Why are single 30+ women portrayed as 'desperate'?

SarahSassy

'Location: Underneath your clothes'

What age are ya? 5?

CCCP^

I'm too young for you, that's for sure.

Zaph

CCCP^, if you have nothing useful to add to the discussion I suggest you take your wonderful insight into women and go off and dazzle some other forum with it.

allabouteve

CDfm wrote: »

I think generic stereotyping is wrong.

Well GI -you're a good catch.:)

What some men want is an independent intelligient woman. Professional -equal and still a woman. Not a child-woman withn an axe to grind.Someone -who is not just able to change a plug but rewire the house:)

I suppose you could try a mail order bride catalogue for your requirements, but something tells me the poor respondent would be getting the short end of the stick.

Patronising or what?

John Mason

CDfm wrote: »

Also -traditional Irish women tend not to be homeowners and expect men to provide the home etc and are desperate to have babies and are so

I am a homeowner and so are all my single female friends, we have a problem finding men who own their homes. After 3 years of datin, i only met one guy who had his own house. i found it all very disturbing tbh

but i will agree that all my single friends in their 30's are reeking of baby desperation. i know two who are looking in to sperm donors at the moment.

personally, i have no interest in babies. i dont need a men to change a plug or re-wire my house (i helped re-wire my own house a few years ago. i also built my own shed, done all the tiling myseld and done my own instalation (this is only a small bit of the work i done on my house)

but my point is you cant generalise and lump all the stupid desperate girls in to the same pot as me

metrovelvet

^ I know one who is doing IVF with sperm donation but she was been baby crazy since her 20s so its not a case of hitting her 30s. She never gave a **** whether she had a man or not, just wanted the baby.

Its a mixed bag among the women I know, the ones who wanted to get married all along are getting nervous and the ones who never did still dont care whether it happens or not.

Latchy

Originally Posted by SarahSassy
To be frank Irish men arent always the best catches either. Europeans tend to be more domesticated and see their partners as equals.. They also dont have this 'she is out to get me' chip on their unbalanced shoulders...

Paddy-boys tend to be in over their heads in debt and tied to the Mammy's apron strings. To find anything else is a coup and he should be grabbed with both hands - literally

I must be in the miority so Sarah .I dont live in Ireland ( anymore ) and my OH is not Irish

Doghouse

redshoe wrote: »

The darn biological clock. Blokes don't have that and they can father childern up until the time they die, while use women have a shelf life. Of course that could make women desperate to have a mini meand to find a man to farther it. I bet if men had a shelf life and wanted kids they would be just as desperate.

Not strictly true. Men's fertility also declines steadily with age, although there isn't a sort of universal cut-off point like there is with women. Some men are able to get their partners pregnant into 'old age' but many more have problems. One recent study that I read reported an increased incidence of miscarriages in pregnancies where the father was older. I don't have time at the moment to look up the references but if anyone's interested you can find loads of articles easily by googling.

As to the original topic, I'm 30 but not single so don't know how desperate I'd be if I was (I suspect not very as I'm pretty commitment phobic, not too arsed about kids and a big fan of being able to do what I like, when I like). I'd agree that there is a certain level of desperateness/panic/loneliness/exasperation in some women I've met but tbh it seems to be more those who are 29 or so than those in their early thirties. Pre-30 panic or something maybe? Others aren't bothered at all by being single. Seems like a very individual thing which is informed by their personal priorities, not a rampant disease like the media seek to portray it.

SarahSassy

Doghouse wrote: »

Not strictly true. Men's fertility also declines steadily with age, although there isn't a sort of universal cut-off point like there is with women. Some men are able to get their partners pregnant into 'old age' but many more have problems. One recent study that I read reported an increased incidence of miscarriages in pregnancies where the father was older. I don't have time at the moment to look up the references but if anyone's interested you can find loads of articles easily by googling.

Just to let all know, the link for that article is under post #210.

Doghouse

SarahSassy wrote: »

Just to let all know, the link for that article is under post #210.

Ah sorry, didn't see that

SarahSassy

Doghouse wrote: »

Ah sorry, didn't see that

No panic

I really dont think men realise that this is the case and this can form part of the reason men deride women and their need to have kids before a certain age... There is a certain element of men who look down on women for this reason not knowing that their own fertility is at risk and not as strong as it used to be.

