girls with slobs/guys who need taking care of

brianthebard

Just something that occurs to me now and again, I've known a few guys who were complete slobs and didn't know what clean meant. They are usually guys who are overly mothered, although someone can be like that and not a slob, if you follow. Anyways I just wonder why so many girls/ladies will put up with this? I associate tasks like cleaning up after someone all the time, making their bed (was talking to gf of someone yesterday that said he didn't know how to put on a sheet properly), cooking for them to be connected to children, not adults. I don't have a clearly thought out question here, but wanted to voice the topic and see what people think. Is this something that would put you off a guy? Surely it leads to arguments and friction?

ntlbell

some put up with them coming home drunk and punching the head of them.

some put up with constant mental and emotional abuse

so if one can put up with that, I'm sure one can put up with a pair of jox on the bathroom floor

brianthebard

I see what you mean, but its not abuse, its something the guy can change easily.

Kya1976

in the beginning of a relationship, or more when your setting up a new home with your partner, I think this might be seen as almost 'nice' *shudders*
A lot of men, that I've been with anyway, seem to come from a home where mom has done the majority of the housework so it seems to come naturally to them to leave the housework to their partner. I was raised by my dad single handed so I'm definitely not used to this way of thinking, like leave the housework to mommy......Dad you rock!!!:D:p

I mean I'm not a nag or anything but I certainly wouldn't mind if housework was divided equally...... Some men seem to think that us wimms actually enjoy hoovering and taking out the bins etc etc nooooo I hate it as much as anyone else....grrrrrrr

partyguinness

I have been renting for over 10 years and dirtiest flatmates I have ever had have all been women...some horrendous stories.

Not trying to bait anyone but its been my experience.

ntlbell

brianthebard wrote: »

I see what you mean, but its not abuse, its something the guy can change easily.

If it was so easy there wouldn't be so many women been mammys.

The easy thing to do is don't choose to live with a slob.

It's not something that's difficult to work out about a person and if they're like that in their late 20's early 30's and have mammy boy syndrome it's more than likely something that will never change or will cause so much heart ache trying to it's not worth it

ntlbell

partyguinness wrote: »

I have been renting for over 10 years and some of the dirtiest flatmates I have ever had have been women..

Not trying to bait anyone but its been my experience.

yup I think it's a very common miss conception that women are naturally clean and smell of roses 24/7

some of the dirtiest pigs I ever came across were women.

Ostrom

Generally the opposite in my experience - most houseshares I have lived in have been with women, and generally very messy.

Complete bias here, but again, just my experience. Many have been completely filthy/basically negligent with simple things like hoovering up dropped food, washing up/general cleanliness.

brianthebard

Its not who is messier, its just why would someone put up with it? I wouldn't go out with a girl if I was afraid to sit down in her living room.

Permabear

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LolaLuv

donegalfella wrote: »

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American wimminz ftw!

Really, though, I've even see American woman tolerate slobs. One of my friends was dating this guy who never did a damn thing around the house, didn't have a job the entire time they dated, and relied on her for total financial support. He was also overweight, unattractive, and had a small peen, so why she stuck it out is beyond me. I think a lot of it is desperation and not thinking they can do any better.

There is a certain type of Irish woman who wants to baby her man like this though.
The logic seems to be the less independant he is, the more control she has.

ntlbell

brianthebard wrote: »

Its not who is messier, its just why would someone put up with it? I wouldn't go out with a girl if I was afraid to sit down in her living room.

They shouldn't; some do some always will some won't

not really sure what your looking for?

John Mason

brianthebard wrote: »

I associate tasks like cleaning up after someone all the time, making their bed ?

i dont think i have made my bed in about 20 years, personally dont see the point, it will just get messy again when you get in at night.

Can i ask why this bothers you so much Brian? i mean if girls want to mammy their man so what? its not my thing personally but if they are happy,just leave them to it.

hmmm, i would love someone to mammy me at the moment actually

Latchy

PillyPen wrote: »

American wimminz ftw!

Really, though, I've even see American woman tolerate slobs. One of my friends was dating this guy who never did a damn thing around the house, didn't have a job the entire time they dated, and relied on her for total financial support. He was also overweight, unattractive, and had a small peen, so why she stuck it out is beyond me. I think a lot of it is desperation and not thinking they can do any better.

I despise people like that male you describe .:mad:

ntlbell

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

i dont think i have made my bed in about 20 years, personally dont see the point, it will just get messy again when you get in at night.

LOLorez

brianthebard

ntlbell wrote: »

They shouldn't; some do some always will some won't

not really sure what your looking for?

Conversation.

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

Can i ask why this bothers you so much Brian? i mean if girls want to mammy their man so what? its not my thing personally but if they are happy,just leave them to it.

Just find it an interesting topic, it only bothers me if I have to live with a slob or someone who's mammy has left them defenceless in the kitchen. The joys of renting. I also find it intriguing that lots of these guys come from homes were everything was spotless, clothes were always ironed, etc. I would've thought once you get used to living like that as a child/teen you would prefer to continue it.

