Alzheimer's Disease

LegacyUser

My mum began to show symptoms of Alzheimer's disease at an earlier age than most people. It's thought of as an old person's disease but we began to suspect something was wrong when she was in her early 50s. Is started off with her doing forgetful stuff like locking the car keys into the car, becoming a bit obsessive about her handbag and losing interest in things she used to like. It progressed from there, with her forgetting words and gradually becoming a lot less intelligent than she used to be. My dad retired early from his job to look after her several years ago when it became clear that she needed full time care.

Needless to say, things have gotten worse over the years. There have been a few very tough times, especially in the last couple of years. My mum's now in the late stages of the disease; she ticks all the boxes for Stage 7/Severe Alzheimer's. I don't know how much longer she'll last to be honest. I've very mixed feelings.

I know my mum's illness has been very very tough on my dad. Thank heavens for respite care - if it wasn't for that, he'd have been in a wooden box by now. I worry for him after my mum goes - caring for her has been his way of life for 7 years now.

I've got very mixed feelings. I travel home a lot to help out and although it's all but killed my social life and probably doomed me to spinsterhood (I don't think I'll find Mr Right now that I'm well into my 30s), there's something in me that makes me do it. It breaks my heart to see my mum in the condition she's in. Lately, I'm thinking a lot more about how old my memories of her are. When I was a teenager, we were great friends and she was a rock to me during tough times (exams, college, redundancy). That to me is one of the saddest things - that my positive memories of my mum, who was a wonderful woman - have faded so much.

When she passes, I'll be conflicted. My mum's illness has worn us down over the years. Even when myself or my dad aren't dealing with my mum directly, she's in our minds somewhere. There's a part of me that's saying "Enough". We've been through well over a decade of Alzheimer's and I think we're all tired. On the other hand, the woman in the bed is still my mother. I know that I've lost her but I still care about and love deeply the silent, helpless, vulnerable person that she's become. I worry for her and my heart breaks for her at times. She's still my mother. She's not the mother who raised me (I'd give anything to have her back) but I still care

Splendour

RegularBoardsie wrote: »

My mum began to show symptoms of Alzheimer's disease at an earlier age than most people. It's thought of as an old person's disease but we began to suspect something was wrong when she was in her early 50s. Is started off with her doing forgetful stuff like locking the car keys into the car, becoming a bit obsessive about her handbag and losing interest in things she used to like. It progressed from there, with her forgetting words and gradually becoming a lot less intelligent than she used to be. My dad retired early from his job to look after her several years ago when it became clear that she needed full time care.

Needless to say, things have gotten worse over the years. There have been a few very tough times, especially in the last couple of years. My mum's now in the late stages of the disease; she ticks all the boxes for Stage 7/Severe Alzheimer's. I don't know how much longer she'll last to be honest. I've very mixed feelings.


I know my mum's illness has been very very tough on my dad. Thank heavens for respite care - if it wasn't for that, he'd have been in a wooden box by now. I worry for him after my mum goes - caring for her has been his way of life for 7 years now.

I've got very mixed feelings. I travel home a lot to help out and although it's all but killed my social life and probably doomed me to spinsterhood (I don't think I'll find Mr Right now that I'm well into my 30s), there's something in me that makes me do it. It breaks my heart to see my mum in the condition she's in. Lately, I'm thinking a lot more about how old my memories of her are. When I was a teenager, we were great friends and she was a rock to me during tough times (exams, college, redundancy). That to me is one of the saddest things - that my positive memories of my mum, who was a wonderful woman - have faded so much.

When she passes, I'll be conflicted. My mum's illness has worn us down over the years. Even when myself or my dad aren't dealing with my mum directly, she's in our minds somewhere. There's a part of me that's saying "Enough". We've been through well over a decade of Alzheimer's and I think we're all tired. On the other hand, the woman in the bed is still my mother. I know that I've lost her but I still care about and love deeply the silent, helpless, vulnerable person that she's become. I worry for her and my heart breaks for her at times. She's still my mother. She's not the mother who raised me (I'd give anything to have her back) but I still care

My heart aches for you after reading this. God love you, that's not easy on you, or your Dad. Your parents are obviously very special people who have done a fantastic job in raising you to be the kind loving person you are...

