Being Called ''Love''. Offensive?

shivkk06

ya really havent much to be bothering ya, if you get offended by a term of endearment by someone who uses it such much they didnt even know they had said it, be worse if they said here ya go b itch, then maybe it would warrant a thread to moan

Latchy

A womon drops her purse on the way out of a shop ,another womons spots it and shouts after the womon '' hey love , you dropped your purse .

''Thank you '' the womon replies .Later that evening the womon is asked by her husband

'' did you have a nice day honey '' ? . No! replies the womon .

''Oh , how come ? asks the husband . '' Some bitch called me love today '' replies the womon . .

Can you imagine ? :rolleyes:

stovelid

Have to laugh at this. In most cases, being called love by somebody in passing is a harmless - often generational - thing. The poster who said it's more of an English thing is spot-on. My family in England run the whole gamut - love, dear, son, etc.

Finding it offensive (in the absence of any real proof of being patronized or sleazed) is an overreaction on the level of the why are you calling me mate when you're not my mate threads that pop up on boards every now and then.

Latchy

stovelid wrote: »

Have to laugh at this. In most cases, being called love by somebody in passing is a harmless - often generational - thing. The poster who said it's more of an English thing is spot-on. My family in England run the whole gamut - love, dear, son, etc.

Finding it offensive (in the absence of any real proof of being patronized or sleazed) is an overreaction on the level of the why are you calling me mate when you're not my mate threads that pop up on boards every now and then.

It's used as an everyday word all over England by all kinds of people ,from the taxi driver to the butcher ,as a friendly gesture imo and accepted by all without any bother.So it could just be a snobby/ class/irish thing to be offended by the word .

However I can understand if the word is used out of context in a patronising way , although cant say I have expierenced it myself .

stovelid

Obviously, I'm thinking more of the general usage - across genders - rather than a Sid James type looking down a woman's top and going aw-right lahve.

fits

Rabies wrote: »

/the below post is to be taken with a pinch of salt and is going off on a tangent


Right.

So you(women) don't want/like to be called love unless its by a loved one, but yet it seems ok for women can say it to men

You want to be be your own woman, pay for your own drinks and food on dates. You earn enough, equal pay for the women n'all that jazz. But yet if we offer to pay you get offended, but tell you friends it was really cute especially when we held the car door open for you. Who said manners is dead, but don't tell us that.

Wife beating is wrong worng wrong wrong (to the tune of Dr Cox from Scrubs). But if a woman beats a guy then we deserved it, prob called her love and didn't bring flowers to the dinner that she paid paid for.

There are no good guys left in the country ya moan about (well I suppose I did leave you all), a guy plucks up the courage to say hi and you shoot him down with a hail of bullets and dirty looks in bar/club/supermarket. If you to find someone, don't wait for us to go to you. Get up of your ass and do it yourself.

Its all about double standards. What the hell do you want. Call you this, don't call you that. Its ok for women but not ok for men.

You want this and that, and by fvck it better be expensive and something great else table for one here we come.

I know you say to take this with a pinch of salt, but this kind of post just makes me feel so jaded.

OT I agree I think 'love' is a pretty warm friendly term in conversation and dont mind it at all. I kind of like it when its a natural part of the way people talk, but would never use it myself.

However a family friend is in the habit of addressing both me and my mother and any other woman as 'little girl'. Its just the way he talks and he doesnt mean anything by it, but it drives me crazy to the extent I amicably told him I was neither little nor a girl recently (and my mother thanked me privately after).

Latchy

stovelid wrote: »

rather than a Sid James type looking down a woman's top and going aw-right lahve.

You cant say that now in these politically correct times ,would be deemed as sexist !

John Mason

Jaysis, i thought i was a bit of a stressball at the moment!!!!

i call people love the whole time

the girl in NTL wasnt impressed with it but in fairness if was used with a certain tone of voice:D

Latchy

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

i call people love the whole time

the girl in NTL wasnt impressed with it but in fairness if was used with a certain tone of voice:D

The lovely young thing in the pastry shop calls me love every day .I aint complaining .:)

John Mason

latchyco wrote: »

The lovely young thing in the pastry shop calls me love every day .I aint complaining .:)

ahh, see its nice to share the love around, isnt it pet

ntlbell

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

ahh, see its nice to share the love around, isnt it pet

How condescending :rolleyes:

Latchy

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

ahh, see its nice to share the love around, isnt it pet

Course it is darling .

Another pastry there love ......when your ready .







( must dash now )

Curvy Vixen

I think that the thing that people should take offence at when used in a patronising manner, is the tone in which anything can be said.

Words in themselves are pretty powerful but add in the context of who, where and how things are said and you can cut someone in half pretty effectively with something as simple as 'And how are you today?'

