toy boys

allabouteve

neuromancer wrote: »

Your 26 and he is 35, in my opinion that is just not right, but then that is my opinion.

My best relationship was with a man 16 years older, and this experience is mirrored by some of my friends, one of whom had a thing with a guy 18 years older, and another with a man 13 years older. We were all early twenties at the time.

The thing that broke two of the three relationships up was the family thing. I didn't want a much older father for any kids I have and with my friend it was his existing children that she felt she would be too responsible for since he was the only parent on the scene. She didn't feel ready to be the mother of teenagers by the time she would be in just her late twenties. The third one fizzled out because of just plain old sexual incompatibility.

Now that I'm a few years older, I find myself looking at the younger guys with a bit of a lustful eye, but it would be a purely physical thing since I think most young men in their early twenties have very little in common, in terms of life experience, with me.

Dudess

allabouteve wrote: »

My best relationship was with a man 16 years older, and this experience is mirrored by some of my friends, one of whom had a thing with a guy 18 years older, and another with a man 13 years older.

Currently, 12 years older. I've been with guys 14, 18 and 19 years older - and all were fantastic!

Yet only lately:

Now that I'm a few years older, I find myself looking at the younger guys with a bit of a lustful eye, but it would be a purely physical thing since I think most young men in their early twenties have very little in common, in terms of life experience, with me.

Exact same as me.

beertons

I've been to three weddings in the past two years, and the girl was always older than the boy, two years minimum. And a few of my OH's friends are married to young lads aswell, so it's not a new thing. I'm quiet flattered that I'm the younger one. She's flattered by the way I treat her.

Dudess

A guy who's two or three years younger isn't "toy boy" territory though - that's pretty much the same age.

beertons

Both parties get the same amount of slagging though, whether it's 2 or 10.

seanybiker

I'm 25 and my missus is 30. Been together almost 3 years now. She the bestest, me little princess. Bit of bloody money and I'd be getting married but sure, have shag all money so may aswell just drink what I have.

Dudess

beertons wrote: »

Both parties get the same amount of slagging though, whether it's 2 or 10.

Ah yes, the "the WOMAN is the older of the two - imagine!" syndrome... :rolleyes:

beertons

^Eh, what doesn that mean? I don't get it.

allabouteve

Dudess wrote: »

Ah yes, the "the WOMAN is the older of the two - imagine!" syndrome... :rolleyes:

You would think it wouldn't be remarkable in the 2000's but some things don't change.

beertons wrote: »

^Eh, what doesn that mean? I don't get it.

It means that no one would pass any comments if the man was only 3-4 years older, but if the WOMAN is, suddenly its funny, an issue, a joke, a laugh, and a slag off.

Dudess

In fairness, a guy who's older will get a bit of good-natured slagging - he'd probably have to be at least five years older, or perhaps in his 30s while his girlfriend is in her 20s.

But if a woman is even three years older, it's not even seen as something to have a bit of fun about, it's seen as weird, an issue, something perhaps to be avoided...

Madame Razz

Dudess wrote: »

In fairness, a guy who's older will get a bit of good-natured slagging - he'd probably have to be at least five years older, or perhaps in his 30s while his girlfriend is in her 20s.

But if a woman is even three years older, it's not even seen as something to have a bit of fun about, it's seen as weird, an issue, something perhaps to be avoided...

I don't think men get slagged so much as patted on the back by their buddies.

Whereas some would see being with a younger man as being the ultimate in disgustingness and desperation.....

But then some people see sex as disgusting and wrong too:rolleyes:

Dragan

Dudess wrote: »

But if a woman is even three years older, it's not even seen as something to have a bit of fun about, it's seen as weird, an issue, something perhaps to be avoided...

Well in fairness, how often are we told not to make issue, or even ask, a womans age?:pac:

partyguinness

My g/friend is 33 and I am 30..she is just glad that we are in the same decade...:)

Its more of an issue for her as she is very aware of her biological clock...

Acacia

I used to have a bit of an issue going out with guys who were younger than me. Looking back, it was an immature sort of attitude like, ''I can't go out with him, he hasn't done his Junior Cert yet and I'm in Fifth Year!"

Now, I'm still probably too young to have a toy boy, because I'm only 19 (and I couldn't afford one!). Really though, age isn't important so long as the two people on the relationship love each other.

