Hate myself physically.. Mainly my height..

LegacyUser

First of all let me say that I am in a pretty frustrated state right now so it's a struggle to stay calm and type.

I'm a guy, 19 yrs old. I just can't believe how unlucky I have been physically.. Pretty much everything about me is less than ideal... NOT ONE thing about my body is perfect... And most people have at least one good thing (a balance). For example maybe a man is not too good looking but is tall (ideal height) and strong which could make up for it.. Same applies for being short with good looks. Or maybe even other less significant aspects, that can still make up for things..

As for me.. I have NOTHING. Yes that's right NOTHING. Not one good physical aspect about myself what so ever.

I'm not good looking (I would say quite odd looking)
I have a big roundish head
I'm horribly short sighted, forced to wear contacts
I have a round type nose and small mouth
I'm average build/weight, weak and seem to lack a natural ability to gain muscle at a normal rate (Although not important as that can be changed)
I'm definitely not tall (which I only recently noticed about myself) being merely 5'9 and a half'' barefoot.. This is now by far the most depressing part about myself..

I should not be this short. My mother is 5'4 and my father is a tall 6'1''... My typical bad luck..

Not only am I short (maybe not short but clearly below the majority), due to my size I have small girlish hands.. thus taking more away from any ounce of manliness I might have making myself even less attractive..

And of course size dictates physical strength and ability to defend oneself as well, making me clearly weaker and inferior to 80% of men I encounter or have to compete with.

I NEEDED height. One thing I could have had to be proud of. As well as giving me a much needed advantage in attracting women, I would feel more able as a man to stand up for myself or others. Just in general feel like a man.. And now that's gone too...

I have nothing. It's scary to say it but I guess this could just be natural selection hmm? Only the strong and naturally blessed humans survive.. And the likes of me are supposed to just die off..

And yes I know what your thinking now and your correct. I am thinking about suicide. Always have. Sometimes I really want to just do it.. but I'm too scared. I have a fear of death and the blackness (or worse) it might bring.. I'm a coward as well. Not surprising.

Thought it would be worth posting this here. I don't go around telling people all this obviously. Just had to get it out. Maybe some feedback might be of benefit or at least give me something to think about..

Thanks for reading.

Monkey61

Okay for a start, your problem isn't your height! 5'9 is grand. I know plenty of guys who are shorter than that and you wouldn't ever think any of them were unusually short because it's all how you carry yourself.

Loads of celebrated ladies men are your height or shorter - Johnny Depp, Robert Downey Jr, Ewan McGregor, Huey from the FLC, Al Pacino, Javier Bardem, Gael Garcia Bernal etc etc.

Anyway, it's your self esteem that's the problem here, not your looks. If you're depressed about this then you have to do something about it. Let's say for arguments sake that your not the best looking guy in the world - what are you going to do about it? For a start you can eat well, work out, make sure you are well groomed, decent hair cut and clothes etc. While you are doing that you can read widely, watch films, learn to play a musical instrument, take up tae kwon do and go cart racing and develop some interesting hobbies so that you have loads to talk about. All of these things will help build your confidence.

In the meantime, while you are becoming a dazzling and well rounded manly individual, you can consider going to your doctor and asking for some professional help. It's a big step, but some counselling might be a great way to help work on your self esteem if you find it difficult to give yourself the push that you need.

Karen_*

The average height for men in the USA is 5'9.2 so you're not short but of average height. Men stop growing as late as 25 so you could still gain an inch or two. I can't possibly comment on the rest of your appearance as I haven't seen what you look like but I'm fairly sure your image of your is due to your self esteem being so low and you feeling so down.

If you're feeling suicidal then go see a GP or call the samaritans. But please talk to someone about it. Loads and loads of people feel like this at some stage so there's no shame at all in it OP. But suicide is not the answer. You have your whole life in front of you and things will get better. You are intelligent, thats apparent from your post so there's at least one thing going for you and I bet there's a whole lot more.

LegacyUser

You're not a coward.
You just don't like yourself at all.

