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Why are single 30+ women portrayed as 'desperate'?

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    #182
    beertons
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 23,092 ✭✭✭✭beertons


    Lol, that's gas :D


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    #183
    Zaph
    Registered Users, Subscribers Posts: 47,304 ✭✭✭✭Zaph


    CDfm wrote: »
    A single traditional Irish woman in her thirties - its harsh but they must have something wrong with them and not be living in the real world.

    Harsh, or total b*ll*cks? If I was feeling less charitable I'd say you were trolling posting that here. I know several single women in their 30s and 40s, all of whom are most definitely living in the real world and there's not a thing wrong with them. Sure, they may not all be single by choice, although some are, but the ones that aren't are not complete basket cases because of it.


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    #184
    GirlInterrupted
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,440 ✭✭✭GirlInterrupted


    CDfm wrote: »
    A single traditional Irish woman in her thirties - its harsh but they must have something wrong with them and not be living in the real world.

    Foreign women all seem to be partnered and are not as self centred so there is competition.

    Also -traditional Irish women tend not to be homeowners and expect men to provide the home etc and are desperate to have babies and are so demanding.Dont frighten me with this ultimate consumer.
    .

    Are you for real? Unless I live in a parallel universe this is utter rubbish. I know not one woman in her thirties or beyond who expects a man to come along and provide her with a home and is ''desperate'' for babies.

    Perhaps there is something wrong with the way you perceive women, not the women themselves.
    Zaph wrote: »
    Harsh, or total b*ll*cks? If I was feeling less charitable I'd say you were trolling posting that here. I know several single women in their 30s and 40s, all of whom are most definitely living in the real world and there's not a thing wrong with them. Sure, they may not all be single by choice, although some are, but the ones that aren't are not complete basket cases because of it.

    Quite.


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    #185
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    Zaph wrote: »
    Harsh, or total b*ll*cks? If I was feeling less charitable I'd say you were trolling posting that here. I know several single women in their 30s and 40s, all of whom are most definitely living in the real world and there's not a thing wrong with them. Sure, they may not all be single by choice, although some are, but the ones that aren't are not complete basket cases because of it.
    A bit of a generalisation I know - but I had to adjust my view of women and become more rather than less selective.

    Lots of Irish women expect their prince to arrive on a fine arab charger. My OH doesnt conform to lots of stereotype.


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    #186
    fits
    Registered Users Posts: 13,460 ✭✭✭✭fits


    lol @ 'fine arab charger' :D

    sums up the sense of the rest of your musings.


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    #187
    SarahSassy
    Registered Users Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    TBH, my single female friends in their 30's tend to fare better than my single male friends. They tend to have more interests, travel more, a wider circle of friends and meet more potential partners...

    I do think people tend to get very fussy in their old age (I can say that cos it refers to me too :) ) because they feel they have more to lose e.g. house etc but they also know their own minds and if they have any sense they only choose a partner who is good for them and not just the next man they snog in Cafe en Seine.


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    #188
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    SarahSassy wrote: »
    TBH, my single female friends in their 30's tend to fare better than my single male friends. They tend to have more interests, travel more, a wider circle of friends and meet more potential partners...

    I do think people tend to get very fussy in their old age (I can say that cos it refers to me too :) )


    Of course -and men dont want to take a chance on certain women when they have more to loose. And from what you say -you are pretty selective.

    Well -so are intelligent guys -they keep an eye on their own future.


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    #189
    Stheno
    Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 51,687 Mod ✭✭✭✭Stheno


    Zaph wrote: »
    Harsh, or total b*ll*cks? If I was feeling less charitable I'd say you were trolling posting that here. I know several single women in their 30s and 40s, all of whom are most definitely living in the real world and there's not a thing wrong with them. Sure, they may not all be single by choice, although some are, but the ones that aren't are not complete basket cases because of it.

    +1, I was actually idly thinking about this the other day, and wondered does the same not in some ways apply to guys from their e.g. mid thirties onwards, in terms of wanting children?