GirlInterrupted

allabouteve wrote: »

My best relationship was with a man 16 years older, and this experience is mirrored by some of my friends, one of whom had a thing with a guy 18 years older, and another with a man 13 years older. We were all early twenties at the time.

The thing that broke two of the three relationships up was the family thing.

I'm the friend who had the relationship with the man 18 years older, I was 22 and he was touching 41 when we met. He had a daughter.

At 22 I didn't fully grasp the responsibility that being a mother figure was, as she had no mother on the scene. As time progressed I did worry about the long term implications, not because I didn't think the pairing would go the distance, but because I thought it would.

I had to think long and hard about being maybe a sixty year old woman looking after a man of almost eighty, of being the stepmother to a teenager long before I would have had a teenager by choice, and of possibly having an aging dad for my own children by the time I got round to having my own.

The break up was vicious in its hurt because of the bond I had formed with his daughter, and with him. The fact is he was, and is, a lovely man, and there really was no negative issue other than the age difference. But some differences are insurmountable to some people. And I am one of them.

Lord Nikon

I just feel that women need security in their lives, who doesn't. But they see an older man has everything that a younger woman wants. Stable job, house, financial security.

Silverfish

neuromancer wrote: »

I just feel that women need security in their lives, who doesn't. But they see an older man has everything that a younger woman wants. Stable job, house, financial security.

I provide my own security. I think most women can these days.

In fact, moreso these days than ever before, the younger guy has everything the older woman wants.

Nevyn

neuromancer wrote: »

I just feel that women need security in their lives, who doesn't. But they see an older man has everything that a younger woman wants. Stable job, house, financial security.

Only if she is looking for a man to fund her life style or to have children with.
If neither of those apply then all bets are off.

Snowie

Madame Razz wrote: »

But then some people see sex as disgusting and wrong too:rolleyes:

I do, I have a real problem with that, as it should be kinky sex ....

Curlypinkie

And I have a problem with the term toy-boy. I find it objectifying.
Just because I might choose to see someone that's (considerably) younger than me, doesn't mean that person automatically becomes something else than just date/shagbuddy/boyfriend, whichever I want to choose.

When there was an age difference of 10 years between an ex of mine (he was older) and me, I didn't feel like the toy-girl, nor would I have the interest in being treated like one.

For age differences I say, go ahead FFS, it's a free world and as long as their legal....

Wibbs

Dudess wrote: »

In fairness, a guy who's older will get a bit of good-natured slagging - he'd probably have to be at least five years older, or perhaps in his 30s while his girlfriend is in her 20s.

But if a woman is even three years older, it's not even seen as something to have a bit of fun about, it's seen as weird, an issue, something perhaps to be avoided...

I have to say I would agree with you there. I've been attracted to and have gone out with women much younger than me. 16 year age gap being the biggest. Mostly ten though. All cool people(clearly drunk tho...:)) whom I'm really glad to have known. I never got slagging from it from my male mates. In fact few if any comments at all. I got some slagging/warnings of doom from my women mates though. "Ah sure she's a bit young for you, why can't you go out with women your own age"*. This was from women nearer to me in age. The younger ones didn't bat an eyelid, though they were coffin robbers too so...

I have seen women with much younger guys(10 years) get much more hassle though. Mostly I have to say from other women. Not blokes. I reckon that's just down to my observation that women are more likely to comment socially than men. The men may think the same, but just don't say it. If the blokes are pushed they may suggest they can't see it lasting because of different lifestages, or they go fair play. Though the latter seems to be a sexual thing. A lot of young guys like the Mrs Robinson idea. It's a fantasy MILF's/cougars are the fashionable equivalent of something that's always been there. The idea that the two people may just gel regardless of age seems to be ignored. That's goes for or is mostly similar too, older man younger woman as well. The "ah well sure what have they got in common, He wants the nubile sex and she's after his money"

I look at romantic relationships this way; they're not easy to make truly healhty and successful and lasting, hence a good majority of relationships breakup and many who don't should. Many obstacles can be in the way. Emotional rebounding/insecurity issues, money, different goals/religions/morals, different sexual needs, etc. Any of which can split people up and more often than not does, so it can be better to try to minimise these diffs. An obvious age gap in either gender is just one of these obstacles. People differ though. Lets say 90 outa 100 of such couples go south, that still means 10 are in a good place, because they're emotionally healthy and open and shock horror they love themselves and each other. Go the 10 I say.








