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Being Called ''Love''. Offensive?

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    #62
    ntlbell
    Registered Users Posts: 16,288 ✭✭✭✭ntlbell


    pink fluffy bunny wrote: »
    ahh, see its nice to share the love around, isnt it pet

    How condescending :rolleyes:


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    #63
    Latchy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21,191 ✭✭✭✭Latchy


    pink fluffy bunny wrote: »
    ahh, see its nice to share the love around, isnt it pet
    Course it is darling .

    Another pastry there love ......when your ready .







    ( must dash now )


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    #64
    Curvy Vixen
    Registered Users Posts: 1,131 ✭✭✭Curvy Vixen


    I think that the thing that people should take offence at when used in a patronising manner, is the tone in which anything can be said.

    Words in themselves are pretty powerful but add in the context of who, where and how things are said and you can cut someone in half pretty effectively with something as simple as 'And how are you today?'


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    #65
    Snowie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,048 ✭✭✭✭Snowie


    its an interesting one.. really...
    I dont call girls babe some times if it a girl and i havent seen her in a long time when im giving her a hug il go hey ya darlin... and kiss on the cheack only time.I do something like that!!!
    Oh and if a girls giving me a lecture who happens to be a friend il say yes dear :D.
    But I dont really say allright hun how are you miss you loads xxx... I think it makes the man seem infearer, needy and its toatally drawn out of context and also I think some women enjoy it that the man's making him self seem infeaer...at times...

    any way unless im with girls i may darlin, once or twice love to,but the thing is it the text speeking people who say the likes of hun any one ever notice that?


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    #66
    ntlbell
    Registered Users Posts: 16,288 ✭✭✭✭ntlbell


    Curvy Vixen wrote: »
    I think that the thing that people should take offence at when used in a patronising manner, is the tone in which anything can be said.

    Words in themselves are pretty powerful but add in the context of who, where and how things are said and you can cut someone in half pretty effectively with something as simple as 'And how are you today?'

    like been told to "have a nice day now" by someone in McDonalds....

    how there they patronise me!


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    #67
    Snowie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,048 ✭✭✭✭Snowie


    ntlbell wrote: »
    like been told to "have a nice day now" by someone in McDonalds....

    how there they patronise me!


    you eat in McDonalds......... you diserve that :D


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    #68
    The Saint
    Registered Users Posts: 1,932 ✭✭✭The Saint


    pink fluffy bunny wrote: »
    Jaysis, i thought i was a bit of a stressball at the moment!!!!

    i call people love the whole time

    the girl in NTL wasnt impressed with it but in fairness if was used with a certain tone of voice:D
    Everyone in NTL deserves to be bitchslapped for being completely useless. I think getting called love is getting off lightly.


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    #69
    Craft25
    Closed Accounts Posts: 470 ✭✭Craft25


    you get so many complements when travelling for using 'hun' or 'love' with the irish accent when travelling or chatting with foreign girls.. they seem to love it

    but when you come home sometimes you're taking your life in your hands... i let a 'love' slip out in an argument with an insurance agent.. if she could have reached down the line and snipped the boys off i feel she would have.. i was genuinely sorry..

    girls i know use hunny and babes with me, i like it


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    #70
    Wagon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,119 ✭✭✭Wagon


    I rarely call people love, except when im pissed. I prefer horse.


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    #71
    watna
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,367 ✭✭✭✭watna


    I bought something in a clothes shop recently and the girl that served me kept calling me sweetie, as in "here you go sweetie" when she passed me the pen to sign the credit card receipt. She said it a few times and I just thought it was really really weird. She was a complete stranger. I wasn't offended or anything - I just would have preferred she'd called me nothing at all, I thought it was very strange.

    As Rabies said though, in NZ calling people, even girls, cuz, bud, bro or mate is extremely common. It doesn't bother me in the slightest as it's a culture thing. I think the term "love", is an Irish culture thing but has been used condescendingly so often it's started to take that meaning on all the time - even if it is not meant that way and it gets some people's backs up.


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    #72
    The Saint
    Registered Users Posts: 1,932 ✭✭✭The Saint


    Wagon wrote: »
    I rarely call people love, except when im pissed. I prefer horse.
    I wouldn't go around bars calling girls horse. I'm giving you this advice for free as I'd be concerned for your personal safety and your testes (assuming you're a bloke of course).


