Why are single 30+ women portrayed as 'desperate'?

Dudess

AARRRGH wrote: »

Ah come on... obviously I was not comparing a slim 33 year old with an obese 23 year old.

In general, assuming no massive weight changes or disfigurations, a person looks better at 23 than at 33.

Agreed to a point. But it also depends on personal preference - i.e. a person preferring older women to younger women and vice versa.

In my opinion, and I know this opinion is commonly shared, women's looks fade pretty quickly as they progress through their 30's.

I think that's often moreso a perception/popular notion rather than the reality, to be frank. And it also depends on the individual woman. Genetics and how one looks after oneself play a significant role - it's not just about the woman's date of birth.

Some people just focus on the actual age rather than the women who are that age. Women in their early 30s are still young women - consider well-known examples: you've got Isla Fisher, Rachel McAdams, Katie Holmes, Melissa George.

Maria Bello and Janeane Garofalo whom you mentioned as examples of attractive older women are 41 and 44 respectively.

AARRRGH

ntlbell wrote: »

I think it's a bit like what we were discussing earlier..

The world in general is full of lunatics....

They're on the bus...they're sitting beside you at the cinema, drinking beside you in the pub but it's only in the global playgrounds of these here tinternerts do you have to put up with actually listening and interacting with them..

Yeah, you might be right.

I hate to say it, but in "real life" I would probably avoid a lot of the people I am forced to speak to here... so yeah, maybe this is just reality.

Boards.ie is great though.

ntlbell

Thaedydal wrote: »

Tbh that only seems to be the case over the last year or so.

Have you not met the admin?

ntlbell

AARRRGH wrote: »

Yeah, you might be right.

I hate to say it, but in "real life" I would probably avoid a lot of the people I am forced to speak to here... so yeah, maybe this is just reality.

Boards.ie is great though.

I think that says more about you than it does them.

But I would be guilty of it myself.

Nevyn

Some people get better looking as they get older and those that do will for the most part
age a lot more gracefully but tbh the sickening part of this thread is that women are being
reduced to just looks.

The levels of experience, widsom, grace, decorum and confidence with maturity and
being a grown up count for a lot more then a few worry lines and crows feet.

Zaph

Dudess wrote: »

I think that's more applicable to people in their 40s and older...

Hey, no picking on the over 40s, right? :mad:

Thaedydal wrote: »

Funny isn't it esp when the vast majority of posters who are in thier late 20s and 30s that post about wanting and needing to find someone are blokes.

The Boards demographic is overwhelmingly male, although maybe less so than it once was, and is probably aging to a certain extent as well, so I'd expect more of those sort of threads on PI from blokes than women.

Nevyn

ntlbell wrote: »

Have you not met the admin?

Yes I have all of them several times over the years.

AARRRGH

Dudess wrote: »

I think that's often moreso a perception/popular notion rather than the reality, to be frank. And it also depends on the individual woman. Genetics and how one looks after oneself play a significant role - it's not just about the woman's date of birth.

Some people just focus on the actual age rather than the women who are that age. Women in their early 30s are still young women - consider well-known examples: you've got Isla Fisher, Rachel McAdams, Katie Holmes, Melissa George.

Mario Bello and Janeane Garofalo whom you mentioned as examples of attractive older women are 41 and 44 respectively.

You're entitled to your opinion, but I think you only feel this way because the alternative is too depressing. I do think you have issues with you age, as I have seen you mention it repeatedly over the past year. No offence meant. I'm just being straight up.

The celebrities you mentioned... botox! But in general, I agree that if a woman takes care of herself, she can remain attractive for many years. The problem is nearly every woman fails to do this.

EDIT: Men are also guilty of this too, but we're not talking about men. Although in general I think looks are less important for a man than they are for a woman (men being visual creatures, and all that.)

/Going home now. I don't want to argue with anyone.

Nevyn

The problem is nearly every woman fails to do this.

As you get older and life gets busier you don't' always have the time to sit about doing your nails or manicures or spending 3 hours doing hair and make up to be all dolled up to go out or before going to work in the morning, esp if you are living with someone and a lot of the household chores default to you and even more the case if you have kids.

Looking "good" is an image which is pushed and portrayed by impossible images of airbrushed people
to sell products and not every one is in the glamor business and once you have a mortgage and real bills who is going to be shelling silly money out on professional cosmetics and the like,
seriously having a make up bag full of the likes of MAC products is easily 500 to 800 quids worth.

And what do blokes have to do to look "good", brush their teeth, brush their hair and have a shave
and maybe put on some moisturiser.

