The Fathers Thread

boardsuser1

3 weeks left here for us. 4th child (1st boy). the way things are looking she won't even make the due date. My birthday is also very close. To have my first son born on my birthday would be the biggest dream of all.

tobsey

KC161 wrote: »

3 weeks left here for us. 4th child (1st boy). the way things are looking she won't even make the due date. My birthday is also very close. To have my first son born on my birthday would be the biggest dream of all.

You could be surprised! We had our fourth in March and we were sure she'd go early becuse the first three were 6, 18 and 6 days early respectively. The fourth went to 2 days early so you never know! I was saying in work for three weeks that I could be gone any day. I think they started thinking I was making it all up.

Bacchus

We're still 12 weeks away but there's a lot of activity in there Starting to get a reaction to my voice too (we think, could just be coincidence) which is neat. We found out it's a girl last week so pink things are starting to creep into the shopping.

Sheeeeit

My missus is due end of November, our first child. Has only started sinking in for me lately, we're moving into our new house next week so we've been busy with banks, solicitors, estate agents etc.
We found out the sex last week so we've started to buy clothes and stuff and it's really only sinking in now, very exciting!

DeadlyByDesign

Just found out I am going to be a daddy in May. I am over the moon. This is our first as well so it is all a bit surreal. In the middle of saving for a mortgage as well so we have that to look after, but there are all good things. Finding it very hard to concentrate at work at the moment

Bassfish

DeadlyByDesign wrote: »

Just found out I am going to be a daddy in May. I am over the moon. This is our first as well so it is all a bit surreal. In the middle of saving for a mortgage as well so we have that to look after, but there are all good things. Finding it very hard to concentrate at work at the moment

My missus is due with our first in January, found out in May and I was fit to explode wanting to tell everyone I met but was under orders to keep shtum :-D
Saving is tough work with a little one on the way, I'm constantly amazed and how much stuff we need to get and how much it costs but feck it sure there's a lot worse things I could spend my money on :-)
Best of luck with it man!

Pawwed Rig

Would you not get second hand stuff? Perfectly good gear going for next to nothing on classified sites

Bassfish

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Would you not get second hand stuff? Perfectly good gear going for next to nothing on classified sites

Oh I'm cogging everything I can off relatives. Tried getting a few bits off done deal but they seem to be snapped up fast. Plenty of time left yet for bargain hunting!

StiffOldMan

A week and a half to go.. Closed on new house 2 weeks ago, painting and other bits pretty much done, nursery just about too.. last few things to do at the weekend.. Nerves starting to kick in now :O

Tasden

StiffOldMan wrote: »

A week and a half to go.. Closed on new house 2 weeks ago, painting and other bits pretty much done, nursery just about too.. last few things to do at the weekend.. Nerves starting to kick in now :O

Enjoy that week and a half! Savour your quiet moments

seanusmaximus

My god, what a nice thread. It's nice to see some men online being honest for a change. And not sayin 'aw my life is over'! I have 2 boys, 9 and 4 and who'dathunkit.......TWINS on the way!!! Due around paddy's day. The only advice I would give to any new dad to be out there is, just enjoy it. It's really not a stressful thing at all to go through. You all know the doctors and nurses we have here in Ireland are some of the best in the world, so if anything were to go wrong, and yes, sometimes does, they are in the best place. My firstborn had several complications and had to go to Templestreet children's hospital for operations, he's absolutely fine now, and even at the time, when we were told in cork what had to happen, I knew he was with the best people under their terrific care.
Now please don't get me wrong, your babies' will be fine I'm sure but the true miracles are the babies that come out with not even a scratch, and I would say 90% of babies born here are those miraculous ones. Let's spare a thought for the other 10%. I made the mistake before of concentrating on the sex of my firstborn, now all I hope for is, health. When my second born came, it wasn't until I was told he's perfectly healthy about 10 seconds after being born, that I became a blubbering mess on my wife's bosom. It truly is a wonderful, unforgettable event in your life and I sincerely hope you enjoy it.
Side Note; whatever she wants, give it to her, women are remarkable creatures and when you see the effort that's involved in giving birth, you will have more respect for your partner and mother like never before.
Good luck men, I hope your babies are healthy babies.
Signing out,
Sean.

TheJackAttack

My partner and I just found out Tuesday she is pregnant.. I am completely overwhelmed. She's told her parents today and we've seen a mortgage broker about making an offer on a property.