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    #73
    kingcantona
    Closed Accounts Posts: 39 ✭kingcantona


    [/quote]It's always great for making yourself seem more "Irish".[/quote]


    I think its very english thing not irish:confused:


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    #74
    Macha
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators Posts: 6,376 Mod ✭✭✭✭Macha


    Depends on context...(again!).

    If I were in any shop or informal situation, I'd find it quite sweet as I like how Irish people can be quite familiar with strangers-it breaks the ice.

    But if it were a more formal situation (say job interview) I'd be slightly annoyed as it isn't really appropriate and I'd feel the person was being a bit condescending.

    Do people really get annoyed when people say "Have a nice day"?? Over Christmas I was working in a shop and we used to say "Happy Christmas" to all the customers. Half of them ignored us but the rest smiled and said it back. Same on New Years Day.


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    #75
    g'em
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,819 ✭✭✭✭g'em


    taconnol wrote: »
    Do people really get annoyed when people say "Have a nice day"?? Over Christmas I was working in a shop and we used to say "Happy Christmas" to all the customers. Half of them ignored us but the rest smiled and said it back. Same on New Years Day.
    I always appreciate a genuine greeting from staff and make a point of saying it back to them (having worked in retail for many years I know only too well how stressful this time of year is). It's when the "Have a nice day" chime is parroted without any emotion or sentiment behind it that I get annoyed - if you're going to say it, mean it, otherwise it sounds hollow and patronising.

    Similarly I have no problem being called love in a casual setting but there are definite limitations on its appropriateness.


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    #76
    getz
    Registered Users Posts: 5,255 ✭✭✭getz


    love, pet ,darlin ,reet monky,is a very irish british endearment thing ,just thank god you dont live in spain or france where evey body wants to kiss or even in italy,last year i got my arse pinched by a man [and i am a man]


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    #77
    S.I.R
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,837 ✭✭✭S.I.R


    Volvoboy wrote: »
    Do you find the word ''love'' offensive?

    Given context handing back change to a girl ''thanks love here ya go''

    ?

    not at all,


    tbh, i generally say something like love, chicken, darlin and such in a sarcastic tone.


    anything to lighten to mood.


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    #78
    ntlbell
    Registered Users Posts: 16,288 ✭✭✭✭ntlbell


    I was thinking about this and the only people I've came across who found it offensive or uncomfortable were people who had very formal relationships with their parents

    Not sure why there would be any relation.


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    #79
    monkeyfudge
    Registered Users Posts: 23,216 ✭✭✭✭monkeyfudge


    taconnol wrote: »
    Do people really get annoyed when people say "Have a nice day"?? Over Christmas I was working in a shop and we used to say "Happy Christmas" to all the customers. Half of them ignored us but the rest smiled and said it back. Same on New Years Day.

    Probably not the case for most of them, but not everyone is Christian.

    I've never been too sure how to respond to a 'Happy Christmas'... I think I usually just say thanks.


    As for 'love' I think it can be irksome when it's used as a way placating a person. I can understand how in that context people wouldn't like it. When it's used in normal conversation it isn't even noticeable.


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    #80
    Permabear
    Closed Accounts Posts: 39,022 ✭✭✭✭Permabear


    This post has been deleted.


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    #81
    shellyboo
    Registered Users Posts: 5,883 ✭✭✭shellyboo


    ntlbell wrote: »
    I was thinking about this and the only people I've came across who found it offensive or uncomfortable were people who had very formal relationships with their parents

    Not sure why there would be any relation.

    Well then I'll be the exception to your theory :) I have a very close relationship with my parents and I find it... not offensive, but more irksome. Mildly annoying. I'm not going to turn around and go "excuse me, could you please not call me 'love' as I feel it's overfamiliar and inappropriate and how dare you speak to me in that manner", but it will make me raise a sarcastic eyebrow.
    donegalfella wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.


    I find it incredibly charming that you just used '&c.' :D


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    #82
    Semele
    Registered Users Posts: 753 ✭✭✭Semele


    I find it rather patronising from anyone who's not elderly. I never used to particularly, and would have thought it uptight to get offended by it, until I worked when I was 18 in the office of two solicitors - 1 male, 1 female.

    I was there one day when the female solicitor was dealing with a man who called her "love" when he was thanking her and she called him on it- not in a nasty way, just asked if he would call Mr X (the male solicitor) "love" as well.

    The man was quite offended I think and probably thought she was a b*tch for it but it really made me realise how inappropriate it is and how much inequality it implies, even unintentionally.

    Saying that I don't go round getting offended everytime I hear it but it has made me more aware of it!