Know what? Nobody else can love you unless you love you too. So learn to start thinking about the positive things about yourself. You need some self-confidence and you can gain that in various ways.
What interests you? Film, books, travel, music, sport? There are so many new things you can learn and gain satisfaction and self-confidence from.

Here's a fact - nobody is perfect.

I'm a 27 year old woman, I've bad eyesight, had to wear braces for years and my teeth are still a bit wonky, have battled with a skin condition since I was 8 and I found some grey hairs last week!
I think I'm only gorgeous and so does my boyfriend.

Negativity breeds negativity. Stop focussing on what's 'wrong' and think about what's 'right' with yourself.

axel rose

I have to agree with everyone here and say that 5'9 is not short for a guy. I have never met anyone who was happy with how they looked. (ok I met some pains in the arses that loved themselves but nobody else did).

When I was a teenager I contracted a virus that meant that my face (and body) got scarred, to the point that some of my face is numb due to minor nerve damage. However people dont seem to notice. I mean yes they see it initially but once they know me they dont see it. It doesnt define who I am. My scarring happened at an age where it would either make me or finish me-I decided that I could only control how I reacted to my new face, the scars were there to stay!

Please get help for your depression because I think that it is affecting how you are feeling about yourself. From how you describe yourself you are more than normal, but your self-esteem is the issue not your phsyical body.

(btw if I went missing my description would be along the lines of 'a short stout woman with facial scars has gone missing........ ') Its not good but I have the most sparkling personality .

the_syco

Unreg09 wrote: »

I'm not good looking (I would say quite odd looking)
I have a big roundish head
I'm horribly short sighted, forced to wear contacts
I have a round type nose and small mouth
I'm average build/weight, weak and seem to lack a natural ability to gain muscle at a normal rate (Although not important as that can be changed)
I'm definitely not tall (which I only recently noticed about myself) being merely 5'9 and a half'' barefoot.. This is now by far the most depressing part about myself..

Firstly, if I'm drunk, I will hit my head off at least one door, due to being 6 foot 6, so height isn't all good. Wearing a cap in sight of a door is also a bad idea, as I may not see the top of the door, sue to the cap, and wham, hit my head

Also, ya bas*ard:pac:, ya can wear contacts! Can't wear them myself, as my eyelids are fairly tight, so they don't stay in. Would love to be able to wear them. As for the muscle thing, what weight are you lifting, how often, etc, etc. Join the forum, pop over to http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=252 and ask on how to build visable muscle. I know a few people, who are fit and strong, but not hugely "muscular".

LegacyUser

Firstly, I think you're brave to have taken the positive step of seeking some sort of support from others through posting on this forum. Even doing that shows that you haven't lost all hope and that you have some belief in and hope for yourself. I agree with Monkey; the problem isn't your height, nor your head, nor your small hands. The problem I think is that overall you're suffering from depression, and whilst your unease with your physical appearance may be contributing to your overall mood, I'd say it's not the only cause.

By the sounds of it, you need immediate help and perhaps professional is probably the best way to go at this stage. When people are depressed, they do not see things rationally and problems become magnified and sometimes we can focus in on one of our concerns, which in your case may be your physical appearance.

Physical appearance is but one facet of a person. Yeah, it can help us out in life in many ways, but a person who is only average or less in what terms of what people might term classically 'good-looking' yet is kind, and has some sort of charisma or wit is far more impressive than a very physically stunning person who is only bland in personality. Work on how you are as a person and how YOU feel inside. Also, it might be worth saying that in young adult life, physical attractivenes is probably given more thought and sway than when we grow older so this is probably the hardest stage and if you can get through these few years and become someone you like yourself you will be doing great. Remember you are brave to have taken even this step and small steps lead to brighter things.

LegacyUser

OP I can't believe you have an issue with your height when you are of average height.

My flatmate is exactly the same height, and he has tiny hands - his friends slag him about it (not in a way that it upsets him) as his hands are definitely average size for a man. Do you know how this handicaps him ? - It doesnt - I know he'd like bigger hands but it isn't an issue for him at all - it doesn't prevent him from doing anything.

