D~o you change,compromise on anything for your partner???

Madame Razz

Pretty self explanatory really....

Is there anything about your personal appearance/ behaviour that you change or compromise on because your partner prefers it? significant or otherwise?

Why? and why not??

coffee_cake

Yeah, minor things with clothes.
He does the same if I randomly comment on stuff, so it's all good.

Going around changing yourself can either be positive or unhealthy depending on the degree and reasons and happiness with what you're doing...

Behaviour though? I don't know... I haven't anyway

edit: anyone *expecting* me to do something not me can go take a flying leap

ladyella

No way jose. And I wouldnt expect to either. He might comment on a skirt or somethin to say he prefers a different one... If I like it though I'm not gonna change

Madame Razz

Me personally?

I am me, I don't compromise on that. Has caused problems in the past and probably will again, but hey, nobodies perfect.

Superficially, well, I don't wear any sort of tan because my OH loves pale skin, and I love not having the hassle of it.

He hates my nials and lashes but I refuse to compromise on them.

He loves me wearing leggings so I oblige

He generally takes an interest in my appearance and I am happy to listen to his opinions and suggestions, but ultimately will go with what I want at the end of the day.

With regard to waxing we have different preferences. This time round I will go with his choice, next time my own, so I suppose you could say we compromised on that one.

If a man insisted I do something or whatever I would in no uncertain terms tell him to fcuk off. I am my own person and refuse to be controlled, yet it never ceases to amaze me that many of my friends partners exercise significant control over them and their lives.

nomorebadtown

If there is no compromise you probably wont have a "partner".

St Bill

I have a friend who gave up something she loves to do (has done it all her life and studied it at university) because her boyfriend told her he didn't like her doing it. He's now her husband :eek:
I think she's absolutely crazy to give up something she loves. The way I look at it, the things she did in her life prior to meeting her husband led to her actually meeting him so I really don't understand why he wanted her to give it up.
However, whatever about him telling her what to do, she's a bigger fool (I'm sorry to say) for actually taking his wishes on board.

Abi

I would change nothing about me for anyone. You cannot change who you really are, and by trying you will only make yourself unhappy. And in the long term, more than likely resentful.

And as for anyone who asks you to, and you allow it? You are settling for someone that doesnt deserve you.

Wibbs

I dunno. I have in the past changed some things, but in the main, it was because either I had spotted they needed changing or they brought it to my attention. That's all good, because I wanted to change and again for the most part they were positive changes. I have had some try the controlling changes. They got very short shrift.

ladyella

I've just thoguht of something I compromise on - I'm not very domesticated so I wash the clothes and he cleans the house! So much so that I cant mention cleaning to anyone coz no one will believe I do any of it:o

Zzippy

I don't have to compromise on much, maybe I shave more often, especially when I'm seeing my gf that evening, although she seems to have tougher skin than other girls I've gone out with
Probably the biggest compromise is on things I do, like I spend a bit less time on hobbies now because I'm spending time with her - but thats because I want to spend time with her. Not going out drinking quite as much either, but thats a good thing!

Xiney

Mainly I try to be a better person.

My OH is much nicer than I am, and while he does enjoy my biting wit (;)) when appropriate, I've toned it down considerably since we got together. Otherwise I'd be a total shrew.

Also, he has an inordinate hatred of sequins that I can't quite figure out. I rarely find a top that I MUST HAVE with sequins, and if I did I'd buy it anyway, but I'd expect him to have a negative-ish opinion on it.

CDfm

does tidying up before she comes over count?

John Mason

No

The Sweeper

I compromise on a fair few things, but then again so does he. Sometimes I need to be less relaxed about some of the things he suggests, because in being relaxed about them I end up in a bad situation. I've allowed my partner to influence decisions on my work and my home life in the past, and I should never have allowed him that influence. Yes, compromise was required, but it was compromise, not capitulation.

The last major lesson was our living arrangements - I allowed myself be talked into living with the in-laws, and despite my protestations that I only wanted to be there for three months max, it was like the black hole of Calcutta and we didn't get out for 20 months. That nearly killed me, but he's fully aware of it, and it is quite simply never going to happen again.

On smaller stuff, he's our big earner so I try to accomodate that - I do the lion's share of housework but I'm not afraid to ask for help. I do the lion's share of cooking, but at the same time I can ring him on his way home and say "I've done nothing, can you stop by the takeaway?" While living at the in-laws, I did the lion's share of caring for all of the animals in the household, so he's redressing that balance now.

The flip side is that he doesn't overreact if I indulge my taste in large, expensive, ornate wooden furniture. We have a hardwood coffee table, an indonesian reclaimed teak daybed and an 1870s chinese bleached elm produce sideboard in our house, some of which were in excess of $2,000, and his reaction at the announcement that I'd bought any of them is usually to blink and then say "Bloody hell, woman, you don't do things by halves, do you?"

Compromise is important, but don't allow yourself be talked into something just because you don't have strong feelings on it either way - I'm a sucker for that. If there's something I don't want to do, I won't do it, but if it's something I feel easy about, I'll usually agree and end up in it up to my neck.

