

If they do, c-section immediately and if they don't she will be scheduled for an elective sometime next week.

So noopti, is there a new bundle of joy in the world yet?