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ANARCHY IS HERE!!!!!!

  • 09-01-2009 1:07am
    #1
    dmcloughney
    Closed Accounts Posts: 45 ✭


    Hi All,
    I finally have my webcomic up and running. It will be updated every Thursday evening without fail with at least 1 page sometimes 2. If you miss it on Thursday evening you can check it out Friday morning with your cup of tea.

    www.anarchycomic.com

    I know it is only early days but I'd love to hear any comments you might have. Hope you enjoy it!!!

    Daragh


Comments

  • #2
    spooydermot
    Closed Accounts Posts: 413 ✭✭spooydermot


    Daragh,

    The artwork is only fantastic I really love the silhouette-jump panel, and the 'voice over' sets up the atmosphere of the place really well and sets up a bit of a mystery - what was this place once called? How did it get this way? etc

    My only minor criticism (and it's just a minor criticism) is the over use of multiple exclamation marks (except for the final panel on page two where they add some humour to a bleak setting) I feel like they are forcing the point, which is unnecessary because the writing gets the bleakness of the place ove very well.

    Well done and I look forward to the next installment.


  • #3
    dmcloughney
    Closed Accounts Posts: 45 ✭dmcloughney


    Hey Dermot, thanks for the comments and I'm glad you enjoyed the first two pages. Yeah its a bit of a habit I have now putting a load of exclamation points in, but its something I'll keep an eye on in the future and try not to over do it. I got a group ANARCHY comic set up on facebook which I'm kinda using as a forum/blog for the moment so if you or any1 else who is interested should join up to keep up to date on news, competions and all things ANARCHY related.

    http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/group.php?gid=43078889658

    I'll be posting up another 2 pages on thursday so make sure you check em out.
    Nice 1
    Daragh
    www.anarchycomic.com


  • #4
    dmcloughney
    Closed Accounts Posts: 45 ✭dmcloughney


    Hey All,
    2 new pages of ANARCHY up on the website, so get yourself over there and check 'em out. As always all comments are more than welcome
    www.anarchycomic.com
    Thanks,
    Daragh


  • #5
    Fysh
    Moderators, Arts Moderators, Regional Abroad Moderators Posts: 11,073 Mod ✭✭✭✭Fysh


    I like the art, it conveys a nice sense of atmosphere. I have to say that the over-use of exclamation points and ellipses really grates though, each time I notice it I find it distracts me out of the dialogue in a bad way. If you're not sure about something, get someone else to help you edit it, because as it stands I can imagine people liking the artwork but being put off by the excessive and often reduntant use of punctuation. All that said, it's worth noting that I subscribe heartily to the Pratchett Doctrine when it comes to punctuation in general and exclamation marks in particular:

    "[...]all those exclamation marks, you notice? Five? A sure sign of someone who wears his underpants on his head."


  • #6
    dmcloughney
    Closed Accounts Posts: 45 ✭dmcloughney


    I did'nt realise a few exclamation marks distracted that much from the mood, but I will definately tone it down in the future so please continue to check it out.
    Thanks
    Daragh


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  • #7
    dmcloughney
    Closed Accounts Posts: 45 ✭dmcloughney


    new page uploaded last night. check it out...

    www.anarchycomic.com


  • #8
    globulin777
    Closed Accounts Posts: 32 ✭globulin777


    dmcloughney wrote: »
    Hi All,
    I finally have my webcomic up and running. It will be updated every Thursday evening without fail with at least 1 page sometimes 2. If you miss it on Thursday evening you can check it out Friday morning with your cup of tea.

    www.anarchycomic.com

    I know it is only early days but I'd love to hear any comments you might have. Hope you enjoy it!!!

    Daragh
    ought you had posted : Archery Is Here:p
    Will take a look.......
    I th


  • #9
    globulin777
    Closed Accounts Posts: 32 ✭globulin777


    dmcloughney wrote: »
    Hi All,
    I finally have my webcomic up and running. It will be updated every Thursday evening without fail with at least 1 page sometimes 2. If you miss it on Thursday evening you can check it out Friday morning with your cup of tea.

    www.anarchycomic.com

    I know it is only early days but I'd love to hear any comments you might have. Hope you enjoy it!!!

