Stingiest thing you've seen stingy people do

Capt'n Midnight

Paddy Cow wrote: »

Whoever makes them, they're horrible.

They'll cut the price but not their own throats, be stupid to make the cheap beans taste as nice as the expensive ones.


Some money and time saving tips (time is money)
http://www.viz.co.uk/toptips.html

SAVE MONEY on water rates by only ever eating bananas, the food you can eat without washing your hands after a piss or a dump.
Arnold Verrall, Esse

GENTS. SAVE yourself embarrassment on washday. Place a strip of 1-inch wide sellotape in the gusset of your underpants every morning. This can simply be wiped clean after any unfortunate accidents.
Kenny, Fife

WHEN REPLYING to Nigerian lawyers that offer millions in return for a £50.000 finders fee, only send half the money. Keep the rest until you get the paperwork.
Dr Maldwin Palmer, e-mail

WHEN HAVING a pizza delivered, call the shop back after it has arrived and tell them that it's the wrong one. Minutes later, another pizza will be delivered. They will not ask for the old pizza back because it is their policy as they don't know what you have done to it. Hey presto! Two pizzas for the price of one.
Paul Gillespie, e-mail

DON'T WASTE money on expensive iPods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to “switch tracks”, simply think of another song you like and hum that instead.
Fish Kid, e-mail

A CIGARETTE butt placed beneath a Band-Aid makes a cheap nicotine patch.
Scott & Stu, e-mail

TAX PAYERS. Beat the taxman by only ever doing a job for three months, then resigning and signing on for the next three months. That way, you get back the tax you paid while you were working.
H.R., e-mail

DOG OWNERS. Avoid getting fined for failing to clean up after your pooch by carrying a joke shop dog poo around with you in a transparent polythene bag when you walk your pet.
Mark Anderson, Coventry

IN A RUSH? Cook your breakfast egg in half the time by replacing the water in the pan with commercially available brake fluid which boils at 200°C.
Carlos, Northern Ireland

AVOID THE constant price increases in milk by buying all you will need for the rest of the year in January.
Iain Finlayson, e-mail

FORMULA one fans. Recreate the excitement of your favourite sport by threading coloured beads onto a string, pulling it taut and lowering one end. For added authenticity, single beads can be used for practice, qualifying etc.
Colin Harrison, Glasgow

SAVE MONEY on expensive telephone sex lines. Simply send a text message of unadulterated filth to your own landline. Hey presto! The automatic BT text reader will then repeat back the grot of your own choice to your own front room in husky female tones.
Ian Cramphorn, Trousers

MPLOYERS. Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the CVs into the bin.
Johnny the E, e-mail

COUNCIL highway departments. Save money erecting warning signs on dangerous bends. Simply sellotape a bunch of flowers to a nearby lamp post instead.
Adrian Webster, Macclesfield

SAINSBURY'S directors. Attract more people into your stores by not getting Jamie Oliver to do your adverts, and using the money to make your beans and stuff a bit cheaper.
J. Geils, Wrexham

NATURALISTS. Make your own otter by doing bonsai on a seal.
Julian Barlow, Coggeshall

RYAN AIR passengers. These days they let ALL passengers off the planes, thus eliminating the need to all clamber to the front the second the aircraft lands.
Darren Singleton, e-mail

DRINK AS much as you like on Long haul flights and don't worry about being over the limit when you drive home from the airport - the time difference will have taken care of that.
J. Walker, Hemel Hempstead

SPECTACLE wearers. Whilst having your morning dump, take a piece of toilet paper, clean your glasses, and then wipe your arse. Hey presto, two uses for the one sheet of paper. NB. It must be done in that order.
Ian Thewlis, Leeds

BREAD KNIVES can also be used to cut cheese.
Benjamin Gardner, e-mail

SAVE TIME by only ever watching one Bruce Willis movie.
Zed, e-mail

THRIFTY shoppers. Save cash when buying apples in the supermarket by removing the stalks to reduce the weight. You'll be smiling all the way to the checkout on your 176th visit as you effectively claim your free apple.
Will Mayes, e-mail

FATTIES. Take a tip from smokers and stop your cravings for chips by Sellotaping a crisp to the top of your arm each morning.
L Zebra, Chessington