( not that some guys don't look incredibly hwat with some eyeliner )

metrovelvet

Thaedydal wrote: »

As you get older and life gets busier you don't' always have the time to sit about doing your nails or manicures or spending 3 hours doing hair and make up to be all dolled up to go out or before going to work in the morning, esp if you are living with someone and a lot of the household chores default to you and even more the case if you have kids.

Looking "good" is an image which is pushed and portrayed by impossible images of airbrushed people
to sell products and not every one is in the glamor business and once you have a mortgage and real bills who is going to be shelling silly money out on professional cosmetics and the like,
seriously having a make up bag full of the likes of MAC products is easily 500 to 800 quids worth.

And what do blokes have to do to look "good", brush their teeth, brush their hair and have a shave
and maybe put on some moisturiser.

( not that some guys don't look incredibly hwat with some eyeliner )

If you are healthy you will look good. If you keep your weight down you will look younger. Its not about spending tons on makeup. The healthier you are the less makeup you need.

And imo there is more pressure on men have fit bodies then there is on women. Sure we have to keep the fat off, but they have to get the definition and bulk in the right way.

As for this thread and desperation in women over 30 - well I dont get it. Desperate for what exactly? For a man ? A ring? a baby? what? company? sex? what?

Dudess

AARRRGH wrote: »

You're entitled to your opinion, but I think you only feel this way because the alternative is too depressing.

Not at all. I agree the years are harder on women than they are on men (in general) and a woman's looks will often start to go in the second half of her 30s... but not her early 30s.

I do think you have issues with you age, as I have seen you mention it repeatedly over the past year.

I don't get why you'd think that. It's not my age I have an issue with at all, it's attitudes towards women of my age. If I had an issue with my age I'd be whingeing about how I'm getting old and it's making me miserable etc - that's exactly what I rail against.

The celebrities you mentioned... botox!

Oh come on! Do you really think it's not possible to look that good in your very early 30s (as are the ages of the actresses I mentioned) without botox? I could give you several examples of friends of mine who are that age and look that good - without botox.

Yes, time starts to take effect on women's looks after 35/36 (especially white women's looks, dark-skinned women tend to age more slowly) but not usually in their early 30s - that's all I'm saying.

ntlbell

Thaedydal wrote: »

Some people get better looking as they get older and those that do will for the most part
age a lot more gracefully but tbh the sickening part of this thread is that women are being
reduced to just looks.

The levels of experience, widsom, grace, decorum and confidence with maturity and
being a grown up count for a lot more then a few worry lines and crows feet.

Well if maturity breeds wisdom, experience,grace,decorum confidence and maturity

then it will be the same for all no? some with a bit more some with a bit less?

No one is "reducing" women to looks How come when men's looked were discuss it wasn't sickening? or at least you failed to bring up how sicknening it was

lets not bring this thread to la la land it all starts off with looks.

you don't approach a guy because he was bleesed with an abundance of decorum...that you spotted from 60 feet across a dance floor....

if there is no physical/sexual attraction to start with then having all the poxy decorum in the world isn't going to help you...

Snowie

never have really thuaght of it like that i figured that they wher epersuing carreers and enjoying independce .....

Nevyn

Actually yes i have approachd men due to thier manners, decorum and how they carry themsleves and behaved in a social situation over their younger, prettier counterparts.

The implication was that women who are apprently only good for their looks loose them when they go pass a certain age and seem desperate to snag a man before then.

I do think anything which tries to render down people to mere physical appearance
is insulting.

ntlbell

Thaedydal wrote: »

Actually yes i have approachd men due to thier manners, decorum and how they carry themsleves and behaved in a social situation over their younger, prettier counterparts.

The implication was that women who are apprently only good for their looks loose them when they go pass a certain age and seem desperate to snag a man before then.

I do think anything which tries to render down people to mere physical appearance
is insulting.

no one is trying to reduce it to nothing but physical appearance but to ignore it is just plain stupid because for the _majority_ of _normal_ people it plays a large part

odd how none of the pretty boys in the group had any manners

Nevyn

I find it odd that most people don't have a lot of manners.

So what is being said is that the reproductive drive coupled with the possibility
of loosing her looks means that a woman has to try snag a man before her worth declines
and that makes them 'desperate'.

Wow so glad my self worth is not caught up in my fertility or appearance.

Women pretty looking baby making machines, know your place.

metrovelvet

Thaedydal wrote: »

I find it odd that most people don't have a lot of manners.

They are not valued anymore, that's why and that's why they stand out more than looks do.

ntlbell

Thaedydal wrote: »

I find it odd that most people don't have a lot of manners.

just wait for them to reach mid 30's looks fade and they make up for it with decorum :rolleyes:

ntlbell

Thaedydal wrote: »

I find it odd that most people don't have a lot of manners.

