Quickies 2

rocky25 · 26-01-2009 3:28pm #1

A newly married sailor was informed by the Navy that he was going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the Pacific for a year.

A few weeks after he got there he began to miss his new wife, so he wrote her a letter.

"My love," he wrote,

"We are going to be apart for a very long time.

Already I'm starting to miss you and there's really not much to do here in the evenings.

Besides that, we're constantly surrounded by young attractive native girls.

Do you think if I had a hobby of some kind I would not be tempted? "

So his wife sent him back a harmonica saying,

"Why don't you learn to play this?"

Eventually his tour of duty came to an end and he rushed back to his wife.

"Darling" he said, "I can't wait to get you into bed so that we make passionate love!"

She kissed him and said, "First let's see you play that harmonica."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A father shark teaches his kid how to hunt people:

"When you see a human, you approach to about 30ft from him, make sure he sees you and then you swim a couple of circles around him.

Then you get closer to about 10ft, and again you swim a few circles around him.

Then you come really close to him, even touch him, you wait one minute and then, well, you eat him."

"But why can't I just get him and eat him?" asks the little shark.

"You can do that, too, if you don't mind eating his sh1t."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A truck driver is cruising along when he spots a little yellow man standing in the middle of the road, crying.

He brings the truck to a standstill, rolls down the window, and asks the little yellow man what's wrong.

"I'm yellow, I'm from Venus, I'm gay and I'm hungry," sobs the little man.

"Well," says the trucker, "I can offer you a cheese sandwich, but that's as much as I can do."

So he passes a sandwich to the little yellow man and drives off.

A bit later he has to stop again, because there's a little red man in the middle of the road, crying.

So he comes to a halt, rolls down the window and a bit more impatiently - asks the little red man what the matter is.

"I'm red, I'm from Mars, I'm gay and I'm thirsty," the little man bawls.

So the trucker says, "I can offer you a can of Coke, but that's as much as can do."

He hands a can of Coke down to the little red man and drives off.

A little further on, the trucker spots a little blue man in the middle of the road.

Really annoyed now, he stops, rolls down the window and snaps,

"Yes, you little blue poof, what planet are you from and what the fook do you want?"

And the little blue man answers,

“Well Sir I think we will start with your driver's licence ...”