CDfm

SarahSassy wrote: »

I think the above attitude is the most troublesome for the ladies in their 30's. Frankly, a lot of Irish men have this attitude and I have heard a number of single 30's males stating that they would not go out with a single 30's female because she is too old, there must be something wrong with her or has been around the block (no more then themselves of course )....

I honestly believe there are some morons (male and female) out there who just want to marry for whatever reason - company, financial security, to have a family but the majority of the single 30 somethings I know are waiting for the right man... I think men should respect them for this and not villify them. After all, the men dont want to be seen as just a baby machine - right??? So whats wrong with holding out for the right one, getting your house in order and being ready to commit once you meet the man you feel is right for you.

The 2 couples I know who cant have kids and its down to the man.... I also think a lot of men dont realise that their own fertility decreases after 40 so dont expect to be Charlie Chaplin lads

http://menshealth.about.com/od/conditions/a/Age_fertility.htm

Sarah I was called a MSP today.

I think its fair to say that some womens attitutes to life do make them undesireable. Thats not me being neanderthal -I like inteligent women. Lots of my female women friends are very sucessful in business.

Your attitude is refreshing and nothing like the woman-child attitudes that we often hear.

Zaph

CDfm wrote: »

Sarah I was called a MSP today.

I have to ask, what's an MSP?

Galvasean

CDfm wrote: »

Thats not me being neanderthal

People should lay off the neanderthals.

Saibh

Zaph wrote: »

I have to ask, what's an MSP?

Male Chauvinist Pig?

Edit: wrong answer or is it?

SarahSassy

CDfm wrote: »

Your attitude is refreshing and nothing like the woman-child attitudes that we often hear.

Thats cos I am an auld one

SS

PS some mens attitudes to life also make them undesirable :S

Doghouse

SarahSassy wrote: »

No panic

I really dont think men realise that this is the case and this can form part of the reason men deride women and their need to have kids before a certain age... There is a certain element of men who look down on women for this reason not knowing that their own fertility is at risk and not as strong as it used to be.

Absolutely. And it's very rare that this ever gets mentioned in the mainstream media although there are many, many articles on how women are prioritising their careers/binge drinking/shoes over their ever-more-rapidly diminishing ability to procreate. Sigh. I wonder if men in their 30s/40s would act differently if there was a greater public awareness of the male 'biological clock'.

Galvasean

Doghouse wrote: »

Sigh. I wonder if men in their 30s/40s would act differently if there was a greater public awareness of the male 'biological clock'.

Luckily for us the male biological (in general) ticks just that little bit longer. Also, I wonder do men have less of a natural urge to sire offspring than women?

beertons

Galvasean wrote: »

do men have less of a natural urge to sire offspring than women?

Is that how it's put now?

/makes note

CDfm

Saibh wrote: »

Male Chauvinist Pig?

Edit: wrong answer or is it?

Yup- I misheard my female friend who tells me I am not supposed to take it as a compliment.

She added that I am a neanderthalian MCP:eek:

sukikettle

I'm in my thirties and I hate looking at the late teens and early twenty somethings with their truly youthful complexions and unbabied skinniness. I can handle men, career or not to career and even the shoes but I can't make me young and carefree like that. Sorry that was a bit depressing

Nevyn

Galvasean wrote: »

Luckily for us the male biological (in general) ticks just that little bit longer. Also, I wonder do men have less of a natural urge to sire offspring than women?

What makes you think that cos most men I know keep trying...

CDfm

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

but my point is you cant generalise and lump all the stupid desperate girls in to the same pot as me

I agree with you totally and feel sorry for women who feel biological clock pressure. I suspect that mens attitudes have changed and guys like me are into equality. Because we deal with women in business the whole "woman-child" concept doesnt do it.

CDfm

SarahSassy wrote: »

Thats cos I am an auld one

SS

PS some mens attitudes to life also make them undesirable :S

maybe but I think a lot of people look for Posh or Becks - when in reality there are a lot of very interesting people . Viva le difference.

Latchy

Originally Posted by Galvasean
Luckily for us the male biological (in general) ticks just that little bit longer. Also, I wonder do men have less of a natural urge to sire offspring than women?

Some men will father a child in the blink of an eye and wont give it a second thought .I am thinking more of the imature guy in his teens ( and I knew a few ) who sleeps around with as many girls as possible without giving a second thought to the pregnancy aspect. The child or in some case's ' children ' come along and it then becomes the girls problem .

I think most men have the natural desire and naturaly programmed ( just as women are) to re produce .But as in any cycle of life it will not be physically and emotionally suitable to a % of both sexs.

