Mon Quickies

rocky25

A little old lady goes into a tavern and sits at the bar.

The bartender notices that she is VERY drunk but goes over to find out what she needs.

The old lady says, (in a drunken slur)

"Tarbender, Tarbender, bring me a martuni with a pickle in it."

So he makes a martini, puts an olive in it and hands it to her.

She gulps it down in one swig and says,

"Oh heartburn, heartburn,

Tarbender, Tarbender, bring me another martuni with a pickle in it."

So the bartender makes another martini, puts an olive in it and takes it to the old lady.

Again she gulps it down in one swig and slams the glass down on the bar saying,

"Heartburn, heartburn,

Tarbender, Tarbender, bring me another martuni with a pickle in it."

Well now the bartender is thinking that this is about enough of her so he says,

"Lady, first of all I am not a Tarbender,

I am a BARTENDER!

Second, you are not drinking a martuni with a pickle in it,

It is a MARTINI with an OLIVE in it!

And third, you don't have heartburn,

Your tits are in the ashtray!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little lad runs in from the garden to his Mam and cries

"Mam Mam what’s me Everton shirt doing on the lawn?"

His Mam runs out and shouts

"The thieving bastards.....they’ve nicked me pegs!!!!!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No drinking on the job in Russia

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IjBy_brhCdQ