I've been fine until today. We're not married and she said her dad mentioned he was concerned about commitment. I don't really have any desire to be married.

I am happy but anxious i'm abit young (27M) which I need to shake. Everything is moving rapidly, it's mental...

seamus

Congratulations!

You're not that young. Probably going by the rest of your mates you're young to be having a child, but in worldwide terms many men would have 3 or 4 kids at 27. Look at the positives; you're in the prime of your life with all of the energy and enthusiasm needed to raise a child, but also with the maturity that an 18 or 21 year old lacks.

Ignore the rumblings about commitment, and don't get married because anyone tells you it's the right thing to do. The only good reason to get married is because you want to. It's not the 1970s anymore. You've been talking about buying a house together. That's arguably a far bigger commitment than a ring and a signed piece of paper.

For your own sake, marriage provides some extra legal protections as a father, but again rushing into it because you're panicking would be silly.

You were going to have kids at some stage anyway, right? Now it's happening a little earlier than planned. No biggie. At the far side when you're 40 and all of your mates are still struggling with nappies and picking up and dropping off at the creche, you'll have a teenager who practically minds themselves.

fits

Getting married is relatively minor compared with having a child together and buying a house. But it does secure both of your rights into the future so its worth considering from that point of view, at some time.

Bacchus

fits wrote: »

Getting married is relatively minor compared with having a child together and buying a house. But it does secure both of your rights into the future so its worth considering from that point of view, at some time.

Yup, on a scale of "Oxegen wooo" to "I am adult now", in my experience it goes.... marriage - house - baby. Marriage seems like the biggest deal ever when you're going through it but it's really quite trivial when compared to the ordeal and commitment of buying a house and having a child.

Does marriage actually affect much in terms of the fathers rights or w.r.t. the house? I can see it with the house I guess but just make sure it is put in both your names as joint owners. As for the child, if you're the father I don't see how being married to the mother affects your rights.

Oh congrats too btw

tobsey

If the parents are not married then the father is not automatically a legal gaurdian of the child, even if his name is on the birth cert.

I'd agree that these days marraige has the least impact on a couple when compared to having a child or buying a house. We did it backwards compared to the norm, child then house then marraige. I don't understand the aversion to marraige these days. As I said legal gaurdianship of the children, automatic inheritance rights if something happens to you, the ability to transfer tax credits and cut-off rates mean it makes a difference financially, especially if the father is paying the top rate of tax and the mother is on maternity leave.

Bacchus

tobsey wrote: »

If the parents are not married then the father is not automatically a legal gaurdian of the child, even if his name is on the birth cert.

Seriously :eek: I'm actually a bit in shock about that. That just seems so wrong.

tobsey wrote: »

I'd agree that these days marraige has the least impact on a couple when compared to having a child or buying a house. We did it backwards compared to the norm, child then house then marraige. I don't understand the aversion to marraige these days. As I said legal gaurdianship of the children, automatic inheritance rights if something happens to you, the ability to transfer tax credits and cut-off rates mean it makes a difference financially, especially if the father is paying the top rate of tax and the mother is on maternity leave.

Tax can be a nice "incentive" but doesn't affect a lot of people if they are over the thresholds already and the mother is getting paid maternity leave... it's good alright though if she's not or wants to take more time off unpaid. Never thought about the inheritance rights either... this marriage thing ain't so bad after all

Pawwed Rig

The gaurdianship is a huge issue as of God forbid the mother died you may find it a struggle to access your children. Additionally the family courts are extremely hostile to Fathers in general. It is something that most people don't think about until suddenly they are being prevented from seeing their children.
I dunno how I would survive without seeing my 2 everyday never mind for months and years as some are suffering.

boardsuser1

I became a father at 21. The relationship broke down 6 weeks after the baby was born. I had staggered access until 1 year old. The next 8 years were spent battling through the courts. I now have unsupervised access after 2 years. Between the ages of 1 and 7 I never seen the child as the judge (a woman) always took the side of my ex. I now have a child who is poisoned against me and I can't scratch my arse without the mother being told. I have guardianship by the way. Have done since 3 months old.

TheJackAttack

Cheers guys for the kind words. Especially re the advice on having a child at an earlier age rather than older - really put my situation into perspective!

We're 8 weeks in and having a scan on 13th Dec, so I'm buzzing for that!

My partner is having an absolute torrid time with nausea and sickness. She's constantly feeling ill which is having a massive impact on her mood. Trying my best to keep my patience and look after her - it's hard work.