Its just a conversation topic chaps.

ntlbell

brianthebard wrote: »

I also find it intriguing that lots of these guys come from homes were everything was spotless, clothes were always ironed, etc. I would've thought once you get used to living like that as a child/teen you would prefer to continue it.

Its just a conversation topic chaps.

They do want it to continue it hence why they want their partner/someone else to do it for them?

brianthebard

Fair point. I meant why they couldn't do it for themselves. Which brings us back to your point.

LadyE

My OH told me that living with girls, they are usually much dirtier than boys? Maybe its just noticed more because girls are sterotyped to be obsessed with cleaning etc. etc.

Im a pretty messy person, but I also do lots of cleaning so cancels each other out...and my oh is very independant, he would have no bother cooking or cleaning or anything like that, so is deffo not a slob or needs minding, he is well capable of doing that himself.

ntlbell

LadyE wrote: »

Im a pretty messy person, but I also do lots of cleaning so cancels each other out...and my oh is very independant, he would have no bother cooking or cleaning or anything like that, so is deffo not a slob or needs minding, he is well capable of doing that himself.

Wow he sounds like a normal functioning human being...

You're very lucky

Craft25

first time on forum, is it laydees only? hi anyway!!

speaking as someone whose mam battered him 'til he learned to cook, clean, pick up after etc. etc... i have to say it doesn't seem to be a high priority for "de wimmins" when choosing a partner..

do you think some women may feel threatened when a man is able to look after himself in all these departments?? no offence meant/or to generalise but i reckon it can make some girls feel better when there's loads to do, more useful, and they can pass themselves off as the adult one in the relationship

LadyE

ntlbell wrote: »

Wow he sounds like a normal functioning human being...

You're very lucky

I am.

LadyE

Craft25 wrote: »

first time on forum, is it laydees only? hi anyway!!

speaking as someone whose mam battered him 'til he learned to cook, clean, pick up after etc. etc... i have to say it doesn't seem to be a high priority for "de wimmins" when choosing a partner..

do you think some women may feel threatened when a man is able to look after himself in all these departments?? no offence meant/or to generalise but i reckon it can make some girls feel better when there's loads to do, more useful, and they can pass themselves off as the adult one in the relationship

You think that women think that men will like us better if we turn into their slaves, cook and clean for them?...I certainly dont.

Granted, I would cook for my oh if he came over, not because its expected becuase Im a women, or because I want him to like me more, its because he is a guest in my home and has just travelled for 1.5/2 hours to see me..and I would be eating anyway. Same if I go over to him, he'd cook for me for the same reasons.

Craft25

dunno about other men but i have no respect for women who run around after em myself.. just saw the topic on front page and had a theory..

personally i really like to cook together, think its a great way to have together time when u get home..

as a guy it can be crappy doing flatshares with other guys, start to feel like the mammy myself... again dont mean to be offensive but found it especially bad with guys moved up from the country

Ginny

I lived with someone for years who wouldn't really do much, I tried to talk to them, tried to leave the house as a tip until they noticed it (they never did and it just made my eyeballs icty having the house that filthy), honestly I'd resigned myself to haveing to literally clean up after someone else to keep the peace.
Thankfully I'm now with someone the complete opposite, its bizarre, I know and believe everyone should look after their own crap and surroundings but being conditioned to not expect it somedays I get shocked when he puts the bin out, does all the dishes, cooking etc. without a huge power struggle beforehand, and without expecting praise to be lavished on him afterwards..:D

shellyboo

Craft25 wrote: »

speaking as someone whose mam battered him 'til he learned to cook, clean, pick up after etc. etc... i have to say it doesn't seem to be a high priority for "de wimmins" when choosing a partner..

I wish my mam would do this with my brother... he is utterly spoilt, to the extent where he complained about having to wash four spoons so we could all eat dessert on Xmas day... this is after myself and my mother spent hours preparing absolutely everything. He spent about five minutes looking carefully through the basket to pick out the cleanest ones. To be fair, he's only 15... but he's going to need some household skills soon.

Craft25 wrote: »

do you think some women may feel threatened when a man is able to look after himself in all these departments?? no offence meant/or to generalise but i reckon it can make some girls feel better when there's loads to do, more useful, and they can pass themselves off as the adult one in the relationship

I think it certainly does make some women feel good about themselves when they look after their partner domestically, in much the same way that it makes some men feel good that they can provide for their partner financially. That doesn't mean it can't work the other way around though! I really enjoy looking after my Dad (not my brother, lazy git) because he works his ass off to provide for my family and he deserves to be able to sit down when he comes in from work. I'd be the same with a boyfriend, but not to the same extent... I would enjoy cooking for him and doing the odd washing, ironing the odd shirt - I'd be seriously unimpressed if it was expected of me, however.

Snowie

well iu can look afetr my self except when i got man flu im of to wash the dish's im able to look after my self... even tho if i go home my mum sayd bring home and dirty clothes and il wash them which i think is ok

as i cook the to old people dinner so fare is fare...

CeilingCat

Looking after your bf because you want to do nice things for them is one thing.... having to do it for them because they can't or won't do it for themselves is a giant pain in the arse :mad: