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Best patient

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  • 22-12-2008 10:36pm
    #1
    coldfire1x
    Registered Users Posts: 3,354 ✭✭✭


    Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.
    The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up,
    everything inside is numbered."
    The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."
    The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical
    order."
    The fourth surgeon chimes in, "You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when
    you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."
    But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to
    operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable."

    Yeah Baby
    A woman wakes up during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes
    downstairs to look for him.
    She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep
    thought, just staring at the wall. She watches
    as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
    "What's the matter dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of
    night?"
    The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you
    were only 16?" he asks solemnly.
    "Yes I do" she replies.
    The husband pauses - the words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in
    the back seat of my car making love?"
    "Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
    The husband continued.. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you
    marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?"
    "I remember that too" she replied softly. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "I would have been
    released today."

    Married Life
    Not long after his marriage, Joe and his father, met for lunch. "Well, son," asked the father, "how is married
    life treating you?"
    "Not very well, I'm afraid," sighed Joe. "It seems I married a nun."
    "A nun?" his father questioned.
    "That's right," moaned Joe. "None in the morning, none at night, and none at all unless I beg!"
    Joe's father nodded knowingly and slapped his boy on the back a couple of times.
    "Why don't we all get together for dinner tonight and have a nice talk?"
    Joe smiled, "Say, Dad, that's a great idea!"
    "Fine," replied the father, "I'll call home and tell the Mother Superior to set two extra plates."

    A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
    "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
    She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
    "Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."
    "What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
    "Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too."
    No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
    Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
    "Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me
    a damned thing."


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