*though one of my women mates suggested safe sex with a ouija board is not really on so... The wagon.:)

Dudess

Wibbs wrote: »

I have seen women with much younger guys(10 years) get much more hassle though. Mostly I have to say from other women. Not blokes.

That doesn't surprise me.

I reckon that's just down to my observation that women are more likely to comment socially than men. The men may think the same, but just don't say it. If the blokes are pushed they may suggest they can't see it lasting because of different lifestages, or they go fair play.

Probably give less of a sh1t than the women too though.

Wibbs

Dudess wrote: »

That doesn't surprise me.

Probably give less of a sh1t than the women too though.

I dunno. I think it could be that we're more compartmentalised in general. Men tend not to be as socially competitive or certainly the hierarchies are less fluid in a male grouping. We place different emphasis on what competition there is so while we may not give a shít about that we may about other things. We tend to talk less to each other about such social dynamics, but that said, when I have had these discussions with some of my male mates they are sometimes more plugged in and aware than they let on. They just keep their own counsel. Major generalisations of course. I know men who can be "bitchy" too and I know women who just aren't.

LilOc

Well, i like older men. I'm in my early 20s and never dated someone younger than me, never been interested even for sex flings in someone younger than at least 3 years older than me...

Maybe i should try younger though. At this point i should try anything, my dating life is such a fiasco anyway.

Kya1976

Curlypinkie wrote: »

For age differences I say, go ahead FFS, it's a free world and as long as their legal....

Well for us turnips the 'height test' is more important than the age difference right:P:p;)

Snowie

My bros a toy boy she 31 hes 25....

I only just remembered as tbh I dont really think about it only problem is he needs to go travelling and she has no interested.....

sligobhoy

Wibbs wrote: »

When I say younger I mean 30 odd year old woman with 20 odd year old guy. 6/7/8 year gap kinda thing. In the rare cases I've personally seen where it has worked, the guys were closer to the woman in emotional/sexual/life experience than their respective ages might suggest.

Will a considerable sexual experience gap lead to problems in a relationship?

brianthebard

brianthebard wrote: »

All purely academic questions you understand.

I'm not buying that......details!

brianthebard

Moonbaby wrote: »

I'm not buying that......details!

There's no real details, I was out Friday night and ended up dancing with a very attractive older woman. Didn't go any further than that but I guess it sparked an idea. :pac:

brianthebard

brianthebard wrote: »

There's no real details, I was out Friday night and ended up dancing with a very attractive older woman. Didn't go any further than that but I guess it sparked an idea. :pac:

How much older is older? :pac:

shellyboo

sligobhoy wrote: »

Will a considerable sexual experience gap lead to problems in a relationship?

I think it will, but only if the less experienced is intimidated by the more experienced, or is unwilling to experiment and learn from their partner. I think if both partners are open-minded and are actively aiming to give pleasure, then experience isn't an issue... there's not much you can do in bed that can't be taught.

brianthebard

Moonbaby wrote: »

How much older is older? :pac:

Well I didn't get her passport but I estimate she was 45 or over, based on certain features.....


Also, I later found out that apparently the bar we were in is a "cougar" bar. I didn't know that.

Nevyn

sligobhoy wrote: »

Will a considerable sexual experience gap lead to problems in a relationship?

No matter how much sexual experience a person has they will have
zero of their new partner and it's a whole new fun learning curve.

Wibbs

sligobhoy wrote: »

Will a considerable sexual experience gap lead to problems in a relationship?

I agree with shellyboo on this one. I reckon and from what I've seen it's far more likely to be an issue if it's the guy who is the inexperienced one. Yes initially he may think, this is great, I'm getting all this action and new experience. Emotional, social and sexual. But a lot of younger guys have fragile egos and soon enough can start to get a bee in their bonnet along the lines of "where did she learn all this stuff/am I any good as I've no clue when I met her and she may want more/is me willy big enough" etc. The usual guff. Then you get the, "well she's most of my experience sexually, is there more out there?", then the itchy feet scenario comes in.

Now I also take Thaedydal's angle on board and dead right too, but I think that's only if you're dealing with two emotionally mature people.