    Whatever about the fact that "guys can father children in their nineties on their deathbeds", would it not apply that most men wanting children would hope to have them when they were still "young" enough to enjoy having their children, doing stuff with them etc?

    I've three siblings in their late teens (eldest of a very large family) and my parents are now in their sixties, and their activities with my younger siblings have scaled down in terms of the effort (physical) compared to those that myself and my siblings closer to age in me would have done with my parents.

    CDfm wrote: »
    My OH doesnt conform to lots of stereotype.

    Just the pregnant, barefoot and chained to the kitchen sink one eh? :rolleyes:


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    #190
    GirlInterrupted
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,440 ✭✭✭GirlInterrupted


    CDfm wrote: »
    Of course -and men dont want to take a chance on certain women when they have more to loose. And from what you say -you are pretty selective.

    Well -so are intelligent guys -they keep an eye on their own future.

    The men have more to lose? Well, in my experience, the single women I know in their thirties are homeowners and have sucessful careers, but apparently you only know women with nothing going for them who want a knight in shining armour.

    You may need to expand your circle.
    CDfm wrote: »
    A bit of a generalisation I know - but I had to adjust my view of women and become more rather than less selective.

    Lots of Irish women expect their prince to arrive on a fine arab charger. My OH doesnt conform to lots of stereotype.

    I think your view of women needs some more adjusting.


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    #191
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    GirlInterrupted wrote: »
    I think your view of women needs some more adjusting.

    I think there is more then a grain of truth in the stereotype.

    In some ways I have a bias - I had to adjust my views of the type of woman I would be most comfortable with. Because I have great female friends I could talk to I could -maybe others arent so lucky.


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    #192
    GirlInterrupted
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,440 ✭✭✭GirlInterrupted


    CDfm wrote: »
    I think there is more then a grain of truth in the stereotype.

    In some ways I have a bias - I had to adjust my views of the type of woman I would be most comfortable with. Because I have great female friends I could talk to I could -maybe others arent so lucky.

    What stereotype? The one of the desperate, baby-longing, thirty-something woman who has no prospects, lives with her parents or in a shabby bedsit while waiting for Sir Lancelot to come along? I think that might be twenty years out of date, so perhaps you've been in something of a timewarp.

    I'm in my twenties, a homeowner and completely self supporting, and the only people I know who aren't, especially those in their thirties, happen to be men, and thats only because they are mature students.

    I would address the rest of your post but it makes no sense to me.


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    #193
    Zaph
    Registered Users, Subscribers Posts: 47,304 ✭✭✭✭Zaph


    nouggatti wrote: »
    +1, I was actually idly thinking about this the other day, and wondered does the same not in some ways apply to guys from their e.g. mid thirties onwards, in terms of wanting children?

    Whatever about the fact that "guys can father children in their nineties on their deathbeds", would it not apply that most men wanting children would hope to have them when they were still "young" enough to enjoy having their children, doing stuff with them etc?

    Of course it does. I'm 41, single and not a father. While I love kids and having a family is something that I would have liked, I've pretty much accepted that at this stage it's probably not going to happen. I haven't been lucky enough to meet "the one", the person I'd like to settle down with and have kids with. Of course it could still happen, and sure Charlie Chaplin was still fathering children when he was close to 80. But even if I met someone tomorrow you'd probably be talking several years before we'd ever get around to starting a family (unless she was one of those desperate women in their late 30s of course ;)), which puts me close to 45. I plan to retire at 60, do I really want to be looking after teenagers when I retire?

    However, while becoming a father appears unlikely, even if it's something I'd like, it's not something I'm going to lose much sleep over either. It just means that I'll end up spoiling my nephews and nieces even more. :)


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    #194
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    GirlInterrupted wrote: »
    What stereotype? The one of the desperate, baby-longing, thirty-something woman who has no prospects, lives with her parents or in a shabby bedsit while waiting for Sir Lancelot to come along? I think that might be twenty years out of date, so perhaps you've been in something of a timewarp.