Wibbs

Doghouse wrote: »

Sigh. I wonder if men in their 30s/40s would act differently if there was a greater public awareness of the male 'biological clock'.

I dunno. It depends. My dad was nearly 50 when I came along and I have a (great)uncle who didnt start a family until he was 58. He has 3 kids now. The last was when he was 64. Another was 52. Yet another was 50. I can think of a few men like that, who either started new families at later stages or had second families. It really does depend on the man in question. If you look at that link posted by SS, the results came from fertility clinics. That's like going to a hospital and finding out the strangely shocking result that most people in hospitals are sick. Ignoble prize ahoy.

Yes a man's fertility is likely to drop with age. That's obvious to the point of Duuuh, but it isn't as obviously clearcut as women's. Even with women it's not clearcut. Women over the age of 25 are technically on the slippery slope, hell their peak apparnetly passes by at 18/19, yet I know women who've had perfectly healthy kids at 40.

CDfm

Doghouse wrote: »

Absolutely. And it's very rare that this ever gets mentioned in the mainstream media although there are many, many articles on how women are prioritising their careers/binge drinking/shoes over their ever-more-rapidly diminishing ability to procreate. Sigh. I wonder if men in their 30s/40s would act differently if there was a greater public awareness of the male 'biological clock'.

Men are different. A guy can be defined by the football team he supports or his car and many things women look on as silly.

For guys -the pressure to procreate aint so great. Women have peer pressure and extended family pressure to join the mother club. A guy will still be a guy without kids.

Im going out on a limb here - but there is an added attraction in being a Mum of giving up work and the whole social scene that goes with it. Go to any shopping centre on a morning and see women with babies socialising over coffee. That has its attractions -certainly does.

A female friend thinks a lot of its about socio-economic issues. Women with careers who are independently secure have more to loose by giving that up. Younger women also weigh up the pros and cons and are less likely to be afraid to admit being childfree cos they dont like babies.

Yusuf Mirza

Babies O_o likkle likkle babies

Wibbs

^ ehhhhh??

Nevyn

DenMan wrote: »

That's not a very fair statement Sarah. I wouldn't consider myself like that. You are right in that sense that since I have come back to Ireland I have met a lot of guys who cannot cook, clean, manage money etc. It's just a minority and not a true reflective on how things are here.

Tbh I find that men who can cook and clean are in the minority.
Which is sad for them and frankly disturbing really, both my kids will
know how to tend and fend for themselves, other wise imho I will have failed them for not preparing them to be independent.

CDfm wrote: »

Men are different. A guy can be defined by the football team he supports or his car and many things women look on as silly.

For guys -the pressure to procreate aint so great. Women have peer pressure and extended family pressure to join the mother club. A guy will still be a guy without kids.

Sorry but that is bollix, even with having kids I utterly refused to be defined by the fact, sacrificing yourself on the altar of motherhood is one surefire way
to loose yourself and damn the relationship with your partner and lead to family break up / break down.

CDfm wrote: »

Im going out on a limb here - but there is an added attraction in being a Mum of giving up work and the whole social scene that goes with it.

Are you fúcking kidding me ?
Have you any idea how much 'work' there is in staying at home with the baby and any other kids and becoming the default person for all the household chores and cleaning ?

CDfm wrote: »

Go to any shopping centre on a morning and see women with babies socialising over coffee. That has its attractions -certainly does.

So its all swaning around having coffeem then is it ?

Heaven forbid that is a support meeting or other wise they would be all
cracking up taking valium in the morning and drinking a half a bottle of wine
at night after putting the kids down and that is if they are lucky enough
to have people to go and have coffee with once a week for some relative adult converstaion rather then ending up trapped in the house.

CDfm wrote: »

A female friend thinks a lot of its about socio-economic issues. Women with careers who are independently secure have more to loose by giving that up.

Families are not supported enough in this country and there should be better options be it stay at home dads or more flexible working hours and better child care cover and after school programs. We don't have this so really unless you are lucky or are willing to hardly see the child which you are responsible for rearing for most of the working week you dont' have a lot of options.

And rebuilding a life and a career once you get shunted off on to the Mammy track is hard.

CDfm wrote: »

Younger women also weigh up the pros and cons and are less likely to be afraid to admit being childfree cos they dont like babies.

Children are a joy and a lot of responsibility and imho they have to come first.
All parents do that the best they can.