    Daragh
    Impressive..............:)


  • #10
    DublinWriter
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,557 ✭✭✭DublinWriter


    dmcloughney wrote: »
    I know it is only early days but I'd love to hear any comments you might have. Hope you enjoy it!!!
    Sweet. Really good. Keep at it Dude.


  • #11
    dmcloughney
    Closed Accounts Posts: 45 ✭dmcloughney


    hey thanks for the comments, I'm glad yiz are enjoying it. I've slowed it down to a one page update for the moment but the two page updates will be back soon so keep checking it every thursday. Thanks All


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  • #12
    DublinWriter
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,557 ✭✭✭DublinWriter


    dmcloughney wrote: »
    hey thanks for the comments, I'm glad yiz are enjoying it. I've slowed it down to a one page update for the moment but the two page updates will be back soon so keep checking it every thursday. Thanks All

    I have to say, normally when someone puts something up on boards for comment, usually creative writing, it's so awful that I can't even bring myself to reply.

    Your stuff really rocks, you're the bastard son of Stan Lee and I'm sure we'll be hearing more about you soon.


  • #13
    dmcloughney
    Closed Accounts Posts: 45 ✭dmcloughney


    DublinWriter wrote: »
    I have to say, normally when someone puts something up on boards for comment, usually creative writing, it's so awful that I can't even bring myself to reply.

    Your stuff really rocks, you're the bastard son of Stan Lee and I'm sure we'll be hearing more about you soon.

    Haha thanks man, really appriciate it...... I have a few months worth of pages done and I'm now working on part2 so it's only the start of a long road.. so plenty more gore and dark characters to come!! thanks again


  • #14
    dmcloughney
    Closed Accounts Posts: 45 ✭dmcloughney


    It's that time again..... one page this week but the 2 page updates will be back next week, I won't post up every week so I hope you get into the habit of checking Thurs night/ Fri morning.... if you want to keep up-dated on news etc. I'm using a facebook group as a kinda forum/blog for the mo so join up
    http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/group.php?gid=43078889658

    Anyway get yourself over to the place where ANARCHY REGINS!!

    http://www.anarchycomic.com


  • #15
    dmcloughney
    Closed Accounts Posts: 45 ✭dmcloughney


    page 15 just uploaded, check it out... the story is heating up now and the mood just gets darker
    http://www.anarchycomic.com


  • #16
    ztoical
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,788 ✭✭✭ztoical


    dmcloughney wrote: »
    page 15 just uploaded, check it out... the story is heating up now and the mood just gets darker
    http://www.anarchycomic.com

    Daragh I'm coming to your house to remove the ! key from your computer.


  • #17
    dmcloughney
    Closed Accounts Posts: 45 ✭dmcloughney


    ztoical wrote: »
    Daragh I'm coming to your house to remove the ! key from your computer.

    you do that ztoical.... what time will I see ya at!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:D


  • #18
    ztoical
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,788 ✭✭✭ztoical


    dmcloughney wrote: »
    you do that ztoical.... what time will I see ya at!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:D

    I'll be over after lunch have the kettle boiled and make sure theres milk....all joking aside though the over use of ! is really taking away from a good comic and its been mentioned a couple of times on this thread.


  • #19
    Fysh
    Moderators, Arts Moderators, Regional Abroad Moderators Posts: 11,073 Mod ✭✭✭✭Fysh


    I have to agree. I like the artwork, and the general story seems interesting enough, but the use of punctuation and rhythm of the writing needs tightening up. Taking the most recent page, for example - you've got 19 exclamation marks used in one page. Every single instance of them using at least two where one should be enough.

    Not to mention the horrible abuse that the humble ellipsis is seeing here; six instances of them in one page, but only one of them is a normal ellipsis.

    The point of an ellipsis is to create a sense of pause or suspense; the point of an exclamation mark is to convert a standard sentence into an exclamation, a more dramatic enunciation. Both of those effects are rendered meaningless if they are over-used as they are here.

    For your consideration, I've taken the original text on the current page and modified it to address the issues. I've kept all the wording intact; all I've changed is the use of punctuation and line breaks to create a better sense of rhythm.

    Original script:

    Panel 1:
    NARRATOR: That's funny I was just about to offer you a similar ultimatum...leave now, and I won't have to **** up that pretty face of yours!!!!

