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Somethings on fire

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  • 28-01-2009 9:37pm
    #1
    fred funk }{
    Registered Users Posts: 6,827 ✭✭✭


    ****ing typical - the smoking ban comes into force and yet Muslims can still light up in airports.

    I always get my loved ones petrol-soaked fake moustaches for Christmas.
    It's such a joy to watch their faces light up!

    Give a man a fire and you keep him warm for a day.
    Set a man on fire and you keep him warm for the rest of his life!

    Pierre the French fighter pilot is on leave, sharing some special time with his girlfriend, Esmerelda.

    They've had a good night, so Esmerelda cries out "Oh Pierre, kiss me". Pierre stands up, walks over to his drinks cabinet, grabs a bottle of 1984 Merlot, has a quick drink from the neck, returns to Esmerelda and kisses her passionately.

    Esmerleda, flustered says, "Oh my Pierre, you are such a great man, but why is it that you must drink the red wine before you kiss me?". Pierre replies, "My name is Pierre the French fighter pilot. When I have the red meat, I must first drink the red wine". Esmerelda responds, "Oh la Pierre, so romantic! But... won't you kiss me a little... lower?"

    Pierre stands up, strides over to his drinks cabinet once again and grabs a bottle of 1976 Cabernet Sauvignon. Taking a quick swig, he returns to where Esmerelda is waiting with anticipation, and softly kisses her breasts. Once again, overcome but confused, Esmerelda says "Oh Pierre you make me so happy, but why is that you must always drink the white wine when you kiss my breasts?". Pierre once again offers the simple explanation, "My name is Pierre the French fighter pilot. When I have the white meat, I must first drink the white wine". Esmerelda, content says "Ah Pierre... Won't you... kiss me a little... lower?"

    Pierre stands up stern faced, walks over to where his drinks cabinet remains and pulls out a bottle of brandy. This time however, instead of drinking from it, he strides over to where Esmerelda lies, biting her lip, pours the bottle in between her open legs and flicks a lit match onto the liquid. Esmerelda screams, batting out the fire that has erupted with a cushion and shouts "Holy **** Pierre! What the **** are you doing?".

    Pierre stands unflinching before her, empty bottle of brandy hanging limply and informs her: "My name is Pierre the French fighter pilot. When I go down, I go down in flames!"

    Our local Special Needs Home was burnt to the ground today. Don't worry though, nobody was injured.
    They're all flame retarded!

    My gran was moaning about the cost of fuel and how she hasn't got two pennies to rub together.
    Silly old c*nt, everyone knows it's sticks you rub together to make a fire.


    A man was arrested in London, found pouring petrol on Muslims and setting fire to them.
    When the Police asked him what he was doing he said, "about 10 to the gallon".


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