"Out of my league"

brianthebard

Do girls/wimmins/ladies here ever think this about a guy? I hadn't thought it for a good while (since I grew some confidence) but I know a woman that is quite lovely and it occurred to me that she was out of my league. Doesn't bother me cause there is no chance of anything happening regardless, but it just made me curious as to whether this is something people/women think about at all, or if its something you leave behind in secondary school? Or did you ever think such a thing?

likely_lass

i dont think id consciously think "hes out of my leauge" but its that thing when you know you would never "go for it". does that make any sense?

Galvasean

I've seen lots of guys get with girls I'd consider way out of 'their league'. So there's hope for the worst of us really. :pac:

Seraphina

yup. i know its a silly thing to think but i do it anyway, "ahh he'd never be interested in me" or whatever. im not a bad looking girl but i know there are plenty more attractive ladies out there, and he's most likely going to go for one of those.

Peared

It's basically judging where you think you are in the looks food chain.

It's normal I suppose although not something I ever find myself thinking personally.

spinandscribble

there will be the odd time i assume a guy won't like me because i think he's better then me in some way (looks, smarts, personality). i don't make a point of not flirting with him but it just happens naturally, i guess as a way to prevent rejection. i remember maybe three times thats happened to me though so maybe i should stop before it comes a habit.

brianthebard

likely_lass wrote: »

i dont think id consciously think "hes out of my leauge" but its that thing when you know you would never "go for it". does that make any sense?

Yeah that makes sense, pretty much what I had in mind.

Galvasean wrote: »

I've seen lots of guys get with girls I'd consider way out of 'their league'. So there's hope for the worst of us really. :pac:

\o/
Actually I've seen the same more than few times.

Peared wrote: »

It's basically judging where you think you are in the looks food chain.

It's normal I suppose although not something I ever find myself thinking personally.

Its not just about looks though, but whether you (well I) think the person is a lot smarter than you, or have their life more together, or is just...well the only word I can think of is better than you, but that's kind of a downer....

spinandscribble

question:

has anyone seem girls with guys out of their "league"? i have to say with less frequency then vice versa

Galvasean

In that case it's more a case of 'which league'.
Sure she's out of my league looks wise, but I'm willing to bet I'm out of her league when it comes to dinosaur trivia! :pac:

spinandscribble

Galvasean wrote: »

In that case it's more a case of 'which league'.
Sure she's out of my league looks wise, but I'm willing to bet I'm out of her league when it comes to dinosaur trivia! :pac:

we're all the best in some league its just less noticeable sometimes

Galvasean

spinandscribble wrote: »

question:

has anyone seem girls with guys out of their "league"? i have to say with less frequency then vice versa

If the 'league' in question is looks then yes, but it's much rarer than vice versa. Usually in these cases the girl in question is mega-rich.

edit: all from my own experiences of course.

likely_lass

Anyway the amazingly attractive guys are usually **** who love themselves so much that in reality theirs no room for you in their life !

mehfesto2

The Polish lads that live near me look like a bag of spuds (muscle-y spuds at that, mind) and they have incredibly attractive lady-friends. I don't know of any examples of it the other way around though.

spinandscribble

Galvasean wrote: »

If the 'league' in question is looks then yes, but it's much rarer than vice versa. Usually in these cases the girl in question is mega-rich.

looks yes but with regard to people you'd know well where looks might be of a similar standing, and its the personality in question?

also good point on the rich thing. seriously do guys secretly wanna a sugar mamma?

Pen1987

spinandscribble wrote: »

question:

has anyone seem girls with guys out of their "league"? i have to say with less frequency then vice versa

Thats because looks are far more subjective when it comes to womens opinion on men. There's no real "look", George Clooney looks much different to Brad Pitt but they're both still considered sex Gods. Hundreds of women think Johnny Depp is gorgeous, hundreds don't. Ask any man what he thinks of any bird off the telly and you'll get the same answer of every one of them either "I would" or "I wouldn't". (However he probably "would" anything but he won't say that). Mens definition of beauty is far more "grouped", I can't think of the right word, what I'm saying is - most men have the same taste in women.

brianthebard

spinandscribble wrote: »

also good point on the rich thing. seriously do guys secretly wanna a sugar mamma?

Secretly?? No secret about it!

Trinity

Yep all the time. But not really about looks although it does come into it.

