Personality goes a long way????

Otis Driftwood

This is a question for the ladies of the board and I would like you all to answer as honestly as possibly,after all,this board is mostly anonymous.
Anyway,to the question at hand.
I was in a relationship with a girl,lets call her X,from November 07 until last December.We had a little break in between-couple of weeks in between but stayed in contact the whole time,hanging out,talking etc.
We got on brilliantly,had an awesome sex life,similar tastes in food,some music,movies etc then in early December things started to go a little pear shaped.A week or so went on where she barely text and when she did they were curt messages,didnt return calls etc.This was very unlike her so obviously something was up.We met up that weekend and she basically said she didnt think we had a future because I wasnt the kind of person she wanted to be with because of my financial status.Im not a doley or anything but Im pretty early in my career so am not earning a whole hell of alot of money where as she owns her own apartment and is earning very good money.She told me that she felt jealous of her friends being whisked off for weekends in Venice or eating out in places like Chapter One or Mint a couple of times a month.Now Im not a skinflint,Im actually quite the opposite in that I am incredibly generous and bought her little gifts on a regular basis.They may not have been hugely expensive items but they still cost money or say if we were out with friends I wouldnt let her go to the bar,things like that.To me eating in stupidly expensive restaurants on a regular basis is an obscene waste of money.Grand for things like birthdays or anniversarys etc but every weekend???I must add,this friend of hers I mentioned is seeing a very succesful guy who is clocking on 40-X's friend is mid to late 20s BTW- but said friend is very unhappy in her relationship but is still with yer man because of what he can give her.
Anyway,myself and herself broke up 2 weeks later for the above reasons which pissed me the hell off especially because the day after her relevations she completly back tracked and said the things she had mentioned were the smallest things that should be of importance in a relationship and that everything else about me and the relationship was perfect.

Basically the question Im asking is does money matter to you?
Is it a deal breaker say when going out with a guy for the first time or has it ever been an issue.I have my own theories on this but I would like a bit of feedback from the ladies.

PS,this isnt me looking for sympathy or to be told she doesnt deserve you or anything like that,I know all these things already,Im just curious!
Thanks in advance people.

RacoonQueen

Money isn't important to me. I'd never, ever, ever let a guy buy everything for me like that. I hate that. Nor would I enjoy dinners in expensive restaurants like that. Even for birthdays or anniversaries. Obviously if you're settling down together, buying a house together etc.. it's important that you are both earning enough.

fits

Lucky escape by the sounds of it to me.

I'd be more than prepared to go out with someone 'at early stages of career' if everything else was right. More than prepared. Money is definitely down on the list of priorities.

And I do enjoy the odd good meal but would be prepared to pay for it myself.

ntlbell

I never really get questions like these.

for some money is very important social status keeping up with the jone's etc etc for some money doesn't matter at all.

Otis Driftwood

ntlbell wrote: »

I never really get questions like these.

for some money is very important social status keeping up with the jone's etc etc for some money doesn't matter at all.

I am well aware of that but Im just asking to find out what peoples personal opinions are on the matter especially given the current economic toilet we are in.
If roles were reversed and I told her "sorry,Im crazy about you but you dont have a good enough job for me" which is what X said if you trim away the fat, how would I be viewed?Like a total prick I would imagine.It seems to be ok to be a girl going out with a well off guy but society appears to frown upon the flip side of that.Jesus its not as if I expected her to pay for anything,if I had money then I was willing to part with it.

ntlbell

nedtheshed wrote: »

If roles were reversed and I told her "sorry,Im crazy about you but you dont have a good enough job for me" which is what X said if you trim away the fat, how would I be viewed?Like a total prick I would imagine.It seems to be ok to be a girl going out with a well off guy but society appears to frown upon the flip side of that.Jesus its not as if I expected her to pay for anything,if I had money then I was willing to part with it.

if people thought it was ok for her to act like this you wouldn't have people responding here telling you what a lucky escape you had personally I wouldn't want anything to do with someone who was that shallow, count myself very lucky we had no kids or any rings on fingers and get on with my life and not spend time talking about it.

people want different things she obviously wants things you can't give her right or wrong thats the way it is so put your energy into finding someone who has a bit more about them, that they dont need to be defined by the badge on their car the label on the clothes or the name of the restraunt they eat in.

