Going Potty fears!

murfie

Hi, Not a parent myself just yet. But this weekend I had the great honour of being responsible for my wife's niece, (my niece also, but her sisters daughter), a happy four year old.
I say happy four year old until it comes to the toilet! She never want to go when asked, pee or poop. She will cry, scream do anything to not have to sit on the potty! We could eventually get her on there but rarely will anything come out, maybe some wee and never poo. She just seems to be holding it all day long most days, and will hold it to the point of being in pain in her tummy but still will not go when on the potty!

Now i am sure must of you see where this is going, at night with a pull up on she will fully let go and wee and poop sometimes. In her sleep however I believe she is have the same fears, as she is screaming and crying out while she is asleep, holding it i believe, until she lets go and is sound asleep for the rest of the night!

She turned 4 in October but has had this outright fear of going potty for at least a year as far as i can see. Her parents have been to their GP for the pooping issues as she get constipated from holding it for so long, but the peeing issue has not been addressed.

I know the advice may be she will grow out of it but she is going on 4.5 and has this huge hangup or fear of the potty, that her parents in my opinion and just allowing to continue as they allow her to poop and wee in her pull up at night without making an effort to train her and overcome the fear.

Your advice would be greatly appreciated as I am interested in what techniques can be used to help her go potty as the pain she is going through holding the poop for days and wee all day long is alot for a 4 year old!

Has anyone else seen this before in their child that they a afraid of going potty and wont admit they need to go, flat out deny they need to go?

Thanks!

January

I remember when I was younger I had an awful fear of going to the toilet, number 2 not number 1 though. The reason for it was, quite frankly tmi people but needs to be said, that my anus was too small.

It needed to be stretched and there was even talk of an operation to do same... but thankfully it sorted itself out.

It was so bad that i used to hang on to the curtains in the sitting room and scream cry rather than go to the toilet... maybe this could be whats wrong with your niece?? She could be holding her number 1 because she associates the pain with all parts of going to the toilet...

murfie

good point, she does cry that it hurts, this was put down to the fact she is holding it for so long that when she does actually go of course its gonna to hurt as there is so much there. I would hope the doctor would have considered this when she was examined, and not automatically put it down to common constipation.

He gave her parents a home colonic irrigation kit that if it gets so bad they have to use on her, poor thing. I cannot imagine doing that and it may only add to the deep problem in her. I thought it was a psychological issue with going but your suggestion may also be happening.

Dfens

Yes, good idea to get her checked again from a medical point of view in case there is some medical reason why she's can't go, maybe her anal muscles are too strong or the opening is too small as another poster said.

I know with DD, when toilet training her, she had a fear of letting go for a while first (was all psychological) & I found that a little demo helped her overcome her fears. It might help to give your niece lots of liquids & foods that are naturally rich in roughage to encourage the process & ease any constipation.

metrovelvet

Some kids who have had a history of constipation develop a fear of going to the bathroom so they hold it in and make it worse and it becomes a whole vicious cycle.

murfie

Thanks for the replies, ya it appears that this would be the case. Would a child psychologist help break the fear, granted in time she will get over it I am sure, but right now she goes through severe bouts of pain because she is holding. Hopefully this will not cause permanent damage, and i dont think I would stand by and wait for my child to just outgrow this. I would have to do all i could to fix it. but easy for me to say!! :rolleyes:

lostinnappies

If she says it hurst when she pees I would believe her until its proven otherwise. A simple urine sample would be checked for bacteria, crystals etc. Try and get an exact location of the pain ... ie down there or in her tummy or in her back. Any info would be beneficial for the doctor.

If you want to try the psychological side of things my advice would be to sit her on a potty (not the toilet) but tell her she doesnt have to go... that you are painting instead and all she has to do to keep painting is just to sit there. She will be up and down alot for the first while but you arent trying to get her to pee, just to associate fun stuff with sitting on the potty. This should help her lose some of the fear. hopfully:)

Spootie

Some hospitals now have constipation clinics. It might be worth getting her referred. A friend of mine had a similar proplem with her 4 year old going to the toilet to poo. It turned out that she had some tears round her anus that were probably there for some time. This can create a vicious circle where the longer it is held the harder the poo and so can make the tear worse. The pain is then worse and so the child tries harder to hold it in etc. etc. I think this child was put on stool softeners to help with the physical side of things but it took a bit longer to deal with the physchological side.