Of course you'll be conflicted when your Mom passes but then you already are (naturally)conflicted and this is nothing to feel guilty about. Though I can't imagine what it's like seeing your Mom like this, I can only assume it is like a living death.

Have you considered going for counselling? It sounds like you need to do something for yourself and this is not being selfish. Bet if you could ask your Mom, she would want this for you.

I will keep you in my prayers RegularBoardsie and thoguh I know it would be nice to have support, don't worry about meeting Mr. Right; with a heart like yours, you'll melt his heart someday...

God bless

LegacyUser

Im sorry to hear of your situation but you have to remember the good times and look to the future. My Dad was diagnosed with a dementia condition at a relatively early age also. After a year or two I could only regard him as a ghost (half alive but not quite). My mother cared for him during what was meant to be their retirement and it was killing her. It was a very tough choice but eventually we had to place him in a home. This saved my mother and the rest of us and due to his condition it did not appear to cause him distress. My mother started living a normal life and we too were freed from the dread of a phone call.

He passed away a few years back and at that point I felt he was free from the illness that had debilitated him. The home he was in was as good as any such place can be but the care from the staff was more than anyone could have expected.

If there is any chance you can get your Mum into a good care facility then you and your fmaily should think hard about it as it will be for the best.

cooperguy

Splendour wrote: »

don't worry about meeting Mr. Right; with a heart like yours, you'll melt his heart someday...

I have to agree with the above. Dont loose hope on that yet.

And of coarse you will feel conflicted its only natural and nothing to feel even slightly guilty about.

I can identify with you a small bit as my grandmother has the same disease. Although I obviously havent gone through all you have. It really is an awful illness.

leadinglady

My mother was diagnosed offically two weeks ago. She is in early to moderate stage. Ive just had the christmas from hell with her, which sounds awful I know, but she has become extremely paranoid and quite arguementative, aggressive even. We have always had a rocky relationship and she has always been a bitter type of woman, but now all those qualities have been magnefied. Im the only girl, so I get a lot of the verbals. To make matters worse, I have a chronic illness myself and take a lot of meds. My stamina wouldnt be great at the best of times. She is living 90 miles away on her own at the moment happily refusing to hear even the mention of the A word. (when I tried to explain it to her I was told I was the one who gave her a death sentence because I told her what is was) My brother lives closer at 40 miles away. I am very conflicted about him carrying more of the burden that me. Then, people keep telling me its going to get a lot worse. I dont know what to expect really, but its hard not to feel like youre not going to be able to cope. (Just needed to vent really:( )

Firetrap

The one thing I've learned from dealing with a parent with this awful disease is that you can't really know what will happen. I think like a snowflake, every Alzheimer's patient is different. My mum's not in good shape now but it's been a long journey to where we are now.

The only way our family have survived I think is not to look too far ahead. The way I see it, what's the point? What happens will happen and we'll deal with it when it does.

leadinglady

Thanks firetrap. I am a natural born worrier and staying in the present or even near it is not my forte, but Im learning slowly but surely that I have to try to do that - in all areas of life...

Firetrap

I know what you mean. I can be an awful worrier at times, though I'm a lot better than I used to be. Oddly, I think my mum's illness has been at the root of this new outlook.

What I've found with my mum is that the disease goes through phases. For example, early on there was a phase where she was a bit paranoid and used to accuse me of taking money out of her purse (something I've never ever done in my life). Try not to take what your mother is saying personally.

If you can get any outside help, avail of it. Our family's found the Alzheimer Society very helpful. They run day centres and also offer a home care service. Even if you don't want to avail of these services, they'll give you advice. I also find the message board belonging to the UK Alzheimer's Society is great.

leadinglady

Thanks, thats our next step once the christmas madness is over.

LegacyUser

I have a father who has dementia for the last 2 years. its extremly hard to see him like this, but you have to keep going and be positive. im from a large family and you would think that everyone would want to help out, but no i have members of my family who dont even visit my dad. all i can say hes a great man, worked so hard for all his family. my mam is super she looks after him at home, and "SOME" of the family help out too. its very very hard.