what's life like for the seriously overweight?

cozmik

Obesity has nearly doubled in the past 14 years. So what is life like for seriously overweight people? Emine Saner finds out

Julie Worboys, 49

Five years ago, Julie Worboys gave up her job as a warden for a sheltered housing estate to look after her husband, who is disabled. "It was quite an energetic job, but when I stopped I think that's when the extra weight went on," she says. She describes food as "like a comfort blanket" and you don't have to be a psychologist to see that the food she likes - cakes, sweets, chocolate - isn't just about the taste. When she was a child, both her parents worked long hours and her grandmother would look after her, giving her puddings and cakes. "To compensate for them working, my dad would bring me home a big bag of sweets on a Friday night. It was supposed to last me all week but it never did."

She has always been large, she says. "Obviously at school, I got all the usual comments. It makes it worse, because you're upset so you go home and eat. When I got married in 1980 I was a size 22. It just snowballed, and the more depressed I get about it, the more I eat." Buying her wedding dress was the last time she went clothes shopping with friends. "It does stop your life," she says. "If I go to a restaurant, which isn't often, I will always try to get in the corner. I can't go on holiday abroad because sitting in a plane seat is awful - getting the seatbelt on, putting the tray down. You have to ask for this extension belt that comes in bright orange and the air steward walks down the cabin with it - it's embarrassing. I love swimming but I won't go because I'm too self-conscious."

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/16/obesity-health-and-wellbeing

aare

I'm glad you posted this.

I am sitting here in the small hours in floods of tears, because I have re-gained 2 stone since summer and 10lbs of that since Christmas.

I hardly eat by normal standards. An omlette with cheese when I get up, meat and veg for lunch and either another omlette or more meat and veg for dinner.

At that, I gain weight slowly, if I try "upping my calorie intake" I just gain faster.

That isn't because I used Lipotrim in 2006 to lose 5 stones...it is WHY I used Lipotim in 2006 to lose 5 stones...because it was exactly the same then too. It wasn't about how fast I lost weight, it was about whether I could lose any at all.

I love finding ways to kid myself that there are ways I could actually eat real meals without becoming obese again...but I can't make that come true.

To be honest, if I can't find a way to avoid being fat again I don't want to live any more. I came to terms with, relatively sudden, obesity once, but I can't do it again.

I will use Lipotrim, Celebrity Slim, information from Pro Ana sites, and even worse if I have to to avoid that obesity.

I will literally starve if I have to to get the weight off.

It's great fun to self righteously rub someone's face in your personal version of "healthy eating" when they have a weight problem, but that won't make it a solution that will work for them.

Some people DO eat compulsively and differently to others, and become obese that way, but they are a minority...in real terms we do not know why one person can eat something and get fat while others eat the same thing with no effect....and because we do not know why it happens, we do not know how to cure it either.

I can understand why boards in general and the mods here in specific would not want to be responsible for discussing some of the more extreme measures that are some people's only shot at having a normal body...I have never posted half the things I do in a frantic fight not to become obese again, because I don't think it would be responsible to post them...

...but that does not justify the current situation where people are allowed to discuss these things just so that they can be subtly mocked (and what they are mocked with is frequently as much pseudoscientific claptrap as anything I have ever seen on the topic of weight loss), and attacked by certain tolerated trolls while the mods turn a blind eye. THAT is also taking responsibility for somebody's health, not to mention very cruel and unnecessary.

The only thing that works is your "only chance", not a "fad diet", and it is a terrible insult to anyone in that position to refer to it as such.

There is nothing "weak" or "lazy" (as people are encouraged to taunt others) about reducing your intake of nutrition to 3 drinks a day...it's harder than quitting smoking, and I have done both.

I have had a very hard life, and seen through some harrowing situations, but I can honestly say the very worst of all was the day my own body decided to betray me and balloon out of control.

Over the past 2 or 3 years, on these boards, I have been accused of lying about trying "healthy eating and exercise" for months only to keep gaining (I wasn't lying), and of lying about not losing an ounce on the atkins diet in 18 months, after the first few weeks (I wasn't lying about that either).

Do you really think that is helpful or supportive?

Trust me, it wasn't, it was crushing. How many other people have come to these boards in a similar state and left, similarly crushed?

