Marraige problem

monosharp

Righty lads and lassies.

Basically I'll be getting married in a foreign country to a local next year. Shes not Christian and as far as I'm aware the only Christian in her family is her sister-in-law. As per the Irish standard I'm Roman Catholic and as per the standard I no longer care/believe/other.

My mom wouldn't be the strictest woman in the world (and shes Church of Ireland, my Dad's RC) but she is trying to convince me that a 'church' blessing would be for the best.

Now my fiancée would be Buddhist if anything but lets call her religionless because I doubt an 'interest and respect' of Buddha etc counts as been religious and she considers herself religionless.

So basically she doesn't care about the ceremony, religious or not. I think she'd even put on the façade of religiousness if I asked. I on the other hand really do not want our marraige 'consecrated' by the church for the following reasons.

1 - The Catholic church over here is OK and Catholics in general seem OK. The Christians however (evangical whateverists) range on a scale of 'tolerable' to 'out of their minds insane'. I'm not going to talk about them because I know this isn't the place, lets just say Jesus/Bible nuts on LSD mixed with pro-Americanism and a deep hatred of anything not Christian.

This has given me a very bad picture of Christianity in this country and I'd hate to have any association with it. Then again as I said, the RC people I've met seem to be OK.

2 - I don't want to ask my fiancée to do it. She lives in a country with a long history, rich deep culture and their own traditions. Her father was buddhist and is buried in a temple.

I know she'd do it, she really doesn't care but I don't want to ask her to do it.

3. I don't believe. I fully believe there was a Jesus and he had a very good message for the world which anyone of any religion should listen to. What I don't believe is the other 99% of rubbish that's been thrown on top.

So while I was born, baptised and confirmed a RC, I would now consider myself nothing. I have an interest in Buddhist teachings but I also have an interest in Jesus' teachings.

So any recommendations on how to keep my mother from asking her local rector to pray for my soul and keep her somewhat happy ?

Weddings here are extremely different to home. Generally they have some important guy talk (not a priest/monk but it can be). Its not religious talk, just talk in general about life the universe and everything.

So I was thinking I could shove a priest up there and ask him to talk about something followed by someone else to talk for her family.

Idea's ?

PDN

Don't be a hypocrite to keep your family happy. Get married with no religious trappings. Let them accept you and your fiancee for who you are.

I doubt if you can stop your mother asking her local rector to pray for your soul (I'm presuming you're talking about at home when you aren't there, not as part of the wedding ceremony). So accept her for who she is as well.

Hopefully you will only get married once. Be true to yourself, the whole point of marriage is that you are leaving your parent's household and making one of your own - so do it your way.

Tim Robbins

monosharp wrote: »

Idea's ?

1. Buddhist Ceremony
2. Unitarian
3. Civil

If your OH isn't religious, I'd go 3.

achtungbarry

monosharp wrote: »

Righty lads and lassies.

Basically I'll be getting married in a foreign country to a local next year. Shes not Christian and as far as I'm aware the only Christian in her family is her sister-in-law. As per the Irish standard I'm Roman Catholic and as per the standard I no longer care/believe/other.

My mom wouldn't be the strictest woman in the world (and shes Church of Ireland, my Dad's RC) but she is trying to convince me that a 'church' blessing would be for the best.

Now my fiancée would be Buddhist if anything but lets call her religionless because I doubt an 'interest and respect' of Buddha etc counts as been religious and she considers herself religionless.

So basically she doesn't care about the ceremony, religious or not. I think she'd even put on the façade of religiousness if I asked. I on the other hand really do not want our marraige 'consecrated' by the church for the following reasons.

1 - The Catholic church over here is OK and Catholics in general seem OK. The Christians however (evangical whateverists) range on a scale of 'tolerable' to 'out of their minds insane'. I'm not going to talk about them because I know this isn't the place, lets just say Jesus/Bible nuts on LSD mixed with pro-Americanism and a deep hatred of anything not Christian.

This has given me a very bad picture of Christianity in this country and I'd hate to have any association with it. Then again as I said, the RC people I've met seem to be OK.

2 - I don't want to ask my fiancée to do it. She lives in a country with a long history, rich deep culture and their own traditions. Her father was buddhist and is buried in a temple.

I know she'd do it, she really doesn't care but I don't want to ask her to do it.

3. I don't believe. I fully believe there was a Jesus and he had a very good message for the world which anyone of any religion should listen to. What I don't believe is the other 99% of rubbish that's been thrown on top.

So while I was born, baptised and confirmed a RC, I would now consider myself nothing. I have an interest in Buddhist teachings but I also have an interest in Jesus' teachings.

So any recommendations on how to keep my mother from asking her local rector to pray for my soul and keep her somewhat happy ?

Weddings here are extremely different to home. Generally they have some important guy talk (not a priest/monk but it can be). Its not religious talk, just talk in general about life the universe and everything.

So I was thinking I could shove a priest up there and ask him to talk about something followed by someone else to talk for her family.

Idea's ?

Myself and my wife had a humanist wedding ceremony. We designed it ourselves. It was in both English and French (as my wife is French) and all of our friends and families participated by reading poems and texts. We had a celebrant from the humanist society of Ireland who did a magnificant job (especially the French bits). I'll happilly send you a copy of the text of our ceremony if you want to pm me. My wife came down the aisle to All I Want is You by U2 and we did the "you may now kiss the bride " bit to "More than a feeling" by Boston (no really!). It all took place in Kinnitty Castle in Offaly. We had a low key civil ceremony at the registry office a few days previous.

Here is link to the Irish humanist website's section on weddings http://www.humanism.ie/website/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=51&Itemid=57

As I said, feel free to PM me.