He is naturally thin built and he works out and goes to the gym. Although he is way stronger than me (I'm a 5'2" tiny female), he is obviously naturally stronger because he's a guy, but also because he trains for a team, and works out as well doing weights and stuff to build up muscle.

He has a round head and round type nose and mouth.

His eyesight is fine - so that seems to be the only physical difference between him and you, that you mentioned.

This guy is a totally normal, well-balanced guy. He could score whenever he wanted, but he's not big into one-night stands, so doesn't. He has loads of friends.

The reason I'm describing him to you is because your post reminded me of him, and I think he is very attractive and I have never met anyone who thought his looks were an issue.

Finally at 19, you still have some filling out to do, I read recently that men don't reach their peak physical condition/strength until about 30 - maybe you have noticed that yourself in some famous sportsmen. You still could potentially grow - but, if you don't . . . you sound just fine!!!

As you seem to be depressed, I wonder if there is another reason (e.g. you are not happy with other aspects of your life) why you feel so hard-done by in the looks department.

(going unreg as was talking about specifics of a specific person)

LegacyUser

I'd usually class myself as compassionate but... Get over yourself.

I'm 5' 8", 66kg and have tiny, tiny hand (wrist circumference of 16cm). I'm also half Asian so am of very very slight build. I'm horribly short sighted and wear glasses a lot of the time. I of course felt unable to compete with other guys on a physical level- so I took up MMA (see associated forum) and did a bit of kick-boxing. Due to my genetic heritage I just don't bulk out like a caucasian/black guy.. but so what! I can handle myself, what I do have is muscle and I'm shape. I think what you need is to understand that you play the hand in life you are dealt- be pro-active and go build muscle/take up a competitive sport/gain confidence in yourself.

If you are still hung up on the physical aspects of yourself- there are plenty of other platforms to compete with guys in which physical prowress has no importance. Take your Education and career; these are two platforms where you can even the playing field.

"Only the strong and naturally blessed humans survive"- Load of rubbish, for the past few hundred years your success in society (in the developed world) has been primarily based upon your intelligence.. The number of people in the World's Rich List who got there based upon physical attributes is neglible compared to those who got there through innovation and intelligence.

As I said before- you play the hand you are dealt in life and I think you are suffering from self-esteem issues more so than anything else.

gerryk

With all due respect, get over yourself. There's much more to life than physical appearance. You need to work on your self esteem and stop over analysing things.
If I'm to be honest, I'm far from perfect (at least what we're told is perfection) but you know something, I don't care... maybe I have high self esteem, or maybe I'm too apathetic to care, but the result is the same... I'm happy with my lot.
As for muscle mass determining your standing against your fellow man... newsflash... we no longer have to compete physically for survival. The hunter/gatherer days are well behind us. Any perceived competition for physical prowess is a result of marketing not reality.

Can you do me (and yourself) a favour and reply to this thread. In particular, can you post 3 things you like about yourself.

Karen_*

Unregistered wrote: »

I'd usually class myself as compassionate but... Get over yourself.
.

I think you'd be mistaken then to class yourself as compassionate. Get over yourself is not a compassionate response to someone with very low self esteem and who's having dark thoughts like suicide. We're all entitled to be self aware and to have our gripes and weaknesses

Sam Vimes

Unreg09 wrote: »

I'm definitely not tall (which I only recently noticed about myself) being merely 5'9 and a half'' barefoot.. This is now by far the most depressing part about myself..

you're average height:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_height

i'm 5'8 and it has never afffected anything in my life. no one has ever given me any indication that i might be in any way short.

when i opened this thread i expected you to have some kind of growth abnormality like dwarfism or something but 5'9.5? there's nothing wrong with your height

COH

Unreg09 wrote: »

And of course size dictates physical strength and ability to defend oneself as well, making me clearly weaker and inferior to 80% of men I encounter or have to compete with...

I would feel more able as a man to stand up for myself or others. Just in general feel like a man...

