Anybody else feel this?

LegacyUser

hey, i dont realy even know if i can justily my writing this as it seems so petty as im writing it.

im with a girl, i love her. end of story nothing can change that.

we started seeing eachother last february, it went shockingly well, neither of us had actually been looking for anything as we were both going on j1's for summer to different sides of america.

now obiously we never officially got together before we went away however we were if that makes sense.

we were both free singles etc...

now when we got back i instantly went for her as i had fallen seriously hard and spent alot of my 3 months in america missing her(not that i wasnt having a great time, just every now and then id miss her and refused to get involved with any girls etc because i didnt want to)

now i know my girlfriend saw a lad for a while when in america as she told me.

thats no problem as well we were free and single, and it ended before she came home from america anyway. i know she even sees him out the odd time etc... never bothered me!

im in no way insecure and trust completly.

what gets to me is last night she told me he was nothing she wasnt even sure if she liked him that much. then she said somehting i didnt expect, "he was just such a player i was in awe of him" she explained he was so good with lines etc and she cudnt help it or something?

i dont knwo but this bothered me a little!
not that i think she wud cheat or anything and she didnt sleep with him or anything so i genuinely have no right to feel anything about it... although i suspect the only reason she mite not of was she found out one night she went home early from party sick he got stuck into her mate.(reason it ended)

i just remember feeling realy weird at time... stomach sinked etc...

im just being foolish right? its just gone through my mind a few times...

i knwo she loves me etc..(im repeating myself i think at this stage) i just want to know has anybody felt this and how to stop it!

i have no reason to feel this way i just do!
i honestly love and trust her...
so why feel like this?

i keep thinking its jealousy that mabey its cos shes "not in awe of me but was of a player" im quite the opposite of a player in my character. i can get girls on demand if i want thats no problem, but i dont, im not one to sleep around etc so at end of nite ill always go home because nto to interested in sleeping around or whatever...

im what you could call a "nice guy" i suppose...

could it simply be jealousy?

or is it i somehow felt even do she was in america and we were effectively over somehow she was still mine? i dotn knwo what it is...

sorry for terribly long post. its kind of cofusing i know, but thats just how my thoughts are coming
thanks

Overheal

I wouldnt worry your head about it. The dope in question probably just put on a good game and she just went along with it for a bit of a sideshow. She went back to you as soon as you came back, didnt she?

However you dont sound sure if you really consider it cheating or not - you make it sound as if you were fine with it before you heard her 'awe' comment, then after, became a bit something-or-other. Could be jealously, could be insecurity, whatever. work it out. How does it make you feel.

But to me it sounds like insecurity:

i can get girls on demand if i want thats no problem, but i dont, im not one to sleep around etc so at end of nite ill always go home because nto to interested in sleeping around or whatever...

Let the Player play, and put it behind you.

edit: something to think about - i understand its meant to be an american thing but then i grew up irish: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Promise_ring

karen3212

Sometimes mostly younger girls can say things like that to 'check' to see if their boyfriend is jealous. She may be a little insecure or something.

Do you talk a lot about this other relationship? Also what was the context of the statement? Were you asking her why she needed to see someone else while away? She might have been annoyed that you think so much of it.

You have every right to feel what you feel. Nobody can tell you that you have no right to feel a certain way. You are only human, and maybe a little insecure too, given that you didn't want another relationship whilst away, and she obviously wanted to live a bit.

cantdecide

In a way, I know how you feel mate. It used to bug me a lot too to know that maybe you have strong character but watch your prospects being more taken with your player mates. The girls I was sure were better than that are the ones who bothered me the most and it was easy to start thinking that you just don't measure up.

If you have the girl of your dreams, don't be insecure. If she can easily speak about him to you, then he isn't threat.

Wagon

I think most decent blokes feel the same way. I've often wondered myself why women go for these absolute gob****es. It's a confidance thing, but a players behavous borders more on cockiness. Women fall for it, get hurt and then go back when these eejits click their fingers. It's part immaturity on the girl's part and part being a dickhead on the player's.

As a matter of fact, what your girlfriend told you there is a brilliant example of The Ladder Theory.
http://www.laddertheory.com/
It's a funny one to read but it helps explain why this kind of crap happens.

To be frank mate, I don't think you should be worrying. This american lad is obviously a spanner and I'm pretty sure that having been treated like ****e at his hands has taught her a lesson or two about what to avoid.

drunkmonkey

stupid i know wrote: »

i can get girls on demand if i want thats no problem

You mighten even relaise it but that makes you a player:)

You've got the girl and he hasn't, your the real player, be happy, don't worry yourself about some american on the other side of the atlantic...

As for not being as much of a player, don't be afraid to throw out those cheesy lines when they enter your head, she'll love you all the more for it....

LegacyUser

hey op here

thanks for help!

i just cant justify myself feeling this way!

i know she whatever other lads all summer as we werent realy together, i had other girls to. i even accept she was seeing this lad, i knew about this months ago like never bothereed me! its just something about the in awe comment that took me off gaurd!

especially cos i might see him someday, turns out she knows him from home friend of her friend type thing!

mabey feeling i dont measure up or something i dunno!

end of day its my prob i guess, she done nothing wrong!

prob insecurities!

i dont tend to be insecure at all! this is literally a first for me!
mabey thats the prob...

either way..
thanks for all the help guys!