    I'm in my twenties, a homeowner and completely self supporting, and the only people I know who aren't, especially those in their thirties, happen to be men, and thats only because they are mature students.

    I would address the rest of your post but it makes no sense to me.

    I think generic stereotyping is wrong.

    Well GI -you're a good catch.:)

    What some men want is an independent intelligient woman. Professional -equal and still a woman. Not a child-woman withn an axe to grind.Someone -who is not just able to change a plug but rewire the house:)


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    #195
    GirlInterrupted
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,440 ✭✭✭GirlInterrupted


    CDfm wrote: »
    I think generic stereotyping is wrong.


    And yet you're so terribly good at it.


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    #196
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    GirlInterrupted wrote: »
    And yet you're so terribly good at it.
    Its a gift.


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    #197
    GirlInterrupted
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,440 ✭✭✭GirlInterrupted


    CDfm wrote: »
    Its a gift.

    Again, you are demonstrating a lacking in your perception.


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    #198
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    GirlInterrupted wrote: »
    Again, you are demonstrating a lacking in your perception.
    Vos vestros servate, meos mihi linquite mores


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    #199
    GirlInterrupted
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,440 ✭✭✭GirlInterrupted


    CDfm wrote: »
    Vos vestros servate, meos mihi linquite mores


    However, when your way of seeing things insults the majority of the group of women to whom you so dismissingly refer, I am entitled to question your way of seeing things.

    It is unlikely a person with such a closed mind and tight grasp of sexist stereotypes will ever change their way of thinking, so I shall leave it there.


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    #200
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    GirlInterrupted wrote: »
    However, when your way of seeing things insults the majority of the group of women to whom you so dismissingly refer, I am entitled to question your way of seeing things.

    It is unlikely a person with such a closed mind and tight grasp of sexist stereotypes will ever change their way of thinking, so I shall leave it there.
    Sorry -I think you misunderstand me -and I apologise if any of my remarks are unkind. I am very happy having being disabused of the notion that all women conform to the stereotype. Really very happy and wish it had happened sooner.

    But I wouldnt be me if I wasnt a smartarse.


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    #201
    SarahSassy
    Registered Users Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    Zaph wrote: »
    But even if I met someone tomorrow you'd probably be talking several years before we'd ever get around to starting a family (unless she was one of those desperate women in their late 30s of course ;)), which puts me close to 45. I plan to retire at 60, do I really want to be looking after teenagers when I retire?

    Dont mean to be asking personal questions, but Ill chance my arm anyway :D - would you tell a prospective partner upon meeting her, your views about not having kids given your age?


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    #202
    DenMan
    Registered Users Posts: 7,992 ✭✭✭DenMan


    SarahSassy wrote: »
    To be frank Irish men arent always the best catches either. Europeans tend to be more domesticated and see their partners as equals.. They also dont have this 'she is out to get me' chip on their unbalanced shoulders...

    Paddy-boys tend to be in over their heads in debt and tied to the Mammy's apron strings. To find anything else is a coup and he should be grabbed with both hands - literally ;)

    That's not a very fair statement Sarah. I wouldn't consider myself like that. You are right in that sense that since I have come back to Ireland I have met a lot of guys who cannot cook, clean, manage money etc. It's just a minority and not a true reflective on how things are here. I lived abroad, had a foreign girlfriend but I still looked after my apartment, cooked, stayed in credit, cleaned etc. I wouldn't expect any girl to do that for me.


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    #203
    SarahSassy
    Registered Users Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    DenMan wrote: »
    That's not a very fair statement Sarah. I wouldn't consider myself like that. You are right in that sense that since I have come back to Ireland I have met a lot of guys who cannot cook, clean, manage money etc. It's just a minority and not a true reflective on how things are here. I lived abroad, had a foreign girlfriend but I still looked after my apartment, cooked, stayed in credit, cleaned etc. I wouldn't expect any girl to do that for me.