I have nothing. It's scary to say it but I guess this could just be natural selection hmm? Only the strong and naturally blessed humans survive.. And the likes of me are supposed to just die off..

Barring some sort of post-apocoloyptic mad max scenario I think you'll be just fine. Feeling like 'a man' has nothing to do with physical attributes, luckily you don't have to hunt for your food, chop down trees for shelter and defend 'your woman' against foreign invaders intent on rape and pillage and its unlikely you'll run into any wild bears in the near future.

While you have issues with your appearance, most people do too. You don't have any physical or mental disabilities, you don't have cancer, morbid obesity, terminal illnesses etc. so it could be worse, ALOT worse. Get yourself into a gym, socialise more. Everyone is good looking to someone somewhere, work on your self confidence and you'll meet plenty of people. And being afraid of death doesn't make you a coward, it makes you normal.

Gone Drinking

Would you feel better if you were in a wheelchair? Or lost your sight, or arms or something? Because there are people out there enjoying life with greater disadvantages than a round nose, a round head and being above average in height.

Looks aren't everything. Be happy you have your health.

Loomis

I'm just over 5'9" and it's easily the attribute that bothers me most. I feel like I'm very slight too but people tell me I'm not. Even when people tell me it's not short, and as people here quote apparently it's average height, I don't believe them. You feel how you feel and someone saying "don't feel bad" won't help it much unless you find a way of dealing with it rather than trying to use a statistic to dismiss it.
Although my height bothers me I wouldn't let it get me overly down. My father is a bit taller than me and is very broad shouldered. Looking back on pictures of him when he was the age I am now, 24, (scarily he had a house and three kids :eek: ) he was quite slight, probably the same as I am now or even slighter. He filled out in his late twenties and even early thirties so much so that it's usually the first thing friends mention to me when they meet him. Because he's so broad people always get the impression he's far taller than he is also. Over the past year I noticed I have gotten a tad broader which is a nice feeling and makes me think I might fill out a bit more. It's not really noticeable but is enough for me to feel a little better within myself.
Things would get to me more if someone was pointing it out. Unless someone is doing that to you you should try to overcome it by focusing on other things about yourself. You say you don't like anything about yourself but there must be something. You don't have to think "we'll isn't that the most perfect arse you've ever seen?" but maybe just think "well it's not so bad". You have a warped image of yourself but trying to see past it will give you a bit of confidence to the point where "not so bad" will turn into "ye, it's quite alright actually". If you're still struggling to do something like this try to think positively in the chance that you may still grow and in the more likely event that you will fill out. Our bodies constantly change, looking back on a college ID when I was 17 my face is quite different to how it is now, so you won't always be the exact shape and size you are now and you won't always be as unhappy.

LegacyUser

I really don't mean to hijack but I wanted to post something similar and thought I might make the OP realize that he actually is being hard on himself.

In my case, I'm too tall, overweight (I've tried everything to lose it also have stretch marks on my belly as a result), knock-kneed among other bio-mechanical problems, balded in my teens, horribly short-sighted my whole life, bad posture, far less than handsome, hairy as a gorilla, not well endowed, bad skin and really, they're just the headlines and any one in isolation might knock someones confidence but I have them all at once. I could work night and day and still be repulsive. On top of that, I've seen handsome men with similar shy/ sensitive personalities struggling to find women but add my problems and I'm sure it's no surprise that I've had virtually no female contact in my life. Any time a girl has looked even showed the slightest interest, I've often thought 'what would you think if you saw me naked?'.

At times, mainly when I was around the OPs age, I've been depressed/ bordering suicidal but now being in my mid-twenties really I just feel frustrated by my bad luck. I hold myself in high standing- I'm a good person with a good career and I have a lot going for me but my body is a total write off and my biggest hindrance by a long long way.

In the cold light of day, I have bad genes. I've thought about meeting someone and having children and it sends shivers down my spine to put a child though the bullying and heartache that I went through because of my appearance. Ain't that a b*tch? Growing up, I just wanted to be anonymous I think a lot about meeting someone who already has kids or maybe adopting. I think my genes have gone far enough.

