Being Called ''Love''. Offensive?

ntlbell

shellyboo wrote: »

Nope, one of two but the oldest. My little brother is 9 years younger though, so I guess for my formative years I was an only child.

Hope that aids in your research, Professor ntlbell

dang! my search goes on

Acacia

shellyboo wrote: »

See, I think it's bad manners to be overly familiar with someone like that! I don't think it's polite at all to talk to a stranger the same way you would speak to a loved one...

Politeness is excellent, I'm all for it, I go nuts for being called madam or miss... but 'love' and 'sweetheart' just don't evoke the same reaction in me. I do find it patronising.

Well, I guess it depends on what you're comfortable with. Most people who call me 'love' are family/friends, but if it's a stranger it's usually an auld wan or a bus driver. I know it's a bit of a generalisation, but it seems to just be part of the vernacular of older people, especially in Dublin.I don't see any harm in it when a stranger uses it- maybe because I'm used to hearing it from people I'm close to, so I don't link it with malice/ rudeness?

Funny how different people can interpret things completely differently!:D

Toto Wolfcastle

g'em wrote: »

I always appreciate a genuine greeting from staff and make a point of saying it back to them (having worked in retail for many years I know only too well how stressful this time of year is). It's when the "Have a nice day" chime is parroted without any emotion or sentiment behind it that I get annoyed - if you're going to say it, mean it, otherwise it sounds hollow and patronising.

I was in the local shop the other morning and the guy working there asked me how I was and told me to have a nice day. He always has a huge smile on his face and seems to genuinely care. He's great!

shellyboo

Acacia wrote: »

Well, I guess it depends on what you're comfortable with. Most people who call me 'love' are family/friends, but if it's a stranger it's usually an auld wan or a bus driver. I know it's a bit of a generalisation, but it seems to just be part of the vernacular of older people, especially in Dublin.I don't see any harm in it when a stranger uses it- maybe because I'm used to hearing it from people I'm close to, so I don't link it with malice/ rudeness?

Funny how different people can interpret things completely differently!:D

Oh, I'm used to hearing it from loved ones too! I think that's exactly why I dislike hearing it from strangers! I don't link it to malice or even intentional rudeness either, some people do just say it... so you're right, it is all about perception.

I agree if an older person said it to me, I wouldn't bat an eyelid, but anyone I'd consider a peer... someone serving me in a shop, restaurant, bus driver, random bloke in a club... that would annoy me.

Acacia

shellyboo wrote: »

I agree if an older person said it to me, I wouldn't bat an eyelid, but anyone I'd consider a peer... someone serving me in a shop, restaurant, bus driver, random bloke in a club... that would annoy me.

I think it would be unusual to hear a younger person saying it, but I don't know if it would annoy me. I've had young guys brush past me and say 'Excuse me, love', and I didn't mind at all. However if it was some randomer winking at me/being pervy and said, ''Alright, there, love?", I'd be a bit annoyed because that is being over-friendly. Well, that's my 2 cents, anyway. :P

Tirabaralla

I think I got it now, sorry.
I dunno if we are more confident with words...I am not sure about that...usually in Italy a word like "love" (amore) it's just for very close relationships, like lovers, spouses, parents and children, etc so u won't use it with strangers...but we other "cute words" we use with friends or older people to young people, etc...
We are more confident with phisical approach, that's for sure...sometimes can look a bit unrespectful to other cultures, I suppose...and sometimes spanish, french, italian people they do think that irish people are too shy or too scared by human contact...but it's like...if u travel or decide to live abroad for a while or forever u have to be prepared to learn new ways of life, even in the small stuff...As I said i don't mind the "love" or "hun" thing at all...it makes me smile and I find it kind of tipical and cute.

Peared

ntlbell wrote: »

I was thinking about this and the only people I've came across who found it offensive or uncomfortable were people who had very formal relationships with their parents

Not sure why there would be any relation.

LMAO

GirlInterrupted

I have no problem being called love by someone senior in years, but I find it a bit condesending from someone younger. Depends on the tone too.

MJOR

Not in the least!:D

tech77

janeybabe wrote: »

Words don't offend me.

Sometimes the context in which they are used offend me, but generally I couldn't care less.

^It's all about the context.
Old wans using it is usually endearing.
Of course it can be used patronisingly by young people/guys as Wibbs said.
Othertimes it's just totally innocuous.

tech77

shellyboo wrote: »

See, I think it's bad manners to be overly familiar with someone like that! I don't think it's polite at all to talk to a stranger the same way you would speak to a loved one...