Would it kill you all to close such threads as soon as they begin, with a polite, honest:

"We are not comfortable with this board being used to discuss anything but healthy eating" (note the wording, no sneering, no sniping, no attempts to make people feel responsible for a devastating weight condition they may easily have little or no other way to control)

Instead of letting them go on posting so that you have someone to snipe at instead? Tell yourselves whatever you like, but there is no genuine concern of caring involved in behaving like that.

It isn't always about "laziness" or "unhealthy eating habits"...sometimes it is just about absolute desperation...

I can see why you wouldn't want to deal with that...but I can't see any reason why you couldn't avoid dealing with it honestly and respectfully instead.

PS. Just before anyone pops up like something on a wire to DEMAND that I accept my weight problems are unique, or at any rate, very rare...I spent my life looking at people with weight problems just like mine, mentally dismissing them as "lazy" or "lying", thank heavens I always had the deceny to keep those thoughts to myself rather than using them as an excuse to bully and belittle people, because now I know, from hard experience that were just telling the truth.

I have a close relative who is all too familiar with the "yoyo diet effect", as his weight swings by 10 or twenty stones everytime the normal, everyday responsibilities of his life mean he just can't spend huge amounts of time in the gym along with healthy eating...

There IS no "one size fits all" weight problem, let alone any "one size fits all" solution.

corkcomp

aare wrote: »

I'm glad you posted this.

I am sitting here in the small hours in floods of tears, because I have re-gained 2 stone since summer and 10lbs of that since Christmas.

I hardly eat by normal standards. An omlette with cheese when I get up, meat and veg for lunch and either another omlette or more meat and veg for dinner.

At that, I gain weight slowly, if I try "upping my calorie intake" I just gain faster.

That isn't because I used Lipotrim in 2006 to lose 5 stones...it is WHY I used Lipotim in 2006 to lose 5 stones...because it was exactly the same then too. It wasn't about how fast I lost weight, it was about whether I could lose any at all.

I love finding ways to kid myself that there are ways I could actually eat real meals without becoming obese again...but I can't make that come true.

To be honest, if I can't find a way to avoid being fat again I don't want to live any more. I came to terms with, relatively sudden, obesity once, but I can't do it again.

I will use Lipotrim, Celebrity Slim, information from Pro Ana sites, and even worse if I have to to avoid that obesity.

I will literally starve if I have to to get the weight off.

It's great fun to self righteously rub someone's face in your personal version of "healthy eating" when they have a weight problem, but that won't make it a solution that will work for them.

Some people DO eat compulsively and differently to others, and become obese that way, but they are a minority...in real terms we do not know why one person can eat something and get fat while others eat the same thing with no effect....and because we do not know why it happens, we do not know how to cure it either.

I can understand why boards in general and the mods here in specific would not want to be responsible for discussing some of the more extreme measures that are some people's only shot at having a normal body...I have never posted half the things I do in a frantic fight not to become obese again, because I don't think it would be responsible to post them...

...but that does not justify the current situation where people are allowed to discuss these things just so that they can be subtly mocked (and what they are mocked with is frequently as much pseudoscientific claptrap as anything I have ever seen on the topic of weight loss), and attacked by certain tolerated trolls while the mods turn a blind eye. THAT is also taking responsibility for somebody's health, not to mention very cruel and unnecessary.

The only thing that works is your "only chance", not a "fad diet", and it is a terrible insult to anyone in that position to refer to it as such.

There is nothing "weak" or "lazy" (as people are encouraged to taunt others) about reducing your intake of nutrition to 3 drinks a day...it's harder than quitting smoking, and I have done both.

I have had a very hard life, and seen through some harrowing situations, but I can honestly say the very worst of all was the day my own body decided to betray me and balloon out of control.

Over the past 2 or 3 years, on these boards, I have been accused of lying about trying "healthy eating and exercise" for months only to keep gaining (I wasn't lying), and of lying about not losing an ounce on the atkins diet in 18 months, after the first few weeks (I wasn't lying about that either).

Do you really think that is helpful or supportive?

Trust me, it wasn't, it was crushing. How many other people have come to these boards in a similar state and left, similarly crushed?