Its more, how do i put it, class wise?

I'm from Ballymun and i'm a civil servant, I was also a single mum before i met my other half so I feel that way quite a bit, in fact always. I dated a few people that i felt were way above me and spent the whole relationship, if you can call it that, feeling insecure and wondering was i being used as i didnt think i would be brought home to mammy anytime soon.

I always feel people are from better areas, better educated, better spoken, better travelled, better looking, more money etc. The list is endless. I dont feel like that with my OH though. I feel in my "comfort zone" with him.

Hes not from a great area either, hasnt got a high flying job but is down to earth and appreciates the little things. Hes a decent fella, up at 6am everyday out to work, not much money but spends what he has on his family.

The father of my first child is a snobby cnut, probably plenty of money, great job, from a very posh area, (used to be a bit fond of the coke mind you) and yet hasnt bought so much as a pint of milk for his son in 5 years, doesnt see him, lets him down etc. So money doesnt make a man, hes a scumbag in D4 clothing. Just a different kind of scumbag. No family values whatsoever.

My mother always told me its not where you live its how you live.

End of rant

spinandscribble

brianthebard wrote: »

Secretly?? No secret about it!

brian you're a special honest little guy *gold star giveth*

Kya1976

brianthebard wrote: »

Do girls/wimmins/ladies here ever think this about a guy? I hadn't thought it for a good while (since I grew some confidence) but I know a woman that is quite lovely and it occurred to me that she was out of my league. Doesn't bother me cause there is no chance of anything happening regardless, but it just made me curious as to whether this is something people/women think about at all, or if its something you leave behind in secondary school? Or did you ever think such a thing?

no I would definitely not think like that, ever.....

Galvasean

spinandscribble wrote: »

also good point on the rich thing. seriously do guys secretly wanna a sugar mamma?

Well I'll just say if I'm presented with to identical (for argument's sake) girls that want to be with me (again for argument's sake), the only difference is one is rich, the other penniless... would it be so wrong to pick the rich one?

spinandscribble

Galvasean wrote: »

Well I'll just say if I'm presented with to identical (for argument's sake) girls that want to be with me (again for argument's sake), the only difference is one is rich, the other penniless... would it be so wrong to pick the rich one?

no i'm just surprised. the fact i come from a relatively well off background has proven to be a issue for some now exs. at least i can pay my way!

Abi

After a bit of thought on this, well I could people please and lie. But honestly never thought someone was out of my league, but on the other hand I wouldnt entertain a conversation with some. Not fair or nice I know, but you could say growing up I was 'guided' into this line of thought. Never been made to face it before. But can someone change their attitude?

CathyMoran

I married a man that I consider to be out of my league but I always had very high standards and never went for anything less than the best. In the end of the day everyone looks the same underneath.

Madame Razz

Yeah, it's something I have felt a lot to be honest...was always majorly shocked when I landed a fine man.......and it's been an issue in more than one previous relationship; I've been very insecure and wondering what they're doing with me etc....

Even very good decent men, I wonder what I have done to deserve them/think I don't deserve them.

Has led me to sabotage things quite a bit in the past....

Never understood why; the men never understood either...:rolleyes:

Not sure if it's something I've outgrown; I guess I have good days and bad days....s'pose everybody has really......

Or else.... i'm a fruitcake:eek:

Bijoux

Trinity1 wrote: »

Yep all the time. But not really about looks although it does come into it.

Its more, how do i put it, class wise?

I'm from Ballymun and i'm a civil servant, I was also a single mum before i met my other half so I feel that way quite a bit, in fact always. I dated a few people that i felt were way above me and spent the whole relationship, if you can call it that, feeling insecure and wondering was i being used as i didnt think i would be brought home to mammy anytime soon.

I always feel people are from better areas, better educated, better spoken, better travelled, better looking, more money etc. The list is endless. I dont feel like that with my OH though. I feel in my "comfort zone" with him.

Hes not from a great area either, hasnt got a high flying job but is down to earth and appreciates the little things. Hes a decent fella, up at 6am everyday out to work, not much money but spends what he has on his family.

The father of my first child is a snobby cnut, probably plenty of money, great job, from a very posh area, (used to be a bit fond of the coke mind you) and yet hasnt bought so much as a pint of milk for his son in 5 years, doesnt see him, lets him down etc. So money doesnt make a man, hes a scumbag in D4 clothing. Just a different kind of scumbag. No family values whatsoever.