Yes, this is also a bit of a rant but I hoped to show you that there's ugly and then there's ugly and we are unanimous here. Being depressed and suicidal over your appearance in your case is definitely topsy turvy. You appear to be suffering depression and have latched onto your appearance as a means of torturing yourself when you simply haven't been given the body you would have chosen for yourself. No one is perfect and you don't sound as if you've tipped the scale despite how grim you feel your situation is. You are thin and average height so you have a sound foundation to build on if that's what you should wish to do.

username123

Its nothing to do with your looks - youre just focussing on that because your self esteem is rock bottom.

But on your looks - ever seen Al Pacino in the flesh? Tiny, receding hairline, bad skin. But he is so well groomed and exudes such self confidence you wouldnt notice.

You cant do anything about your height - so no point in worrying about things you cant control, get some shoes that add an inch and you'll be pretty close to 6ft.
Contacts/glasses - you can get really funky contacts or glasses, that add an element of style (think Johnny Depp).
Nose - nothing you can do about it and youre probably the only one who notices it.
Hands - do some hand exercises so that they look toned and think of how many women love a man who looks like he has intelligent hands. My BF is a big guy and has very thin hands, but he is an artist so they look 'arty'.

Groom yourself to within an inch of your life, get the best hairstyle that suits your head and face, get cool glasses/contacts, get a style makeover from a female friend and start pimping yourself out - we all feel better about ourselves if we look the best we can look.

Im no Angelina Jolie but I just make the most of what Ive got and because I feel confident I attract people - its the vibes not the physical appearance that attracts people.

Most importantly - please see a professional about your suicidal feelings. You need to speak to someone and you may need some medication to help you feel better. Its very important that you do this because your body dysmorphia is blown out of proportion and you have lost your perspective due to your self esteem being so low.

boredatwork82

Its just your negative attitude.
Get a serious gym program...Arnies encyclopedia of body building is the best. and some protein/creatine ( maximuscle cyclone).
In no time you'll be bigger/stronger and your confidence will be up. As for filling out, I grew about 2 inchs between 20-25 and also filled out, put on 2 stone without getting fatter....so don't worry about it.

Watch Pumping Iron by Arnie to see the confidence you can gain from weights.

Deedsie

Id just like to add. I am just 5"9. I have never had a problem with girls. If thats whats bothering you. I have never had a problem competing with lads physically. You hardly let anyone push you around because of your height?

Only advice i could give you is back down from nothing, and if you are trying to get a girl. Stop being so self centred thinking about how you couldnt get her. Focus on her. Give her attention. Thats what they want.

Take up a sport and you wont be long hardening up.

Sam Vimes

username123 wrote: »

Its nothing to do with your looks - youre just focussing on that because your self esteem is rock bottom.

bingo.

SoWatchaWant

Looks aren't everything. Look at Jack Nicholson. What he lacks in that compartment, he makes up for in sheer charm.

You can make your hands muscly too, if you like. I envy my dad's hands, they're like a bear's paw. That's from 20 years of menial labour though. However, you can just exercise them!

Hope I've helped...:)

Also

Natural Selection, in the way you think of it, doesn't apply in the modern world as much as you think it does. Strength is of no advantage to a modern man, pretty much, even if it's useful to a tiger or whatever.

What is favoured in humans is social charm, etc, stuff that's all in the head.

cantdecide

SoWatchaWant wrote: »

Natural Selection, in the way you think of it, doesn't apply in the modern world as much as you think it does. Strength is of no advantage to a modern man, pretty much, even if it's useful to a tiger or whatever.

What is favoured in humans is social charm, etc, stuff that's all in the head.

I think what the OP means is that the physically irregular are in the sights of natural selection, not those short in stature or strength...

Wagon

"Get over it" is delightfullly overused in PI so I'll try put a bit of solid advice in here for you.