PEOPLE CALLED Steven. Save time by calling yourself Steve.
Name lost, Sorry

MUMS. AFTER your kids have mastered spelling with Alphabetti Spaghetti, buy a tin of the normal stuff so as they can practise joined-up writing.
Jay, e-mail

GUYS. SAVE wasted trips to the swimming baths by ringing them up to ask if there is any bikini-clad talent in the pool before you set off.
David Wells, Billericay

TRAMPS. Watch Ray Mears' World of Survival in Dixon's window to open your eyes to a whole host of natural foodstuffs.
Daniel Green, e-mail

SHOPPERS. When buying grapes, take one grape to the till. When it is weighed it won't register on the low-tech unsensitive scales so you will get it for free. Repeat this procedure a hundred times or so, and hey, presto! You have yourself a free bunch of grapes.
A Bomb & Wan Kin Gai, Hiroshima

TAXI DRIVERS. Remove the bulbs from your indicators in case you momentarilly forget what you do for a living and inadvertantly signal.
Aiden, e-mail

SAVE MONEY on Red Nose Day by simply using half the wax covering from a tasty Babybel cheese. Save your friends money too by giving them the other half.
J Routlidge, e-mail

SHOES LAST twice as long if only worn every other day.
Clare Hobley (34E), Manchester

FELLAS. Stand outside an Ann Summers shop dressed in a security guard's uniform with a smoke detector in your pocket. When a fit bird walks out, simply press the smoke alarm test button and voila! A free grope!
D Clegg, Cirencester

POWER COMPANIES. After a blackout, wait until midnight before turning on the power again. That way, everybody's alarm clocks and videos will be automatically re-set.
Joe Leary, On fire in Australia

TWINS. ALWAYS make your twin try on a new outfit before you buy it so you can see exactly how you will look in it. (This does not work if your twin is of the opposite sex. Unless you are a drag queen. Or the opposite of a drag queen).
Matt Jones, Cambridge

HOUSEWIVES. Add washing up liquid to your recipies so as you can cook and wash up at the same time.
Sam, e-mail

SAVE MONEY on milk by not reporting your neighbour's death. You can even leave a note for their milkman to bring more expensive items like chicken or spuds.
Mike Haskins, Bristol

BY GRABBING hold of a charity letter and twisting it sideways, it is possible to remove the free pen without opening it and subjecting yourself to all that guilt.
Phil Hunt, Stroud

LEEDS UNITED fans. Save time on a Saturday afternoon by just popping along to Elland Road for the last two minutes of each game, as this is invariably when all the action is.
T Hennesey, Nottingham

DOG OWNERS. Never lose your TV remote control again. Simply sellotape it to the back of your dog, and hey presto! Whistle, and the device is at your beck and call! This can also apply to hot drinks, after intense training.
Theodore Tramp, e-mail

PHILANTHROPISTS. Be careful when giving street alcoholics money for 'a cup of tea', as some of the less scrupulous ones may be tempted to spend it on strong liquor.
Mark Jordan, e-mail

DRIVERS. Save money by putting much larger wheels on the back of your car. That way you will always be going downhill, thereby saving on fuel.
Daren Percy, Leigh

TOWN COUNCILS. Reduce litter problems by issuing blind people with pointy sticks.
Rich, Ilford

BEFORE BRUSHING your teeth, eat something sweet, such as a piece of chocolate. That way you can be sure of getting good value for the toothpaste that you use.
John Twomey, Kilburn

DEPRESSED people. Instead of attempting suicide as a 'cry for help', simply shout 'Help!' thus saving money on paracetamol, etc.
Stephen McGrath, e-mail

SAVE MONEY on your water bill. Every time you flush the toilet, piss into the cistern. It all goes down the same way and you'll save approximately £1.56 over a lifetime.
Albert Shortfish, West Midlands

SAVE MONEY on electric toothbrushes by simply clamping a bottle brush into the chuck of a Black & Decker drill.
S. Grainger, Market Raisin

RECENTLY defunct and apparently worthless European coins still work as legal tender for buskers, beggars, the honesty box in WHSmith and old ladies collecting for charities. Especially the RNIB.
Jamie Groves, e-mail

WEIGHT WATCHERS. After reaching your ideal weight, maintain it by weighing yourself before and after a dump. The weight difference is the amount of food you can eat before having another dump.
Nick Brook, e-mail

