Donating your eggs

metaoblivia

allabouteve wrote: »

Putting more children into the world won't solve the problem of children in care and foster homes.

You might not be mother material now, but if/when you do become a mother, knowing a child of yours is out there without any imput in their lives from you, might start to hurt in places you can't imagine now.

Again, it's not for everyone. I see your points, but if I become an egg donor, than that's a risk I would sign up for. As Zaph said, you don't know if it works out or not, so...
I understand that some people couldn't deal with possibly having a child out there. But I don't see it as my child. I wasn't pregnant, I didn't give birth to it, I didn't raise it. It's someone else's child. I just donated some DNA. That's just me. It's my mindset. I can't make decisions based on something as flimsy as how I may or may not feel 10 years down the road. I can only make sure I'm fully educated about the process and make what I feel is the best decision at the present time. And at the present time, I see this as a win win.

spinandscribble

metaoblivia wrote: »

Again, it's not for everyone. I see your points, but if I become an egg donor, than that's a risk I would sign up for. As Zaph said, you don't know if it works out or not, so...
I understand that some people couldn't deal with possibly having a child out there. But I don't see it as my child. I wasn't pregnant, I didn't give birth to it, I didn't raise it. It's someone else's child. I just donated some DNA. That's just me. It's my mindset. I can't make decisions based on something as flimsy as how I may or may not feel 10 years down the road. I can only make sure I'm fully educated about the process and make what I feel is the best decision at the present time. And at the present time, I see this as a win win.

if thats the way you feel then there doesn't seem to be anything standing in your way.
Are you in any way worried the money may become a issue and you'll start selling more and more eggs or do you plan for this to be a once off?

brianthebard

I see what you are saying meta, but while you might not consider the child yours, the child might? http://www.nytimes.com/2005/11/20/national/20siblings.html?_r=1 These donations are something that continue to have implications for decades afterwards, and there's no guarantee a child conceived by your eggs might not want to come in contact with you. If this was the case, if they considered themselves your child but you didn't consider them yours, the possibilities for hurt are massive. I'm not trying to guilt trip you (I think) but like I said its just a really complex situation. Also, 100 dollars for sperm, 10,000 for eggs? yikes.

metaoblivia

Oh no, I see it as a once off thing. There's a specific bill I'd like to pay off and this would do it. I'm not someone who goes through money quickly. I have no credit card debt or anything like that.
If the child wants to find me, they are more than welcome to. One thing about me that is different from some people is that I'm very flexible when it comes to these things. If the child doesn't want to find me, that's fine. If they do, that's fine too, I'd be more than willing to be part of their life. I'm willing to have the donation completely anonymously or meet with the parents and play a role in the child's life. It's about what the couple wants and what they think would be best for their child.

brianthebard

metaoblivia wrote: »

Oh no, I see it as a once off thing. There's a specific bill I'd like to pay off and this would do it. I'm not someone who goes through money quickly. I have no credit card debt or anything like that.
If the child wants to find me, they are more than welcome to. One thing about me that is different from some people is that I'm very flexible when it comes to these things. If the child doesn't want to find me, that's fine. If they do, that's fine too, I'd be more than willing to be part of their life. I'm willing to have the donation completely anonymously or meet with the parents and play a role in the child's life. It's about what the couple wants and what they think would be best for their child.

I don't want to insult you here, cause what I'm about to say might seem confrontational, but at the same time I assume you posted this thread cause you wanted to see how people think about these things and how you feel about the topics they brought up. With that in mind;

You said that you wouldn't think of the child as yours. But if the child comes to you at 18 or whatever you are willing to be a part of their life. Don't you think they will think of you as their mother of sorts, otherwise they wouldn't have bothered? So if you don't think of that hypothetical child as yours now, would you be willing to consider it your child if they asked you to be their mother, which I see as a possibility?

SeekUp

brianthebard wrote: »

Also, 100 dollars for sperm, 10,000 for eggs? yikes.

Well . . . there's no intensive hormone regimen/genetic testing/synching up of menstrual cycles/going into the body to retrieve the eggs . . . when it comes to men going into a room and "depositing" into a cup, is there?

brianthebard

SeekUp wrote: »

Well . . . there's no intensive hormone regimen/genetic testing/synching up of menstrual cycles/going into the body to retrieve the eggs . . . when it comes to men going into a room and "depositing" into a cup, is there?

My balls feel cheapened.

metrovelvet

I babysat for a long time a child conceived through IVF donation. It was sperm, not egg, but I imagine the issues are very similar.

Here she is here: http://video.aol.com/video-detail/leandra-ramm-on-anderson-cooper-360-on-cnn/4205158973

She came from a genius nobel prize bank created to make better citizens. What the video doesnt tell you is that her younger brother, also from the same bank is autistic.

She considers the man who raised her to be her dad but expresses a desire to meet her donor to express her gratitude for her existence. She seems very adjusted and mature about all of it.

Her parents are very good friends of my family and I would not judge them, but personally I would not **** with nature and have serious ethical questions around the fertility industry.