I'm a bloke. I'm 6 ft tall, so only a couple of inches taller than you. You are a good height so don't be worrying about that. But look at the rest of me:

-I have a slightly hooked nose (loads of Jew jokes from my mates[bastards])
-I'm skinny for a bloke (30 - 32 inch waist or something)
-Hands aren't big and manly (somewhat slender, good cos I play music)
-I need a haircut (badly, but can't just yet and read down to find out why)
-Haven't much of a chin.
-Eyes are somewhat drooped (not a lot, i just look stoned all of the time)
-My eyesight is bollocks (and I'm out of contacts. AND my glasses are ****, only have one arm and my hair holds the other side in place unless I look down. so using logic my next haircut will cost over 300 euro!)
-I have a mole on my cheek as well (only a small one but still)

And yet my girlfriend is a very sexy, tall Italian lady who's absolutely sound and is great craic. I was the exact same about my features as you are about yours and believe me mate, I'm no prize peach but after I stopped giving a **** about what I looked like things took a great improvement with the wimmins. I wouldn't change the way I look either. I don't look like anyone else (apart from people saying that **** from the kooks :mad:) and while that limits my options for theft and identity fraud, I'm happy enough.

The boys who are pretty get the girls, but the men who are sound get the women.

Pub07

Since when has 5' 9 been short? Im 5' 10 and always considered myself average height, its never once entered my head that im short. And OP as for your hands, who gives a flying **** about your hands? Nobody thats who. You wear contacts, so whats the problem there, you would not look any different if you weren't wearing contacts. I wear contacts and glasses. You sound like a totally normal guy, hit the gym for a few months and put on some muscle if you want to gain confidence and feel better about yourself, after 6 months or less in the gym you will be most definitely be stronger than the average guy on the street who doesn't work out. Oh and btw women dont care about looks as much as men, confidence attracts them more than anything.

road_2_damascus

Mike Tyson, 5' 11"... he's no oil painting either, in fact he personifies ugly, and he made it many women... confidence, and happiness within yourself, and you'll be just fine. And for God's sake, speak to someone openly and directly if your feeling suicidal, you may feel that you just hate the way you look as you are depressed... look, you are intelligent, articulate, sense of humour, you have all your facilties... A woman 2 years ago tried to drive off a pier locally because she was depressed, she's in a wheel chair since.. get busy living!!!!!

Wink

I just popped in to say I love guys with glasses, and most of my friends do too! It's hot, especially when they're the chunky ones with black frames.

LegacyUser

Looks arent everything. Sure, just on the bus today I saw some ugly f*cker eating the face off a stunning girl....go figure. This is one of my pet hates cause Im actually a good looking guy and id like to think a genuinly decent person but I have never had a girlfriend and probably kissed 6 girls in my life and thats it.....Im 25!!!! At 19 I wasnt the best looking person in the world, bad acne, little overweight, arms and legs too long for my body. The girls always passed me by and went straight for my friends. This made me extremely depressed for a couple of years thinking I would never find anyone etc. Then at about 21 decided to stop wallowing in my own self pity, to get over it and do something about it. I joined a gym and I WENT and I WORKED HARD!!!!! Going and pussy footing around will get you nowhere and you will only get more depressed because you will say "I went to the gym but nothing changed". You need to go regularly, train hard and watch your diet.

Things didnt change over night but 3-4 years down the line and I gradualy built muscle and grew into my body properly. Just lifting weights and working does wonders for your self esteem. Even though now Im generally thought of as a good looking guy and the girls now bypass my friends for me, I still carry my hang ups and lack confidence with women because of my early years experience but at least Im now happy in my own skin and the confidence with women is just something new for me to work on.

What im trying to say is that your still young, your body hasnt fuly developed yet. Now is the time to do something about it, join the gym, eat well, get nice clothes, have your teeth withend or do whatever needs to be done if your not happy about something. Everyone has problems and are a little insecure, just some are better at hiding it. Dont give up just yet.

moe_sizlak

Unreg09 wrote: »

First of all let me say that I am in a pretty frustrated state right now so it's a struggle to stay calm and type.