IDENTICAL twins. Use Morse code to cheat in exams by stabbing yourself in the arm with a sharp compass. The other twin, at home with a text book, can 'feel' the question and stab you back the answers.
W. Walker, Norwich

SAVE MONEY on expensive CDs by simply cutting circles of cardboard from an empty cornflakes packet and covering them with foil.
Jamie McKenzie, West Drayton

MAKE YOUR own inexpensive mints by leaving blobs of toothpaste to dry on a window sill. Use striped toothpaste to make humbugs.
Mark Hughes, Southampton

HOUSEHOLDERS. Store yellow crayons, broken pencils, dried up biros and highlighters somewhere handy. I keep mine in a jar by the telephone.
Mikey, e-mail

HOMELESS people. Lighten your load by not buying a dog.
Ryan, e-mail

DRIVERS. When overfilling your car with petrol by a few pence, simply wink at the assistant, laughingly telling her you'll “bring it in next time, love.” This will put a smile on her face before her already meagre wage is docked. Again.
Rosemary, Billericay

MAKE YOUR own carrots by painting parsnips orange.
Der Schturmer, e-mail

ARN BIG money by displaying a “How's My Driving?” sign on your car, along with an 0906 number ( £1.50 per minute) which you can aquire through BT. Then simply drive around town like a complete arsehole.
Jim, Lancaster

SAVE DOING unnecessary ironing by putting on your shirt and tucking it into your trousers. Then, draw a line around the shirt at belt level with an indelible marker pen. The material below this line will never need ironing, thus saving time and effort.
JA Colo, e-mail

a fat guy

I worked for an IT company as a part of my degree for three months.

One guy paid for my lunch twice, which was very nice of him, but I had to pay 20 quid a week to go to the place and got no money at all out of them...

Gave them a tin of Roses on the final day too.

I just thought it was stingy because I've been given 50 quid for two weeks work during work experience for TY in Secondary School and got nothing from this actual company itself in the end.

le la rat

playing poker a guy got knocked out it was only a small rebuy. His mate cam down from belfast for the weekend. He turns to the friend and asked him for the 2 euro that he gave him for a coffee the day before. sick people

hypermuse

went into apache with friends to avail of their "any pizza any size for €9.99" deal (think you can see where this is going)...

I paid with cash, €10 no change.. didnt really think anything of it even though its not the cashiers job to decide what amount of money I determine to be valuable/unwanted.

What me and my friends found funny is that the other lad paid by laser (as he didnt have cash on him) and they charged him €10!!! not €9.99!!

That was just cheeky!!

batistuta9

hypermuse wrote: »

went into apache with friends to avail of their "any pizza any size for €9.99" deal (think you can see where this is going)...

I paid with cash, €10 no change.. didnt really think anything of it even though its not the cashiers job to decide what amount of money I determine to be valuable/unwanted.

What me and my friends found funny is that the other lad paid by laser (as he didnt have cash on him) and they charged him €10!!! not €9.99!!

That was just cheeky!!

not giving you the 1cent back was cheeky as well, even though you probably would have said keep it or charity boxed it

used my laser card to buy cigarettes in the shop one day & the girl told me that minimum purchases is supposed to be €10 otherwise the owner doesn't make anything - she gave them to me though, but said the owner probably wouldn't have.

could be why he was charged a tenner

hypermuse

batistuta9 wrote: »

not giving you the 1cent back was cheeky as well, even though you probably would have said keep it or charity boxed it

used my laser card to buy cigarettes in the shop one day & the girl told me that minimum purchases is supposed to be €10 otherwise the owner doesn't make anything - she gave them to me though, but said the owner probably wouldn't have.

could be why he was charged a tenner

I used to work in a newsagent and if people were buying cigarettes or credit then he used to refuse to accept laser.. No profit margin and apparently the machine holder is charger a small fee to facilitate the transaction. So I understand the girl in the shop saying that to you..

But thats the thing.. she said it!! This guy just charged a tenner assuming the customer was ok with it!! (even thou I'd be the 1st to say you should check the bill yourself 1st)

Plus a pizza in a pizza place has a huge profit margin compared branded fags in a retailer! So that aint the reason..

grindle

batistuta9 wrote: »

used my laser card to buy cigarettes in the shop one day & the girl told me that minimum purchases is supposed to be €10 otherwise the owner doesn't make anything - she gave them to me though, but said the owner probably wouldn't have.

could be why he was charged a tenner

Just so you know, that €10 minimum is complete horseshiit designed to up a shop's average customer spend, nothing more.

edit:Ooh, except for cigs and credit, but that's part of the reason why shops brought in those 20-50c surcharges for credit.

batistuta9

hypermuse wrote: »

I used to work in a newsagent and if people were buying cigarettes or credit then he used to refuse to accept laser.. No profit margin and apparently the machine holder is charger a small fee to facilitate the transaction. So I understand the girl in the shop saying that to you..