Furthmore, just consider that everyone has a philosophical, though not legal, right to know their biological heritage/identity.

metaoblivia

brianthebard wrote: »

I don't want to insult you here, cause what I'm about to say might seem confrontational, but at the same time I assume you posted this thread cause you wanted to see how people think about these things and how you feel about the topics they brought up. With that in mind;

You said that you wouldn't think of the child as yours. But if the child comes to you at 18 or whatever you are willing to be a part of their life. Don't you think they will think of you as their mother of sorts, otherwise they wouldn't have bothered? So if you don't think of that hypothetical child as yours now, would you be willing to consider it your child if they asked you to be their mother, which I see as a possibility?

Oh, no insult taken. I posted this thread because I am considering doing it, and I know there's a wealth of opinions on it. It's somewhat controversial. I thought it would make for an interesting discussion in TLL.
There has been adoption in my family, so I'm familiar with the varied emotions that surround this sort of thing. I think there's a difference between being a mother and having a relationship with a biological parent. If I were to donate an egg to a couple, and should they have a child from that egg, that mother would be their mother. Now, if the child came to me at 18 and wanted a relationship with me, I would certainly have one with them. Whether or not I would consider them my child or they would consider me their mother would depend on the depth of that relationship. From personal experience, adopted children who were raised in loving families usually feel very strongly that their adoptive parents are their "real" parents. They may want to find their biological parents and establish a relationship with them, but usually make it very clear that they aren't trying to replace their adoptive parents.
Is their a risk for hurt feelings somewhere along this very thin line? Yes. But that's life. That's a risk you choose to take.

Xiney

When I was in university (famous one - so it's a common belief that people studying there are intelligent), over 50% of the ads in the classifieds of the student newspaper were "donate your eggs to a childless american couple" types.

And I would have with no reservations at all except that I'd just had Mirena inserted and I'd have had to take it out. I think my husband and I could have done without sex for 8 weeks for 10 grand.



DNA for me does not mean much at all - although like the OP I wouldn't mind if the child later wanted to get in touch with me or something like that.

Pyr0

I wouldn't feel comfortable knowing a child I helped create was running around and I had no input in its life, knew what it looked like etc I'm not even sure knowing what the child looked like would a good thing, thinking about it now it'd probably make it harder to accept that the child legally isn't mine, biologically yes but not legally.

littlebug

I think it's a very selfless thing for you to consider metaoblivia:). Careful with wanting to repeat it though- it's a heavy duty assault on your hormones and cycle. I'm close to someone who had IVF and despite it being something she desperately wanted she found the ovarian stimulation thing incredibily difficult hormonally. Bad PMS x 100. There is also the risk of hyperstimulation which can be very serious but I assume you know all that.

metrovelvet

I dont know if its selfless. You are getting a lot of money for it and you can satisfy your biological need to procreate without actually having to be a mother.

metrovelvet

Question for OP - How much of what you get will you have to hand over in taxes? What will you be left with?

metaoblivia

No idea. I'd think more about that if it actually happened.

littlebug

metrovelvet wrote: »

I dont know if its selfless. You are getting a lot of money for it and you can satisfy your biological need to procreate without actually having to be a mother.

I'm actually changing my mind on this every few minutes metrovelvet lol! I just know that I couldn't do it for any amount of money and I also see it as a heavy assault on the body which does have it's risks. The amount of money does complicate things but I'm guessing there aren't many purely altruistic donors around which is why they have gone this route. I wonder how many donors the Irish programme has had given that there isn't money involved.
I'm not sure that I agree that it would satisfy a biological need to procreate like you say but hey.... i can only judge by my own experiences/ instincts/ needs...

metrovelvet

metaoblivia wrote: »

No idea. I'd think more about that if it actually happened.

You do have to pay taxes on it. If I were you,Id find out how much youd be left with, weight it up against the health risks, the possible remorse, and everything else and see if its worth it.

LolaLuv

I couldn't do it. Too much of a hassle, but I'd also still feel like it were my kid. I don't think I'd be comfortable with randomly adding my DNA to the gene pool like that. I'd want to know where it's going and that future progeny would be well taken care of, etc. Also, I have concerns about the implications for it as far as selecting children's traits and all that. Just not my cuppa, no matter how much they pay.

metrovelvet

^ Me too. Just couldnt for so many reasons.

metaoblivia

metrovelvet wrote: »

You do have to pay taxes on it. If I were you,Id find out how much youd be left with, weight it up against the health risks, the possible remorse, and everything else and see if its worth it.

Oh, I know you'd have to pay taxes on it. I just don't know the specific details regarding it, seeing as this is simply an idea right now. If it were to become more of a reality, that would be one of my questions (each candidate, once an initial application is approved, then has an interview with the agency; I would ask then). Taxes aren't something I'm terribly concerned with though.
I've read up on the risks, which are minimal and not long term, and while you may be concerned about potential remorse, I am not, as I have stated several times.