Not sure what else you said tbh (haven't read the whole thread) but i wholly agree with you about the stupid bad manners of overfamiliarity towards strangers.
Nothing worse... feel like saying "just FCUK OFF, would you".

sc9736

nope don't mind at all, am called Chuck by DH and I call him Baby...hes almost 30!.....reading that back now sounds very sad indeed, think he needs a new nickname

ladyella

I wouldnt have thought I found it offensice - one of my grandparents always called me it and it never bothered me. Then I was out with bf's family for dinner and his younger sister said to the waitress 'thanks love' I dont know why but I got sooooo irritated by it - it just seemed incredibly patronising??:mad:

PrettyInPunk

I actually thing this is a stupid thread. I call my friends love all the time, male or female its just a term of endearment. In relation to being called love by a stranger, like many others have said it usually the older generation and no it doesnt bother me at all.

Abi

tech77 wrote: »

but i wholly agree with you about the stupid bad manners of overfamiliarity towards strangers.
Nothing worse... feel like saying "just FCUK OFF, would you".

^ Exactly.

No matter what age group they are, I would actually say 'what the fúck ever' if it was directed at me. Its actually a blend of cocky and moore st. None of my family or friends say it, or ever have. In the event that it slipped out, Id hand them the Listerine.

aloevera

yeah to be honest i use to find it horridly offensive, but have overcome my fear or whatever you want to class it as.
i dont use it to strangers but to my boyfriend,family, friends etc..

its quite a dublin thing ist it t call everyone you encounter 'love' etc..? or am i being stereotypical?

hot2def

it depends on the context.

if its someone over 65, cool. you have officially lived long enough to talk to me like a child. Or anyone who actually knows me, thats cool to.

At work, its right out. Most of the time I find it offensive and patronising, and I suspect the term is being used to underline social position. I also can't handle being refered to as "the girl" at work, that sh1t is not kosher. shall I refer to the customer in question as the crone?

Volvoboy

Picked up two couples last night and one girl was looking for the buckle for her belt so i flicked on the light, when she found it she said thanks i flicked off the light and i said ''No problem love'' yer 'wan got a bit shirty at this ''Em sorry Mr Taxi man we dont know each other that well''


Cheeky bird. :pac:

Acacia

Volvoboy wrote: »

Picked up two couples last night and one girl was looking for the buckle for her belt so i flicked on the light, when she found it she said thanks i flicked off the light and i said ''No problem love'' yer 'wan got a bit shirty at this ''Em sorry Mr Taxi man we dont know each other that well''


Cheeky bird. :pac:

She was just being arse-y for no real reason, imo.

I mean what would she prefer, "No problem there, fcuk-face''? :pac:

Princessa

No nobody finds "love" offensive, its the same as saying hun, pet, chick whatever. Why do you know somebody that finds love offensive?

embee

My 3 year old daughter and I call each other "love" all the time. Just one of those things that evolved naturally, every Mammy has a pet name of some kind when their babies are small.

Anyways, now she's 3 and she will often come along and say "Mammy, my love!" and it's all very nice, but I can imagine that, once she's a teenager, she'll be far too cool for such terms of endearment and I'll probably be told to shut up.

As for strangers saying it, I don't really mind it. I'd rather they said "there you are love" than "there you are, woman". That's assuming they'd say anything at all - in an ideal world, strangers wouldn't talk to you and try to force awkward conversation about the weather.

MysticalSoul

I hate it when people call me "love". However what makes it more cringy is the tone that it is said in, as some people do use it in a condescending way, to try and put the other person down.

My ex used to call me dear, and I hated him calling me dear, as I found it quite condescending too, and no, that is not why we broke up :pac:

John Mason

oh all you poor loves, imagine someone trying to be nice to you :rolleyes:

stovelid

irishamethyst wrote: »

My ex used to call me dear, and I hated him calling me dear, as I found it quite condescending too, and no, that is not why we broke up :pac:

Sorry to hear that, hun.

scanlas

Calling a girl love just isn't my style. I prefer to call girls pumpkin or princess.

Latchy

Never mind Babe's , Hun , Love , Dahling's , Honey ,sweet pie .

Delete as appliciable

consultech

irishamethyst wrote: »

My ex used to call me dear, and I hated him calling me dear, as I found it quite condescending too, and no, that is not why we broke up :pac:

You're obviously high maintenance, and he didn't want to hurt your feelings by calling you "expensive".


I really don't see what the problem with it is, although I don't do it myself. I think it's probably just another unfortunate example of females overdoing the equality campaign in this day and age. It's ok to let some things go y'know...

minidazzler

I am more likely now to call a female Starlight, I don't know why but I like to say the word!! It rolls off the tounge!!!, and is alot more original!!!

Tirabaralla

LOL
This is a nice one, Minidazzler.

sparewheel

when anyone says love, hun, babez, honey anything like that i feel like stabbing them in the eye .. i hate it soo much ha