But thats the thing.. she said it!! This guy just charged a tenner assuming the customer was ok with it!! (even thou I'd be the 1st to say you should check the bill yourself 1st)

Plus a pizza in a pizza place has a huge profit margin compared branded fags in a retailer! So that aint the reason..

yeah the girl was kinda giving me a heads up about it. I only mentioned it as maybe a possible reason they charged a tenner on the laser

but the worker that charged him €10 to the laser done the exact same thing to you albeit with cash - they kept your cent assuming you were OK with it, can't see why you think the laser one is worse, both were cheeky.

christmas2012

employers of recession proofed companies hiring free fas workers when they can afford to pay / hire full time workers,now that is stingy..

batistuta9

christmas2012 wrote: »

employers of recession proofed companies hiring free fas workers when they can afford to pay / hire full time workers,now that is stingy..

great business decision

hypermuse

christmas2012 wrote: »

employers of recession proofed companies hiring free fas workers when they can afford to pay / hire full time workers,now that is stingy..

I don't see why you should pay more (unless you need vast experience obviously) if the FAS workers have the skills necessary to do the job..

If they don't have the skills then its just plain retarded, but not stingy!!

christmas2012

fecking ****e for people who are looking for paid work with fas joblocking the way for all of us unemployed folk..

christmas2012

hypermuse wrote: »

If they don't have the skills then its just plain retarded, but not stingy!!

Be under no illusion fas thrive off of unemployment its their job to keep people unemployed ...

free labour is explooitation full stop.It is stingy when they can afford to hire but wont because of quangos like fas and jobridge..

grindle

christmas2012 wrote: »

fecking ****e for people who are looking for paid work with fas joblocking the way for all of us unemployed folk..

Go to FAS, no? Thought that's what FAS helped people do... Find work.

christmas2012

been there done that..its a no hope,fas suck up what could be a paid job from the community,and by signing up people are perpetuating their own unemployment,not to mention the fact that the hiriring rate of fas workers is near to nil..
unemployment is their business alright..

fasttalkerchat

grindle wrote: »

20-50c surcharges for credit.

I thought that was a pisstake when I was in Dublin. Got EUR20 meteor and handed him a 20 note. He said its 20.50 and I laughed. Then he was still looking at me. I walked out thinking he either had a terrible sense of humour or was chancing his arm.

Alkers

grindle wrote: »

Just so you know, that €10 minimum is complete horseshiit designed to up a shop's average customer spend, nothing more.

edit:Ooh, except for cigs and credit, but that's part of the reason why shops brought in those 20-50c surcharges for credit.

Same for the likes of has to be €50 to get cashback, was told this when working in retail. Later found out you can do cashback as the only transaction (ie €0 worth of sales and basically use it as an ATM) chancers.

fasttalkerchat

Simona1986 wrote: »

Same for the likes of has to be €50 to get cashback, was told this when working in retail. Later found out you can do cashback as the only transaction (ie €0 worth of sales and basically use it as an ATM) chancers.

50 euro to get cashback makes no sense unless they are short of notes.

Alkers

fasttalkerchat wrote: »

50 euro to get cashback makes no sense unless they are short of notes.

Was told by management that "the system" wouldn't allow it but I since found that to be false. Was just store policy not to give cash back unless the customer spend €50 on the card in the first place.

fasttalkerchat

Simona1986 wrote: »

Was told by management that "the system" wouldn't allow it but I since found that to be false. Was just store policy not to give cash back unless the customer spend €50 on the card in the first place.

Out of interest, where was that?

Rabbitandcavy

I know a girl who bought a €3 bottle of hair developer stuff for my friend to do your ones hair, at a good price. My friend used about half the bottle on the girl's hair, but the girl forgot to take the rest home with her. After a couple of days, she realised she'd forgotten it. She text my friend looking for it. My friend didn't know had she used it or misplaced it or what, so she met her and gave her another half full bottle of stuff that she had. The girl text her again that the bottle she left there was way more full then the one she gave her. My friend said she'd have a look again for the original bottle. The girl has been texting her everyday since for a couple of weeks asking her has she found it yet. :rolleyes:

Alkers

fasttalkerchat wrote: »

Out of interest, where was that?