My mother always told me its not where you live its how you live.

End of rant

+1, I've been with one or two really rich lads, neither of them ever had to work a day in their lives, didn't appreciate or know the value of anything! They also tended to be very superficial.
Not to say I judge all people with a larger bank balance like this, but thats just my experience so far.


People in (or near) the same social class FTW

Galvasean

spinandscribble wrote: »

no i'm just surprised. the fact i come from a relatively well off background has proven to be a issue for some now exs. at least i can pay my way!

I suppose a lot of guys feel emasculated when their girl pays for them. I certainly have felt this way before. I know I shouldn't, I know its the 21st Century etc. but there is something deeply engraved... just check out that 'Go Dutch' thread for more opinions on the matter.

Pen1987

I suppose I should actually answer instead of just pointing out things.

As a male, I constantly feel this, and it ruins a lot of potential relationships. My last girlfriend was by all accounts, drop dead gorgeous, "the" girl from the area I'm from. I suppose thankfully, she had similar confidence issues as myself because she was constantly asking me why I chose her and saying she was worried because I could have "any girl in the club" when I went out with the lads - as if women were throwing themselves at me (never happens). The result of this was a straining on the relationship that made us slightly distant which eventually ruined us.

Since I've returned to the single life I've found it tough to adapt. I always think any woman with something going for her is out of league. I've a few things going for myself although I did recently lose my job, I'm not bad looking - done a bit of modelling, always in the gym etc etc but when I get chatting to women in bars I tend to think "**** sake, she's a degree, she's an apartment, she's already earning good money all the lads are after her" and comparing it to my own situation "working for myself, struggling to get money together, living at home", then I just think "fook this, she'll never go for me" and I bail out of there.

Problem is, this ranking system is terrible for both parties, some of these women are clearly attracted to me and attractive themselves but I ruin it by thinking I'm not good enough. It makes nobody happy, and it's feckin' stupid! Might make it my new years resolution to change it.

Galvasean

CathyMoran wrote: »

In the end of the day everyone looks the same underneath.

I think i know what you mean...

Peared

As Galvasean said - there are different leagues.

An interesting way to look at it is:

take one good looking bloke sitting in a pub that catches your eye - would you approach him?

now take the same bloke but imagine that he is famous - would you still approach him?

Most people lose their confidence when faced with a person who is famous because instantly the famous person is propelled into 'out of my league' territory.

It's a very visible example of people 'knowing their place'.

I actually had a similar conversation to this with someone recently and was labelled arrogant because I don't view people as being out of my league. But why should I, in fact, why should anyone? It doesn't mean I think I'm better, just that I'm not not as good.

People are different, not better or worse.

Galvasean

Peared wrote: »

As Galvasean said - there are different leagues.

An interesting way to look at it is:

take one good looking bloke sitting in a pub that catches your eye - would you approach him?

now take the same bloke but imagine that he is famous - would you still approach him?

Most people lose their confidence when faced with a person who is famous because instantly the famous person is propelled into 'out of my league' territory.

It's a very visible example of people 'knowing their place'.

Interesting. Reminds me of a conversation I had with a mate - the usual rating girls looks out of ten thing. Basically he wanted to know how I could only give Christina Aguillera 8/10 yet I had given girls we knew from our year 9 or even 10. Basically my logic boiled down to 'Famous people should be judged more harshly in the looks department'.

Call Me Jimmy

Pen1987 wrote: »

Thats because looks are far more subjective when it comes to womens opinion on men. There's no real "look", George Clooney looks much different to Brad Pitt but they're both still considered sex Gods. Hundreds of women think Johnny Depp is gorgeous, hundreds don't. Ask any man what he thinks of any bird off the telly and you'll get the same answer of every one of them either "I would" or "I wouldn't". (However he probably "would" anything but he won't say that). Mens definition of beauty is far more "grouped", I can't think of the right word, what I'm saying is - most men have the same taste in women.

Pretty interesting post. I think women can actually change their opinion on how a guy looks based on other things. Like if the guy is real cool/funny/charming i'de say it can make women see him in a better light, maybe it's just that they gloss over his looks a bit more because of the other stuff. Whereas most men see women crystal clear, if she's not great looking but funny, the funny is less likely to have an impact on his opinion. Ah I dunno