Xiney

Oh yeah, and I moved to Sligo (pop. 19 735) from Montreal (pop. 3,635,571) for him for a year. I would call that the craziest thing I've ever done for love.

Snowie

Nah its my way or the high way


no of course you have to compramise its part of reletionship im pretty happy to speak my mind to people Ive just meet etc, I'm shore id ahve to bite my lip more often

I dress pretty casual so if she asked me to go get a shirt and nice pair of jeans and a more sutble pair fo shoes i wouldnt have a problem with it...

I thuaght all reletionships are based on compramise's ? I think in some ways compramse is another way of giving which is and important part of a reletionship and would show the level of comitment ?

tribulus

I think Minesajackdaniels post sums it up well. The blanket if they try to change me they're out of here is rubbish imo, I've never seen it happen in real life and the odds of meeting someone so perfectly suited to you that you don't need to compromise on anything are slim to none.

Puddleduck

Ive compromised a little. Not really on clothes or how I look, I do that more for me than for him. I have learnt to keep my cool alot better and not fly off the handle at every little thing.

I also leave him have some time to himself while I do my own thing. I love being in his company but sometimes he may want to do something that I may not so why not let him do what he wants and Ill do what I want. Its not a huge deal.

Tbh I just seem to have calmed down alot.

holdmyhand?

i dont think i have changed anything.... ya dont really need to when your not in the same country..... 7 weeks total in the same country out of 7 months... its the way forward

ellieh1

I think a certain amount of compromise within a relationship is important. In our relationship my OH hates sleeping with the curtains closed, makes him feel claustrophobic, so the compromise is curtains closed in my house and curtains open in his

Quality

We both make compromises.. we have to to make things work..

We respect each other and I trust his judgement. I like when he is happy.

The only thing that I do have to make an effort at is accepting his family. "In Laws:rolleyes:"

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

LeahBaby

I comprimised a tiny bit.

Stopped smoking. Switched chick flicks for scarey movies etc!! I do all th cooking otherwise he'd just eat cheese on toast.

He refuses to do any laundry so he fills the dishwasher and hoovers the stairs.
I also gave up buying clothes with every paycheck to save for our house(hardest!!)

Morgase

I compromise when it comes to stuff about the house, or decisions about holidays (he only wants a couple of days, I want two weeks - so we go for a week).

I don't compromise when it comes to myself - as in I'll wear what I please, that sort of thing.

CDfm

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

I thuaght all reletionships are based on compramise's ? I think in some ways compramse is another way of giving which is and important part of a reletionship and would show the level of comitment ?

The Monkey is wise.

I think compromise is ok but accommodate is a better word.

I have kids from a previous relationship and my OH takes them into account as I do with her obligations. You have to compromise and thats not hard.Stuff like clothes preferences when going out are no big deal.

I was in a relationship where a former partner would put me in impossible situations and was very unyielding on the smallest items that it was well weird.

Its really refreshing to read this thread.:)

MJOR

When you meet somebody your lives kinda merge. It happens gradually and it is pretty painless for the most part!! I've changed little things but for the better. He's changed little things too! I'll never give up the things i love (wine chocolate) nor would he want me to!!

AnnieB82

I think it's fine to compromise on things that don't define you in some way. For instance, my partner is very fussy about suds left on dishes before drying them. So I have started taking extra care to rinse them because I know it bothers him. (Now if he would've criticised me - he would've been doing all the washin himself!) I tend to wear more sexy underwear as I know he likes it. As for himself - he compromises just as much for me. I don't think a relationship could work with out it.

littlebug

I was going to answer this yesterday and say that we haven't compromised at all and haven't needed to but if I think about it I/ we have changed a lot over the years but I think it's been a natural part of the process of becoming life partners rather than having made conscious decisions to compromise on specific things.
Yeah there is the putting up with the in laws thing but we're lucky in that both sides are equally awkward

Poloman

We all make changes to be with someone they love wether we realise it or not. We all give up being with other people thats a start!!

Its important to tell your other half if something he/she does annoys you.

I guess I have given up drinking too much and let her throw away furniture etc that I liked when she moved in. Personal appearance I will listen to her advice eg haircuts/clothes as I want her to keep finding me attractive. However if say anythign to her about clothes she has I dont like I am the worst in the world!!

kevmy

Xiney wrote: »

Oh yeah, and I moved to Sligo (pop. 19 735) from Montreal (pop. 3,635,571) for him for a year. I would call that the craziest thing I've ever done for love.

And then moved to Galway to get away from him/Sligo??

Whispered

Don't you both have to compromise to make a relationship work fairly?

I've compromised on a lot of things, if I feel comfortable with it and if I see a reason why there should be a compromise.

Then there are a few things I wouldn't compromise on and the choice was he accept that or we break up. There has been things the same with him that I don't necessarily like, but have to accept or loose him.

If I feel strongly about something he generally understands and vice versa.