Would it kill you all to close such threads as soon as they begin, with a polite, honest:

"We are not comfortable with this board being used to discuss anything but healthy eating" (note the wording, no sneering, no sniping, no attempts to make people feel responsible for a devastating weight condition they may easily have little or no other way to control)

Instead of letting them go on posting so that you have someone to snipe at instead? Tell yourselves whatever you like, but there is no genuine concern of caring involved in behaving like that.

It isn't always about "laziness" or "unhealthy eating habits"...sometimes it is just about absolute desperation...

I can see why you wouldn't want to deal with that...but I can't see any reason why you couldn't avoid dealing with it honestly and respectfully instead.

PS. Just before anyone pops up like something on a wire to DEMAND that I accept my weight problems are unique, or at any rate, very rare...I spent my life looking at people with weight problems just like mine, mentally dismissing them as "lazy" or "lying", thank heavens I always had the deceny to keep those thoughts to myself rather than using them as an excuse to bully and belittle people, because now I know, from hard experience that were just telling the truth.

I have a close relative who is all too familiar with the "yoyo diet effect", as his weight swings by 10 or twenty stones everytime the normal, everyday responsibilities of his life mean he just can't spend huge amounts of time in the gym along with healthy eating...

There IS no "one size fits all" weight problem, let alone any "one size fits all" solution.

my only comment is that you should seek out the help you need to feel better and perhaps take a step away from the keyboard for a while.

aare

corkcomp wrote: »

my only comment is that you should seek out the help you need to feel better and perhaps take a step away from the keyboard for a while.

Nice snipe kid... I particularly like the implied patronisation, it HAS something...if it isn't copyrighted I might use it myself some day??

When you grow up, you will have the grace to either feel shame and apologise, or indifference, and walk on by...

Until then, I guess, you are doomed to just snipe, I was probably *just the same* when I was your age...I have just (perhaps conveniently, certainly mercifully) forgotten it.

Macha

I read that article and I liked the fact that the psychological side of being overweight was highlighted. The irony is that sometimes the negative treatment of overweight people can contribute to their feelings of desperation and more eating.

I got some horrible comments and looks from strangers when I was overweight (one guy came up to me in a club and told me my jeans were about to split open) so I can only imagine what obese people have to put up with.

The only think that slightly irked me was the dependence on expensive "silver-bullets" like bootcamps and, of course, the stomach surgery. In the end, if the psychological side isn't addressed the problem really hasn't gone away - the 4th interviewee makes this point.

aare - what are you trying to achieve on this board?

r3nu4l

aare, have you ruled out thyroid problems as the cause for your obesity? Have you had medical tests to determine your rate of metabolism? If your metabolism is extremely low then you won't be losing weight anytime soon. If you haven't already try looking at ways to raise your metabolism.
I don't know if you do any exercise or not but if not then try walking for at least 20 minutes a day to begin with.

Without sniping at you I have to say that eating cheese every day with omelets for breakfast is not a good idea. Knock the cheese on the head. Instead of eggs some of the days, eat all bran or porridge.

Be aware too that if your calorie intake is too low your metabolism practically halts. Starving yourself can also cause your body to enter starvation mode that results in most of the carbohydrates you eat being converted into fat for storage.

/hope none of that sounds too patronising. I would suggest having a series of medical tests.

As a scientist I understand that in biological science there is always an exception to the 'rules'. >99% of fat people are fat because of a lack of exercise and/or poor diets. The other <1% of those people have genetic predispositions or underlying undiagnosed conditions.
So for >99% of the people on this board, the information given is very suitable, for some of the <1%, that information is helpful (some genetic predispositions can be overcome with diet and exercise), for others it may not be useful.

I suggest that if you do go to a doctor you keep a complete log of your food intake for at least 1 month before going. Keep account of portions. If you have a stir-fry, mention the type and amount of oil used, the sauce use etc.

g'em

aare wrote: »

Nice snipe kid...

The only snipes on this thread are the ones you are making towards boards.ie, its users and the Moderators.

If you have such serious grievances against the way we do things here either go to Feedback, Help Desk or leave, but any more of these off-topic crusading posts won't be tolerated.

There's a huge number of people who have benefited from this forum. If you aren't one of them I'm sure there's a whole host of sites out there that will suit your needs.

I am truly sorry for the problems that you are having with your weight aare, I really am. But too many of your posts here are thinly veiled attacks towards other users and your resistance to assistance makes the users wary of helping you.

Thread closed, its gone far too OT.