Snowie

its an interesting one.. really...
I dont call girls babe some times if it a girl and i havent seen her in a long time when im giving her a hug il go hey ya darlin... and kiss on the cheack only time.I do something like that!!!
Oh and if a girls giving me a lecture who happens to be a friend il say yes dear .
But I dont really say allright hun how are you miss you loads xxx... I think it makes the man seem infearer, needy and its toatally drawn out of context and also I think some women enjoy it that the man's making him self seem infeaer...at times...

any way unless im with girls i may darlin, once or twice love to,but the thing is it the text speeking people who say the likes of hun any one ever notice that?

ntlbell

Curvy Vixen wrote: »

I think that the thing that people should take offence at when used in a patronising manner, is the tone in which anything can be said.

Words in themselves are pretty powerful but add in the context of who, where and how things are said and you can cut someone in half pretty effectively with something as simple as 'And how are you today?'

like been told to "have a nice day now" by someone in McDonalds....

how there they patronise me!

Snowie

ntlbell wrote: »

like been told to "have a nice day now" by someone in McDonalds....

how there they patronise me!

you eat in McDonalds......... you diserve that

The Saint

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

Jaysis, i thought i was a bit of a stressball at the moment!!!!

i call people love the whole time

the girl in NTL wasnt impressed with it but in fairness if was used with a certain tone of voice:D

Everyone in NTL deserves to be bitchslapped for being completely useless. I think getting called love is getting off lightly.

Craft25

you get so many complements when travelling for using 'hun' or 'love' with the irish accent when travelling or chatting with foreign girls.. they seem to love it

but when you come home sometimes you're taking your life in your hands... i let a 'love' slip out in an argument with an insurance agent.. if she could have reached down the line and snipped the boys off i feel she would have.. i was genuinely sorry..

girls i know use hunny and babes with me, i like it

Wagon

I rarely call people love, except when im pissed. I prefer horse.

watna

I bought something in a clothes shop recently and the girl that served me kept calling me sweetie, as in "here you go sweetie" when she passed me the pen to sign the credit card receipt. She said it a few times and I just thought it was really really weird. She was a complete stranger. I wasn't offended or anything - I just would have preferred she'd called me nothing at all, I thought it was very strange.

As Rabies said though, in NZ calling people, even girls, cuz, bud, bro or mate is extremely common. It doesn't bother me in the slightest as it's a culture thing. I think the term "love", is an Irish culture thing but has been used condescendingly so often it's started to take that meaning on all the time - even if it is not meant that way and it gets some people's backs up.

The Saint

Wagon wrote: »

I rarely call people love, except when im pissed. I prefer horse.

I wouldn't go around bars calling girls horse. I'm giving you this advice for free as I'd be concerned for your personal safety and your testes (assuming you're a bloke of course).

kingcantona

[/quote]It's always great for making yourself seem more "Irish".[/quote]


I think its very english thing not irish

Macha

Depends on context...(again!).

If I were in any shop or informal situation, I'd find it quite sweet as I like how Irish people can be quite familiar with strangers-it breaks the ice.

But if it were a more formal situation (say job interview) I'd be slightly annoyed as it isn't really appropriate and I'd feel the person was being a bit condescending.

Do people really get annoyed when people say "Have a nice day"?? Over Christmas I was working in a shop and we used to say "Happy Christmas" to all the customers. Half of them ignored us but the rest smiled and said it back. Same on New Years Day.

g'em

taconnol wrote: »

Do people really get annoyed when people say "Have a nice day"?? Over Christmas I was working in a shop and we used to say "Happy Christmas" to all the customers. Half of them ignored us but the rest smiled and said it back. Same on New Years Day.

I always appreciate a genuine greeting from staff and make a point of saying it back to them (having worked in retail for many years I know only too well how stressful this time of year is). It's when the "Have a nice day" chime is parroted without any emotion or sentiment behind it that I get annoyed - if you're going to say it, mean it, otherwise it sounds hollow and patronising.

Similarly I have no problem being called love in a casual setting but there are definite limitations on its appropriateness.

getz

love, pet ,darlin ,reet monky,is a very irish british endearment thing ,just thank god you dont live in spain or france where evey body wants to kiss or even in italy,last year i got my arse pinched by a man [and i am a man]

S.I.R

Volvoboy wrote: »

Do you find the word ''love'' offensive?

Given context handing back change to a girl ''thanks love here ya go''

?

not at all,


tbh, i generally say something like love, chicken, darlin and such in a sarcastic tone.


anything to lighten to mood.

ntlbell

I was thinking about this and the only people I've came across who found it offensive or uncomfortable were people who had very formal relationships with their parents

Not sure why there would be any relation.

monkeyfudge

taconnol wrote: »

Do people really get annoyed when people say "Have a nice day"?? Over Christmas I was working in a shop and we used to say "Happy Christmas" to all the customers. Half of them ignored us but the rest smiled and said it back. Same on New Years Day.