TheJackAttack

Cheers guys for the kind words. Especially re the advice on having a child at an earlier age rather than older - really put my situation into perspective!

We're 8 weeks in and having a scan on 13th Dec, so I'm buzzing for that!

My partner is having an absolute torrid time with nausea and sickness. She's constantly feeling ill which is having a massive impact on her mood. Trying my best to keep my patience and look after her - it's hard work.

Liam McPoyle

My missus was the same with nausea at about that stage. She never got physically sick but would gag when she got certain smells, still the same now.

It can be difficult to remain calm when you are getting a bollocking for no apparent reason but I've found the best approach is to take a breath and count to five. Most of the time it works though i do growl back on occasion.

Part and parcel of it all!

paddyoff

Hey lads, expecting the little one in January, and am now beginning to think of what I may need to have prepared for the arrival!

What do you think are the most important things to have sorted at this stage? Have a co-sleeper, moses basket, changing table already, and am attempting to figure out pram/car seat combos at the moment.

Anyone have any tips or suggestions for me!?

MightyMunster

Some of the travel systems have a long lead time. I ordered one in October and it's not in yet!

rainbow kirby

paddyoff wrote: »

Hey lads, expecting the little one in January, and am now beginning to think of what I may need to have prepared for the arrival!

What do you think are the most important things to have sorted at this stage? Have a co-sleeper, moses basket, changing table already, and am attempting to figure out pram/car seat combos at the moment.

Anyone have any tips or suggestions for me!?

Have a good think about exactly what you want from a travel system! We ended up replacing the buggy within a month and bought a new car seat at 8 months because we bought something that turned out to really not suit us. Also think about your group 1 car seat (~1 year+) as well and whether you're going to need to use the base from your infant carrier.

I would also consider getting a sling or wrap for when the baby arrives - a stretchy wrap is lovely and cosy for newborns. Some babies nap really well when you're walking around with them in a sling.

If your wife plans on breastfeeding then consider getting a few bits like the MultiMam compresses, lanolin etc and find the name of a good local lactation consultant in case she needs it.

Bacchus

Hey all, 1 week in tonight with our little girl. All going great so far. Bit tired (thank God for the new paternity leave rules) but loving every moment. She loves a good snooze on top of either of us but we've started getting her into the Moses basket during the day (a hot water bottle to warm it up first does wonders).

paddyoff wrote: »

Hey lads, expecting the little one in January, and am now beginning to think of what I may need to have prepared for the arrival!

What do you think are the most important things to have sorted at this stage? Have a co-sleeper, moses basket, changing table already, and am attempting to figure out pram/car seat combos at the moment.

Anyone have any tips or suggestions for me!?

Moses basket upstairs and downstairs if you can is great. Get yourself stocked up on diapers and waterwipes (or cotton pads), we would pick up a pack here and there as we saw offers on them in the final two months. Ditto for muslin clothes and vests (people will buy you the outer layers but on our own experience no-one got us vests).

The pram & car seat stuff was a daunting to us too at first but it's really straightforward. Just go in somewhere like Mothercare and ask a staff member to explain the options to you. Bear in mind, some systems may need to be ordered in so I'd have this top of your TODO list. For the car system, we went MaxiCosi. It's compatible with most buggie systems (and importantly, the system we wanted). The base we got should last 1 year (I think) and then we'd need to get the 2-10 base and seat(or something like that).

whiskeyman

Bacchus wrote: »

The base we got should last 1 year (I think) and then we'd need to get the 2-10 base and seat(or something like that).

Which base did you get?
I would have thought any of the bases that accommodate the rear facing baby seats would be 2 way, so you wouldn't need a new base?

Congrats by the way!!

Bacchus

whiskeyman wrote: »

Which base did you get?
I would have thought any of the bases that accommodate the rear facing baby seats would be 2 way, so you wouldn't need a new base?

Congrats by the way!!

We got the EasyFix (suitable up to 1 year). It's dead handy, even to switch between cars (now that I'm back to work, it's in my wife's car).

paddyoff

Thanks for the replies lads, I managed to source a handy system, maxi cosy base and car seat which handily fits directly into the buggy too. Gathering the other stocks as we speak!

chases0102

Anyone have any links to literature about preparing to be a father?

About 8 weeks to go, and can't think of anything else (in a positive way!)

Any recommended father specific books, internet links, etc. would be really appreciated.