A lot of young guys have delicate egos, or a not quite fully formed emotional sense of themselves. Naturally, that's what being young is all about for the most part. Now the age gap thing may be a very good way for the guy to learn some of that stuff. The older woman becomes the teacher, but all too often from what I've seen anyway, school ends when he graduates.

In general a woman of say 30 is far more emotionally and sexually together than a guy of 20. A woman of 40 and a guy of 30? Not nearly the same deal. At which point maybe the "settle down have kids" thing comes more to the fore. Not as much a deal at all with the reverse. The guy has easily ten years on the woman as far as the option of having a family.

So the toy boy thing really depends on which gap we're discussing. Maybe the younger woman older man lark may appear to work more easily is because of that. A woman of 20 is more likely to be emotionally and sexually on a par with a guy of 30 kinda thing?

shellyboo

Wibbs wrote: »

I agree with shellyboo on this one. I reckon and from what I've seen it's far more likely to be an issue if it's the guy who is the inexperienced one. Yes initially he may think, this is great, I'm getting all this action and new experience. Emotional, social and sexual. But a lot of younger guys have fragile egos and soon enough can start to get a bee in their bonnet along the lines of "where did she learn all this stuff/am I any good as I've no clue when I met her and she may want more/is me willy big enough" etc. The usual guff. Then you get the, "well she's most of my experience sexually, is there more out there?", then the itchy feet scenario comes in.

Yeah, that's pretty much what I was referring to, but I didn't want to get hit with the stereotyping stick

I don't think that many women have a problem with their men being more experienced than them, and if they do, it's more to do with different sexual tastes than anything... That is, a man would like a woman to try x thing that he's done before, but the woman isn't keen - that's less to do with experience and more to do with sexual boundaries, which are pretty much unrelated to how much sex you've had. The result being that the man is left unsatisfied; whereas if the partners were equal in experience perhaps it wouldn't be an issue, since neither partner has done x thing before. Not sure how much sense I'm making here!

Kya1976

Wibbs wrote: »

I agree with shellyboo on this one. I reckon and from what I've seen it's far more likely to be an issue if it's the guy who is the inexperienced one. Yes initially he may think, this is great, I'm getting all this action and new experience. Emotional, social and sexual. But a lot of younger guys have fragile egos and soon enough can start to get a bee in their bonnet along the lines of "where did she learn all this stuff/am I any good as I've no clue when I met her and she may want more/is me willy big enough" etc. The usual guff. Then you get the, "well she's most of my experience sexually, is there more out there?", then the itchy feet scenario comes in.

Now I also take Thaedydal's angle on board and dead right too, but I think that's only if you're dealing with two emotionally mature people.

A lot of young guys have delicate egos, or a not quite fully formed emotional sense of themselves. Naturally, that's what being young is all about for the most part. Now the age gap thing may be a very good way for the guy to learn some of that stuff. The older woman becomes the teacher, but all too often from what I've seen anyway, school ends when he graduates.

In general a woman of say 30 is far more emotionally and sexually together than a guy of 20. A woman of 40 and a guy of 30? Not nearly the same deal. At which point maybe the "settle down have kids" thing comes more to the fore. Not as much a deal at all with the reverse. The guy has easily ten years on the woman as far as the option of having a family.

So the toy boy thing really depends on which gap we're discussing. Maybe the younger woman older man lark may appear to work more easily is because of that. A woman of 20 is more likely to be emotionally and sexually on a par with a guy of 30 kinda thing?

you're just trying to promote the older man aren't you, it's tough getting old isn't it:p:p:pac:

Well as I said earlier it'd be all about sex if I go for a younger man, I really love the playfulness that younger men have. for some reason men my age or older than me seem to loose that, in my experience this is I'm not saying this goes for all men over the age of 30.
I always find that 'toyboys' are more adventurous and less conservative in bed too which is why I'd go for a them, I dont like when sex turns into a routine.

Snowie

Kya1976 wrote: »

you're just trying to promote the older man aren't you, it's tough getting old isn't it:p:p:pac:

Well as I said earlier it'd be all about sex if I go for a younger man, I really love the playfulness that younger men have. for some reason men my age or older than me seem to loose that, in my experience this is I'm not saying this goes for all men over the age of 30.
I always find that 'toyboys' are more adventurous and less conservative in bed too which is why I'd go for a them, I dont like when sex turns into a routine.

thats a fair point but some men are just plain lazy!!! dont seem to care about pleaseing there women sexually or mentilly or in any way.....

where as toy boys are eager to please learn ???

