Wouldn't have an abortion IF she got pregnant.

CDfm

Koushki wrote: »

-That's alright then if she doesn't want one now, i guess you just have to double up on contraception

I really feel for the OP that and I know the girls posting will hate me for suggesting this but some women ( a few) have been known to go for non penetrative sex on occasions when there are problems with their oral contraceptive choices.:pac:

You may have to persuade her at first that you are really doing it for her and that its not the cowards way out.:p

Maybe some of the more eccentric women posters could suggest places or books the OP could consult to show this difficult woman that there are alternatives to the torment she puts him thru.

Storm_rages

Hi op,

me again! i think this issue should be looked at differently, chances are you will never be able to change her mind and she will never be able to change yours. So prevention is the answer.

If condoms are out, and as it has been pointed out the pill is not totally safe and you are not happy to have sex with her if she is just on the pill, how about looking at some other method, the coil, injection .. so on. (i know nothing is 100% but its not like you can forget to take the injection by mistake)

Any way once again i suggest you talk to her, tell her your worried about her getting pregnant by mistake and work on this problem together (once again can i suggest you don't say to her "if you don't agree to have an abortion if you do get pregnant then we won't be having sex".. its a sort of blackmail and i would be showing you the door, but i'm sure you don't mean it that way!

Max Power1

Koushki wrote: »

The-OP wrote: »

Thank you at least there’s someone who can see it from my point and no she doesn’t want a baby at all now that’s something else people seem to be under the impression of even though I’ve said that she doesn’t want one but only talked about it IF she was to get preganant,big difference between wanting one and getting pregnant.




-That's alright then if she doesn't want one now, i guess you just have to double up on contraception

Obviously you'd have to to double up. The combined pill & condoms failure rate is something like 0.1%. Im actually in a similar situation to the OP, my GF and I are both 22, she's a student and I am going back to college shortly, a baby is just not an option for us right now either, so we make sure it doesnt happen! (well 99.9%, no protection is 100% after all)

Although at the end of the day, we can talk about options etc if the worst does happen, but it is the womens body so she will have the final say after all.

metrovelvet

CDfm wrote: »

I really feel for the OP that and I know the girls posting will hate me for suggesting this but some women ( a few) have been known to go for non penetrative sex on occasions when there are problems with their oral contraceptive choices.:pac:

You may have to persuade her at first that you are really doing it for her and that its not the cowards way out.:p

Maybe some of the more eccentric women posters could suggest places or books the OP could consult to show this difficult woman that there are alternatives to the torment she puts him thru.

Yeah. OP you could always stick to oral and a vibrator while you sort this thing out, so at least there you are minimising divisive measures and any sublimal thoughts that she may have that you are punishing her by witholding sex.

CDfm

metrovelvet wrote: »

Yeah. OP you could always stick to oral and a vibrator while you sort this thing out, so at least there you are minimising divisive measures and any sublimal thoughts that she may have that you are punishing her by witholding sex.

Metro - where do babies come from

metrovelvet

CDfm wrote: »

Metro - where do babies come from

Ask Thaed- shes the goddess of fertility on PI. Mine came from a bolt of lightening [that's my story and Im sticking to it.:pac:]

CDfm

metrovelvet wrote: »

Ask Thaed- shes the goddess of fertility on PI. Mine came from a bolt of lightening [that's my story and Im sticking to it.:pac:]

I never believed the stork story-Im sticking with the cat -after all me Mum always said look what the cat dragged in and shes my Mum.

I wonder how sensitive OPs ***** really is. Is it as sensitive as his wallet could be for the next 23 years.

Hey look what I found ....well I never

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055149898

Piste

OP I'm totally on your side, I realise you're not withholding sex as a "punishment", you're just terrified of your girlfriend falling pregnant and having to deal with all that stuff, totally understandable! So the most obvious thing to do is stop any chance of her getting pregnant by not having sex with her. I don't think you're being mean, you have to look out for yourself and do everything possible to avoid a pregnancy which could have a really negative effect on your life. Maybe explain this to your girlfriend and make her realise you're not doing it because you don't love her, you're doing it because you don't want her getting pregnant.

You can always do other stuf that doesn't involve sex too.

Me to you

She's entitled to her views on abortion, a lot of women are anti abortion, there can be life long side effects. She probably doesnt want a kid right now if ye are 21 and students, it doesnt make sense, she probably just wants the security to know IF the worst happened that you would be there to support the child. Me and the partner had this conversation recently, we both definetly arnt ready for parenthood but it was nice to hear that IF it happened that he would be there to support us. Change the subject at that stage pal!! Reassure her then change the subject asap for any future "heavy chats"

wolfpawnat

OP my OH is a med student, he hasnt 5 min to himself as it is. You think trying to get into the gardai is bad! I am not saying its not the end of the world, to alot of men and women they would see it as the end of the world at 21 years old.