Zaph

I think it's one of those things that there isn't a right or wrong for, every woman has to decide what's right for them. If the donor is able to accept the potential future emotional consequences, as metaoblivia appears to be, then I think it is an altrusitic thing for a woman to do, regardless of whether there's money involved or not. It's obviously quite punishing on the body, I see no problem with compensating someone for that. Equally I couldn't condemn a woman for not doing it, nor would I call them selfish in any way for not helping childless couples. If after weighing up the risks vs. the rewards they decide it's not for them, who am I to tell them otherwise? To put it in terms I can relate to, I'm not likely to go skydiving anytime soon, despite several people I know telling me that it's the greatest feeling ever. It's one reward I'm quite happy to live without.

embee

I've gotta say, I don't think it's a "selfless" act to have your eggs harvested for cash. Selfless would be donating free of charge, but receiving payment for your ova is most certainly not a selfless act that should be applauded as an altruistic act.

There can be serious side effects from putting your body through a cycle of IVF. Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS) is a rare but potentially fatal complication that can occur. An Irish woman in the last few years has died from OHSS so it is something that you would need to think long and hard about before going ahead with the treatment.

Personally, I wouldnt do it - egg stores cannot be replenished in the same way that sperm can, and as egg quality diminishes as you age, I'd rather keep my eggs for the expansion of my own family.

http://www.irishhealth.com/article.html?id=11892

Peared

Absolutely no way in a milion years would I even consider it.

I would want my child to be mine. And biologically it is yours, there is no getting away from that.

I think there may be a danger in assuming that because you think you wouldn't feel any curiousity about the child it will be the same in years to come. You may have children of your own and that can change a persons mind about many many things. Nobody can predict their emotional state 18 years down the road. Personally I wouldn't take that risk.

However, I admire people who do it for altruistic reasons and surrogates also.

SeekUp

embee wrote: »

Personally, I wouldnt do it - egg stores cannot be replenished in the same way that sperm can, and as egg quality diminishes as you age, I'd rather keep my eggs for the expansion of my own family.

Although every egg you "use" that doesn't end up being fertilized is a "wasted" egg anyway, eh?

brianthebard

SeekUp wrote: »

Although every egg you "use" that doesn't end up being fertilized is a "wasted" egg anyway, eh?

But normally you only "waste" one egg per month, whereas with this hormone treatment you could use up a year's supply for an attempt at one pregnancy? I'm not 100% sure that's how it works, the female reproductive system remains a topic of interest and mystery to me...

Xiney

The female body releases up to 20 follicles a month - although only one of these (normally now, not accounting for twins and stuff) ever develops to maturity, ruptures, and results in ovulation.

If you donate some of your eggs, you will NOT have any less left over for the growth of your own family, since basically what happens is the medications they give you cause the other follicles to mature and result in ovulation. You're not using any more eggs than you normally would be, they just get more of them to be useful and get them out of you and give 'em to some other lady

LightningBolt

I think people need to differentiate between raising a child and shaping their values and views as opposed to donating eggs that will contribute to the genetic make up of the child. Metabolivia seems to be generally aware of any potential issues that may ensure if she was to donate eggs which lead to a child being born. In fact I'd say she's got a great mindset which will allow her to go and do it. Contrast that with someone who is unstable and is doing it solely for the money without giving any thought to future implications and I'd have reservations about allowing the said person to go ahead with the procedure.

I presume there's a psycological examination carried out prior to the procedure being done?

SeekUp

brianthebard wrote: »

But normally you only "waste" one egg per month, whereas with this hormone treatment you could use up a year's supply for an attempt at one pregnancy? I'm not 100% sure that's how it works, the female reproductive system remains a topic of interest and mystery to me...

I was just making the point that you can't hold on to all of your eggs forever until you see fit to "use" them . . .

embee wrote: »

Personally, I wouldnt do it - egg stores cannot be replenished in the same way that sperm can, and as egg quality diminishes as you age, I'd rather keep my eggs for the expansion of my own family.

There's just no way you can use them all. You're born with all the eggs you're gonna get and they die as you get older, but if you're young, you certainly still have enough to have a family of your own. We're talking thousands of thousands of eggs here -- if you and your eggs are healthy, you'd still have a good shot for many children should you want them.

Alice1

My concern about egg donation / sale is that if donated / sold eggs result in a successful pregnancy and the resultant child were to meet one of my children in later life it is possible that they would fall in love and have children of their own.

I find something distasteful about selling what has been given freely to me.

I donate blood every 3 months - purely to benefit others. I couldn't possibly take money for it.

LightningBolt

Alice1 wrote: »

My concern about egg donation / sale is that if donated / sold eggs result in a successful pregnancy and the resultant child were to meet one of my children in later life it is possible that they would fall in love and have children of their own.

I find something distasteful about selling what has been given freely to me.

I donate blood every 3 months - purely to benefit others. I couldn't possibly take money for it.

What are the chances of that happening? Although I understand your concerns and they're valid it's highly unlikely?

In America it's extremely capitalist, if you were to donate something and could receive cash for it would you refuse to accept it?

p.s I'm aware donating and taking cash for the "donation" are conflicting.:D