I guess it depends on the person but there are 100s of threads ive read where womens men have behaved like there women dont exist actully i see it everyday. but harldy my buisness...

shellyboo

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

thats a fair point but some men are just plain lazy!!! dont seem to care about pleaseing there women sexually or mentilly or in any way.....

where as toy boys are eager to please learn ???

I guess it depends on the person but there are 100s of threads ive read where womens men have behaved like there women dont exist actully i see it everyday. but harldy my buisness...

I've found the exact opposite, the younger the man the more selfish the lover. But that's just my experience! I would never have a had a toy boy though, only guys my own age vs older guys... I definitely found the older men to be more invested in my pleasure, since seeing that gave them pleasure.

However, SnowMonkey has a point... some men ARE just plain lazy in bed, regardless of age!

Kya1976

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

thats a fair point but some men are just plain lazy!!! dont seem to care about pleaseing there women sexually or mentilly or in any way.....

where as toy boys are eager to please learn ???

I guess it depends on the person but there are 100s of threads ive read where womens men have behaved like there women dont exist actully i see it everyday. but harldy my buisness...

Well if the man in question wouldn't be eager to please he would be kicked out of bed fairly quickly.
I personally think some younger men find it quite intimidating 'hooking up' with an older woman even if they are eager to learn as you put it, like I'm very straightforward and that seem to scare the **** out of some younger men.

Snowie

shellyboo wrote: »

I've found the exact opposite, the younger the man the more selfish the lover. But that's just my experience! I would never have a had a toy boy though, only guys my own age vs older guys... I definitely found the older men to be more invested in my pleasure, since seeing that gave them pleasure.

However, SnowMonkey has a point... some men ARE just plain lazy in bed, regardless of age!

ok so youd never have a toy boy yet your experence says that there selfish..... This is sex where talkin here not a reletionship.....

from my experence and thinking back when ever the chance to sleep with an older woman when i was younger I jumped at she said jump i said how high bassicaly what im trying to say is i was a lap dog when it came to it im not ashamed ive had some pretty funny experence's looking back....

in bed lazy in life work a dead end job get board, no exercise put on weight and live and unfruitfull life which will affect one's sex drive... Men loose potencey enthuisaim, motivasion things get boreing yet people stay in that position punshing them selves for absaloutly no reason at all..... makes no sence to me at all but like its not intirely there fault..... its a numb ife how can any one's sex drive be there when there life is boreing....

shellyboo

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

ok so youd never have a toy boy yet your experence says that there selfish..... This is sex where talkin here not a reletionship.....

Uh, I never said toy boys were selfish, I said in my experience, the younger men I have had sex with were more selfish in bed than the older ones; the younger ones being my age (22-25), and the older ones being in their 30s.

And I never mentioned one thing about relationships... I was talking about sex.

Snowie

Kya1976 wrote: »

Well if the man in question wouldn't be eager to please he would be kicked out of bed fairly quickly.
I personally think some younger men find it quite intimidating 'hooking up' with an older woman even if they are eager to learn as you put it, like I'm very straightforward and that seem to scare the **** out of some younger men.

intimidated off course he will be i mena who wouldnt ???
Il use u as an example
you pul a 21 year old the chance of him knowing his way around a woman's body well enough to actully, to be any use? of course he's going ot be intimidated, personally speaking i used to read everything i could about sex and still do because, I aint going to be mister averadge when it comes to sexy time......

Snowie

shellyboo wrote: »

Uh, I never said toy boys were selfish, I said in my experience, the younger men I have had sex with were more selfish in bed than the older ones; the younger ones being my age (22-25), and the older ones being in their 30s.

And I never mentioned one thing about relationships... I was talking about sex.

apoligies some what of an assumption.....