Silly Bint.

bennyblanco

You're well out of it mate I think,to me X's behaviour is disgustingly shallow.
I can understand why you'd feel aggrieved by her dismissal of you based on your means but I really feel that you're better off seeing the back of her now rather than at some stage in the future when (Heaven forbid) your situation might have changed for the worse and she left you high and dry because you fell below here minimum income level.
Forget her.The best is yet to come.
Good Luck to you

littlebug

Money and all the trimmings are (and were back in my dating days) of so little importance to me that I still have trouble believing that people like that actually exist:(

Otis Driftwood

I know what you mean.In her defense though she came from a slightly deprived upbringing and has bust her ass to get where she is.I guess what annoyed me most is that she knew what I did for a living when we got together in the first place and when we got back together after the first split I was doing the same thing.It wasnt an issue then (that I know of anyway)so I would like to know what changed.Meh,its water under the bridge now but I think its a sad indictment of the world we live in that there are people with that attitude around.Feck it,its not the end of the world anyway!Thanks for the replies folks.Nice to know that most women arent wallet fixated harpies!

K-9

She sounds very immature, but loads of them where indulged in boom times.

One advantage of recessions is, women like this and indeed men, will be seen for what they are.

Anyway, money is important, for basics!

Chapter One or Mint isn't. She'll realise that in the next few years.

Sad thing is, we'll have to listen to the spoilt princesses readjusting!

K-9

nedtheshed wrote: »

I know what you mean.In her defense though she came from a slightly deprived upbringing and has bust her ass to get where she is

Ah, therein lies the problem.

How'd she earn the money, what career etc.?

Black Swan

nedtheshed wrote: »

Basically the question Im asking is does money matter to you?

My first real relationship was with a poor but creative musician, so money was not a factor (at first). We had fun, I attended many of his gigs, but he too frequently lived a style beyond his budget. His mobile bill alone was so huge that it could bailout a failing US bank! He started borrowing from me, promising to pay it back, but never did. But when he took money from my Da, I dumped him. So to answer your question, if a lad cannot manage to stay within his means, I steer clear of him.

Red Hand

As a fellow, I would have to say that if my future old lady/sugar-Momma, didn't keep me in the fashion I am accustumed to (eating left-overs from flatmate's dinner, trips away to Ballybunion with a couple of hang-sangidges, my cellar filled with Albania's finest 23 cent beer), I would be so out of there.:pac:

Seriously op, I can't say people in Ireland would be so shallow as to break up due to not being "taken/treated" to foreign trips/expensive resteraunts every few weeks. Though, methinks, a certain percentage, now that a rcession is here, will try to upgrade their partner to a more generously fruit-bearing model.

Otis Driftwood

Seanies32 wrote: »

Ah, therein lies the problem.

How'd she earn the money, what career etc.?

Im not going to go into specifics as it really isnt anything to do with my original question.She did brilliantly in college and from her first time in the work force she worked incredibly hard and still does so she deserves and has earned everything she has.

Otis Driftwood

Jeremiah 16:1 wrote: »

I can't say people in Ireland would be so shallow as to break up due to not being "taken/treated" to foreign trips/expensive resteraunts every few weeks.

Emmm,did you not read my original post?Maybe there were other reasons for her ending it but my OP is what she said.If there was some other reason eg she simply wasnt attracted to me anymore or whatever for it then why would she say that was the main reason thus making her sound like a materialistic wagon?

Red Hand

nedtheshed wrote: »

Emmm,did you not read my original post?Maybe there were other reasons for her ending it but my OP is what she said.If there was some other reason eg she simply wasnt attracted to me anymore or whatever for it then why would she say that was the main reason thus making her sound like a materialistic wagon?

Yeah, I did read it. And I would stick by what I said...that most people in Ireland would not be shallow as to break up due to materialistic reasons.

There is going to be a minority that would and as recession hits, more will break up due to materialistic reasons. IMO of course.