Probably not the case for most of them, but not everyone is Christian.

I've never been too sure how to respond to a 'Happy Christmas'... I think I usually just say thanks.


As for 'love' I think it can be irksome when it's used as a way placating a person. I can understand how in that context people wouldn't like it. When it's used in normal conversation it isn't even noticeable.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

shellyboo

ntlbell wrote: »

I was thinking about this and the only people I've came across who found it offensive or uncomfortable were people who had very formal relationships with their parents

Not sure why there would be any relation.

Well then I'll be the exception to your theory I have a very close relationship with my parents and I find it... not offensive, but more irksome. Mildly annoying. I'm not going to turn around and go "excuse me, could you please not call me 'love' as I feel it's overfamiliar and inappropriate and how dare you speak to me in that manner", but it will make me raise a sarcastic eyebrow.

donegalfella wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

I find it incredibly charming that you just used '&c.'

Semele

I find it rather patronising from anyone who's not elderly. I never used to particularly, and would have thought it uptight to get offended by it, until I worked when I was 18 in the office of two solicitors - 1 male, 1 female.

I was there one day when the female solicitor was dealing with a man who called her "love" when he was thanking her and she called him on it- not in a nasty way, just asked if he would call Mr X (the male solicitor) "love" as well.

The man was quite offended I think and probably thought she was a b*tch for it but it really made me realise how inappropriate it is and how much inequality it implies, even unintentionally.

Saying that I don't go round getting offended everytime I hear it but it has made me more aware of it!

Bottle_of_Smoke

shellyboo wrote: »

I really, really hate being called 'love', 'darling', 'sweetheart', 'pet' or any endearment - unless it's my parents or a boyfriend. I find it really patronising.

I have a name, please use it. If you do not know my name, then you have no business calling me any of the above.



It seems, to you. I would not call a random stranger 'love', man or woman.

Worrying trend of peopel looking to be offended. I don't think it's even a term of endearment from strangers, its just something people say. Like "howiya" or "mate"

Tirabaralla

getz wrote: »

just thank god you dont live in spain or france where evey body wants to kiss or even in italy,last year i got my arse pinched by a man [and i am a man]

Mediterranean people are a little bit (a lot) more confident about phisical contact...they don't even need to be drunk to touch each other!

ntlbell

Tirabaralla wrote: »

Mediterranean people are a little bit (a lot) more confident about phisical contact...they don't even need to be drunk to touch each other!

in general they're confident, self asured etc etc they don't analyse every word said to them to work out if someone is trying to put them down etc

Acacia

I think it's nice. It's refreshing for people to be polite/civil. I don't find it offensive at all- sure, why would I? The person who uses it is just being mannerly.

shellyboo

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

I don't think it's even a term of endearment from strangers, its just something people say. Like "howiya" or "mate"

It IS a term of endearment, that's why it annoys me when strangers say it. I'm talking about the definition of what the words themselves are, not the intention behind it. I don't want strangers calling me 'love', my loved ones call me 'love', and it irks me to hear it otherwise.

I think it's to do with manners or etiquette or something... I get equally annoyed if people are over-familiar via email in work, so maybe somehow I percieve it as not good manners? I dunno. All I know is it annoys me, I'm certainly not looking for things to be offended by.

Tirabaralla

ntlbell wrote: »

in general they're confident, self asured etc etc they don't analyse every word said to them to work out if someone is trying to put them down etc

Hmmm...I can assure you I didn't need any analising here...it was loud and clear and not even very nice...anyways...whatever.

ntlbell

shellyboo wrote: »

It IS a term of endearment, that's why it annoys me when strangers say it. I'm talking about the definition of what the words themselves are, not the intention behind it. I don't want strangers calling me 'love', my loved ones call me 'love', and it irks me to hear it otherwise.

I think it's to do with manners or etiquette or something... I get equally annoyed if people are over-familiar via email in work, so maybe somehow I percieve it as not good manners? I dunno. All I know is it annoys me, I'm certainly not looking for things to be offended by.

Out of curiosity are you an only child? or one of two but the youngest?

New theory

ntlbell

Tirabaralla wrote: »

Hmmm...I can assure you I didn't need any analising here...it was loud and clear and not even very nice...anyways...whatever.

?

I was agreeing with your statement?

Maybe you didn't analyse what I said enough..

shellyboo

ntlbell wrote: »

Out of curiosity are you an only child? or one of two but the youngest?

New theory

Nope, one of two but the oldest. My little brother is 9 years younger though, so I guess for my formative years I was an only child.