    NARRATOR: But if you think you have hte skill to take this head from me.....well then babe............

    Panel 2:
    NARRATOR: Come and GET IT!!!!

    Panel 4:
    CAPTION: I don't have to ask her twice!!

    SFX: PSHING!!!!

    Panel 6:
    SFX: TWANK!!!

    CAPTION: She's quick......even by my standards........her technique is perfect.............not just a pretty face after all!!


    Modified script:

    Panel 1:
    NARRATOR: That's funny - I was just about to offer you a similar ultimatum...

    NARRATOR: Leave now, and I won't have to **** up that pretty face of yours.

    NARRATOR: But.

    NARRATOR: If you think you have the skill to take this head from me...

    NARRATOR: Well, then babe...

    Panel 2:
    NARRATOR: Come and GET IT!

    Panel 4:
    CAPTION BOX: I don't have to ask her twice!

    SFX: PSHING!

    CAPTION: She's quick - even by *my* standards.

    Panel 5:
    CAPTION: Her technique is perfect.

    Panel 6:
    SFX: TWANK!

    CAPTION: Not just a pretty face after all!


  • #20
    Fysh
    Moderators, Arts Moderators, Regional Abroad Moderators Posts: 11,073 Mod ✭✭✭✭Fysh


    I've just spent most of my lunch break tinkering with Paint.NET to show what the page would look like with the changes I made in my earlier post's modified script.

    Images removed at OP's request


  • #21
    dmcloughney
    Closed Accounts Posts: 45 ✭dmcloughney


    cool, thanks for the crit....... I dunno I just like alot exclamation marks, I think it looks good visually and comics is all about visual communication in the end. but fair enough if its that annoying I will tone it down (and I will this time). thanks


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  • #22
    ztoical
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,788 ✭✭✭ztoical


    dmcloughney wrote: »
    cool, thanks for the crit....... I dunno I just like alot exclamation marks, I think it looks good visually and comics is all about visual communication in the end. but fair enough if its that annoying I will tone it down (and I will this time). thanks

    It is about visual storytelling but one of the hardest things for people to learn when doing comics [and nearly every area of the arts] is how to edit.

    Can I ask, when your doing your pages, do you lay out your text, balloons and carrots first and then your art or are you doing the art first?

    Carson Van Osten created the famous "Comic Strip Artist's Kit" thats well worth having a read [it's only 7 pages but those 7 pages contain so much information] It was made for Disney staff so ignore that its disney characters the information in the pages applies to all types of comics.


  • #23
    Fysh
    Moderators, Arts Moderators, Regional Abroad Moderators Posts: 11,073 Mod ✭✭✭✭Fysh


    The visual storytelling in your artwork seems fine to me, which is promising - the only problem is with the use of text. The problem is that if you're using text to convey information, you have to be careful about how you construct that text - everything from how you break down the sentences through the length of words used to how punctuation is used. It really needs to be approached more from a writing perspective than a visual perspective.


  • #24
    dmcloughney
    Closed Accounts Posts: 45 ✭dmcloughney


    ztoical wrote: »
    It is about visual storytelling but one of the hardest things for people to learn when doing comics [and nearly every area of the arts] is how to edit.

    Can I ask, when your doing your pages, do you lay out your text, balloons and carrots first and then your art or are you doing the art first?

    Carson Van Osten created the famous "Comic Strip Artist's Kit" thats well worth having a read [it's only 7 pages but those 7 pages contain so much information] It was made for Disney staff so ignore that its disney characters the information in the pages applies to all types of comics.

    I do the art first with rough idea of where I want the text. Thanks for the link ztoical, some interesting reading alright


  • #25
    dmcloughney
    Closed Accounts Posts: 45 ✭dmcloughney


    Part 2 begins with a bang featuring a special 3 page update.....Etain burns as the city is torn apart by none other than the mighty warlord himself..... the herald of death......DESIMUS
    The dark world of ANARCHY is about to expand in Part 2... This intro is not to be missed!
    And I think you will notice a serious reduction in the amount of exclaimation marks :D so please enjoy the art and story.
    Let me know what you think
    http://www.anarchycomic.com


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