What I am saying is, you and your gf have very different opinions and it is very responsible that you refuse to have sex on the grounds of you are aware of the consequences and are not willing to allow them to occur. I have great respect for you on this matter. However as a girl myself I would suggest you try to do a few things for your gf. Just because you are not having sexual intercourse does not mean ye cant have some responsible fun!

Also alot of girls feel that when their OH does not want to have sex with them its because they arent good enough or they think ther OH doesnt think they are good looking anymore, so show her you do still like the way she is, a simple kiss and a few nice words alone can help:)

Das Kitty

I'd say part of the issue is that the entire responsibility for contraception is left up to your girlfriend. She's taking the pill every day, chemically altering her body, which regardless of which one it is has various side-effects. The OP has said that condoms don't work for him, I would argue that he gave up too soon, and that a lot of the issues he has with them are psychological.

So the girlfriend is 100% responsible for making sure they don't get pregnant and wants some reassurance that if this method fails that OP will be there for her and all she gets is "sure you can have an abortion". I would be mightily peeved if I were in her shoes.

Nevyn

Can we keep on topic please as
Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

LegacyUser

Piste wrote: »

OP I'm totally on your side, I realise you're not withholding sex as a "punishment", you're just terrified of your girlfriend falling pregnant and having to deal with all that stuff, totally understandable! So the most obvious thing to do is stop any chance of her getting pregnant by not having sex with her. I don't think you're being mean, you have to look out for yourself and do everything possible to avoid a pregnancy which could have a really negative effect on your life. Maybe explain this to your girlfriend and make her realise you're not doing it because you don't love her, you're doing it because you don't want her getting pregnant.

You can always do other stuff that doesn't involve sex too.

Hey Piste

This is what I’m saying, I wasn't not having sex with her as punishment or anything like that cause she wouldn’t have an abortion (and again I only suggested that as an option and said that I’d feel it’d be the best option at this moment in time- I wouldn’t be pushing her to have one if she didn’t want to) it was just because of the way she responded to me saying that she has no CHOICE but to keep and that she’d do what she wants and I have no say in it at all and basically have to do what she says, this is the reason I stopped but we’ve talked about it and it’s sorted now she knows I wasn’t saying “have an abortion or else !!” by not having anymore sex with her she knows it was an option I put forward to her saying she has no choices.

Me to you wrote: »

She's entitled to her views on abortion, a lot of women are anti abortion, there can be life long side effects. She probably doesn’t want a kid right now if ye are 21 and students, it doesn’t make sense, she probably just wants the security to know IF the worst happened that you would be there to support the child. Me and the partner had this conversation recently, we both definitely aren’t ready for parenthood but it was nice to hear that IF it happened that he would be there to support us. Change the subject at that stage pal!! Reassure her then change the subject asap for any future "heavy chats"

Hey,

Nope she doesn’t want a child now at all and I have reassured her that whatever decision she’d make be to have an abortion or not I’d always be there for her regardless

wolfpawnat wrote: »

OP my OH is a med student, he hasnt 5 min to himself as it is. You think trying to get into the gardai is bad! I am not saying its not the end of the world, to alot of men and women they would see it as the end of the world at 21 years old.

What I am saying is, you and your gf have very different opinions and it is very responsible that you refuse to have sex on the grounds of you are aware of the consequences and are not willing to allow them to occur. I have great respect for you on this matter. However as a girl myself I would suggest you try to do a few things for your gf. Just because you are not having sexual intercourse does not mean ye cant have some responsible fun!

Also alot of girls feel that when their OH does not want to have sex with them its because they arent good enough or they think ther OH doesnt think they are good looking anymore, so show her you do still like the way she is, a simple kiss and a few nice words alone can help:)

Hey Wolfpaw

Yea she began to think that but I've explained why I wasn't having sex with her and explained it was nothing to do with not being attracted to her anymore or anything.

I just explained that I would see having an abortion as the best option now as if she was I wouldn't be there as much as I'd need as I'm on duty with the part time Guards 2-3 nights a week and after college I'll be gone for 5 days of the week leaving her on her own with the baby which would kill me to do .

Anyway it's all sorted and settled now,thanks so much for all the helpful non judgemental/sarcastic replies given it's greatly appreciated thanks again .