Hope that aids in your research, Professor ntlbell

Acacia wrote: »

I think it's nice. It's refreshing for people to be polite/civil. I don't find it offensive at all- sure, why would I? The person who uses it is just being mannerly.

See, I think it's bad manners to be overly familiar with someone like that! I don't think it's polite at all to talk to a stranger the same way you would speak to a loved one...

Politeness is excellent, I'm all for it, I go nuts for being called madam or miss... but 'love' and 'sweetheart' just don't evoke the same reaction in me. I do find it patronising.

ntlbell

shellyboo wrote: »

Nope, one of two but the oldest. My little brother is 9 years younger though, so I guess for my formative years I was an only child.

Hope that aids in your research, Professor ntlbell

dang! my search goes on

Acacia

shellyboo wrote: »

See, I think it's bad manners to be overly familiar with someone like that! I don't think it's polite at all to talk to a stranger the same way you would speak to a loved one...

Politeness is excellent, I'm all for it, I go nuts for being called madam or miss... but 'love' and 'sweetheart' just don't evoke the same reaction in me. I do find it patronising.

Well, I guess it depends on what you're comfortable with. Most people who call me 'love' are family/friends, but if it's a stranger it's usually an auld wan or a bus driver. I know it's a bit of a generalisation, but it seems to just be part of the vernacular of older people, especially in Dublin.I don't see any harm in it when a stranger uses it- maybe because I'm used to hearing it from people I'm close to, so I don't link it with malice/ rudeness?

Funny how different people can interpret things completely differently!:D

Toto Wolfcastle

g'em wrote: »

I always appreciate a genuine greeting from staff and make a point of saying it back to them (having worked in retail for many years I know only too well how stressful this time of year is). It's when the "Have a nice day" chime is parroted without any emotion or sentiment behind it that I get annoyed - if you're going to say it, mean it, otherwise it sounds hollow and patronising.

I was in the local shop the other morning and the guy working there asked me how I was and told me to have a nice day. He always has a huge smile on his face and seems to genuinely care. He's great!

shellyboo

Acacia wrote: »

Well, I guess it depends on what you're comfortable with. Most people who call me 'love' are family/friends, but if it's a stranger it's usually an auld wan or a bus driver. I know it's a bit of a generalisation, but it seems to just be part of the vernacular of older people, especially in Dublin.I don't see any harm in it when a stranger uses it- maybe because I'm used to hearing it from people I'm close to, so I don't link it with malice/ rudeness?

Funny how different people can interpret things completely differently!:D

Oh, I'm used to hearing it from loved ones too! I think that's exactly why I dislike hearing it from strangers! I don't link it to malice or even intentional rudeness either, some people do just say it... so you're right, it is all about perception.

I agree if an older person said it to me, I wouldn't bat an eyelid, but anyone I'd consider a peer... someone serving me in a shop, restaurant, bus driver, random bloke in a club... that would annoy me.

Acacia

shellyboo wrote: »

I agree if an older person said it to me, I wouldn't bat an eyelid, but anyone I'd consider a peer... someone serving me in a shop, restaurant, bus driver, random bloke in a club... that would annoy me.

I think it would be unusual to hear a younger person saying it, but I don't know if it would annoy me. I've had young guys brush past me and say 'Excuse me, love', and I didn't mind at all. However if it was some randomer winking at me/being pervy and said, ''Alright, there, love?", I'd be a bit annoyed because that is being over-friendly. Well, that's my 2 cents, anyway. :P

Tirabaralla

I think I got it now, sorry.
I dunno if we are more confident with words...I am not sure about that...usually in Italy a word like "love" (amore) it's just for very close relationships, like lovers, spouses, parents and children, etc so u won't use it with strangers...but we other "cute words" we use with friends or older people to young people, etc...
We are more confident with phisical approach, that's for sure...sometimes can look a bit unrespectful to other cultures, I suppose...and sometimes spanish, french, italian people they do think that irish people are too shy or too scared by human contact...but it's like...if u travel or decide to live abroad for a while or forever u have to be prepared to learn new ways of life, even in the small stuff...As I said i don't mind the "love" or "hun" thing at all...it makes me smile and I find it kind of tipical and cute.

Peared

ntlbell wrote: »

I was thinking about this and the only people I've came across who found it offensive or uncomfortable were people who had very formal relationships with their parents

Not sure why there would be any relation.

LMAO

GirlInterrupted

I have no problem being called love by someone senior in years, but I find it a bit condesending from someone younger. Depends on the tone too.

MJOR

Not in the least!:D

tech77

janeybabe wrote: »

Words don't offend me.

Sometimes the context in which they are used offend me, but generally I couldn't care less.

^It's all about the context.
Old wans using it is usually endearing.
Of course it can be used patronisingly by young people/guys as Wibbs said.
Othertimes it's just totally innocuous.