Blue oranges

Money means JACK. I have recently met someone who is on the dole and money has never been mentioned or even an issue!! He has a good heart, fun, caring, talented(in many ways)spontanious and all the other things REAL ladies look for. Never once have I ever been turned on or turned off by money.

Im presuming X does not disagree with her friend staying wit someone for money?? A wise person use to ay ''show me your friends and ill show you who you are''. She will eventually end up unhappy Karma and all of that...

b3t4

There's a saying, something like 'Love goes out the window, when bills come in the door'.

Money does matter. If it didn't nobody would work a day in their life.

A.

ntlbell

b3t4 wrote: »

There's a saying, something like 'Love goes out the window, when bills come in the door'.

Money does matter. If it didn't nobody would work a day in their life.

A.

only to a certain extent tho.

lack of money were you can't pay the bills puts a certain preasure on a relationship

not been able to eat in mint and have a 200e dinner 3 nights a week is a different kettle of fish.

b3t4

ntlbell wrote: »

not been able to eat in mint and have a 200e dinner 3 nights a week is a different kettle of fish.

I totally agree there.

The thing is though that the OP asked whether money mattered. In my opinion, to say that money doesn't matter is farcical.

A.

Madame Razz

nedtheshed wrote: »

I am well aware of that but Im just asking to find out what peoples personal opinions are on the matter especially given the current economic toilet we are in.
If roles were reversed and I told her "sorry,Im crazy about you but you dont have a good enough job for me" which is what X said if you trim away the fat, how would I be viewed?Like a total prick I would imagine.It seems to be ok to be a girl going out with a well off guy but society appears to frown upon the flip side of that.Jesus its not as if I expected her to pay for anything,if I had money then I was willing to part with it.

Because often if a woman has a lesser paid/not as good job that is perceived as OK, in fact I think some men rather women who are less successful/lower earning than themselves, it does something for their ego/protective streak almost.

Personally, I am materialistic in the sense that I like nice things, but also I have a house, a car, a good job, so I can provide those things for myself, I don't need a man for that; I don't want a man for that. In a relationship I like to pay my way and think that it is almost easier this way, esp if you as a couple break up.

I dated a guy for a while who was an extremely successful wealthy businessman, ridiculously so. Treated me well, wined me and dined me, was mad about me, and while he was a sweet guy and his intentions were in the right place he just didn't do it for me, so I cut him adrift. And most peoples comments after they heard about it was 'but he's loaded, why did you get rid of him', cos some poeple are that shallow.

Money etc is not the be all and end all for me. I would prefer to be with somebody who was happy in what they are doing and made me happy. That a person would stay with somebody because they are wealthy is pretty pathetic to be honest, but I also know that it is widespread.

In ways, it will be interesting to see how this recession pans out in this regard, as there's a hell of a lot of businessmen with a lot less money in the pockets now.


That said, I detest meaness in people and in a man find it the biggest turn off of all.

Malari

You will come accross people like that. Women especially I think. I was always taught to look after myself, I have a pretty good savings ethic, but I guess some girls are groomed to be looked after, either consciously or subconsciously by their parents.

My boyfriend went out with a girl about 5 years ago who broke up with him for similar reasons. He was going through a tough patch, was on the dole, finding it hard to get on his feet and she basically told him she was worried he wouldn't be able to look after her. Apparently she's married to someone now who will be able to do that. For richer or poorer :rolleyes: Goldigger.

It's not important to me and although he earns good money now I can see something similar happening to him during this recession. I will of course help him out if I can and would never even consider splitting up with him for this reason.

There are people who can't get beyond financial status and there are poeple who are only too delighted to oblige them by looking after them. Fortunately I haven't met too many of these and I hope you will meet someone soon who sees ONLY your personality.

Burial

If a girl told me that the problem in our relationship was that I wasn't earning enough, I'd tell her I live quite well by myself on the salary I make.

rain on

As long as a guy is self-sufficient it doesn't matter to me how much he earns. My BF earns less than me (only by about €2k) and it doesn't bother me in the slightest.

Actually to be completely honest I think I'd be a bit uncomfortable if a guy earned like two or three times what I do, it wouldn't put me off him completely but I'm more comfortable with a guy who earns similar amounts to me, we have similar lifestyles and make equal contributions to shared expenses.