So what you are saying is the reproductive drive coupled with the possibility
of loosing her looks means that a woman has to try snag a man before her worth declines
and that makes them 'desperate'.

Wow so glad my self worth is not caught up in my fertility or appearance.

Women pretty looking baby making machines, know your place.

I never said women in their 30's were desperate

What I said was people who depend on their looks to "score" might get anxious when they start to lose them it would seem pretty natural to me

but if you're an ugly duckling all your life it wont make much difference you'll be counting on decorum and good manners i guess.....

metrovelvet

Of the women I know in their 30s, the ones who are desperate are not ugly or anything like that, but feel a lack of status with being single, so they are full of fear and inappropriate subservience. The ones who could care less are far from desperate.

I was quite shocked at a friend of mine who's desperation really surprised me. We were in France at a friend of mine's. My friend is very well connected, owns his house, is seperated, is not wealthy, but comfortable, but is full of his own idiosyncracies, etc and she suddenly became interested in him and asked me all sorts of questions about his divorce, his property, etc etc. I was kind of disgusted. It really turned me off her.

Nevyn

You didn't start the thread ntlbell so stop assuming my posts are direct answer to yours
rather then on the topic so really stop the snide remarks.

ntlbell

Thaedydal wrote: »

You didn't start the thread ntlbell so stop assuming my posts are direct answer to yours
rather then on the topic so really stop the snide remarks.

well you said "so what you're saying is" in what i thought was a reply to my post so I made a very silly assumption you were addressing me. my deepest apoligies

Dave5

CDfm wrote: »

I honestly cant see why women of thirty plus think they are unattractive.

As i guy, i'd agree with that, i can't understand that either.

I mean, i'm a guy in my mid-30's, and i'm currently single...

... for myself and most of my single male friends, if we did meet a girl who happened to be in her late 30's/early 40's, if we clicked with her...then age doesn't really come into it...give me a decent personality any day.

We'd much prefer a girl in her late 30's, who's decent looking with a great personality...rather than a good looking girl in her mid 20's who's as boring as hell and is more interested in herself, with very little personality

Jessica4

Dave5 wrote: »

As i guy, i'd agree with that, i can't understand that either.

I mean, i'm a guy in my mid-30's, and i'm currently single...

... for myself and most of my single male friends, if we did meet a girl who happened to be in her late 30's/early 40's, if we clicked with her...then age doesn't really come into it...give me a decent personality any day.

We'd much prefer a girl in her late 30's, who's decent looking with a great personality...rather than a good looking girl in her mid 20's who's as boring as hell and is more interested in herself, with very little personality

Dave, can i have your phone number?:o

Karen_*

No you can't Jessica I saw him first! I'm saying that in a non-desperate way.;)

321654

Im nearly 40 so can tell you what i know so far.

Almost all of my female friends who are single when they hit 34 - 35 have this weird need for the next relationship to be THE ONE. From my point of view i think wibbs is spot on in his first post in this thread. They are aware that they must settle themselves and have children.

The married ones with no kids start to feel like they want children. Even the ones who said they never wanted them or didnt care end up wanting children.

The amount of them who have gone to dating agencies at this age is unreal.

And out of all of these, when they were around 30 they swore they would never be like this.
Its instinct. That is all there is to it.

And let me tell you for both males and females, when we reach about 33 the wrinkles and weight and skin elasticity start to go downhill so fast. Look at your friends below 33 and then look at the ones above 33. You'll see it. Though it depends on the amount of makeup you have to peer through

Dudess

321654 wrote: »

Almost all of my female friends who are single when they hit 34 - 35 have this weird need for the next relationship to be THE ONE.

Well it's not really weird - it makes sense if they want to have children.

metrovelvet

There is money in fear. Women over 30 have more money than women in their 20s so they are more likely to spend a fortune on creams and this and that. The beauty industry has a huge interest in keeping women insecure about their looks.

And as for dating websites, men and women use them! And guess what? A lot of them work.

And as for the myth of "the one" - that santa clause has done more damage than any other fantasy going.

Nevyn

Jessica4 wrote: »

Dave, can i have your phone number?:o

Karen_* wrote: »

No you can't Jessica I saw him first! I'm saying that in a non-desperate way.;)

oh my how desperate does that look, bravo ladies.

CerealKiller

ntlbell wrote: »

I've met desperate women aged 17+ 20+ 30+ 40+

I've met perfectly happily single independent women aged 17+ 20+ 30+ 40+ 50+ 60+ 80+!

the fact they exist is not in question.

Ah come on, if a woman is over 30 and does not have a boyfriend, she's going to be desperate completely.