Woodies DIY

cesc77

Rabbitandcavy wrote: »

I know a girl who bought a €3 bottle of hair developer stuff for my friend to do your ones hair, at a good price. My friend used about half the bottle on the girl's hair, but the girl forgot to take the rest home with her. After a couple of days, she realised she'd forgotten it. She text my friend looking for it. My friend didn't know had she used it or misplaced it or what, so she met her and gave her another half full bottle of stuff that she had. The girl text her again that the bottle she left there was way more full then the one she gave her. My friend said she'd have a look again for the original bottle. The girl has been texting her everyday since for a couple of weeks asking her has she found it yet. :rolleyes:

what happened with what?Im serious:o

galwaybetty

Well this is one of the scabbiest things I have seen in some time: a friend of mine met a young man in a late bar. Sparks flew and banter was sharp so one thing led to another and they proceeded to take a taxi home. She was ready to pay for the taxi home but he assured he was in funds, in fact, he a couple of hundred in his wallet. She was somewhat suprised when he asked the taxi to stop suddenly, when he leapt out and shouted at her to run-because it would be good craic.

On further reflection, my friend decided that perhaps it would be better to go home solo and paid the taxi driver to bring her home.

fasttalkerchat

galwaybetty wrote: »

Well this is one of the scabbiest things I have seen in some time: a friend of mine met a young man in a late bar. Sparks flew and banter was sharp so one thing led to another and they proceeded to take a taxi home. She was ready to pay for the taxi home but he assured he was in funds, in fact, he a couple of hundred in his wallet. She was somewhat suprised when he asked the taxi to stop suddenly, when he leapt out and shouted at her to run-because it would be good craic.

On further reflection, my friend decided that perhaps it would be better to go home solo and paid the taxi driver to bring her home.

I know of someone (bit of a scumbag) who was off his face in a taxi on a motorway and when it slowed down coming into Belfast decided to jump out to get out of paying. Fair play to the taxi driver, he picked the lad up and took him to hospital.

tahina

Stingy people in the school lunch line turning around asking to borrow 20cent for their lunch and then you see them later that day in new look buying a top......

AgileMyth

grindle wrote: »

Just so you know, that €10 minimum is complete horseshiit designed to up a shop's average customer spend, nothing more.

edit:Ooh, except for cigs and credit, but that's part of the reason why shops brought in those 20-50c surcharges for credit.

Theres a charge to the business for each transaction.

Theres a 10 euro minimum where I work but the more senior staff can decide based on profit margins on what the customer is buying. You can get ****ed if you think we're going to make a loss on a transaction to save you walking ten metres to the ATM.

fasttalkerchat

AgileMyth wrote: »

Theres a charge to the business for each transaction.

Theres a 10 euro minimum where I work but the more senior staff can decide based on profit margins on what the customer is buying. You can get ****ed if you think we're going to make a loss on a transaction to save you walking ten metres to the ATM.

It was the same in SPAR when I was there. If the customer was a regular or the profit margin was more than £1 or so I let it go.

grindle

AgileMyth wrote: »

Theres a charge to the business for each transaction.

I'm a retail manager. The fee is 16c per transaction for us, no matter the amount, so anything €1.50 or over is fine by us.
Maybe other shops have (much, much, much) worse deals going on with their fees, but seriously, it's about raising average spend in 99% of cases (why would our wealthy CEO/owner lie?).
Possibly credit and cigs are a good enough reason in other stores, but we don't sell them, so I can't know. But I doubt it.

fasttalkerchat

grindle wrote: »

I'm a retail manager. The fee is 16c per transaction for us, no matter the amount, so anything €1.50 or over is fine by us.
Maybe other shops have (much, much, much) worse deals going on with their fees, but seriously, it's about raising average spend in 99% of cases (why would our wealthy CEO/owner lie?).
Possibly credit and cigs are a good enough reason in other stores, but we don't sell them, so I can't know. But I doubt it.

Some places get a much worse deal. Some companies wont go near low turnover stores so those stores have to take a higher transaction charge.