Dragan

Any and all relationships are selfish things. You see something in a person that you want for yourself. We can colour it all we want, but the very fact of wanting someone just for yourself is selfish.

So, now that we have that out of the way,

Relationships are also all about give and take. What are you willing to give and what do you want to take? Once the two people are perfectly honest with each other and happy with the arrangement then all is good to me. If money is an aspect that attracts someone and they go out with a rich partner then so be it. If that partner knows it, but is willing to spend the cash to make them happy, then so be it.

It's the same with looks, personality, humour...anything. You assign a value to it, what it means to you, and then you do what you can to make the person who matches up to those characterisitcs happy.

What seems to have gone here is that your then girlfriend was valuing the money, more than the thought. You were not really in a position to offer her the things she felt she wanted. Shame, but it happens.

One of the my favourite quotes around this things is actually from, of all people, Donald Trumps bird. When asked would she be with him if he wasn't incredibly rich, she simply replied "Would he be with me if I wasn't beautiful?".

CathyMoran

I used to have a friend who vetted men according to their wallets, I could not in conscience be friends with someone who was so shallow. If a guy is caring and considerate and does want to work that is good enough for me. I always thought that I was going to be the high flyer in any case and wanted someone who would be there for me (maybe I am the shallow one now)...as it turns out you can not have everything in life and I would rather have extra time with my husband than extra pay. Life is all about priorities.

Otis Driftwood

b3t4 wrote: »

I totally agree there.

The thing is though that the OP asked whether money mattered. In my opinion, to say that money doesn't matter is farcical.

A.

You are totally over simplifing my OP.Of course money matters,we need to be housed,clothed,fed etc but Im on about the things that I would view as being excessive eg weekly expensive dinners or 5 holidays a year.
Her birthday last year for example,I wanted to do something special as it was close to our anniversary too so the day of her birthday I had roses delivered to her place of work,picked her up in a cab after work,went for drinks,out for a really good meal,champagne afterwards plus presents on top of that.This was alot of expenditure in one go as I am on a pretty tight budget but I made a couple of sacrifices in the preceding and following weeks to allow for it.I didnt have any problem at all doing this,in fact I enjoyed doing it.What I was asking in my OP was if money (discounting the day to day expenses we all have) was a deciding factor for females in general when it comes to being with someone or are the material things in life just an aspect that a few would deem to be important in a relationship.That is all.

CathyMoran

nedtheshed wrote: »

You are totally over simplifing my OP.Of course money matters,we need to be housed,clothed,fed etc but Im on about the things that I would view as being excessive eg weekly expensive dinners or 5 holidays a year.
Her birthday last year for example,I wanted to do something special as it was close to our anniversary too so the day of her birthday I had roses delivered to her place of work,picked her up in a cab after work,went for drinks,out for a really good meal,champagne afterwards plus presents on top of that.This was alot of expenditure in one go as I am on a pretty tight budget but I made a couple of sacrifices in the preceding and following weeks to allow for it.I didnt have any problem at all doing this,in fact I enjoyed doing it.What I was asking in my OP was if money (discounting the day to day expenses we all have) was a deciding factor for females in general when it comes to being with someone or are the material things in life just an aspect that a few would deem to be important in a relationship.That is all.

Maybe I am picking you up wrong here, but would you really want to be with someone so shallow and cold? You had a lucky escape and sound like a really decent guy, there are lots of women who will apreciate you, you just have not met your princess yet!

nomorebadtown

i've been to mint and chapter one

both sheit

Curlypinkie

The reasons she gave you don't make sense to me? If she was on such good money and say you were on less, why did she expect you to pay for said Mint, Unicorn, Leprechaun or whatever them places are called?

Sounds to me she was just spoilt rotten and expected things from others not giving antyhing back herself.

To answer your questions, yes money is, for me, important in a relationship. I've gone out with a lad or two who didn't have a job and I always felt like a sugarmama.
I think that both partners need to be on pretty much the same income level or there might be issues with one of them feeling inferior. (Pls note I said MIGHT)