winning fair lady- without alcohol

cantdecide

I don't drink but wouldn't really define myself as a non-drinker. I don't object, I've just always got immediately ill and decided that the noble Irish tradition of making myself ill in the pursuit of alcohol just wasn't worth the effort.

I'm no Adonis and I've spent most of my 27 years alone so decided it was time to try online dating as a drastic action. The immediately noticeable thing is that stating your interests include socializing/ clubbing appears to be mandatory since 99% of the profiles you will read state this explicitly. This is along with things like 'having the craic', 'out having a laugh at the weekend'. The next thing you notice is that any profile you read where these things aren't mentioned are the ones with the least interest (there's a 'favourites' system).

If you search elsewhere in the world, there is a massive drop in the profiles which specify 'socializing' as an interest and there is a far far greater selection of interesting people who state genuine interests.

I thought online dating would be somewhat excluded from the judemental/ distrustful attititude to non-drinkers but what can you do.

I know that was a bit of a rant but my question really is, 'how do my fellow non-drinkers avoid a lonesome life'?

SpitfireIV

I've only ever seen it with Bebo and Facebook, but it seems to me that the way to be accepted, or a means of fitting in is to publicly display your love for alchohol and telling the world how you love to get 'wasted', 'sh*t faced', 'plastered' etc etc. By doing so you are A. not only cool but B. people will think you are an amazing person and like you all the more due to your crazy drink fueled antics! :pac: Sure its great craic altogether! :cool:

So yeah, anyway, I think a lot of Irish people are incredibly insecure and it seems that drink ties us altogether and makes us all equal! Its a common link. Personally, no matter how great a person seemed, to see 'getting hammered' or 'getting waisted with me mates' as a pastime or 'things I like' would be a serious turnoff for me, I couldnt take someone like that seriously and I'd immediately think that such comments were put there to, like I mentioned, be like everyone else

Did I answer your question? I dont know, I seem to be going off on a bit of a rant myself! :P Let me think about it.

(By the way, I'm a non drinker!)

I don't think "socialising" is always a euphemenism for getting blotto.
Your selling a lifestyle with your profile, and people avoider just isn't appealing to most.

cantdecide

Moonbaby wrote: »

I don't think "socialising" is always a euphemenism for getting blotto.
Your selling a lifestyle with your profile, and people avoider just isn't appealing to most.

That's my very point. Just cos I don't drink and don't purport to be an enthusastic pubber/ clubber seems to be a bigger deal to others than to me. My observation is that there's socialising and there's socialising and one seems to be used as some kind of badge-of-honour.

I love socialising- being out with friends slagging, chatting etc and just cos I don't drink, doesn't mean I sit at home alone in a darkened room, being sanctimonious and self-righteous with a chip on my shoulder.

2008 was a slow year for me but I have friends with whom I would have been out every weekend, while drinking without ever feeling excluded. I have other friends that I spent a lot of Christmas with and they were a lot less engaging with me once they were full of the joys of it.

I've just come to realise that the first friends I mentioned seem to be in the minority and that most people have this hang up. For the first time in my life, I have felt like my being a non-drinker is a hindrance. It's not my hang-up, my not drinking is only a minor detail to me. I don't announce that I don't drink. I don't feel pride becasue of the fact that it suits me to abstain. I tell people I'm driving tonight, I haven't put in my profile that I don't drink, I just haven't specified that I love socialising and have gone on to notice that my profile is one of precious few that depict me as having interests that don't seem to revolve around alcohol...

Hell, maybe I'm just ugly:D

T runner

cantdecide wrote: »

That's my very point. Just cos I don't drink and don't purport to be an enthusastic pubber/ clubber seems to be a bigger deal to others than to me. My observation is that there's socialising and there's socialising and one seems to be used as some kind of badge-of-honour.

I love socialising- being out with friends slagging, chatting etc and just cos I don't drink, doesn't mean I sit at home alone in a darkened room, being sanctimonious and self-righteous with a chip on my shoulder.

2008 was a slow year for me but I have friends with whom I would have been out every weekend, while drinking without ever feeling excluded. I have other friends that I spent a lot of Christmas with and they were a lot less engaging with me once they were full of the joys of it.

I've just come to realise that the first friends I mentioned seem to be in the minority and that most people have this hang up. For the first time in my life, I have felt like my being a non-drinker is a hindrance. It's not my hang-up, my not drinking is only a minor detail to me. I don't announce that I don't drink. I don't feel pride becasue of the fact that it suits me to abstain. I tell people I'm driving tonight, I haven't put in my profile that I don't drink, I just haven't specified that I love socialising and have gone on to notice that my profile is one of precious few that depict me as having interests that don't seem to revolve around alcohol...