    Denman, I do agree that I was over the top here but I am just pointing out, in a dramatic fashion, that to nab an irish man is not like finding the Holy Grail - the majority of them are as flawed as the women who are (seemingly) trying to trap them.

    Dramatic and overexaggerated statements about Irish women can easily be countered by the same overexaggerated statements about Irish men...

    Peace man :)

    SS

    PS - there are very few of my friends partners who can (or admit to) cook....


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    #204
    Saibh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,431 ✭✭✭✭Saibh


    I'm a single parent. I concentrated more on raising my son on my own. I did go on dates etc., but I found in my case if they didn't accept me as a single parent then it wasn't worth having a relationship.

    I don't know how I would feel if I was single without a child as such. Would I be getting desperate? I would hope not:)


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    #205
    DenMan
    Registered Users Posts: 7,992 ✭✭✭DenMan


    Peace out Sarah. :)


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    #206
    Permabear
    Closed Accounts Posts: 39,022 ✭✭✭✭Permabear


    This post has been deleted.


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    #207
    Zaph
    Registered Users, Subscribers Posts: 47,304 ✭✭✭✭Zaph


    SarahSassy wrote: »
    Dont mean to be asking personal questions, but Ill chance my arm anyway :D - would you tell a prospective partner upon meeting her, your views about not having kids given your age?

    Well I wouldn't want to freak her out too soon, so I'd probably wait until at least the third date before I told her that. ;)

    Tbh, it's not something I'd rule out completely, if I met someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and she wanted kids, it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me. However, if she wasn't bothered about having any I'd be ok with that too, and a lot more comfortable with the idea of not being a father than I would have been at 35, for instance.


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    #208
    CALI
    Registered Users Posts: 47 ✭CALI


    donegalfella wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    God, I'm depressed now!!!!


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    #209
    redshoe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2 ✭redshoe


    I turned 30 in October and I have just come out of a long term relationship and I am not desperate to find another man. I want some me time. My best friend got engaged in September and I went dress shopping with her oh that was not fun. She is now planning a big wedding, but I couldn't be bothered with all that, she is 30 too. I am still young and want to enjoy life before settling down. If I did find the man of my dreams as Mr Right does not exist, I would of course be happy to settle down. If it happens it happens if not no big deal.

    My ex's sister is 31 years old and really wants kids and her mam was worried that all the good men are gone and she is limited. But she isn't desperate to find a man. She still goes out on benders and has a laugh.

    The darn biological clock. Blokes don't have that and they can father childern up until the time they die, while use women have a shelf life. Of course that could make women desperate to have a mini meand to find a man to farther it. I bet if men had a shelf life and wanted kids they would be just as desperate. :p


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    #210
    SarahSassy
    Registered Users Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    CDfm wrote: »
    A single traditional Irish woman in her thirties - its harsh but they must have something wrong with them and not be living in the real world.

    I think the above attitude is the most troublesome for the ladies in their 30's. Frankly, a lot of Irish men have this attitude and I have heard a number of single 30's males stating that they would not go out with a single 30's female because she is too old, there must be something wrong with her or has been around the block (no more then themselves of course :) )....

    I honestly believe there are some morons (male and female) out there who just want to marry for whatever reason - company, financial security, to have a family but the majority of the single 30 somethings I know are waiting for the right man... I think men should respect them for this and not villify them. After all, the men dont want to be seen as just a baby machine - right??? So whats wrong with holding out for the right one, getting your house in order and being ready to commit once you meet the man you feel is right for you.

    The 2 couples I know who cant have kids and its down to the man.... I also think a lot of men dont realise that their own fertility decreases after 40 so dont expect to be Charlie Chaplin lads :)

    http://menshealth.about.com/od/conditions/a/Age_fertility.htm


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    #211
    CCCP^
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,749 ✭✭✭CCCP^


    Because your all mad.


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