Feeling pretty happy and proud of myself

LegacyUser

I'm a 20 year old bisexual girl and for the last 8 years (since I was 12) I have been torturing myself by rejecting the side of me that wants to be with girls. It's been eating me up inside to the extent that I have become really depressed and aggressive. I just really didn't want to be anything other than straight and it reached crisis point lately where I found myself thinking about killing myself. Not to mention the confusion of being bi - rather than only liking guys or girls. I think it might have been easier if I wasn't interested in guys as well as girls.

I had tried to come out to a close friend when I was 14 but she giggled and spread it around the whole year and I freaked and ended up denying it and people left it alone. I only wanted to tell a few friends, not the whole school

So tonight I decided I'd had enough. I'm still young and I don't want to waste any more time with beating myself up so I finally literally said out loud (albeit while home alone) that yes, I am bi and yes, I find women sexually and romantically attractive. I also told a friend I am bi. I picked a friend I haven't seen in years but still talk to on msn to test the waters in case it ended up being a repeat of when I was 14 but his reaction was great! I couldn't have asked for a better reaction. He was really upbeat and was happy that I had told him. He was seriously really happy for me and actually thinks it's pretty cool. It really made me feel good that I was being accepted AS ME. Like, REAL acceptance. As in, someone accepted me and was happy for me, despite knowing I'm not straight. It just felt so good. I now feel like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I currently have a boyfriend so I'm going to tell him (just so no secrets are kept and to explain why I've been so moody lately) when I next see him and I hope it goes ok. Having experienced one good reaction I feel much more confident (and accepting) of myself. My bf probably won't be so enthusiastic and it might take him time to get his head around it but that's ok, I know he loves me.

I'm not quite ready to come totally out of the closet (hence unregged) or to check out the scene in town but hey, I'm getting there and even having 1 person know and accept me makes me feel a lot better.

Just posting this for the benefit of those out there who agonize over their sexual orientation. I didn't think I was anywhere near ready to tell ANYONE yet suddenly I'd just had enough. It feels good to have someone know. Better than you can possibly know when you're keeping it all to yourself. I'm happy

bp1989

Well I think it's safe to say that 14 year olds aren't the best people to come out to. Immaturity and all that.

Well done though, it took balls to do what you did, and you deserve happiness as much as the next person:cool:

LegacyUser

Just like you, i'm 20 and bi. I really want to come out but just don't have the guts. I just can't pick the right person/time/mood/setting etc.

I'm so happy for you though, that you have what it takes to do it!
Well done, and hope everything goes well for you

Weidii

Congrats!

I went through this recently myself and I know it's a highly relieving experience.

Reflector

thats great,
you're an inspiration to many young gay and bi people on these boards. good luck with the boyfriend and I'm really glad you have started to explore this side of yourself. you'll be better for it.

Nevyn

Congratualtions and well done on doing what you needed to be happy in your own skin.

monellia

Good for you. It's a pity you had to go such a long time letting such an irrelevant thing torment you, though. It's important to remember that your sexuality doesn't define who you are

LegacyUser

I'm also 20 and bi, I've told boyfriends, as I feel they have a right to know. Is there really much to gain by telling anyone else? It's unlikely I'll end up in a relationship with a girl, only had a few flings as a teenager. Has anyone else found keeping it under wraps to be handy?

Have to say though, I admire the original poster! Mean no disrespect.

superboy

I'd just like to say I am delighted for you. To have such an accepting and open minded friend to open up to, is wonderful. Hearing stories like this makes me feel better too!! I hope my friends are as nice as that when they eventually find out about me! :):)

LegacyUser

Congrats to the original poster:) I'm 20 and bi but am keeping it hidden until I leave for co-op (work experience) next January. Well to be fair I'm more bi-curious seeing as I've never actually kissed a girl, had all the feelings of course but no action:P

Anyway I have a question, how do I manage this? I want to keep it quiet because it didn't go down well with my parents(didn't believe me)-who I adore and have enough on their plate, nor my friends. My community-where I live and go to college-is fairly small. Word travels fast. I can't therefore go to LGBT meetings in my college and am unable to make other meetings due to work. I have come out to my best friend, who is amazing, and mentioned it to one other close friend. Both are ok with it but both are in Dublin-I'm in Limerick. Anyway I'm going off topic:P

I am happy with who I am, I am just unhappy with not being able to embrace it-in any small way. So ya I'm asking for ideas please?

Oh and going to "gay" clubs-well thats just scary!