Hell, maybe I'm just ugly:D

Hey cantdecide. Take up a hobby-maybe something you did when younger or you always had an interest in but never got round to checking out. Better if there are clubs for said hobby/activity. Join said club. This will open up a field of people to you whos common interest will be something in common with you and wont be alcohol.
Ask a girl you like there out.

mickeymoney

Have you tried all types of alcohol inc wines, wine spritzer, sweet drinks like peach schnapps , Jameson etc ?

Its very handy if both people in a relationship are not piss heads.
The sober one can drive home, carry the other home, break up fights the other started, not break the bank ordering vodka and cokes as well

A mate of mine confessed to getting locked on Becks (non alco) he thought it had alco

kjt

mickeymoney wrote: »

Have you tried all types of alcohol inc wines, wine spritzer, sweet drinks like peach schnapps , Jameson etc ?

Its very handy if both people in a relationship are not piss heads.
The sober one can drive home, carry the other home, break up fights the other started, not break the bank ordering vodka and cokes as well

Hardly a decent answer. The OP should go in search of a drink to help them get shítfaced and fit in with everybody else? Ha!

I know how you feel op, try joining some sports clubs if your into that, night courses etc. Irish people as a whole are far too dependant on drink!

Ant

Interesting observation, cantdecide. Out of interest, which online dating web-site was it? I’m not really a drinker and unfortunately, the activity I spend my free time has a lousy gender balance so I’ve been considering signing up to an online dating site myself.

If I was registering, I wouldn’t think of putting down socialising as an “interest” as I would take it as a given that humans are social animals and I would’ve thought that people who put down something different or unusual would be more interesting people to meet for a date.

cantdecide

Ant wrote: »

Out of interest, which online dating web-site was it?

plentyoffish.com

I wouldn't say it's been a roaring success for me but some rave about it.

dave.omeara

I always find it amusing how, when people find out you don't drink, they become slightly suspicious of you. (Or is that just me?).

In my opinion, socializing as an interest says alot about where this country is going. An interest is something you would do to relax, or fill your time, or make you happy. Sports of some type, reading, creative writing, photography, rally car driving, etc. Working all week and saving up to buy a new camera, thats healthy and good, it shows you have a strong interest and want to pursue it. Working all week so as to go to the pub and get locked, not quite the same.
On any profile that i've read from the online dating world, after talking to someone who has socializing as an interest, you quickly realise how dull and unimaginative they are. You can only talk to them for so long before the conversation dries up.

Get active in something that really interests you and you'll meet plenty of new people. Were you apart of any clubs when you were in school? Online dating is alright but people can be even worse on there then in real life.

I recently had a revelation of sorts over christmas. My friends from school, who I've known for, well for a very long time, all drink. I'm the only one that doesn't. So, when I went in to meet up on christmas eve, after about 2 minutes, (I hadn't even taken my coat off), I was already recieving drunken abuse, nothing bad, just someone new to jeer. And then after that I was soundly ignored for the next while. (Of course, maybe I'm as dull as the 'socializing' crew). And I finally went, "Screw it, I don't need to be treated like this", and left. One of my mates saw me leave, but I didn't hear from any of them for another 2 weeks or so. So that was an insight for me.

Apologies if this is kind of disjointed and not making much sense, but a couple of recent posts in this forum have struck a cord with me and trying to get my thoughts down and making sense isn't the easiest thing.

RealEstateKing

I always find it a major turn off on Irish Dating websites how many women's (and mens) profiles show that alcohol is by far the single most important thing in their life bar none!

e.g

"Likes: Goin ou an haven de crack wid de Girlz!! Whoo!! Da N watchin shoite movies when Im dying on a Sunday! He he, seriosly though, wud luv 2 meet nice fella who can keep up wid me on a night out! Cause Im mad so I am!"

I mean you can just feel any vague tinglings of romance you might ever have felt drying up just reading it.

The best thing for an Irish non-drinker to do is go for foreign girls/guys. You see in other, more highly-developed countries, where people aren't racked with insecurity, and constantly running screaming from the slightest whiff of self-knowledge or genuine emotion, being a moderate or non-drinker is seen as a good thing (or at least a neutral one).

In Ireland, most people cannot imagine that it could be possible for anyone to be fun if they didnt drink. When, from my experience, people who drink are about as fun as they are sober for the first 3 or 4 drinks, after which they become significantly less fun, stupider, more annoying, more aggressive, sentimental, inconsolably melancholy, and totally impervious to criticism of same.

Where booze gets its reputation for making people fun is beyond me: It no more makes people fun than spliff makes them insightful. The difference is, most people are well aware that spliff makes you talk crap: In Ireland th vast majority of adults are deeply in thrall to the idea that alchohol=fun.

cantdecide

+1

Jeez, I agree and I had no idea how bad it actually was. I thought online dating was supposed to be an alternative way of meeting interesting women without the pressure/ discomfort of pubs and clubs. I've discovered that it's an alternative way of meeting the same women.

I love humanity in all it's diversity but it's hard to be accepting of people who can't see the merit an attempt to understand you or more specifically, anyone who isn't exactly the same as them.