Well I guess it's down to pot lock some what like ive said i tock the time out to learn a thing or two as muy mum was buying me maxim at 16 and they did have HOW TO sections and fhm had a brillaint booklet out years ago with all sorts of handy tips on what not to do... I read that about 50 times actully i could probably resite paragraphs out of it but thats me. I can't speak for most men, as im only one man....

persoanlly speeking if i couldnt make a woman come id be pretty embarrised, I mean if im getting my rocks of why shouldnt she?.... but this is the way i think most bloke's dont care dont even no where a the G spot is..... and its not exactly the hardist thing in the world to find ..........

Nevyn

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

intimidated off course he will be i mena who wouldnt ???
Il use u as an example
you pul a 21 year old the chance of him knowing his way around a woman's body well enough to actully, to be any use? of course he's going ot be intimidated, personally speaking i used to read everything i could about sex and still do because, I aint going to be mister averadge when it comes to sexy time......

It depends on the 21 year old, how sexually active he has been and what he has read or watched and what his interests are.

Openness willingness and enthusiasm are wonderful things when it comes to exploring a new 'relationship'
with another person but it tends to be younger guys who see life as a learning curve and
older ones can get stuck in a rut or think they have it all done. /shrug

Life's a learning curve if it stops being that then you are dead, one way or another.

Kya1976

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

intimidated off course he will be i mena who wouldnt ???
Il use u as an example
you pul a 21 year old the chance of him knowing his way around a woman's body well enough to actully, to be any use? of course he's going ot be intimidated, personally speaking i used to read everything i could about sex and still do because, I aint going to be mister averadge when it comes to sexy time......

lolz:p:p:D

edit: hopefully the pms will start rolling in now after that post!!!:D:pac:

Dragan

shellyboo wrote: »

Uh, I never said toy boys were selfish, I said in my experience, the younger men I have had sex with were more selfish in bed than the older ones; the younger ones being my age (22-25), and the older ones being in their 30s.

And I never mentioned one thing about relationships... I was talking about sex.

I have found the same for a good few of the younger ladies i have been with, a general selfish attitude towards sex, the older women being more experienced ( age wise, not really sex wise ) might have a better understanding that sex is actually about two people, not one.

I have happily kicked chicks out for their selfish attitude towards sex.

"Oh sorry, i thought you wanted to have sex, not have me pleasure you with no returns, see ya!"

Snowie

Thaedydal wrote: »

It depends on the 21 year old, how sexually active he has been and what he has read or watched and what his interests are.

I agree but I still think there mynority of 21 year olds who would really care about thats most of them are more interested in sport collage car's work drinking getting layed, and having fun its not a concern of there's...

Kya1976 wrote: »

lolz:p:p:D

:eek::P

shellyboo

Dragan wrote: »

I have found the same for a good few of the younger ladies i have been with, a general selfish attitude towards sex, the older women being more experienced ( age wise, not really sex wise ) might have a better understanding that sex is actually about two people, not one.

I have happily kicked chicks out for their selfish attitude towards sex.

"Oh sorry, i thought you wanted to have sex, not have me pleasure you with no returns, see ya!"

Without a doubt, in fact, I'd say it's more prevalent in women than in men. There's a definite attitude of sex being something a woman 'gives' to a man, and that he should be happy getting it at all with some women, in my experience, mostly younger women.

Dragan

shellyboo wrote: »

Without a doubt, in fact, I'd say it's more prevalent in women than in men. There's a definite attitude of sex being something a woman 'gives' to a man, and that he should be happy getting it at all with some women, in my experience, mostly younger women.

Pretty much what i have experienced to be honest. I have always taken the attitude that if you want sex, you give sex and vice versa.

There is nothing quite like the kinky struggle to give pleasure....I don't see the point in doing it any other way myself.

To be honest, a large part of sex for me is pleasuring the girl, i enjoy it, it gets me off and imagine in a very real way it plays to my ego....so i enjoy it.

That said, i also enjoy the returns, as most people do. Balance is important.

I think thats a large part of why sex within relationships can be so much better outside of it. Not only is there that lack of nerves and awkwardness that can exist in random sex, but you spend a lot of time getting to learn what each other likes, finding the lines and boundaries and also, and very importantly, you get the chance to express your own sexual needs as well.

I think a properly "experienced" lover can pick up on the signs quite well, the movement of an arm, the arch of the back, the little ohhs and ahhs ( or, big ones! ) and use then all like feedback to let them know what is working.

Like any skill though, this can take time to develop.

Permabear

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