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    #83
    Bottle_of_Smoke
    Registered Users Posts: 9,770 ✭✭✭Bottle_of_Smoke


    shellyboo wrote: »
    I really, really hate being called 'love', 'darling', 'sweetheart', 'pet' or any endearment - unless it's my parents or a boyfriend. I find it really patronising.

    I have a name, please use it. If you do not know my name, then you have no business calling me any of the above.



    It seems, to you. I would not call a random stranger 'love', man or woman.

    Worrying trend of peopel looking to be offended. I don't think it's even a term of endearment from strangers, its just something people say. Like "howiya" or "mate"


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    #84
    Tirabaralla
    Registered Users Posts: 2,422 ✭✭✭Tirabaralla


    getz wrote: »
    just thank god you dont live in spain or france where evey body wants to kiss or even in italy,last year i got my arse pinched by a man [and i am a man]

    Mediterranean people are a little bit (a lot) more confident about phisical contact...they don't even need to be drunk to touch each other! :D


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    #85
    ntlbell
    Registered Users Posts: 16,288 ✭✭✭✭ntlbell


    Tirabaralla wrote: »
    Mediterranean people are a little bit (a lot) more confident about phisical contact...they don't even need to be drunk to touch each other! :D

    in general they're confident, self asured etc etc they don't analyse every word said to them to work out if someone is trying to put them down etc


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    #86
    Acacia
    Registered Users Posts: 2,816 ✭✭✭Acacia


    I think it's nice. It's refreshing for people to be polite/civil. I don't find it offensive at all- sure, why would I? The person who uses it is just being mannerly. :)


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    #87
    shellyboo
    Registered Users Posts: 5,883 ✭✭✭shellyboo


    Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »
    I don't think it's even a term of endearment from strangers, its just something people say. Like "howiya" or "mate"

    It IS a term of endearment, that's why it annoys me when strangers say it. I'm talking about the definition of what the words themselves are, not the intention behind it. I don't want strangers calling me 'love', my loved ones call me 'love', and it irks me to hear it otherwise.

    I think it's to do with manners or etiquette or something... I get equally annoyed if people are over-familiar via email in work, so maybe somehow I percieve it as not good manners? I dunno. All I know is it annoys me, I'm certainly not looking for things to be offended by.


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    #88
    Tirabaralla
    Registered Users Posts: 2,422 ✭✭✭Tirabaralla


    ntlbell wrote: »
    in general they're confident, self asured etc etc they don't analyse every word said to them to work out if someone is trying to put them down etc
    Hmmm...I can assure you I didn't need any analising here...it was loud and clear and not even very nice...anyways...whatever.


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    #89
    ntlbell
    Registered Users Posts: 16,288 ✭✭✭✭ntlbell


    shellyboo wrote: »
    It IS a term of endearment, that's why it annoys me when strangers say it. I'm talking about the definition of what the words themselves are, not the intention behind it. I don't want strangers calling me 'love', my loved ones call me 'love', and it irks me to hear it otherwise.

    I think it's to do with manners or etiquette or something... I get equally annoyed if people are over-familiar via email in work, so maybe somehow I percieve it as not good manners? I dunno. All I know is it annoys me, I'm certainly not looking for things to be offended by.

    Out of curiosity are you an only child? or one of two but the youngest?

    New theory ;)


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    #90
    ntlbell
    Registered Users Posts: 16,288 ✭✭✭✭ntlbell


    Tirabaralla wrote: »
    Hmmm...I can assure you I didn't need any analising here...it was loud and clear and not even very nice...anyways...whatever.

    ?

    I was agreeing with your statement?

    Maybe you didn't analyse what I said enough..


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    #91
    shellyboo
    Registered Users Posts: 5,883 ✭✭✭shellyboo


    ntlbell wrote: »
    Out of curiosity are you an only child? or one of two but the youngest?

    New theory ;)

    Nope, one of two but the oldest. My little brother is 9 years younger though, so I guess for my formative years I was an only child.

    Hope that aids in your research, Professor ntlbell :)


    Acacia wrote: »
    I think it's nice. It's refreshing for people to be polite/civil. I don't find it offensive at all- sure, why would I? The person who uses it is just being mannerly. :)


    See, I think it's bad manners to be overly familiar with someone like that! I don't think it's polite at all to talk to a stranger the same way you would speak to a loved one...

    Politeness is excellent, I'm all for it, I go nuts for being called madam or miss... but 'love' and 'sweetheart' just don't evoke the same reaction in me. I do find it patronising.


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