I'm a guy, 19 yrs old. I just can't believe how unlucky I have been physically.. Pretty much everything about me is less than ideal... NOT ONE thing about my body is perfect... And most people have at least one good thing (a balance). For example maybe a man is not too good looking but is tall (ideal height) and strong which could make up for it.. Same applies for being short with good looks. Or maybe even other less significant aspects, that can still make up for things..

As for me.. I have NOTHING. Yes that's right NOTHING. Not one good physical aspect about myself what so ever.

I'm not good looking (I would say quite odd looking)
I have a big roundish head
I'm horribly short sighted, forced to wear contacts
I have a round type nose and small mouth
I'm average build/weight, weak and seem to lack a natural ability to gain muscle at a normal rate (Although not important as that can be changed)
I'm definitely not tall (which I only recently noticed about myself) being merely 5'9 and a half'' barefoot.. This is now by far the most depressing part about myself..

I should not be this short. My mother is 5'4 and my father is a tall 6'1''... My typical bad luck..

Not only am I short (maybe not short but clearly below the majority), due to my size I have small girlish hands.. thus taking more away from any ounce of manliness I might have making myself even less attractive..

And of course size dictates physical strength and ability to defend oneself as well, making me clearly weaker and inferior to 80% of men I encounter or have to compete with.

I NEEDED height. One thing I could have had to be proud of. As well as giving me a much needed advantage in attracting women, I would feel more able as a man to stand up for myself or others. Just in general feel like a man.. And now that's gone too...

I have nothing. It's scary to say it but I guess this could just be natural selection hmm? Only the strong and naturally blessed humans survive.. And the likes of me are supposed to just die off..

And yes I know what your thinking now and your correct. I am thinking about suicide. Always have. Sometimes I really want to just do it.. but I'm too scared. I have a fear of death and the blackness (or worse) it might bring.. I'm a coward as well. Not surprising.

Thought it would be worth posting this here. I don't go around telling people all this obviously. Just had to get it out. Maybe some feedback might be of benefit or at least give me something to think about..

Thanks for reading.

your height seems to be of the most concern to you , let me tell you something , being tall and ugly is no better than being short and ugly and besides your not short if your 5ft 9 , thats bang on average , im 6ft 4 and i absolutly hate it , everytime i sit into a car , i have to adjust the seat and if i go on a long drive , im all aches because of a cramped possition , i could the spend the whole night listing disadvantages to being too tall and cant think of one advantage to it , oh and trust me , its a myth that girls dig really tall guys , if your leaning over them , you not only look completly incompatible , they get a sore neck looking up at you and you look redicolous if you dance with them , also , people dont like you if your too tall , you appear overbearing and different , people dont like whats different

i would gladly trade heights with you my friend , good luck with being ugly , i know what its like

dlofnep

I'm 5'4" brother.. Don't worry about your height. I'm comfortable with mine.. Fitness wise, you could go on a low carb diet and hit a gym.. There are always ways to improve your looks.. I say this as the polar opposite to the ideal man (short, pale, not handsome). Lucky for me, I have more confidence than Tom Cruise!

CathyMoran

My husband is 5ft 9in and the ladies were (and do) run after him (though he is oblivious and loves only me )! It just makes him easier to kiss (am only 5ft 2in, so he has to bend down a bit). Personally I think that glasses are nicer on a guy but that is just me...you just need to build up your confidence and you will be fine!

rosepetal

i met my (now) dh when he was 18 and he was the skinniest ,weediest fella ever, with acne ,god love him !!! i could have beaten him up myself if i had wanted to (not that i did, u understand:D) . now, 15 yrs later, he is a strapping 5ft 11 with broad shoulders and is 15 stone , acne is a distant memory and he also works as security for a pub part time so he is well able to take care of himself.
i suppose what i am trying to say is u still have a lot of growing and changing to do, what u look like now is nothing like u will in even 5 yrs time. i think ur real issue is low self esteem so get down to the doc and tell them just how u feel, they can help. good luck